““Be sure to keep in touch, CC. Okay?”
“Well, sure. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
I haven’t done a live tweet-style Thoughts On in a while. Beaches is as good of a movie as any for the experience. Obviously my comments are longer than tweet size.
1. We’re at the Hollywood Bowl. Marc Shaiman’s on piano and there’s a trio of Not-Harlettes. CC Bloom (Bette Midler), singing “Under the Boardwalk,” completes her star entrance by turning upstage to receive a closeup. Luckily she’s just rehearsing and not actually dissing the Bowl audience. Wouldn't want that ...
2. The song’s over, CC gets a message and suddenly it’s fuck you, concertgoers. Oh well, the event's going to be rained out, anyway. CC’s trying to make it to San Francisco. “San Francisky? Did you drove or did you flew?” After striking out at getting a flight, she rents a car. Five minutes into Beaches, the credits are done. It's time for a nearly movie-length linear flashback.
3. Poor Marcie Leeds. She’s the only one of the four actresses playing CC and Hillary who doesn’t get a star entrance. Mayim Bialik’s actually exceeds Bette’s. By the time preteen CC emerges from under the Atlantic City boardwalk, our curiosity is sufficiently whetted as to just what this girl looks like.
4. Do gay bars hold talent shows? I wonder how well a “hand walking queer” would be received.
5. My goodness, Lainie Kazan had (has?) some tig ol’ bitties.
6. The first performance of “The Glory of Love” justifiably helped put Mayim on the map, although I do have to ding her a point for not actually singing it. Not that it was Mayin's fault, since Bette apparently wanted someone who sounded more like she did as a girl. Rita Kempley: “(Mayim's) vamped version … would do the Divine Miss M proud.”
7. Look, it’s the old guy Patrick Swayze meets in Ghost! And Richie Cunningham’s wife! Nice shorthand for stage parenting, with Mrs. Myandowski nudging Iris to smile.
8. “Yoo hoo, Mr. Pinkers! The Blooms are quitting. Find another kid to work for bupkis.” And who can blame CC and Leona, really? Hand walking, albeit patriotic, queers over brassy chanteuses? There’s no justice in show business.
9. After sharing a photo booth with CC, Hillary plans to treat her to an ice cream soda at the Marlborough-Blenheim. CC expects to get kicked out, which she definitely would have if Hillary wasn’t around. “So how’d you (get the waiter off our backs)?” “Easy. My father’s rich.” Anyway, Hillary’s mom died when she was younger, she wants CC to write to her (“I almost cried when you started singing …” “Hillary, don’t sing.”) and the lovely little moment is ruined by Aunt Vesta.
10. “I got lost and she showed me the way back after her ‘Glory of Love’ number.” “Her ‘Glory of Love’ number?!” To be fair, that does sound bad out of context.
11. Mayim and Marcie pass the voice acting duties to Bette and Barbara. Okay, I thought the two CCs had star entrances? The buildup to Hillary as a young adult is comically absurd. We see her at a distance, perhaps because an immediate closeup of Hershey’s collagen-injected lips might have been too startling.
12. But not as startling as T. Kuhn’s “Que Sera, Sera.” My brother, the CC to my Hillary, pointed out that Patrick Redwood also played Dennis the elevator operator in Pretty Woman. Like Lynda Goofriend, members of his family, and, of course, Hector Elizondo, Redwood was part of the Garry Marshall movie posse over the years.
13. As CC sings “I’ve Still Got My Health” at the dive bar, we finally get a look at adult Hillary. In the 10-plus years since Atlantic City, neither CC nor Hillary sent an updated photo of herself?
14. Hillary has a belated reaction to saying goodbye to a life of privilege. It’s hard to care about her emotions and pride in this, since we know Hillary will end up going back in WASPland.
