What's On Tonight (Friday): US vs. Vietnam but Nicer This Time...

     

FIFA Women's World Cup 2023: United States vs. Vietnam

I had a conversation with a friend from Germany a few weeks ago where we tried to understand our countries' respective obsessions with American football and soccer.  I had a hard time explaining the appeal of American football as I don't watch it a lot myself (I'm just not a sports guy).  My conclusion was American football became popular because its structure allows for endless commercials, which the networks love, and you only have to pay attention about 5% of the time because most of the time nothing is actually happening.  This leaves more time for Americans' favorite obsessions: bullshitting, drinking and eating crap.

I also concluded this is why Americans have a hard time watching soccer because there's no breaks and no commercials and if you're not paying attention, you're likely to miss a big play, not that Americans would necessarily know what a big play looks like in soccer.

Meanwhile, Germans think American football is boring as fuck, has too many commercials and way too many rules.  I couldn't really argue with that.

So, today's Top Pick is the United States vs. Vietnam in the FIFA Women's World Cup 2023.  I may not be able to fully appreciate the game, but I do appreciate these women going out there and kicking some ass.  Fox apparently concurs since they are giving this the pre-game and post-game show treatment.  Has an American broadcast network ever done that for a soccer game that wasn't a championship?  Has an American broadcast network ever done that for any soccer game?

TOP PICK

⭐⚽ FIFA Women's World Cup 2023: United States vs. Vietnam✔️ (Fox, 9:00 PM) 'USA plays Vietnam at Eden Park in Auckland in the opening game of Group E at the 2023 World Cup. USA also faced Asian opposition in its opening fixture of the 2019 World Cup, a 13-0 win against Thailand in Reims (including five goals by Alex Morgan).'

Elsewhere...

*A close runner-up for Top Pick was the new Netflix film, They Cloned Tyrone.  The director/writer doesn't have anything impressive in his resume (his biggest credit is a screenplay credit on Creed 2 and, UGH, Space Jam 2).  The draw here is the cast: John Boyega, Jamie Foxx, Tayonah Parris, Kiefer Sutherland and David Alan Grier?  That cast plus a good premise is enough for me to check it out.

*I was close to making Hulu's The Golden Spoon Top Pick until I realized it's a Korean import rather than the limited series from Aline Brosh McKenna (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend co-creator) based on a murder mystery novel by Jessica Olien that Hulu announced last year.  As far as I can tell, neither series nor book have actually been released.  So, what's the Korean import about?  It's prince and pauper situation where the pauper uses a magic spoon to switch places with a rich kid only to find out being rich sucks.  No thanks.

*I try to watch all the trailers for the new releases every week.  This week the low point was definitely the Hallmark Movie Channel's A Lifelong Love.  I've never read Nicholas Sparks or watched any movies based on his stuff, but I'm pretty sure Hallmark owes Sparks a bit of money on this one.  A young woman helps an old man reconnect with his first love; his relationship with who appears to be told in flashback.  The Sparks thing isn't what bothered me so much as how extremely lazy and boring the whole thing looks.  "Extremely Lazy and Boring" should be the motto for all of Hallmark's original crap.

PREMIERES

Stephen Curry: Underrated

🏀 Stephen Curry: Underrated✔️ (Apple, 12:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'The remarkable coming-of-age story of Stephen Curry - one of the most influential, dynamic, and unexpected players in basketball history - and his rise from an undersized college player to a four-time NBA champion.'

🔔 Big RV Remix✔️ (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'Antwan "Big Boi" Patton from Outkast and his business partner Janice Faison own Celebrity Trailers which specializes in over-the-top custom large vehicle renovations. From trailers and campers to sprinters and school buses - if it has wheels, Big Boi and Janice are ready to make their clients' vehicle renovation dreams come true.'

🥄 The Golden Spoon (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Only "golden spoons" attend Jaeil High School in Seoul. Lee Seungcheon, the school's only "dirt spoon," happens to meet a mysterious old woman and hears how to become rich. Through this method, Seungcheon is swapped with Hwang Taeyong, the son of the president of Doshin Group, the richest man in Korea.  Seungcheon finally lives the life of a golden spoon that he always dreamed of, but it proves to be difficult to live as the son of a rich family.'

🎥 They Cloned Tyrone✔️ (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'An eerie series of events leads an unlikely trio (John Boyega, Teyonah Parris and Jamie Foxx) down a rabbit hole into a sinister neighborhood conspiracy.'

