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| Party from Hell |
Well, it finally happened. For weeks I have been bitching and moaning about LMN missing out on Top Pick due to the cable network not releasing trailers for their original movies and therefore costing them the fabled, some would even call it mythical, "Top Pick Bump." Apparently my cries into the void managed to make it through because this week not only did LMN give us a trailer, they gave us a trailer to what might be the greatest LMN movie ever: Party From Hell. This film seemingly has it all: crazy female serial killer with crazy serial killer eyes and a cast of characters that is completely oblivious to crazy female killer's obvious crazy-serial-killer-ness. Congrats LMN and prepare yourselves for the highest rated LMN original movie in the history of the genre.
Outside of the Top Pick there's a lot of girl power going on this week:
1. Disney+ has a Billie Eilish concert special that will certainly appeal to people who like Billie Eilish.
2. Netflix has a "cute-teenage-girls-caught-up-in-a-mystery-when-one-of-them-vanishes" show called Pretty Little Liars Dive Club.
3. Paramount+ has a new dance film called The J Team starring JoJo Siwa, who is apparently a YouTube and reality TV star, so of course I have no idea who she is.
4. Last we have a new version of Cinderella from Amazon. It's a musical that appears to be using only pre-existing pop songs, because if you're going to do a musical, why write original songs? There is also Billy Porter as the Fairy Godmother, which would seem far more subversive if a gay black man hadn't already played the same role in a porn version of the story I saw way back in the mid-90s (I don't remember the title but Google "Cinderella, porn, milk man" and it will probably come up). Also Cinderella (who goes by "Ella" in this version because she's into the whole brevity thing) is now a dress designer who is trying to start her own business and wants to go to the ball to show off her designs, not to meet some stupid prince.
So, yeah... I'm probably not the target audience for any of these.
Oh, and Michael Keaton, Amy Ryan and Stanley Tucci star in Worth. In a just world this would have been the Top Pick, but this is not a just world. Best to rip off that band aid right now.
TOP PICK
⭐ 💀 Party from Hell✔️ (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'Denise is a loving mother and wife running a successful startup, when she hires a professional party planner with a personal vendetta who turns her world upside down. Stars April Martucci, Jackie Moore, Nicolette Langley, Matt Pohlkamp, Eric FUCKING Roberts, Nicholas Heard.'
PREMIERES
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| Cinderella |
🎥 Cinderella✔️(Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) 'From Kay Cannon (Pitch Perfect), Cinderella is a modern movie musical with a bold take on the classic fairytale. Our ambitious heroine (Camilla Cabello) has big dream and with the help of her Fab Godmother, she perseveres to make them come true. Cinderella has an all-star cast including Idina Menzel, Minnie Driver, James Corden, Nicholas Galitzine, Billy Porter and Pierce Brosnan.'
🎵 The Masked Singer Japan (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Like the U.S. version and others around the world, the Japanese take on The Masked Singer will feature 12 masked celebrity performers signing recent pop hits as a judging panel tries to figure out who they are.'
🔔 The D'Amelio Show (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'From relative obscurity and seemingly normal life to being thrust into the Hollywood limelight almost overnight, the D’Amelios are faced with new challenges and opportunities they could not have imagined.'
🚑 Doctor's Orders (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) LIMITED SERIES. 'Doctor's Orders wanders into the wild world of motorcycle gangs to explore the sordid truth behind a woman's planned murder, orchestrated by a husband who believed he was too powerful to get caught. With unique animation in place of recreation, informant Andrew Glick takes viewers through the fatally twisted tale of greed, murder, and municipal corruption. Set against the backdrop of America's opioid epidemic, Doctor's Orders exposes the underbelly of crime with a well-respected doctor at the forefront.'
🎵 Happier Than Ever: A Love Letter to Los Angeles (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'GRAMMY(R) Award-winning and chart-topping artist Billie Eilish will make her Disney+ debut with "Happier than Ever: A Love Letter to Los Angeles," a cinematic concert experience. Fresh off the heels of her brand-new album, "Happier than Ever," the Disney+ original will feature an intimate performance of every song in the album's sequential order - for the first and only time - from the stage of the legendary Hollywood Bowl. Directed by Robert Rodriguez and co-directed by Oscar-winner Patrick Osborne.'
👙 Dive Club (Netflix, 3:01 AM)✔️ SERIES PREMIERE. 'On the shores of Cape Mercy, a skillful group of teen divers investigate a series of secrets and signs after one of their own mysteriously goes missing.'