15. Before that happens, though, it’s time for a love triangle. Meet John Heard as John, off-off-Broadway theater director with the foresight not to write off a talented girl because she’s dressed as a bunny. “If you call me Bugs, you’re dead.” Show of hands: Who else is a little disappointed that the first time Hillary and CC are in conflict is over a man?
16. My attitude towards “Oh Industry” has softened since seeing Art or Bust. CC and the trio of men with removable, vaguely steam whistle-style faces (with the shock ending of hers resembling theirs) owes something to the staging of “Is It Love.”
17. Hat tip to David Denby for pointing this out: Why would The Village Voice be consulted for an opening night review? Unlike The New York Times, the Voice was a weekly. Opening night success is quickly ruined for CC when it can no longer be denied: John’s into Hillary, not her. She responds by getting drunk and going swimming in Central Park, a scene I would have liked to have seen.
18. In case we’re still wondering when the hell this is going on, it’s 1971 or later, based on the Applause and No, No, Nanette posters on CC and Hillary’s wall. Albert Brenner and Garrett Lewis’ Oscar-nominated art direction is slightly more interesting than the roommates argument and stalemate over John. Hillary slept with him, but it meant nothing.
19. Mr. Whitney gets sick. Really sick. Return to the status quo kind of sick. Yes, Hillary’s back to San Francisco, now functioning as the adult between her and dad. Aw, and she was really making a name for herself as part of the ACLU in New York. Anyway, Hillary loses a father and a career and gains a husband. This would mean more if it was dramatized, not explained through narration. Alas, we’re already 45 minutes into Beaches. The dramatic structure is locked in.
20. On the strength of CC being the first woman John’s said “I love you” to in a while, not to mention the fact that Hillary’s off the market, the theatrical couple gets married. Hello, Hector! It’s the happiest moment of CC’s life and she doesn’t want John to forget it … so she slaps him.
21. We get a break from the flashback to hear part of “I Know You By Heart,” which a DJ helpfully informs us was CC’s biggest hit of 1988. I’m glad to know that Beaches isn’t apparently taking place in the future.
22. Okay, enough cheap shots for a moment. It’s time for the scene that makes the middle of this movie worthwhile. I’m talking about the “Otto Titsling” performance. Sheila Benson: “… one bawdy Midler number so good that it might have come from one of her old revues.” Well, close. The song dates back to Mud Will Be Flung Tonight.
23. Look, there’s an ex-Harlette, Jenifer Lewis! Two of them, in fact. There’s also Charlotte Crossley. Plus Joe Grifasi, who’ll return when I comment on Big Business. Anyway, Hillary and Michael (James Read) are not at all impressed, which makes me laugh. You have to wonder what was the last bit of theater those tight-asses saw.
24. Are CC and John leasing their place from Scarface’s fabulous cousin? Look at all that red! Being a Broadway star in 1976 pays the bills!
25. God bless Barbara Hershey. She doesn’t get to sing and dance or be especially fabulous. Let’s be honest, does anyone watch Beaches to see Hillary and CC fight? Still, Barbara holds her own in the department store scene.
“I just thought someone like you wouldn’t care about children. You’re so obsessed with your career and all.”
“I’m not obsessed. Just because I work doesn’t mean ‘someone like me’ doesn’t want to have children.”
“Well, wanting them and caring for them properly are two different things. It’s a full-time job.”
“For some people.”
“Yes, the ones that take the responsibility seriously … and don’t just have children to gratify their overweening egos.”
26. CC and Hillary go a few rounds over Hillary’s inability to avoid her fate (“You tried to be an interesting person for a while …”) and CC’s insane ambition, new money and marriage of convenience. “Aren’t you afraid you got him by default?” Possibly because Bette produced Beaches, CC gets the last word. “You’re so jealous you can hardly breathe.” Psst ... Bette! You jumped ahead an hour!
