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"Your neighbors across the hall are right, you're just horrible people."
-- Another hodgepodge of a batch, with one of the show's most dated episodes, Helen Hunt's Emmy submission (plus one I hope was a backup) and one I didn't expect would be among Paul Reiser's best. All were directed by David Steinberg, with no one writer or team dominating.
-- We start with "When I'm Sixty-Four," the first episode written by Victor Levin, who'd go on to executive produce the last two NBC seasons and wrote several of the next few season-enders. Jamie's eyesight isn't as good as it once was, resulting in mishaps like buying an armoire that won't fit through the doorway and accidentally taping Supermarket Mania, not The Barrister in the Bog. Her whole life, she's had perfect eyes and she doesn't want to consider it as a part of getting older. "Really? Where's your hair?" Wicker, who got the armoire free, stops by. He's tending to odds and ends at Paul and Jamie's and avoiding his wife of 40 years, Claire (Anita Gillette, who I thought appeared more than once). It's out of guilt over being close with Mrs. Annabelle Stern in 11J. Things progress from unbending her venetian blinds to tampering with the doorbell just so he can fix it to talking about a dream he's had where she's naked and he's a cigar (and this was before the Clinton scandal, mind you).
-- At the one-hour optician's (a concept Paul is skeptical of), the Buchmans discuss how marriage goes from day by day to year by year to decade by decade. Jamie doesn't like how she looks in any glasses, blaming it on her trapezoidal face. And the hot salesgirl (Kristen Cloke) doesn't give Jamie the time of day. Back on 12th Street, Wicker reveals he told his wife his feelings and she threw him out. The Buchmans take him in and he becomes a fifth wheel, albeit one who offers cocoa with nutmeg, walks Murray, takes calls from Sylvia so Paul won't have to and puts in a dimmer.
-- Jamie gets contacts while watching the close contact between Paul and the salesgirl. Smart girl: she got Paul to buy a $266 pair of glasses which he can wear while diving. Jamie's having trouble putting in her contacts and then adjusting to them, resulting in her winking while trying to convince Claire that Wicker is miserable without her. Eventually, Clare comes back to tell Wicker he's needed in 5J, their apartment. He explains that a couple needs to have a good fight every once in a while.
-- "Legacy," by Jeffrey Lane and Steve Paymer, is the episode where Reiser unexpectedly wowed me. The Buchmans are trying to save money (well, no wonder, after buying superfluous armoires and pairs of glasses). Jamie thought making Chinese would be cheaper than ordering in. Paul's still out of work, but he's been up for everything from a Harvey Keitel movie to a soap opera to an airline safety film. Of the three, I kind wish Paul would have gotten the soap gig, since it would have been an organic way for further crossovers with Friends once Joey started playing Dr. Drake Ramoray. Nope, he got the safety film. Sylvia's fine with Paul not directing Keitel. "Good. I don't care for his penis." *spit take from Jamie*.
-- Buchman's Sporting Goods is holding its annual Midnight Madness sale, initially promoted with an ad not directed by Paul and featuring Ira as all the customers. Jamie, who's wearing her glasses, jokes with Paul when he hands her a belt while she's on the bed ("Are we gonna do something dirty?"). She also decides to help promote Burt's sale and reassures Paul that his success in the film industry (not as Burt's successor) is going to happen. Jamie can do it all, it seems. She's gotten sandwiches named after people. Now, what baseball player can she get to make a personal appearance for cheap? That would be "Sloopy" Dunbar, who played in game three of the '64 World Series, which Paul and Burt attended.
-- One thing leads to another and in addition to working the neighborhood, Jamie has also opened her own public relations business. She can have it and still go to school ("I just can."). It'll be different than before, Jamie tells Paul. She's working for herself, not as a means to compensate for him. The first test comes on the night of the sale, where Sloopy is late. Still, things are going well. It's a good possible last hurrah for a maybe retiring Burt. Sloopy (Charles Hallahan) shows up and he's a jerk who hits on Fran, but he also understands his place in the pecking order. "They named candy bars after Reggie Jackson, they named diseases after Lou Gehrig. Know what they named after me? ... My sister's kid." If that wasn't awkward enough, Paul finds out that Ira is the heir apparent. "Hey! ... Hang on, Sloopy."
