We still have a few more days of Olympics to go before we can stop caring about the Olympics again. In the meantime, Netflix is here with The Swarm, which is NOT a remake of the 1978 classic (i.e., terrible) Michael Caine-led killer bees movie, but rather a well-reviewed (100% on Rotten Tomatoes as of this morning) allegorical French film about locusts. I mean, they are blood-thirsty locusts, but it's French, so I'm sure it's very classy.
Elsewhere, Amazon has "Val," a documentary assembled from footage shot by Val Kilmer throughout his life, and S.O.Z. Soldiers or Zombies, which appears to be South of the Border Walking Dead. We've also got a new Apple TV series starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt that no one will watch because no one has Apple TV, an Israeli revenge thriller series about a tour guide with a certain set of skills, and an animated film featuring songs written and performed by Lin-Manuel Miranda.
The Lifetime Movie Network also has a new movie, but once again I couldn't find a trailer so it never had a shot at Top Pick. Apparently things are going well enough at LMN that they don't need the fabled "Top Pick Bump." Enjoy that 0.0 rating, LMN.
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| The Swarm |
TOP PICK
🎥 The Swarm (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A single mother breeds locusts as high-protein food, but has trouble getting them to reproduce — until she finds they have a taste for blood. Starring Suliane Brahim, Sofian Khammes and Marie Narbonne.'
PREMIERES
🎥 Val (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) 'Val Kilmer, one of Hollywood's most mercurial actors has been documenting his life and craft through film. He has amassed thousands of hours of footage, from home movies made with his brothers, to time spent in iconic roles for blockbuster films like Top Gun & Batman. This raw and wildly original documentary reveals a life lived to extremes and a heart-filled look at what it means to be an artist."
🔔 S.O.Z. Soldiers or Zombies (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'To avoid extradition, the charismatic and unpredictable drug lord, Alonso Marroquín, escapes prison in Mexico to hide in the middle of the desert. While on the other side of the border, a United States Army experiment with pigs in a military base, goes wrong and the Mexican police unit going after Marroquín gets infected, transforming into a new breed of zombies with special abilities. The army and this new species converge in Marroquín’s hideout, where the battle for survival begins.'
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| S.O.Z. Soldiers or Zombies |
🔔 Madagascar: A Little Wild (Hulu, 12:01 AM, Peacock 3:01 AM) FOURTH SEASON. 'Wrapped up in the endearing humor and physical comedy that made the Madagascar movies so popular, Madagascar: A Little Wild is a CG, musical comedy series featuring Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman as young residents of a rescue habitat in the Central Park Zoo. Like everybody who lands in New York, these kids have big dreams and big plans. The series celebrates being yourself, never giving up, and pursuing your dreams with abandon, no matter the size.'
🔔 Mr. Corman (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'With better luck, better choices, better posture... Josh Corman could've been a rock star. Now he teaches fifth grade, and though he loves his students, he still struggles to find happiness and meaning in a world that sometimes feels short on both. Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt.'
🔔 For the Love of Kitchens (Discovery+, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Paul O'Leary, Helen Parker and Robin Mclellan - together with their team of exceptionally skilled artisans - design and craft beautiful kitchens for deVOL, a design company based in a 16th century water mill in the heart of the English countryside.'
🍴 Ranch to Table (Discovery+, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Seventh-generation cattle rancher and entrepreneur Elizabeth Poett tackles the work of running her family's 14,000-acre ranch while crafting regional dishes using her own fresh ingredients.'
🔔 Hit & Run (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'A man searching for the truth behind his wife's death becomes caught up in a dangerous web of secrets and intrigue stretching from New York to Tel Aviv.'
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| Hit & Run |
🔔 Navarasa (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'From amusement to awe, the nine human emotions of Indian aesthetic theory are explored in this anthology series.'
🎥 Vivo (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A music-loving kinkajou embarks on the journey of a lifetime to fulfill his destiny and deliver a love song for an old friend. Starring Lin-Manuel Miranda, Ynairaly Simo and Zoe Saldana.'
🎥 Death, She Wrote (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'Lila, a famous author, hires Mary, a personal assistant, to work out of her home. Little does Lila know that Mary is actually a deranged fan intent on taking over this author’s life. Over time, Mary manages to convince Lila that she is losing her mind, until Lila finds herself trapped in her own home under Mary’s controlling “care.” Mary even assumes Lila’s identity behind the scenes, taking over everything from writing to corresponding with her agent, and eventually plans to murder her the same way that Lila plans to murder a main character in her upcoming book. Samora Smallwood, Paula Brancati star.'
👽 Ancient Aliens (History, 9:00 PM) 17TH SEASON PREMIERE. "The Lost City of Peru" - 'Giorgio A. Tsoukalos, David Childress and William Henry examine a recently discovered lost city in Peru that has upended the historical timeline of South America, revealing that civilization emerged thousands of years earlier than previously thought.'