🦎 Reptile Royalty (Roku, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Join Jay Brewer, and his team, on their never-ending adventure of running the world-renowned Reptile Zoo in Fountain Valley, California. Working alongside his three daughters and a colorful group of fearless animal lovers, Brewer encounters one scale-covered tale after the next, as he cares for over 600 of the rarest and exotic reptiles on Earth.'

🦈 Sharksploitation✔️ (Shudder, 3:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Ever since Jaws was released in 1975, shark films have been a staple in the horror genre. Every horror fan knows that nothing screams “summer” like a shark-themed horror flick. This Shudder Original documentary dives into the massive amount of shark films (good, bad, and yes – weird) that have been released over the years.'

🧟‍♂️ Zombies: The Re-Animated Series (Disney, 8:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'An animated short-form series that continues the adventures of fan favorites Zed, Addison and the Seabrook crew from the hit "ZOMBIES" franchise. The shorts, which keep the spirit and jam-packed music of the movies, find the friends encountering new monsters - a carnivorous plant monster, horrifying mega-cricket and even evil clones - while dealing with school and new experiences like a never-ending summer time loop.'

🎥 A Lifelong Love (HMC, 9:00 PM) 'While trying to reunite her grandfather with his lost love, Annika teams up with college sweetheart Ryan to create a book about the experience, documenting different love stories along the way. '

🚗 Super Street Garage (Motortrend, 9:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Celebrates the "tuner" car culture movement originally defined by Super Street Magazine, from which this new program is descended. The TV show embodies the spirit of the original 1990s magazine, transforming that culturally defining publication into a show with a distinctly 21st-century viewpoint, following two charismatic hosts as they rebuild vehicles with a focus on high-performance technology, modern-design aesthetics, and all-around fun.'

🔔 Praise Petey✔️ (Freeform, 10:00 PM / Hulu, next day) SERIES PREMIERE. 'A new animated series that follows Petey, a New York City "it" girl who has it all until her life comes crashing down around her. As luck would have it, a mysterious gift from her father gives her a new lease on life: She's going to "lean into" modernizing his small-town cult.'

RETURNING SHOWS

Almost Paradise

🏝 Almost Paradise✔️ (Freevee, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🔨 Making Modern with Brooke and Brice (Magnolia & Max, 8:00 PM) SEASON THREE PREMIERE.

💖 Love During Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) SEASON THREE PREMIERE.

🔔 Minx✔️ (Starz, 9:00 PM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE.

STREAMING

🔔 The Summer I Turned Pretty (Amazon, 12:01 AM) "Love Game" 

🔔 The Crowded Room (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Family" 

🚀 Foundation (Apple, 12:01 AM) "A Glimpse of Darkness" 

🔔 Swagger (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Are We Free?" 

⚖ Tribunal Justice (Freevee, 12:01 AM) 

💖 Love Island (UK) (Hulu, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 Who's Talking to Chris Wallace? (Max, 3:01 AM) 

💖 Love Allways (Paramount, 3:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. 

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars (Paramount, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars Untucked (Paramount, 3:01 AM) 

👮‍♂️ Crime Cam 24/7 (Fox Nation, 6:00 PM) 

🔨 Making Modern with Brooke and Brice (Max, 8:00 PM) 

💖 Love Island (Peacock, 9:00 PM) 

Praise Petey

LIVE SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

🚴‍♀️ Tour de France (USA, 2:00 AM)

🏌️‍♂️ 2023 Open Championship: Second Round (USA, 4:00 AM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: St, Louis Cardinals at Chicago Cubs (Apple, 2:00 PM)

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Golf: Barracuda Championship, Second Round (Golf, 5:00 PM)

🏏 Major League Cricket: Seattle Orcas vs. Texas Super Kings (CBSSN, 5:30 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: San Diego Padres at Detroit Tigers (Apple, 6:30 PM)

🏀 Slamball (ESPN, 7:00 PM)

🏀 The Basketball Tournament: Wichita Regional, Second Round: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 7:00 PM) 

🏀 WNBA Basketball: New York Liberty at Washington Mystics (Ion, 7:00 PM)

🏂 X Games (ESPN, 9:00 PM)

🏀 The Basketball Tournament: Wichita Regional, Second Round: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 9:00 PM) 

🥒 Pickleball: Pickle4 Ballpark Series: Oracle Park (CBSSN, 10:00 PM)

Big RV Remix

🕗 MIDNIGHT EASTERN / 🕗 11:00 CENTRAL

🔔 My Adventures with Superman (Adult Swim, 12:00 AM) 'Clark, Lois, and Jimmy cover a glitzy gala hosted by tech-billionaire Dr. Ivo, but while Clark and Lois wonder if this counts as a date, Ivo unleashes his newest invention: a creation that can bring down Superman.' 