27. If you can’t tell, I’ve never read Iris Rainer Dart’s original novel. The movie’s script was by Mary Agnes Donoghue, who made the rounds with other “women’s pictures.” Paradise, Deceived, White Oleander and Veronica Guerin, to name four. Mary Agnes indirectly received the worst notices of Beaches creative team. Critics really didn’t like the script. Benson said what was on screen “is no longer Dart’s full, wallow of a story, and the movie’s maneuvers in its place are so inept they don’t work.”
28. Lainie Kazan, who scored “and” billing, appears for the second and last time when CC visits Leona in Miami. CC’s left John and Leona lays a truth bomb on her exhausting narcissist of a daughter, but all I can pay attention to Leona’s hair. It's so old lady platinum blonde, it’s slightly green.
29. John and CC are through and soon after, so are Michael and Hillary. CC goes on to fail in movies. Dart reported partially based CC on the likes of Cher and Bette Midler herself. Timeline wise, we’d be at circa the making of The Rose, but I’m guessing CC’s director and co-star issues are meant to evoke Jinxed!
30. CC’s venues are back to dive quality. “It looks like a flamingo threw up in here!” Also revisiting her youth is Hillary. The reunion is tedious — Denby again; “These two spend more time talking about their friendship than having it.” — but we do learn Hillary’s pregnant. She’s going to raise the baby on her own.
31. Enter Spalding Gray, reminding me of John Mulaney, as Hillary’s friend and obstetrician, Richard. This time it’s Hillary’s turn to reluctantly watch her friend hit it off with a guy. CC is so serious about Richard, she plans on giving up show business (and talks about becoming a nurse!) … that is, until her agent calls. Kind of a waste of a talented guy, but then again, nobody’s watching Beaches for the men, either.
32. CC and John let bygones be bygones and reunite professionally. Hillary gives birth to a girl, Victoria CC. One of my biggest laughs came from Hillary’s incredulous reaction to once again being upstaged by CC, who fainted in the delivery room.
33. Fast forward to 1988. Our last significant character, child Victoria (Grace Johnston), is introduced. Life is good again for CC, a recent Tony winner. Unfortunately, Hillary’s just so tired and can’t get over a bout of the flu. No, it’s not what you think it is. She’s afflicted with viral cardiomyopathy. Bette’s gotten most of the showcase moments, but I was touched by Barbara’s acting at the end of the “I Think It’s Gonna Rain Today” montage, when it’s apparent to Hillary that she will die.
34. Who’s up for a beach vacation? And what would one be without a big brat and a little brat facing off? Victoria’s bossiness extends to the neighbor kids, including Whit Hertford. Ah, well, she lightens up after singing and dancing with CC to “Ballin’ the Jack.” That’s what we all need sometimes, a musical number on the sand.
35. I wish they’d have sprung for a cameo by the real Barbara Walters.
36. One more late in the game bit of awesomeness from Barbara Hershey, who looks adorable when a newly-revitalized (in spirit, certainly not in body) Hillary winks at CC.
37. Fifteen minutes left of the movie and we’re finally done with the flashback. Several critics complained about Beaches’ ending fatigue. Anyway, Hillary doesn’t want Victoria to see her die in the hospital. It’s back to the beach, with “Wind Beneath My Wings” …
38. No matter how many times I see it, I cry at the transition from Hillary’s death at sunset to the funeral. I also cry at CC revealing to Victoria that Hillary left the girl in her custody. Every viewing of Beaches highlights how hard Bette tried for an Oscar, or at least a Golden Globe. Her big scene with Johnston is the first and only one where it feels like it could have happened.
39. And one more performance of “The Glory of Love.”
40. “What else did you do when you were my age?” “Whatever they told me not to.” … “Be sure to keep in touch, CC. Okay?” “Well, sure. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
If I'm judging honestly ... Not Recommended. But I'm still not throwing out my DVD. Or the soundtrack.
Thoughts:
— “Harry, did you catch that set? Those people loved me! So, I was wondering if I could borrow $50 until payday. … What the hell is this, a piano bar or a Nazi work camp? I’m singing my heart out for bupkis, for peanuts. I’m eating dog food and you can’t even give me $50 you already owe me? … Oh, Harry, you’re an angel. If your mother hadn’t been such a bitch, we could’ve shared something important.”