STREAMING
🔔 Making the Cut (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. TBA
🔔 Home Before Dark (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "The Biggest Life"
🔔 Physical (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Let's Get Together"
🔔 Schmigadoon (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Tribulation"
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| Ted Lasso |
🔔 Ted Lasso (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Do the Right-est Thing"
🔔 The Mysterious Benedict Society (Disney +, 3:01 AM) TBA
🚀 Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Disney+, 3:01 AM) TBA
💖 Love Island (UK) (Hulu, 3:01 AM) "Episode 29"
OLYMPIC-SIZED DUMP*
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| Sydney McLaughlin sets world record and wins gold in 400m Hurdles (2020 Olympics) |
CNBC: Women's Volleyball: Serbia vs. U.S. (12:00 AM); Track Cycling (2:00 AM); Men's Water Polo (2:30 AM); Track Cycling, Handball (8:00 PM); Beach Volleyball (9:00 PM); Modern Pentathlon (10:00 PM); Beach Volleyball (10:30 PM); Baseball, Bronze Medal Game: TBA vs. Dominican Republic (11:30 PM)
Golf: Women's Round 3 (3:00 AM); Women's Round 3 (4:00 AM); Women's Round 3 (6:00 AM); Women's Round 4 (5:00 PM); Women's Golf, Final Round (6:30 PM)
NBC: Canoe/Kayak, Women's Basketball (12:05 AM); Women's Basketball: United States vs. Serbia (12:30 AM); Skateboarding, Diving, Track and Field, Beach Volleyball (2:30 AM); Canoe/Kayak, Equestrian, Artistic Swimming, Rhythmic Gymnastics, Volleyball, Sport Climbing (12:00 PM); Track and Field, Marathon, Diving (8:00 PM)
NBCSN: Women's Water Polo: Spain vs. Hungary (12:40 PM); Men's Volleyball: France vs. Argentina (2:00 AM); Track and Field (3:30 AM); Rhythmic Gymnastics (5:15 AM); Men's Soccer, Bronze Medal Match: Mexico vs. Japan (7:00 AM); Women's Soccer, Gold Medal Match: Sweden vs. Canada (9:00 AM); Men's Water Polo (11:00 AM); Table Tennis (12:00 PM); Equestrian (2:45 PM); Women's Basketball (4:15 PM); Women's Soccer, Gold Medal Match: Sweden vs. Canada (6:00 PM); Women's Beach Volleyball (8:00 PM); Women's Basketball (9:00 PM); Men's Water Polo (10:30 PM); Women's Soccer, Gold Medal Match: Sweden vs. Canada (11:30 PM)
USA: Rhythmic Gymnastics (12:30 AM); Diving (2:00 AM); Women's Handball: France vs. Sweden (4:30 AM); Track Cycling (5:30 AM); Women's Field Hockey: Netherlands vs. Argentina (6:00 AM); Artistic Swimming (7:30 AM); Women's Volleyball: Brazil vs. South Korea (8:00 AM); Women's Basketball: United States vs. Serbia (10:00 AM); Women's Handball (12:00 PM); Track Cycling (1:30 PM); Wrestling, Boxing, Karate (2:45 PM); Sport Climbing (5:00 PM); Women's Marathon (6:00 PM); Diving (9:00 PM); Rhythmic Gymnastics (10:40 PM); Canoe Sprint (11:45 PM)
*Olympic Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.
NON-OLYMPIC SPORTS TONIGHT*
🥍 Athletes Unlimited Lacrosse (CBSSN, 5:00 PM) 'From Maryland SoccerPlex in Boyds, Md.'
🐮 2nd Annual World Championship Cow Chip Throwing Contest (ESPN2, 5:00 PM) 'The cow chip. Fragrant, nutrient-rich, and… aerodynamic. The country's greatest cow chip hurlers meet once again in Beaver, Okla., the best-smelling town in the panhandle, to fight for the title of champion.'
🎸 2021 US Air Guitar Championships (ESPN2, 6:00 PM) 'The National Finals of the 2021 US Air Guitar Championships. Top performers from across the country battle it out for the national title belt, as they compete to become the greatest air guitarist in all the land.'
⚾ MLB Baseball: New York Mets at Philadelphia Phillies (ESPN, 8:00 PM) 'From Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia.'
🌽 Cornhole: ACL Celebrity Throwdown (ESPN2, 9:00 PM) 'From Rock Hill Sports and Event Center in Rock Hill, S.C.'
🐮 PBR Bull Riding: PBR Wrangler Long Live Cowboys Classic (CBSSM, 11:00 PM) 'From Sacramento, Calif.'
