What's On Tonight (Friday): Run, Bitch! Run!

              

No One Will Save You

I gotta say, today is stacked with interesting looking premieres.  Amazon has "gay amateur wrestler bio pic" Cassandro, Netflix has a new Spy Kids film from Robert Rodriguez, Peacock has John Wick spin-off/prequel The Continental, and Shudder and Hulu both have promising looking horror films.  

One of those promising new horror films, Run, Bitch! Run! No One Will Save You, is this week's Top Pick.  My main concern with this one is it looks like it might be going for a Stranger Things vibe, but if the rest of the film is its own thing, I'll have a good time.

Oh, who am I kidding?  I'll probably enjoy it regardless.  I'm an easy audience.  

TOP PICK

⭐🎥 No One Will Save You (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'An exiled anxiety-ridden homebody must battle an alien who's found its way into her home.'

Elsewhere...

*The other horror film over on Shudder and ALLBLK is The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster.  It's yet another take on Frankenstein, but this one makes the mad doctor a young woman grieving her dead brother and the monster her brother.  It's very likely those are the only things the two stories have in common.

*Remember how cool the parents were in the original Spy Kids?  The mom in the new film is being played by Gina Roderiguez (no complaints here) but the dad is being played by Zachary Levi.  I was a big a fan of Chuck but even I know that is a huge step down from Banderas.

*Speaking as someone who has a hard time getting more than five hours of sleep a day, I can only imagine how shitty it must be to have insomnia.  So of course, thanks to the good folk at Apple, we're getting a romantic comedy about people who suffer from it.  

PREMIERES

Cassandro

🎥 Cassandro (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 'Saúl Armendáriz, a gay amateur wrestler from El Paso, rises to international stardom after he creates the character Cassandro, the “Liberace of Lucha Libre.” In the process, he upends not just the macho wrestling world but also his own life.'

🔔 Still Up (Apple, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'An almost romantic comedy set in the after-hours world of insomniacs Danny and Lisa who have no secrets except their feelings for each other.'

🎵 iHeart Music Festival (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'LiveStream of the iHeart Music Festival.'

🎥 The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (ALLBLK & Shudder, 3:01 AM) 'Vicaria is a brilliant teenager who believes death is a disease that can be cured. After the brutal murder of her brother, she embarks on a dangerous journey to bring him back to life.'

🎥 The Black Book (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'After his son is framed for a kidnapping, a bereaved deacon takes justice into his own hands and fights a corrupt police gang to absolve him.

🎥 How to Deal with a Heartbreak (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Her two best friends are mapping out a bright future.  Ma Fe?  She's broke, uninspired and under a tight deadline to produce a book she can't write.'

🔔 Song of the Bandits (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'In the lawless land of Gando, fierce bandits will stop at nothing to fight for their precious homeland and loved ones — even if it means life or death.'

🎥 Spy Kids: Armageddon (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'When a game developer unleashes a powerful computer virus, the children of two secret agents must work together to save their parents - and the world.  Directed by Robert Rodriguez.'

🔔 The Continental: From the World of John Wick (Peacock, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'The three-part event will explore the origin behind the iconic hotel-for-assassins centerpiece of the John Wick universe through the eyes and actions of a young Winston Scott, as he's dragged into the Hell-scape of 1970's New York City to face a past he thought he'd left behind. '

🎥 Accused (Tubi, 3:01 AM) 'After internet sleuths falsely accuse Harri of being a wanted terrorist, he must fight for survival against a deadly home invasion.'

⚖ Deadlocked: How America Shapes the Supreme Court (Showtime, 8:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Traces the modern history of the Supreme Court and examines the people, decisions and confirmation battles that have shaped the Court into what it is today.'

🎥 Haunted Harmony Mysteries: Murder in G Major (HMC, 9:00 PM) 'A new teacher at an Irish prep school is shocked to find a ghost haunting her house. She decides to help solve his murder in the hopes that it will allow him to move on.'

The Continental: From the World of John Wick

RETURNING SHOWS

💖 Love is Blind (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON FIVE PREMIERE.

💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) SEASON 14 PREMIERE.

STREAMING

🔔 Harlan Coben's Shelter (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. 