— Box Office: Grossing $57 million on a $20 million budget, this opened wide at No. 3.
— Awards Watch, actresses: Beaches’ sole Oscar nod was for the art direction. It lost to Dangerous Liaisons. Bette was nominated for a Kids Choice Award, supposedly for playing C.C., but I suspect it was based on her name and/or her performance in Oliver and Company. Anyway, Bette and Molly Ringwald (For Keeps) lost to Whoopi Goldberg (The Telephone, so yeah, the kids were clearly nominating based on name value). Mayim and Marcie were both nominated for Youth in Film Awards, but oddly, in different categories. Marcie was considered a dramatic actress, competing with the likes of Martha Plimpton and Julia Roberts, while Mayim, in the comedy or fantasy category, was up against Heather Graham (who won for License to Drive). I still find it a little odd that Grace didn't score a nod.
-- Awards Watch, music: Had “Wind Beneath My Wings” been written for Beaches, I bet it would have won the Oscar. Ah, well, it had to settle for topping the Billboard charts and winning Song of the Year and Record of the Year. Bette lost Best Female Pop Vocal Performance to Bonnie Raitt for “Nick of Time.”
— Critic’s Corner, the movie: “Cheerfully and implacably terrible — as shameless as the most shameless of old Hollywood movies. To get angry about it would be like jeering an overweight marathon runner,” Denby wrote. “Though its stars work hard to hold the attention, they are asked to play this story absolutely straight,” Janet Maslin observed. “Even viewers with a taste for melodrama will doubtlessly expect more irony or perspective on the genre.” Roger Ebert: “There is only so much bittersweet poignancy I can take in any one movie.” “In holiday kitchens everywhere, dough is being kneaded, twisted, stretched, pummeled and manipulated, all in the name of the season,” Benson wrote. “To know just how that must feel, put yourself at the mercy of Beaches … You can’t have friendship without feeling, and how can we feel for people who are forever shrilling at each other?”
— Critic’s Corner, Bette: It seems like nobody really wanted her to act. “Only her occasional singing redeems an otherwise emotional roller coaster that travels in slow motion,” Gene Siskel wrote. Maslin: “Miss Midler gets to sing a lot, which is a big help.” Benson: “She is inevitable — you might call it preordained — casting.” Ebert: “She has a reputation for intelligence and irreverence that is mostly deserved, and so when we got to see her in a movie we don’t expect her to be portraying a character completely dictated by convention.” “Midler is always Midler, which is fine with me. But I think she should stop acting with other women in female buddy movies,” Denby wrote. “The great Midler temperament has descended into slapstick hamming, weeping and awful sincerity.”
— Critic’s Corner, Barbara: She “lends class to the unlikely equation,” Kempley wrote, but acknowledged that “even with new collagen-engorged lips, Hershey can’t take a scene from (Bette).” Denby also got in a dig at Barbara’s new look. “The makeup projects, but her acting doesn’t.” Siskel: “Wasted in a boring role.”
— According to Beaches’ AFI entry, Sissy Spacek, Anne Archer and Jamie Lee Curtis were all offered or considered for Hillary before Barbara accepted the role. The IMDB page includes a claim that I really hope is true, that Donna Mills auditioned for the role.
— I've also never seen the Lifetime remake.
— For an excellent appraisal of the production design, here’s a Film Experience entry: http://thefilmexperience.net/
— The late, lamented Premiere declared Beaches the winner of the Most Shameless Tearjerker, women’s division, award of movies released between 1987-2002. The men’s division winner was Field of Dreams.
— “But enough about me, let’s talk about you … what do you think of me?” I’m actually a little more fond of the line where CC wonders if she’s truly talented or merely moderately talented.
— Next: Hairspray. On deck: Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.
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