via Giphy/Courtesy Sony
"This animal is much too big to be some kind of lost dinosaur ... I believe this is a mutated apparition -- a hybrid, caused by (nuclear fallout). ... We're looking at a completely incipient creature. The dawn of a new species. The first of its kind."
1. Matthew Broderick, to my surprise, got billed below the title. Granted, I doubt that most people seeing Godzilla were seeing it because of him, but surely Broderick was enough of a star in 1998 to deserve some prominence. Then again, he might have (correctly) felt that any human was going to be overshadowed.
2. The opening, with the Japanese fishing trawler getting attacked by Godzilla, is okay. It and a superfluous subsequent scene with American fishermen owe an awful lot to Jaws.
3. Roaché (Jean Reno) is all French and mysterious, Nick (Broderick) is all wide-eyed and amazed and Audrey (Maria Pitillo) is ... trying to make a name for herself as a non-network New York newswoman. One nice thing about Armageddon is that I don't remember Liv Tyler being a reporter. Audrey, Nathan Rabin wrote for The Dissolve, is "the role that launched (Petillo) to anonymity."
4. Twenty-one minutes in, Nick reveals to Col. Hicks (Kevin Dunn), Dr. Elsie (Vicki Lewis) and others what he believes Godzilla is. I'll repeat myself: 21 minutes in. The first half-hour of Godzilla, directed by Roland Emmerich from a screenplay he and producer Dean Devlin co-wrote, from stories by himself and Devlin, plus Ted Elliott and Terry Rosario, could have been tightened.
5. If there had to have been sprawl, it should have been motivated sprawl. Less time with terrorized anglers, more with the main characters. We know why Devlin & Emmerich included Mayor Ebert (Michael Lerner) and his bullied assistant Gene (Lorry Goldman). It was because the writers didn't respond well to criticism of Independence Day. Okay, fine, get some easy and petty revenge.
6. It still shouldn't have felt like Ebert and Gene were dropped in. If Ebert's so loathsome, then why not do the obligatory "I'm not going to evacuate Manhattan for something so unbelievable!" scene before Godzilla came ashore? Hell, have Audrey and Animal (Hank Azaria) be looked down upon by City Hall. Do something, anything to make this worth while. More on that in a moment.
7. "Sir ... I think your story just walked by the window." It cost a decent amount of money to make Godzilla, anywhere between $130-150 million. Keith Phipps, A.V. Club, 1998: "Good looks are all Godzilla has going for it." Time goes by. State of the art visual effects rarely age well. From my vantage point, it's big fake feet and animation. Stiil, compared to later scenes, Godzilla traveling down Wall Street is a triumph.
8. Owen Gleiberman thought Animal avoiding a stomping was Godzilla's best moment. "We're treated to a spectacular ground's-eye view of the towering creature in motion. It's a giddy, vertiginous image -- the camerman giggles and hyperventilates out of sheer terror and exhilaration and so, more or less, does the audience."
9. How is the Met Life Building still standing?
10. Welcome to next hour of Godzilla. It includes Nick making more discoveries about the creature, including its sex. Roger Ebert (the real one): "You would think that if a 300-foot monster were male, that would be hard to miss."
11. Nick also reunites with Audrey, the one that got away, while she attempts advancing her career. Roaché, meanwhile, keeps tabs on the goings-on of That Wacky Army! (including Doug Savant as Sgt. O'Neal). They're so nutty, they keep taking out landmarks like the Flatiron and Chrysler buildings!
12. Is anyone else disappointed that the music score for Godzilla and Nick's face-to-face encounter played up the awe of the moment rather than the terror?
13. Speaking of disappointments, Godzilla being pursued by army helicopters, and then vice-versa. Gene Siskel (the real one): "Godzilla's entire destructive jaunt through midtown Manhattan is tossed away without pictorial reference to commerical icons." The Empire State Building appears, apparently far enough away from any danger.
14. Okay, what about Times Square? There is actually an in-universe reason for the location being avoided. Godzilla hates bright lights, as they're a traumatic reminder of its origin event. I'm going to assume that the filmmakers didn't depict Times Square for the same reason so much of the movie takes place in the rain, so you have little opportunity to judge how well or how poorly the CGI is.
15. Anyeay, Godzilla vs. the helicopters might as well have been in a giant hedge maze rather than Manhattan.
16. "What the hell is the matter with you people? You've caused more damage than that goddamn thing did!" Mayor Ebert has a point, but it's not like anyone's had training for this sort of thing. If ever there was a scene that would have justified Ebert getting killed -- the real deal expected his analogue to be "squished like a bug" -- it's this one.
17. Nick, who knows damn well that Audrey's a reporter, reveals his findings. She covertly puts together a story, only to have it appropriated by Caiman (Harry Shearer). Yadda yadda, Nick's persona non grata with the leaders, Audrey's distraught over blowing it professionally and personally and Animal is the most level-headed one at the moment. Did Nick really think planes would still take off from Newark?