💰 Money Heist (Netflix, 3:01 AM) FIFTH SEASON PREMIERE. 'Eight thieves take hostages and lock themselves in the Royal Mint of Spain as a criminal mastermind manipulates the police to carry out his plan.'
🦈🐕🦺 Sharkdog (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Half shark, half dog with a big heart and a belly full of fish sticks! Together, Sharkdog and his human pal Max can take on any silly or messy adventure.'
🎥 Worth (Netflix, 3:01 AM)✔️ 'In the wake of the Sept. 11 attacks, a lawyer faces an emotional reckoning as he attempts to put a dollar value on the lives lost. Based on real events. Starring Michael Keaton, Stanley Tucci and Amy Ryan.'
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| Worth |
🎥 The J Team (Paramount+, 3:01 AM)✔️ 'When their beloved dance studio undergoes a change in management, JoJo and her friends learn that individuality and sparkle are the keys to victory as they prepare and compete for the top prize at the All-Star Regional National Dance Competition.'
🎵 Bitchin': The Sound and Fury of Rick James✔️(Showtime, 9:00 PM) 'A raw and intimate documentary look at the wildly colorful life of legendary funk artist Rick James from acclaimed Director Sacha Jenkins. Original interviews with artists, collaborators and friends focus on the “punk-funk” music James left behind while illuminating his fearless attitude, social justice advocacy and bold musical aspirations. Featuring rare footage of James’ incredible live shows and never-before-seen home video.'
🐕🦺 CBS News Sunday Morning: The Pet Project (CBS, 10:00 PM)
STREAMING
🔔 Mr. Corman (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Funeral"
👀 See (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Forever"
🔔 Ted Lasso (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Headspace"
🔔 Truth Be Told (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "If Wishes Were Horses"
🔔 Explained (Netflix, 3:01 AM) TBA
SPORTS TONIGHT*
🏈 College Football: North Carolina at Virginia Tech (ESPN, 6:00 PM)
🎾 2021 US Open Tennis: Third Round (ESPN2, 6:00 PM)
🏈 College Football: Duke at Charlotte (CBSSN, 7:00 PM)
🎾 Primetime at the U.S. Open (ESPN2, 7:00 PM)
🏌️♂️ Solheim Cup Opening Ceremony (Golf, 7:00 PM)
🏈 High School Football: Lake Gibson (FL) vs. Lowndes (GA) (ESPNU, 8:00 PM)
🏌️♂️ 2021 TOUR Championship: Second Round (Golf, 8:00 PM)
🏈 College Football: Michigan State at Northwestern (ESPN, 9:00 PM)
🏃♂️ 2020 Tokyo Paralympics: Track and Field, Wheelchair Tennis, Canoe/Kayak, Sitting Volleyball (NBCSN, 10:00 PM)
🥊 Bellator MMA: Bellator 263: Pitbull vs. McKee (Showtime, 10:00 PM)
*Sporting Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.
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| The J Team |
EARLY PRIMETIME
💲 America Says (Game Show Network, 7:00 PM) "Classic Rock Fans vs. the Chavez Family"
🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL
🔨 Secret Celebrity Renovation (CBS, 8:00 PM) "Boomer Esiason" - 'Sports analyst and NFL MVP Boomer Esiason heads home to the Long Island, N.Y., neighborhood where he grew up to renovate the home of Sal Ciampi, his high school football coach and father figure.'
🔔 Burden of Truth (CW, 8:00 PM) "The Homecoming" - 'The return of her client's missing daughter; Joanna sees an opportunity to restart the case against the mine; she and Billy investigate further; it's clear nothing about the Oro North mine is as it seems.'
🤼♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM)
👮♂️ The First 48: Catching a Killer (A&E, 8:00 PM) "Caught Up" - 'When a 21-year-old father is gunned down in a parking lot in broad daylight, Louisville Detective Keith Roberts begins investigating one of the most brazen murders he has ever seen.'
🐟 River Monsters: Deadliest Man-Eaters (Animal Planet, 8:00 PM) "Australian Aquatic Terror" - 'In Australia, a chainsaw-like predator and freshwater shark terrorize its rivers, and Jeremy Wade must battle treacherous conditions and encounters a real-life Crocodile Dundee to solve a two-decade mystery.'
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) "Winter's Fortune: Trapped" - 'Dave Turin prospects virgin ground on a snow-covered claim in Idaho. Fred Lewis explores an underground river in search of gold. Dustin and Carlos battle deep snow and brutal weather at McKinley camp.'
💀 Killer Siblings: Williams/Bevers (Oxygen, 8:00 PM) 'Telling the twisted stories of some of the most maniacal siblings in history through exclusive interviews and firsthand accounts.'
🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL
🎭 Great Performances (PBS, 9:00 PM) "Yannick -- An Artist's Journey" - 'The rise to prominence of conductor Yannick Nézet-Séguin, music director of The Metropolitan Opera.'
🔔 The Greatest #AtHome Videos (CBS, 9:00 PM) "Max in the Neighborhood" - 'Actor Max Greenfield drops by to share some unforgettable viral videos; Cedric introduces two new video categories.'
🔔 Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) "Stars Make You Smile" - 'Fallon remains hyper-focused on Fallon Unlimited but realizes she needs some time with Liam; Kirby returns to the Manor and begins to make amends with those she hurt; Culhane and Jeff form a new partnership.'
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| Dive Club |
👮♂️ Cold Case Files (A&E, 8:00 PM) "Missing in Altoona" - 'When Sherry Leighty goes missing in 1999, her family is left wondering how a dedicated mother of three could vanish without a trace; a decade later, the cold case heats up when Sherry's sister launches a social media campaign.
🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives (Food Network, 9:00 PM) "Cookin' From Scratch" - 'Guy Fieri's diving into scratch-made specialties; in Houston, there's a real-deal Italian pasta, plus a funky joint is putting out pizza topped with a surprising combo; a scenic spot in Hawaii is cooking up a comforting chicken pot pie.'
👻 Ghost Adventures (Travel, 9:00 PM) "Terrorizing the Staff" - 'Zak and the crew visit a Colorado museum where an ominous presence is threatening the health of its staff; they then head to Idaho to investigate satanic activity at a former school.'
💖 Love After Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) "Life After Lockup: Love at Second Inmate?" - 'Shawn awaits his new inmate's release; Amber fears the worst when Puppy goes M.I.A.; Brittany gets conned by a non-con; John surprises Kristianna; Ray has doubts when Britney's mom refuses to meet him.'
🔔 Dino Hunters (Discovery, 9:05 PM) "The Race is On" - 'With winter looming, Clayton and Luke race to excavate two massive trike skulls, while the Harris-Bolan crew searches for a crucial missing femur for their rare ceratopsian; on the Abercrombie Ranch, Andre discovers a mother-lode of Ice Aged bones.'
🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL
💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 10:00 PM) "The House" - 'A daughter finds her father, a former FBI agent, murdered at his house; police dig into the man's past and begin to think the key to the mystery might be quite close to home.'
🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 'One-on-one, in-studio interview with Washington Post investigative journalist Craig Whitlock; in-studio panel discussion with Katty Kay and Ralph Reed.'
💖 Put a Ring on It (OWN, 10:00 PM) "Bust Pipes or Make Diamonds"
👻 Surreal Estate (Syfy, 10:00 PM) "Baba O'Reilly" - 'As Luke considers quitting paranormal clients, he encounters a house that changes his perspective.'
🤼♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 'As Darby Allin readies to face CM Punk at the pay-per-view, he'll first have to get through Daniel Garcia; with Sting and 2.0 on the outside, anything can happen.'
👮♂️ American Justice (A&E, 10:01 PM) "Shots Fired" - 'On October 20, 2014, white Chicago PD Officer Jason Van Dyke fatally shoots 17-year-old African American Laquan McDonald in an act that he and the Chicago PD called self-defense.'
LATE NIGHT
🔔 The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actress Helen Mirren; writer Kenya Barris; Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds perform.'
🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 'RuPaul guest hosts; actress Thandiwe Newton; actress Izzy G.; Belly performs.'
🔔 The Late Show With Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 'Actress Emily Blunt; sportscaster Bob Costas.'
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)
🔔 The Late Late Show With James Corden (CBS, 12:37 PM) TBA
🔔 Late Night With Seth Meyers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Author Cecily Strong; actor Patton Oswalt; Jeff Bowders sits in with the 8G Band.'
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| Bitchin': The Sound and Fury of Rick James |
Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO Binge
📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 5:45 AM - 1:00 PM); ER (Pop, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 8:00 AM - 11:00 AM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 8:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Living Single (TVONE, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Friends (TBS 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); House (Pop, 1:00 PM - 8:00 PM); King of Queens (CMT, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law and Order (Sundance, 1:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Bones (TNT, 3:00 PM - 5:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 8:00 & 8:30 PM); Mom (CMT, 8:00 PM - 1:00 AM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:05 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 & 9:30 PM); Coach (Antenna, 11:30 PM)
📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Comic Don Rickles; actor Eli Wallach; author Colleen McCullough; Lou Brock.'
More TV Listings: The Futon Critic; Zap2it
Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
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