🕗 EARLY PRIMETIME

🧽 SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon, 5:00 PM) 'SpongeBob befriends a sentient Krabby Patty whose only wish is to be eaten; Rube hosts an episode of "FUN-Believable! With Rube" where he explores little known oddities and attractions around Bikini Bottom.'

⚽ FIFA Women's World Cup Live (Fox, 7:00 PM) 'Host Rob Stone discusses the highlights and news stories of the day's action plus previews of upcoming matches. Featuring Alexi Lalas, Kelly Smith, Ari Hingst, Heather O'Reilly, Kate Gill, Karina LeBlanc and Eni Aluko.' 

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🔨 Tough as Nails (CBS, 8:00 PM) 'The crews take a trip to the quarry where the contestants face the most explosive individual challenge ever when they must install 20 detonators.'

⚖ Family Law (CW, 8:00 PM) 'Abby and Daniel represent a woman whose divorce gets ugly when her ex-husband accuses her of being in a cult.'

🔔 Outlander (Starz, 8:03 PM) 'Jamie and Claire help civilians flee Ticonderoga after the fort falls into British hands; Roger discovers the identity of the mysterious "Nuckelavee."'

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (FS1, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Villains of Valley View (Disney Channel, 8:00 PM) 
🧟‍♂️ Zombies: The Re-Animated Series (Disney, 8:00 PM) 
🔨 Making Modern with Brooke and Brice (Magnolia & Max, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Ridiculousness (MTV, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 
👻 Pretty Freekin Scary (Disney Channel, 8:30 PM) 

Minx

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Moonshine (CW, 9:00 PM) 'The aftermath of the Goddessfest finds Rhian reeling over the loss of a body part and a betrayal by her cheating husband; Lidia wonders if she's next.'

🍴 Diners, Drive-ins & Dives (Food, 9:00 PM) 'In California, a relocated Filipino spot has spicy pork fries; a Colorado staple celebrates a century of classics.'

🔔 Minx✔️ (Starz, 9:00 PM) 'One year into launching Minx Magazine, Joyce struggles to pick a new publisher she can trust; drowning in debt, Doug scrambles to keep his company afloat; Shelly goes back to the 'burbs to focus on her family.'

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
🎵 CMT Summer Sessions (CMT, 9:00 PM) 
💰 Hoffman Family Gold (Discovery Channel, 9:00 PM) 
👻 Pretty Freekin Scary (Disney Channel, 9:00 PM) 
🎥 A Lifelong Love (HMC, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 100 Day Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👽 Ancient Aliens (History, 9:00 PM) 
🚗 Super Street Garage (Motortrend, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Ridiculousness (MTV, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Belle Collective (OWN, 9:00 PM) 
💀 The Real Murders of Orange County (Oxygen, 9:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
🎥 Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs (Shudder, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
💖 Love During Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 AM) 

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Praise Petey (Freeform, 10:00 PM) 'Petey gets a new lease on life when she tries to modernize her father's small-town cult.'

🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush: Freddy Dodge's Mine Rescue (Discovery, 10:01 PM) 
👽 The Proof is Out There (History, 10:03 PM) 

Sharksploitation

LATE NIGHT

⚽ FIFA Women's World Cup Tonight (Fox, 11:00 PM) 'The last word on the day's action from the FIFA Women's World Cup.'

🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actress Tessa Thompson; talk show host Andy Cohen; The National performs.'

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Actor Pedro Pascal; actor Taye Diggs; Zoë Brecher sits in with the 8G Band.'

💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery Channel, 11:08 PM) 
🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)
🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE📺

The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Law & Order (Pop, 6:00 AM - 8:00 PM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Parks and Recreation (Comedy Central, 9:00 AM - 2:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 7:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 2:00 - 6:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); One Day at a Time (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 6:00 PM - 11:30 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:05 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); King of Queens (TV Land, 11:05 PM - 2:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Wings (Antennae, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Benson (Antenna, 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM); Mom (TV Land,3:10 AM - 4:50 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Sports figure Bruce Jenner; actor Joe Williams; Ray Johnson; actress Marilu Tolo; Donna Hois.'

They Cloned Tyrone

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included