18. France is so, so sorry about the whole nuclear tests causing monsters thing, Roaché reveals. He's got other men on his team, and That Wacky Army's still putting up a fight, but essentially, the day's going to be saved by Reno, Broderick, Pitillo and Azaria.
19. While it may be annoying to have another bit of water-related peril, especially in a movie with most of the action taking place in the rain, I did smile at Godzilla outmaneuvering most of the torpedos. Rabin: "(The movie) boasts three distinct, and distinctly unsatisfying, endings." Ending No. 1, Godzilla's been killed?
20. It's now time for Godzilla to rip off Jurassic Pa -- I mean, resolve the storyline of the baby Godzillas. Siskel again: "Only a sequence involving Madison Square Garden approaches the potential of this film." Using the stadium as a nest, Godzilla laid at least 200 eggs, most of which hatch to reveal violent little rascals. Gleiberman: "The babies must be killed! Fine, but the filmmakers don't realize that it's nonsensical to 'humanize' Godzilla and then ask us to root for the murder of his offspring."
21. Roaché's guys are killed by the mini-monsters, which is rather ho-hum in my opinion. Animal already survived his near-squashing, and I want Roaché to survive for a reason I'll explain later. That leaves either Nick or Audrey for the chopping block. Sorry, blondie.
22. Nah, Audrey needs to live, too, so she can achieve her dream of broadcasting a big story. More importantly, someone needs to alert That Wacky Army that it gets to intentionally destroy a landmark. In this case, it's Madison Square Garden. See how much your life changes when you cut out MSG?
23. Ending No. 2's over, but we've still got about 20 minutes to go. Turns out Godzilla's not dead and gets mad about losing all their children. This time, it's personal. I'll admit that having our heroes in a cab which winds up in Godzilla's mouth was a good way to commemorate the two-hour mark. I'm also okay with Godzilla's defeat being aided by, of all things, the Brooklyn Bridge. What, not the Statue of Liberty?
24. Hooray, Ending No. 3! Gene quits his job with Mayor Ebert. Audrey quits her job with Caiman. Hicks is proud of O'Neal. Elsie hooks up with Craven (Malcolm Danare). Animal and Lucy (Arabella Field) will live dysfunctionally ever after. Nick and Audrey will live happily ever after. Aw ... Oh, but wait, one of Godzilla's eggs survived!
25. If I had written Godzilla, the sequel hook wouldn't be the egg hatching. It would be Roaché collecting the egg, with ambiguity as to whether it's for science or menace. Nonsensical? Yes, of course. But I think it's more fun that the usual "Still alive!" twist.
"You know what I think about you and your campaign?"
*sticks his thumb up, then down, then wipes his hands while walking off*
Gee, you've really shown 'em, D&E!
Not Recommended.
Thoughts:
-- "Oh, look, Audrey, look at this. He trashed the Garden. Oh, man. Now I'm pissed."
-- Box Office: Grossing $136.3 million domestically and $242.7 million internationally on that more than $100 million budget, Godzilla opened at No 1. Hey, it was Memorial Day weekend. The movie held the top spot for two weekends, stayed in the top five for two weekends after that, spent one more weekend in the top 10 and ultimarely ranked No. 9 for 1998.
-- Awards Watch: This won the Saturn Award for Best Special Effects, with nods for Best Fantasy Film (losing to The Truman Show) and Best Director (losing to Michael Bay for Armageddon). "Come With Me" and the screenplay were honored by the Stinkers, while Pitillo and the movie's existence scored at the Razzies. The latter award was for Worse Remake or Sequel, tying with The Avengers and Psycho. Other Razzie nominations included Worst Picture and Worst Screenplay (losing both to Burn Hollywood Burn), Worst Director (losing to Gus Van Sant for Psycho) and as part of Worst Trend (for excessive tie-ins, named after this movie's association with Taco Bell; it lost to "Gidgets 'n' Geezers").
-- Critic's Corner, the movie: "Too big to fail, but also too terrible to really succeed," Rabin wrote. Rita Kempley, Washington Post: "The must-see movie of the season neither draws upon our fears nor revels in the original's camp charms." Ebert: "The movie makes no sense at all except as a careless pastiche of its betters (and, yes, the Japanese Godzilla movies are, in their own way, better -- if only because they embrace dreck instead of condescending to it)." Siskel: "Should have been scarier than it is." Joe Leydon, Variety: "Curiously -- and conspicuously -- lacking in heart." Going against the grain in just about every way was Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times. "An expertly designed theme part ride of a movie that packs nonstop thrills" was how Thomas described Godzilla. The rave continued: "Godzilla, which delivers unpretentious fun with a blithe spirit, will surely give (Titanic) a healthy run for its money." Siskel again: "Titanic succeeded because it balanced romance and terror. Godzilla has precious little of either."