-- Paul didn't want the store, so why would it bother him? He also bitches at Jamie for being successful and able to do it all while he's teaching the world about getting their trays in the upright position. I haven't always liked how MAY depicted Paul's career, feeling like it came across as "Look at how brilliant he is and what yutzes everyone else are!" This, where he may be brilliant or at least competent, but is still frustrated, is honest. Speaking of honesty, Paul says he's angry at Burt, but can't talk to him. "What would I say to him? 'Gee, Dad, why didn't you believe in me? Did you think I couldn't handle it?' He didn't even give me the option."
-- "Legacy" is Reiser's episode, but Louis Zorich does really well in the climax. It's even better because the show didn't pull a last-second reveal that Burt knew exactly what he was doing. He's just perfectly himself. Burt reveals that Sharon and Debbie passed on the store and that he's kept a photo Paul took of Sloopy from back in '64. Not only that, but Burt thinks Jamie was feeling a little left behind by Paul. "Going, you're going, you've been going since you were 12, you and that damn camera." Burt also tells Paul that he think's Ira's music dreams won't pan out. "Not like you." Again, if they hadn't written and played this just right, it would have been insufferable. On the other hand, I maybe would have lost the ending, where Paul finally catches a ball from Sloopy.
-- If Paul was relatable and even heartbreaking in "Legacy," he was absolutely grating in "Pandora's Box." The first of three episodes by Victor Fresco (Better Off Ted, Santa Clarita Diet), it's best remembered as one of pieces of NBC's "Blackout Thursday." All but Seinfeld had their characters deal with a NYC-wide blackout which occurred in "Box." The blackout itself plays a minor role in "Box," which is really about Paul and Jamie discovering their apartment isn't big enough for two home offices. Jamie Buchman Public Relations is being forced to coexist with Buchman Films (or whatever it's called), which is in the midst of preproduction on a project about the history of TV. Even by 1994, that is way too broad a topic for one documentary.
-- Paul claims to be studying the history of a culture, but what he's really doing is being an ass, loudly watching TV when Jamie's on the phone (even if her only client's Ira). Ah, remember the days without streaming? Paul can't work from the bedroom, since the Buchmans don't have cable in there (and up until this episode, I didn't notice a TV, either). He's also difficult because he needs to use the phone when Jamie's using it. (Hey, it's when everyone relied on the landline!) Fran, who allows Paul to watch TV at her place, reveals she's pirating cable and can help Jamie do the same. Ira also steals cable. Paul, on the other hand, thinks it's wrong. It makes me wonder what his attitude is about password sharing. On the other hand, Paul's okay with watching porn. "See, that never happens when we order a pizza."
-- You can't get anything past a director. Paul notices the picture quality's not as good in the bedroom as it is in the living room and in addition to trying to meet a neighbor who's on the committee which could give him a grant, Paul calls the cable guy. He arrives to catch Jamie and Paul trying to undo her pirating, before undoing all the pirating going on in the building. It's a little ambiguous, whether everyone was stealing (which is what I think the show was implying) or the pirating caused so much mayhem that nobody was exempt from it. Anyway, the neighbors hate Paul and Jamie. Wicker's pissed, too, because the cable went out right when the missus' was about to deliver her one line on Another World. "They rerun soap operas, don't they?" Ah, remember that YouTube was a decade away.
-- Paul and Jamie fight about how she works from home (Hey, It's the pre-COVID-19 Era!) and Ira offers to reconnect the building. Up on the roof, Jamie grabs a wire and ends up knocking out the building's power. Ira's fix only lasts for a few seconds, until an overload causes the big blackout. The neighbors are still pissed. Hal gives Jamie a floppy disc. "It was my novel, now it's a coaster." (Hey, It's the pre-Cloud era!) Harrison Delahany, the grant-giver, is stuck in the elevator. One woman (Pat Crawford Brown) suggests the Buchmans take out the water, too, and call it a day. Paul takes the fall for Jamie, privately saying it's his job to be mad at her, not theirs. She can't stop smiling during his scolding.
-- Next up, we've got "The Ride Home," Hunt's Emmy submission. It's a one-and-done for writer Liz Coe (Family, Cagney & Lacey), who crafted an imaginative episode that's slightly primitive by today's standards. After warmly leaving a party, Paul and Jamie have an uncomfortable silence in the cab. It's broken when Jamie defensively asks, "How could I know?" It was both Fran's birthday party and the first party she's thrown since her marriage ended. The guests include the Buchmans, Lisa (who signs her name to Paul and Jamie's gift), Ira and Bob & Doris (Vince Grant and Judith Hoag), who may as well be Bobndoris. Paul and Jamie resolve to spend some time apart, which confuses an already tense Fran and results in awkward encounters with two other guests.
