Courtesy Sony Pictures Television
"I don't even know what we do really, besides clean up and complain and wish we were sleeping, but with you, it's somehow fun."
-- "Season Opener," directed by Michael Lembeck and written by Victor Levin, is perhaps the most Hey, It's 1998! episode of the bunch. Ira is curious to know whether or not Viagra works. Jamie's curious, too. Paul is persuaded to try the pill, since Jamie will be back by the time he's ready for sex. Paul becomes aroused while hanging up a portrait at Sylvia's, while Jamie ends up trapped outside her gym wearing only a towel. Unable to walk to the front of the building in one direction, Jamie decides to take a cab to get there (rather than, say, walk in the other direction or see if an adjoining business has access to the gym space). Anyway, she ends up at the Empire State Building.
-- Borrowing a phone from a possibly infatuated, possibly frightened older man (Max Wright), Jamie sends an incomplete message to Paul. Visibly aroused and dealing with a headache, nausea and blue-tinted vision, Paul tries businesses with "Empire" in the name and creeps out Jerry Seinfeld (again, Hey, It's 1998!). Ira, who admitted to using Paul as a guinea pig, is inspired by the erection. Jamie's at the Empire State Building. The Buchmans reunite on the observation deck, but not before Jamie flashes a guy so he'll let her use his phone. Paul wanted to use his enhanced penis on Jamie and does, in the elevator coming down from the observation deck. And then again coming back to the observation deck.
-- Next up, "Neck," the first of three directed by Gordon Hunt and a one-and-done for writer Monica Piper (Rugrats, Veronica's Closet). Paul and Jamie, awaiting Mabel's first words, get on the subject of renewing their vows. Jamie wants to do it, Paul doesn't. Paul's distracted by his sore throat. It turns out he was right to be worried. He needs to have his tonsils out. Jamie feels guilty about having thought Paul was just a wuss, but she's also not pleased at his appreciation of friendly nurse Diane (Jean Louisa Kelly). How many more times are we going to do this story, MAY? We get it. Jamie doesn't like Paul noticing other women. Oh, well, at least we get Lisa quickly demonstrating sympathy to Emily (Jenna Lynn Wexler), a nice use of the rule of three with Sylvia ("Shh. Don't talk.") and Mabel's first word, "Schmuck." Earlier in the episode she received a truck from Ira and the way he kept repeating "truck," it's pretty clear the show wanted us to think Mabel was going to say "fuck." I'm glad MAY went with "schmuck," if only for the gag of Mabel shaking a doctor's confidence.
-- With a minute to go until his surgery and on the off chance that he'll die, Paul gives a heartfelt speech to Jamie. Like, a really heartfelt speech. "In a universe that's like 99 percent disappointment, you, you are the one sure thing, you are the proof that life is good. You are my life." Jamie is mad that Paul is now making her worry about the tonsillectomy. Shortly after, Ira makes his first prayer in William Christopher's chapel. Like Paul Reiser, John Pankow does a good job in this scene, but I was starting to feel like I was watching MAY's unmistakable Emmy submission*. Paul comes out of surgery, Jamie puts Diane in her place and it's time for Helen Hunt's for your consideration moment. "I have so much more to tell you and I'm not interested in telling it to anyone else." Paul is a miracle to Jamie. He's made her happy, something she never ever thought she could be. He regains consciousness and asks for Diane. Jamie's pissed again.
*It might have been for Pankow. Reiser and Hunt were nominated for "The Final Frontier."
-- "Tragedy Plus Time," the last episode for Eric Stoltz and writer Christopher Case, the penultimate for Suzie Plakson and yet another directed by Gordon Hunt, pretty well resolves the Courtship of Debbie and Joan and the Long-Ago Courtship of Alan and Jamie. Alan, recently deceased, leaves his entire estate ($14,500 after legal fees and taxes) and belongings to Jamie. His video will also makes it clear that he regrets that Jamie was the one that got away. Paul, currently on a golfing kick, is not happy about this. Chris (Don McManus), Alan's brother, suspects Jamie bewitched Alan. Joan's not happy that Debbie's dragging her feet on setting a wedding date. Sheila is not happy that Paul broke her nose in four places when he accidentally swung his golf club in her face. Paul's that obsessed with golf that he practices his swing during a session. Because, you know, that's a perfectly normal thing. If Sheila was worth her fee, she'd have commented on it.