-- Critic's Corner, the monster: "The new Godzilla ... is essentially a glorified amalgam of Steven Spielberg's dinosaurs," Gleiberman wrote. "A jumble of zeros and ones that computer technicians designed to resemble a strange, unsatisfying cross between a giant iguana, the xenomorph from Alien and a super-sized velociraptor," Rabin wrote. Siskel: "He ranks below the shark in Jaws and the creature in Alien in terms of inspiring fear." Leydon: "Nothing more than a hybrid of the mother beast from Alien and a T-Rex from Jurassic Park ... There's something oddly generic-looking about this computer-generated image." Holden: "As enormous and fierce as he's intended to be, Godzilla often appears to have no more physical substance than a shadowy two-dimensional photographic image blown up and inserted into an englarged tourist postcard of New York." Thomas: "Thanks to the magic of computer-generated imagery, Godzilla is most convincing, a figure of innocent rapaciousness and ultimately of poignance ..."
-- Critic's Corner, Broderick: "The (moviemakers) obviously devoted so much ... to the admittedly fabulous special effects that they apparently had no budget left over for actors," assumed Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post. "Broderick wears one expression -- blank, pop-eyed awe -- throughout the movie and delivers his lines in a stunned monotone," according to Stephen Holden, New York Times. Leydon: "Right from the start, Broderick conveys a gee-whize ingenuousness that is distracting at best, insipid at worst. (His) mannered affectations (are part of a performance that's) a major miscalculation, to the point of making one miss the morose gravity of (Raymond) Burr in the earlier Godzilla." For the record, Leydon liked Reno's "winningly subtle" work. "The combination of (Broderick's) boyishness and intelligence makes him a most appealing, down-to-earth hero, not Superman," claimed Thomas, our favorite contrarian.
-- What Could Have Been: Siskel's review lamented how much mayhem was talked about rather than dramatized. "... looters have emptied out the Disney and Warner Bros. stores ... But we never see that happen, thus blowing a naturally comic sequence -- Godzilla mauling assorted plush toys."
-- Memorable Music: The score is now 14-12, with points for "Come With Me" and "Heroes." "Come With Me," which peaked at No. 4, is artistically a cover of "Kashmir" (complete with Jimmy Page himself!), but I'm counting it as an original song. It lost the Blockbuster Entertainment Award to "My Heart Will Go On" and the MTV Video Music Award to "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing." There's less complications with The Wallflowers' cover of "Heroes," which reached No. 3 on the adult alternative chart.
-- Hey, It's ...!: Ralph Manza and Nancy Cartwright.
-- Hey, It's 1998!: "The most regrettable tie-in paired Godzilla with the Taco Bell chihuahua, in a gaudy mash-up of two of 1998's preeminent irritations," Rabin wrote.
-- Different Times: Caiman sexually harassing Audrey and Lucy calling Animal a "retard" and a "wop."
-- Wonderful Town/Then and Now: Caiman expresses doubt that Long Island or New Jersey could be "any refuge in this time of crisis" to evacuated Manhattan citizens. Later on, Nick's information and Audrey's report about Godzilla being a mother receives an initial public dismissal that gave me an uncomfortable flashback to the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. I felt the same way when Caiman reported on the public demanding to be let back into the not-yet safe Manhattan.
-- MAD had a field day with Godzilla. "Godzilla Takes Manhattan" included them having to pay a toll to get into New York and getting their tail and legs covered in graffiti. Best joke: once Godzilla steps onto the island, it lifts upward, wallops the monster and capsizes. MAD also had a recurring series on the odds for probable celebrity deaths. Scenarios for Godzilla included "deadly bacterial infection from wading up New York's East River" (2:1), "mugged on way to New York premiere of his movie" (3:1) and "mysteriously dies while in New York City police custody" (16:1).
-- The full-length MAD parody "Gotsilly" had lines like one character being thrilled about the 300-foot monster. "I thought I used every excuse for being late for work, but this one I know my boss has never heard!" Later, the Caiman parody gives a report: "This is the city! Potholes 15 feet deep! Crushed cars! People screaming, running in panic! Sidewalks littered with the wounded and dying! Imagine how much worse it will be when the monster comes to this block!" Gotsilly's asexual reproduction is deemed impressive ("Even Madonna couldn't do that!") and worthy of a spot on Letterman ("(It) would be the greatest Stupid Pet Trick ever -- but Leno would still probably beat Dave in the ratings!). Gotsilly themself was surprised by how hostile New Yorkers are. "Every time I stop, cars park on my tail! I've gotten two tickets for jaywalking! I lost $50 playing three card monte. I'm going back into the Hudson River where it's safe, even with all the raw sewage!" Things ended with a topical joke. The surviving egg resembles Bill Clinton. "Well, (he) does have a history of going after beastly things! Remember Paula Jones!"
-- "(Animal and Audrey are trapped in a locker room) Whoa! This is, like, where the Knicks get showered and everything." Thanks a lot, movie, now I'm thinking about naked basketball players and Animal being bi.
-- Next: Almost Heroes. On deck: The Last Days of Disco.
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