-- Ira wants Paul to be his wingman when he chats up Tracy (Senait Ashenafi) and Carol (Wendie Malick). Paul doesn't want to be known as a director, in case either is an actress. He's a doctor, a chiropractor, which is good because Carol's neck is killing her. Paul's obviously reluctant to give her an adjustment and ends up spilling on his shirt. Before she met Paul, Carol met Jamie, boring her by babbling about lemons (which is what the guacamole needs). Jamie ends up seeing her ex, Alan (Eric Stoltz). She insists it's fine, since after all, she broke up with him. Alan's curious where Paul is, saying so right when Paul spills. "Gosh, he's someplace."
-- Paul does end up giving Carol a painful-sounding adjustment and after Ira and Tracy leave, Carol learns Paul's married. He bombs at telling her the Zest story, which Bobndoris were familiar with. Carol also mentions that she's always wanted to work with Paul Buchman the director. She's an executive at NBC. Meanwhile, Jamie and Alan reconnect and things go sour when he says he felt bad about how he broke up with her. She insists she broke up with him. A little later, Lisa asks Jamie if she accept his date invitation (Jamie says no) and Paul learns Carol's in charge of NBC's miniseries and has a good project. Paul comes clean about the whole thing, insulting Carol ("the other one") in the process. "All I'm saying ... I am, I am, I am Paul Buchman." "Trust me. No one will ever know."
-- Shortly after, Paul manages to win divorced Carol back with a charming story about the awkwardness of not being with your spouse at a party. He reveals his and Jamie's "sign language," little gestures for things like when they want to go home or they're dealing with a very boring person. Carol gives Paul her card. Elsewhere, Jamie's mad at Alan. In the kitchen, they go over exactly how their relationship ended. Or rather, Jamie does, to Alan's growing discomfort. "Wow." "What." "You're still nuts." Once that's over, Jamie reunites with Carol, who now won't stop talking about fish. Paul reunites with Jamie, who does the boring gesture that Carol not recognizes. Carol asks for her card back.
-- In the cab, Paul and Jamie finally share the Zest story. Jamie wanted Paul to promptly send out their post-wedding thank you notes, so she put them in his gym bag. He ended up not going to the gym. When he found the notes, he decided to weather them and make it look the delay was the post office's thought. Jamie came back to find 75 envelopes in the tub, which Paul claimed was because he was writing in appreciation to Zest. It's not that funny, but hey, the cabbie liked it. And Paul gives Jamie the cookie he was saving. The party wasn't all bad, since he met a guy he'd like them to get together with: Alan! "How could I know?"
-- Finally, we have "Giblets For Murray," which is also a fine episode for Hunt. It's written by Billy Grundfest and Jeffrey Klarik and features the first appearances of John Karlen and Penny Fuller as Gus and Theresa Stemple, plus Meg Wylie as Aunt Lolly, which ended up being her last role. Neither Karlen, Fuller or Wylie will appear on MAY past Season Three, but they all do a fine job in "Giblets." So does Ping Wu as Kim No. 2. Anyway, Paul and Jamie are hosting the family Thanksgiving for the first time.
-- Turkey No. 1 is placed in the oven at 5:25 a.m. and still cooking when Paul and Jamie are discussing things like Ira and his band playing the Macy's Parade, whether they should put out the knickknacks their parents gave and how to read Theresa. If she smiles, she's hurt. If she laughs, she's pissed. If she's bubbly, it's every man for himself. Jamie, who's making fresh cranberries, deals with Lisa, who's claiming to be a vegetarian but insists it's not an act of hostility toward Gus, who is a butcher. Paul is sent to the store to get items including vegetarian lasagna (for Lisa) and Brussels sprouts (for Fran). Paul arrives home to find an early Burt and Sylvia, who brought potatoes, even though Jamie was already making them. "So she'll freeze hers."
-- My family's long served Thanksgiving dinner buffet style, so I laughed at the elder Buchmans and Stemples being so against it. "Giblets" is a really great episode for Cynthia Harris, especially in moments like Sylvia being unimpressed that Jamie prepared sweet potato mousse. It's the same kind Martha Stewart prepared for Willard Scott. "That man will eat anything." The mousse doesn't call for marshmallows, which leads to Sylvia telling a story the heartbreaking experience of not having marshmallows during a Thanksgiving in her youth. "But this is fine." If the Buchmans weren't enough, dealing with smiling Theresa and Gus, who makes up his own facts (he assumes Shari Lewis* is Jerry Lewis' wife), stretches Jamie's patience. She and Paul end up at Kim's to pick up other items, like the salad tray for Theresa and canned cranberry sauce for Burt.