-- Back at the Buchmans, Paul gladly gives Burt & Sylvia the Barcalounger that Jamie and Alan once had sex on, Joan is confused over Debbie having referred to her as her "friend" rather than fiancee, Paul and Jamie learn that Sheila's suing them and Debbie gets it on in the kitchen with Chris. Sylvia had come around to having a lesbian daughter and was even expanding her sexual curiosity. She wanted to run naked with her book club. As it turns out, Debbie is still a lesbian and she hasn't fallen out of love with Joan. Debbie and Paul realize that it's a psychological thing for her. Just before Debbie fully commits to a partner, she has to have sex in a kitchen with a relative stranger. It's possible that the lesbians will have a happy ending. As for the Buchmans and Sheila, the couple promises to refer clients (Debbie and Joan, for example) to Sheila's floundering practice. They also negotiate the asked for punitive damages of $100,000 down to $13,857.12. That's all that's left of Alan's love money, as Chris and Debbie somehow cracked the table during their sex.
-- I kinda like that MAY didn't make a big deal out of Lisa's return. She's also part of "There's a Puma in the Kitchen," directed by David Steinberg and written by Billy Grundfest. Lisa's biological clock is ticking. Ira suggests that she work her way up to mothering a child. She'll adopt a cat. After rejecting one that looks like Annette Bening, Lisa picks out an aggressive cat that jumps and shreds. Casualties include Lisa's jacket and Maggie's tacky blue fur hat. The cat, which turns out to be a baby puma, scares everyone. Murray and Paul separately end up atop the Buchmans' refrigerator out of terror. Eventually Jamie gets a park ranger. Armed with a tranquilizer gun, he shoots ... and gets Paul.
-- The A plot of "Puma" involves Paul yet again learning to be careful what he wishes for. Excited that Jamie's home in the midday, Paul suggests a nooner. She's reluctant, but ends up enjoying it. Paul, on the other hand, is more exhausted than he expected. Jamie's so revitalized, she nailed a meeting with Donald Trump**. She wants another jolt from Paul. And then another one, since she and Paul are both running in a 10K. Jamie doesn't think Paul can do it, and she's right. He's still too worn out from the tranquilizer. Against his wishes, Paul does agree to give Jamie one more boost before she runs.
**Different Times! He's agreed to fund a daycare center and now Jamie has to get him to agree to an environmentally friendly playground.
-- Last and least is "The Silent Show," directed by Gordon Hunt and the last from writer Mary Connelly. Jamie, who's learning French, is upset that she's missing milestones like Mabel crawling for the first time. Isn't Mabel a little old to just now be crawling? The Buchmans' upstairs neighbors are members of Stomp, who rehearse at all times. And this apparently doesn't upset Mabel. And Stomp doesn't have any place to practice outside of their apartment. And there isn't some sort of noise clause in their rental agreement. Maggie tells the Buchmans that they're the last 11th floor residents who need to complain to Mr. Wicker. Once they do so, then he'll intercede. Jamie doesn't want to be an "old killjoy codger" who complains about noise. She's more preoccupied with making sure the Buchmans don't have to keep the tacky Burt and Sylvia rug, a gift for Mabel. Jamie also doesn't like that Sylvia thinks Mabel needs (her first) haircut.
-- Yet again, Hey, It's 1998! Ira introduces Paul and Jamie to the world's smallest cell phone. It's a flip phone that's about as thick as a wallet but shorter than a steak fry. Ira wants to sell them at the store (which also isn't doing so well), but Burt's a merchandise purist. Prior to this, Jamie didn't like that Paul thinks of "we" as she, himself and a third party, usually Ira. "We" having lunch at Riff's means three people get together. Sheila has the idea that the Buchmans should stop talking. They shouldn't talk, whistle, write or snap their fingers. The idea is for them to regain clearer communication. The Buchmans have until the end of the day to try things out ... Except Jamie wants to honor the 40 minutes they have left of their therapy session.
