Thoughts on four episodes of Roseanne

 

Courtesy YouTube/ABC

"Well I do know everything, Crystal. A guy is a lump, like this doughnut. Okay, so first, you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. *flicks off chopped nuts* And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap they pick up from the beer commercials. *breaks doughnut in half, then in half again* And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego. *devours that portion, to the audience's delight*"

Revolutions don't start overnight. I thought of that while watching today's Roseanne quintet. For all of the envelope-pushing done by both the series and unfortunately its star, the episodes I watched had more than enough DNA of a standard family sitcom of its era. Everyone was maybe more sarcastic than maybe the audience was used to. The Conner house set wasn't as "homey" and "inviting" as you would expect. This, of course, made it look a lot like a real home. Anyway, lessons were learned and it feels like the show can't stop reminding us, "It's okay, you guys! They really all do love each other!" Most of Roseanne's first season was directed by Ellen Gittelsohn. She, as Ellen Falcon, directed most of A Different World's first season.

"Life and Stuff," the first episode, offers what's printed on the tin. Roseanne's day includes seeing Dan (John Goodman) and the kids off, finding out from Darlene (Sara Gilbert) that someone's got to see her teacher, negotiating with Booker (George Clooney) to get out of work early, holding court with her coworkers, making fun of Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) after she attended one of those seminars that prey on the gullible, learning from Miss Crane (Judy Prescott*) that Darlene's been barking in class (it's out of boredom), finding out that Dan had all day to fix the kitchen sink and didn't do so, arguing with Dan over his not doing enough around the house ("Oh, but honey, you just fixed dinner three years ago.") and teaming up with him when Darlene cut herself. Roseanne said she and Goodman didn't get along, but they sure had chemistry to spare.

*Who actually returned to the role 30 years later. A constant in the episodes I watched is that Darlene really dislikes "Crane the Pain" and/or history class.

"Ha! Roseanne, listen to this. 'Utah housewife stabs husband 37 times.'"
"I admire her restraint."

In light of The Conners having killed off Roseanne with an opioid overdose, Sylvia (Anne Faulkner) having a purse full of meds to offer Crystal (Natalie West) in "Here's to Good Friends" is considerably less funnier. I felt the same way with a lot of the dialogue in "D-I-V-O-R-C-E." Dan reluctantly agrees to keep his promise and have date night with Roseanne. Her two-for-one coupon was only good for a Tuesday. Patsy (Patricia Gaul) is also out. She's an empty nester who left her husband because he didn't support her going to college. Patsy reveals that she was inspired after hearing Roseanne talk about her writing ambitions. Before that, more joking between Dan and Roseanne, like about how they'd live as divorced people. After, the "aww ..." ending of him finally dancing with her. Back at the Conners, Jackie outsmarts the kids, who wouldn't let her in the front or side doors, and belatedly assumes babysitting duties from Becky (Alicia Goranson).

*Dan and Roseanne are humoring Jackie and Becky (and themselves) by doing a magazine's relationship exercise, communicating only through touch*

"... tune in, lover boy."

"Oh, I'm picking something up."

"All right, Dan, what's she trying to tell you?"

"She's telling me something I've wanted to hear for a real long time. My sister in law's moving to North Dakota."

"Dad."

"I'm sorry, Jackie, that was a joke. South Dakota."

"Language Lessons" is also funny to watch in light of how Dan and Jackie's relationship has evolved. Since it's early in the Lanfordverse, she's a pain in the ass without much depth. Jackie's Saturday visits include her repeatedly asking "Dan, you know what your problem is?" (he makes too bland of chili, for one) and tying up the phone (Different Times!). Dan, who hasn't had a construction job in two weeks, finds out he didn't get a multi-week home renovation project. Jackie doesn't know this when she hits below the belt. If Dan had a job, he wouldn't notice her constant visits so much. As great as Metcalf and Goodman are, I'm tempted to make them share the episode with Michael Fishman. D.J. and Roseanne have an adorable scene where she cheers him up after he accidentally crushed the castle Darlene's making so she won't flunk history. This is a close second to Dan and Roseanne's adorable scene, where she uses his underwear for "bullfighting."

