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| A Clüsterfünke Christmas |
Guten Tag! Here's what's on television for tonight, Saturday, December 4!
Tonight's Top Pick is courtesy Comedy Central, which dips a toe into the holiday movie machine with A Clüsterfünke Christmas (Comedy Central, 7 p.m.), a send up to all the tropes that abound in the seasonal cable movies. Vella Lovell is too busy with business for Christmas until she comes to a small town and meets spinsters Rachel Dratch and Ana Gasteyer, who also wrote the movie.
Elsewhere, Frankie Drake solves a final mystery, Reelz profiles Ozzy Osbourne, Drew Michael brings the laughs, Space Jam TNG comes to HBO, Patagonia is Wild, Olivia Rodrigo and Phoebe Bridgers get sour and punishing at the City Limits, and there are too damn many Christmas movies.
(All times are Eastern. All listings are new unless otherwise stated. For more listings, visit The Futon Critic or Zap2it.)
STREAMING & EARLY PRIMETIME
🎥🎄 Christmas Beneath the Stars (UPtv, 7 p.m.): "Based on the story by Melissa Hill." That's not much to go on, but these movies are a dime a dozen.
⭐🎥🎄 A Clüsterfünke Christmas (Comedy Central, 7 p.m.): Go-getter real estate exec Vella Lovell from New York City heads to a small town to buy the quaint Clüsterfünke Inn and transform it into a mega-resort. After talking with the owners (Rachel Dratch and Ana Gasteyer), she meets their nephew (Cheyenne Jackson) and sparks begin to fly.✔️
Frankie Drake Mysteries (Ovation, 7 p.m.): SERIES FINALE. "A shakeup in all the gals' lives sees Frankie's dad alive but in danger, Trudy leave DPD, Mary going on the record, and Flo's new family threatened."
Wild Patagonia (AMC+, 3 a.m. / BBC America, 8 p.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. The secret lives of pumas and hummingbirds... Glacial peaks and monkey puzzle forests... extreme kayakers ride raging waterfalls... Patagonia's cowboys round up wild horses.
BRIEFLY: The Great Soul Food Cook-Off (Discovery+, 3 a.m.); Meet Your Makers Showdown (Discovery+, 3 a.m.)
🕗 8 P.M. EASTERN / 🕖 7 P.M. CENTRAL
Holmes Family Rescue (HGTV, 8 p.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. "Mike teams up with his kids to rescue clients who have nowhere else to turn after living through botched construction jobs."
🎥🎄 Home Alone: Taking Back the House (Disney Channel, 8 p.m.): This 2002 TV movie sequel was still about Kevin McCallister and his family but with all new performers. French Stewart and Missi Pyle play the nemesis.
🎥🎄 The Jenkins Family Christmas (BET, 8 p.m.): After burying their father earlier in the year, two sisters attempt to carry on his Christmas traditions without strangling each other. Then an unknown half-sister arrives at the family festivities. Spoiler!
🎥🎄 Jingle Bell Princess (GAC Family, 8 p.m.): Stranded in Tucker, Maine, Princess Jasmine Arcelus finds herself drawn into the lives of twin 9-year-old girls and their widowed father, Sam, during the holidays. I already hate this movie.
🎥🎄 It's a Wonderful Life (NBC, 8 p.m.): SEE 'EM & WEEP for $600: Who isn't moved to tears when the people of Bedford Falls come to George Bailey's rescue in this 1946 holiday classic? (6 Jun 2002)
🎥 Secrets in the Wilderness (LMN, 8 p.m.): Seeking marriage counseling becomes a dangerous endeavor when pregnant wife Lisa is forced to do rigorous bonding activities in the remote wilderness with her emotionally distant husband, Tyler. I hope it crosses over with Yellowjackets.
🎥 Space Jam Legacy (HBO, 8 p.m.): "Because if any movie desperately needs a sequel, it is Space Jam," said no one.
🎥🎄 A Very Merry Bridesmaid (Hallmark Channel, 8 p.m.): Jingle Belle, the daughter of Kris Kringle, grew up a spoiled girl. She shed that upbringing and became went into espionage in the days before the War on Christmas. Today, she is licensed to kill. However, now she has to return home and put on a happy face for the wedding of her childhood friend, Cindy Lou Who. At the last minute, she is given a "quick" assignment: infiltrate one of the highest circles of Krampus' generals and take a package that sits underneath an office tree. It is highly thought to be either a bomb or contain files that will burn on of Christmasia's informants, Jack Skellington. The mission will put Jingle against the ruthless Willie "the Claus" Stokes, and she's gotta be quick because Cindy needs Jingle's support.
NOTICES & LINEAR PREMIERES:
🎥 Psych 2: Lassie Come Home (USA, 8:30 p.m.)✔️
🎥 Svengoolie (MeTV, 8 p.m.): The Crawling Eye (1958)
BRIEFLY: Cold Justice (Oxygen); Ozzy Osbourne: Black Sabbath Frontman (Reelz, special); When Buildings Collapse: Disaster in Surfside (Discovery Channel, special)
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| Psych 2: Lassie Come Home (via Giphy) |
🕘 9 P.M. EASTERN / 🕗 8 P.M. CENTRAL
📺 Beauty and the Beast (Decades, 9 p.m.): Spend the weekend with this 1980s quasi-television adaptation of the classic story with Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman as the title characters -- and a Beast that actually looks like one; none of that lame scar shit like The CW version. In this early episode, the two "must stop an arranged marriage to a dangerous man." James Hong is one of the guest stars, and TIL, he is still alive.
This Weekend in Pop Culture (WOT&Pop Culture, 9:30 p.m.): What pop culture have you consumed lately? This is our weekly thread for you talk about it.
🕙 10 P.M. EASTERN / 🕘 9 P.M. CENTRAL
Drew Michael: Red Blue Green (HBO, 10 p.m.): SPECIAL. "In this hilarious, confessional hour of stand-up, Drew Michael airs his issues with relationships, social media, and comedy as therapy."✔️
💤💤😴💤💤
Deadly Affairs: Betrayed by Love (Investigation Discovery, 11 & 11:30 p.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. More crime and murder from a channel that loves to showcase it.
📺 That Girl (Antenna TV, 11 p.m.): "Photographer Noel Prince proposes to Ann."
📺 The Time Tunnel (MeTV, 3 a.m.): Tony and Doug are at Khartoum in 1883 when the world is menaced by conquerors from outer space.
NOTICES:
Austin City Limits (PBS, 11 p.m.): Olivia Rodrigo, Phoebe Bridgers✔️
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| Olivia Rodrigo on the other Saturday late-night show (via Giphy) |
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🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
Happy watching, everyone!
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