*Ira's band, assigned to play "Turkey in the Straw" while dressed as pilgrims, were bumped because Shari's float broke down and she was given the one Ira and company would have ridden.
-- "Breaks my heart, what's happening to your life," says Sylvia to Fran. Shortly after, Fran tries convincing Ryan, who's with Mark, to eat turkey. "But you like turkey. ... Yes you do. ... Yes you do ..." Paul and Jamie stick up for their buffet arrangement and discover Murray's been eating the turkey. It's unsalvageable, so Paul's sent to get another one. Jamie stalls by having everyone say what they're thankful for. Sylvia: "Come back to me, honey." Lisa: "I'm thankful that I have therapy tomorrow." In order to get the parents out of the living room, Paul and Jamie trick the fathers into checking the bathroom plumbing and the mothers into redecorating the bathroom. Unfortunately, Paul left Turkey No. 2 unattended to outside the apartment, so it's gone. (Hal & Maggie seeking revenge on behalf of the UK?) "You don't leave a turkey in the hall in New York City!" "Well, who knew?" "It's a fact!"
-- Turkey No. 3 is bought, but Jamie can't find a place to hide it when the parents are approaching, so she ends up tossing it out the window. "I panicked." Turkey No. 4 is bought by Fran and Ira, who decide to lower it from one floor above. It ends up falling to the ground. Turkey No. 5 is on the house. At this point, everybody knows what's up. Sylvia, the last to find out, does Paul and Jamie a solid by getting everyone to look at the TV (by pretending Ira's band is on) so the couple can bring in their turkey. "What, I never had a mother in law?" All's well that ends well, except Murray ends up eating dessert.
-- Hey, It's 1994!: Ira reads the July 29 issue of Entertainment Weekly with cover girl Susan Sarandon ("Legacy").
-- The Buchmans Go Broadway: The last time Paul's career was known to a party guest, he ended up with 20 minutes of South Pacific on the answering machine ("Ride").
-- The Total Waitress: Ursula thinks it's kinda crowded at Riff's because of all the people, a lot of whom are watching TV because some blockheads down the street got their building disconnected ("Box").
-- Today in Classic TV: Paul's viewing includes The Andy Griffith Show and Burns and Allen and when he trips, he jokes about being Dick Van Dyke ("Box").
-- Bloopers: The camera is back too far when Hal's in the shower, revealing whatever Jim Piddock was wearing ("Box"). Also from "Box," the retroactive blooper of Ursula giving Jamie the keys to her brother's car, since the long-lost Frank Buffay wasn't yet created by the writers of Friends.
-- Continuity Corner: The Buchmans live in 11D and the Conways live in 11C ("Sixty-Four"). Paul's agent is named David and Burt's been in sporting goods for 43 years, nearly losing his store in 1962 ("Legacy"). Fran's building is 171 such-and-such and her apartment is No. 1925, while the Buchmans are at the corner of 12th Street and Fifth Avenue. Jamie and Alan broke up in 1989 ("Ride").
-- Before the Credits: Paul's here, he's here ... except Jamie's answering machine message is about seeing Debbie and Jim, in which case, Murray never saw him ("Legacy"). The Buchmans are watching a boring fishing show, but only because they lost the remote ("Box").
-- Under the Credits: Paul reads Dickens and learns Jamie wasn't making up the usage of "parentless" and "besot" ("Sixty-Four"). Sloopy imitates how players spent the World Series (Hey, It's 1994!) and Fran's still tired enough to be "charmed" ("Legacy"). Al Roker reports on the blackout, filling in for Tom Brokaw, who's stuck in an elevator ("Box"). Paul and Jamie continue home in awkward silence ("Ride"). Aunt Lolly dishes on the phone to a girlfriend, saying she's not even sure which side of the family she belongs to ("Giblets").
-- Ratings Roundup: A range of 14.9 (for "Sixty-Four") to 16.6 (for "Box"). For much of this batch, the show ranked No. 3 for Thursdays, behind Seinfeld and ER. "Giblets" came in at No. 5 on Nov. 17, 1994, thanks to CBS airing the conclusion of Scarlett. I suspect NBC was losing faith in Madman of the People, which was its only Thursday night show to air a new episode the following week, on Thanksgiving.
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