Dan and Jackie make up, which is more than Jackie and Booker achieve in "Friends." She thought she had a date with Booker, but he cancelled, claiming that he was entertaining his mother. Later, when Roseanne and Jackie are helping Crystal drown her sorrows after a breakup, they catch Booker with his date. With the use of Roseanne's ring and a few pathetic lines, Jackie gets "her husband" back. Except at this point, she doesn't want him. Crystal, meanwhile, makes a go at being less of a doormat. Like Mona from Who's the Boss? did two weeks prior**, Crystal is harsh to a guy who just wanted to take an unoccupied chair. Again, it's not that early Roseanne was a bad show. It's just that it only had so much personality. I liked the more idiosyncratic stuff in "Friends," like Roseanne and Jackie play-acting how Crystal can get rid of men trying to pick her up. And the B plot, of Dan and the kids shirking their duties (dishes, homework, bed and making sure they do all of that) to watch football, was cute. It includes Darlene finishing her report on a boring book about Betsy Ross (again, for Crane) before learning from Roseanne that she'll definitely have a snow day tomorrow.

**In 1988, that is. "Double Dump" aired Tuesday, Dec. 6. "Here's to Good Friends" aired Tuesday, Dec. 20.

*Crystal is drunk*

"Jackie, let's face it: we are all good women and any man would be lucky to have us."

"And for the right price, they could."

Thoughts:

-- "The first thing I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna go dancin'." "Yeah, then what?" "Well, I guess with all that big time child support I'm getting from you, I'm gonna, I'm gonna enroll the kids in one of them fancy Swiss boarding schools and then, with all that alimony, I guess I'll quit my job and just lay around and watch the soap operas on my brand new big screen TV. ... Whatchu gonna do?" "Well, hell, I guess the kids are gone, I'll come over to your place and watch football." "Yeah, over my pit bull's dead body."

-- Awards Watch: Goodman picked up the show's only major Emmy nomination in 1989. He carried Roseanne's flag for several years and ultimately received seven nods but no wins for playing Dan. It wasn't until 1992 that Roseanne and Metcalf were finally nominated. Metcalf had three consecutive wins, while Roseanne's lone win from four Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series nominations came in 1993.

-- Roseanne's failure to score an Emmy nomination was referenced when she and Tom Arnold hosted SNL in 1992. One of the sketches was a Star is Born parody. "Oh, yeah, right, like that board up her ass bitch Candice Bergen is funnier than I am?! If I were that wooden, I'd float! ... And Kirstie Alley, get a chin. ... And The Golden Girls? Three old broads propped up on a sofa. I'm funnier than all three of them when I'm in a coma." For the record, both Roseanne and Bergen were nominated for the Golden Globe in 1989, with the latter winning. Oh well, Roseanne did score the American Comedy (twice, for TV and stand up) and People's Choice awards in 1989. Her lone Golden Globe win was in 1993.

-- Hey, It's 1988!/Great Moments in Shilling: The magazine next to a sleeping Darlene is open to a story on Kirk Cameron ("D-I-V-O-R-C-E"). Jackie's tabloid from the same episode also appears to have an image of Tammy Faye Bakker on the cover. Back when I planned to do all of Roseanne for Thoughts On (something I still might do later on), I thought it would be fun to track the show through magazine and tabloid covers.

-- Hey, It's ...!: Besides George Clooney, we have future film director Todd Field as Charles the waiter ("D-I-V-O-R-C-E") and Frances Fisher in a one-and-done as Savannah the Lobo Lounge bartender ("Here's to Good Friends"). Nancy Fish, as Claire the waitress, at least made it to the second season.

-- Behind the Camera: "Life and Stuff" was written by series creator Matt Williams, followed by "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" by Lauren Eve Anderson, "Language Lessons" by Laurie Gelman and "Here's to Good Friends" by Danny Jacobson.

-- "She's really something." "Yeah, well, she does get carried away sometimes." "Yeah, she loves to tell everybody exactly how to lead their lives." "Yeah, well, that's cause she thinks she knows everything." "(from outside) Well, I do!"

-- Next: Daytime talk. On deck: Soap opera fragments.