-- The silent sequence isn't too bad. Paul and Jamie keep running into each other in their kitchen. She convinces him to go with chicken rather than fish for dinner. Stomp is still playing. The Buchmans get into a groove as they season the bird. Paul accidentally gets a drawer shut on his finger. Jamie kisses it and suddenly they're horny. Before anything can happen, they're visited by Ira. Confused by the silence, he admits to having taken something from Paul and Jamie (mad money, I'm assuming). Burt shows up, excited that he saw a star in the elevator. He wants Paul and Jamie to guess. Next up is Sylvia, who not only took Mabel for a pony ride, but to get a haircut. Finally Maggie, who's mad that Jamie didn't call Wicker. She brings over Stomp to torture the Buchmans. Paul breaks the silence by shouting in French to alert Jamie that Mabel is crawling again ... to the Burt and Sylvia rug.
-- Great Moments in Shilling!: The Mask of Zorro is prominently advertised as Jamie deals with what she thinks are a bunch of catcalling "mouth-breather" hardhats.
-- Hey, It's ...!: Ana Gasteyer, David Patrick Kelly and Skipp Sudduth, plus many of Hunt's Twelfth Night costars, in "Season".
-- Hey, It's (Still) 1998!: Jamie thinks Mabel might have said "You've got mail" ("Neck").
-- Classic TV Watch: Jamie compares a lethargic Paul to Uncle Joe from Petticoat Junction ("Puma"). Ira greets Sylvia, who's wearing a red cowboy hat, and Burt as Miss Kitty and Marshal Matt Dillon ("Silent").
-- The Buchmans Go Broadway: Bring in 'da Noise, Bring in 'da Funk is advertised on Jamie's cab ("Season"). Ira's prayer includes the intention that there be a South Pacific revival and Jamie reveals that she played Juliet in the fifth grade ("Neck"). Sheila says that with her nose bandaged, its like the Phantom of the Opera is giving life advice ("Time"). Burt's celebrity, by the way, was Olympia Dukakis ("Silent"). She, of course, was Louis Zorich's real life wife.
-- The Buchmans Go Book Buying: Their shelves include Megatrends and Boy Wonder ("Puma").
-- Continuity Corner: Nancy is still Mabel's nanny as of "Season," but is never referred to again in this batch. For that matter, I'm wondering how much longer Mabel can sleep in the living room as it's currently laid out. Jamie and Alan are still arguing over who broke up with who and Debbie married her ex-husband 19 years ago ("Time"). Jamie already studied French when she went back to school ("Silent").
-- Supporting Scores: Ira and Sylvia are in four episodes each, followed by Lisa, Burt, Sheila and Maggie with two each.
-- Before the Credits: Paul makes a sandwich with meat he thinks is fine, but Jamie thinks has expired ("Season"). Paul is considering changing his laugh ("Puma"). Jamie sneezes four times, exhausting Paul's patience for blessing her ("Silent").
-- Under the Credits: Jamie waves a white flag to keep a still potent Paul at bay ("Season"). Christopher prays that God will let him play against type for once ("Neck"). A flashback to Alan having just finished recording the will and about to be fatally stung by a bee ("Time"). Steinberg rants at the cat for being a lousy actor and as a bonus, a Paul and Jamie scene is dubbed with Italian dialogue ("Puma"). The subtitles reveal we're listening to a couple arguing about infidelity, escalating to her shooting him multiple times. On screen, Jamie's pointing the phone at Paul. I dunno, I guess it was meant as a teaser for the French speaking in "Silent". Finally, in "Silent," Paul and Jamie have breakfast as Stomp performs.
-- As the 1998-99 season kicked off, MAY faced Home Improvement, JAG, King of the Hill, Moesha and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The show kicked off an NBC Tuesday lineup also featuring Encore! Encore! (Nathan Lane's short-lived sitcom), Just Shoot Me!, Working and Dateline. By the time this batch ended in mid-November, Encore! Encore! was gone! gone! and JAG was leading the 8 p.m. hour.
-- Ratings Roundup: A range of 10.2 and fifth place for "Season" to 7.4 and 10th place for "Time."
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