🧙‍♀️The Wheel of Time (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 The Changeling (Apple, 12:01 AM) "The Woman's Work" 

⚖ Tribunal Justice (Freevee, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Aakhri Sach (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Design Defined (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🍴 Markkim + Chef (Max, 3:01 AM) 

The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster

LIVE SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Korn Kerry Tour Golf: Nationwide Children's Hospital Championship, Second Round (Golf, 3:00 PM)

⚽ Men's College Soccer: SMU at South Florida (ESPNU, 5:00 PM)

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Champions Golf: PURE Insurance Championship, First Round (Golf, 6:00 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: New York Mets at Philadelphia Phillies (Apple, 7:00 PM) 

🏈 CFL Football: Saskatchewan Roughriders at Ottawa Redblacks (CBSSN, 7:00 PM)

🏈 High School Football: Cedar Grove (GA) at Colquitt County (GA) (ESPNU, 7:00 PM)

🏈 College Football: NC State at Virginia (ESPN, 7:30 PM)

🏀 WNBA Basketball: Playoffs: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 8:00 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: San Francisco Giants at Los Angeles Dodgers (Apple, 10:00 PM) SEASON FINALE.

🏀 WNBA Basketball: Playoffs: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 10:00 PM)

🏎 Formula 1 Racing: Japan Grand Prix, Practice 3 (ESPNU, 10:25 PM)

🏈 College Football: Boise State at San Diego State (CBSSN, 10:30 PM)

🏐 Beach Volleyball: 2023 AVP The Championships (ESPNews, 10:30 PM)

🏎 Formula 1 Racing: Japan Grand Prix, Qualifying (ESPN2, 1:55 AM)

🏌️‍♂️ 2023 Solheim Cup: Day 2 (Golf, 2:00 AM)

Deadlocked: How America Shapes the Supreme Court

🕗 EARLY PRIMETIME 🕖

💲 Switch (GSN, 7:00 PM) "Great Things Can Happen"

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🔨 Secret Celebrity Renovation (CBS, 8:00 PM) 'Professional football player Davante Adams gifts his grandmother, Bettie, who helped raise him, a modern upgrade to her East Palo Alto, Calif., home where he grew up.'

🔔 Power Book IV: Force (Starz, 8:00 PM) 'Tommy and Diamond keep dangerous secrets from each other, Jenard clashes with his crew, and Vic teams up with Claudia one last time; D-Mac ends up entangled deeper in the drug game than he ever intended.'

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 
🚗 Engine Masters (Motortrend, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Ridiculousness (MTV, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 
⚖ Deadlocked: How America Shapes the Supreme Court (Showtime, 8:00 PM) 

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🎭 American Masters (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'The 50-year career of First Amendment attorney Floyd Abrams, whose landmark cases include the Pentagon Papers and Citizens United.'

🍴 Guy's All-American Road Trip (Food, 9:00 PM) 'Guy Fieri and a caravan of his family and friends are hittin' the road again in their RVs for an epic journey through Appalachia filled with crazy adventures, family competitions and some of the best food in Tennessee and Kentucky.'

💀 Witness to Murder: Digital Evidence (A&E, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
🎥 Haunted Harmony Mysteries: Murder in G Major (HMC, 9:00 PM) 
🔨 Beachfront Bargain Hunt Renovation (Magnolia, 9:00 PM) 
🚗 Hot Rod Garage (Motortrend, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Ridiculousness (MTV, 9:00 PM) 
💀 The Real Murders of Atlanta (Oxygen, 9:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
💖 Love After Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 

Spy Kids: Armageddon

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 10:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 
💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery Channel, 10:00 PM) 
💀 Witness to Murder: Digital Evidence (A&E, 10:01 PM) SEASON FINALE. 

LATE NIGHT

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 'Actor John Cena; TV host RuPaul; Dermot Kennedy performs.'

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Actor David Harbour; actress Kathryn Newton; Zoë Brecher sits in with the 8G Band.'

💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery, 11:02 PM) 
🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)
🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE📺

The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Quantum Leap (Syfy, 6:00 AM - 10:00 AM); Law & Order (Pop, 6:00 AM - 8:00 PM); Futurama (Comedy Central, 7:00 AM - 9:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Parks and Recreation (Comedy Central, 9:00 AM - 2:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 2:00 PM - 6:00 PM) - The Andy Griffith Show (TVLand, 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); One Day at a Time (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 6:00 PM - 11:00 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TVLand, 7:00 PM - 11:05 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); King of Queens (TVLand, 11:05 PM - 2:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Wings (Antennae, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Mom (TVLand, 2:00 AM - 3:45 AM); Benson (Antenna, 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Lawrence Welk; David Brenner; writer Ashley Montagu; actress Joan Embery.'

Still Up

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included