🏃♂️ 2021 World Chase Tag American Championship (ESPN2, 7:00 PM) 'High-octane chasing action as some of the fastest, most agile Parkour athletes in the U.S. battle it out to decide which team will be crowned the WCT USA 2021 Champions.'
🏀 NBA Summer League Basketball: San Antonio Spurs vs. Memphis Grizzlies (ESPNU, 7:00 PM) 'From Vivint Smart Home Arena in Salt Lake City.'
🏀 NBA Summer League Basketball: Jazz Blue vs. Jazz White (ESPNU, 9:00 PM) 'From Vivint Smart Home Arena in Salt Lake City.'
*Sporting Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.
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| Valerie Allman wins gold in Discus (2020 Olympics) |
EARLY PRIMETIME
💲 Common Knowledge (Game Show Network, 5:30 PM) "Godparents vs. Jamming Foodies"
💲 America Says (Game Show Network, 7:00 PM) "Event Planners vs. Chorus Buddies"
🔔 The Patrick Star Show (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) "Squidina's Little Helper" - 'The Patrick Star Show is interrupted by a most peculiar stench.'
🔔 Middlemost Post (Nickelodeon, 7:30 PM) "The Tooth Hurts; The Middlemost Toast" - 'Parker accidentally loses one of Russell's teeth and hurries to find a replacement before Angus finds out; on Free Toast Day at the Middlemost Toast, Parker does whatever it takes to make sure Angus enjoys the holiday.'
🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL
🔨 Secret Celebrity Renovation (CBS, 8:00 PM) "Lauren Alaina" - 'Country singer-songwriter Lauren Alaina helps transform the Georgia home of her former cheerleading coach, Susan Bradley, who helped her stay grounded when her career took off at age 15.'
🔔 Burden of Truth (CW, 8:00 PM) "Breaking Points" - 'Joanna searches for her client's long-lost daughter to protect her client's legal interests and keep the case alive; Billy Crawford calls on an unexpected expert to help him examine the accident scene.'
🤼♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM)
🐟 River Monsters: Deadliest Man-Eaters (Animal Planet, 8:00 PM) "African Mauling Menace" - 'On the shores of Mekong, Jeremy Wade sets off determined to have a face-to-face encounter with a monstrous fish; in Africa, Jeremy returns to the Okavango Delta to capture a pack-hunting carnivore responsible for mauling victims on a capsized boat.'
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) "Winter's Fortune: Bigger Is Better" - 'Tony battles the Klondike winter to secure an excavator; Fred searches for the motherlode in Nevada.'
🔔 Nick Shorts Showcase (Nickelodeon, 8:00 PM) "The History of the Casagrandes; K-Pop Dance Battle." - 'Featuring The Casagrandes.'
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| Team USA sets world record and wins gold in 4x100m (2020 Olympics) |
🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL
🎵 Icon: Music Through the Lens (PBS, 9:00 PM) "On the Cover" - 'Photographers who shot some of the most memorable front covers in music photography reveal the unknown stories behind these iconic photographs.'
💖 Love Island (CBS, 9:00 PM) "Episode 323"
🔔 Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) "Go Rescue Someone Else" - 'Fallon confides in Anders that she is worried that she hasn't heard from Liam; Blake becomes enraged when he finds what Adam has been keeping from him; a tragedy strikes the Carringtons.'
🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives (Food Network, 9:00 PM) "Triple D Nation: Intercontinental Cuisine" - 'In Lahaina, Hawaii, the Fieri family revisits a funky noodle joint; in Chicago, an Italian eatery cranks out calamari and a Korean-American burger joint goes crazy with kimchi.'
🐕🦺 Cesar Milan: Better Human, Better Dog (Nat Geo Wild, 9:00 PM) "Canine Quarantine" - 'Cesar rehabilitates an aggressive pit bull and an over-excited Bernedoodle.'
👻 Ghost Adventures (Travel, 9:00 PM) "Spirits of the Epidemic" - 'Zak and the crew investigate whether residual energy might be responsible for strange phenomena at an amusement park in Oregon.'
💖 Love After Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) "Walk of Shame" - 'Daonte is stunned when he catches Nicolle with her ex; Rachel freaks when Doug shows his true colors; a former prison guard confronts her lover; Stan's apology brings on a sexy reunion; Jeff reveals a secret that could crush Anissa.'
🔔 Dino Hunters (Discovery, 9:04 PM) "Duckbill Buffet" - 'Clayton and Luke begin to excavate the deep overburden that covers the Tyrannosaurus rex site; while Mike Harris travels to Utah to prep the Cowboy rex skull, Aaron, Jake and Tori think they're on a bucket-list discovery at the Duckbill site.'
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| Athing Mu wins gold in 800m (2020 Olympics) |
🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL
🎵 Classic Albums (PBS, 10:00 PM) "Pink Floyd -- Dark Side of the Moon" - 'A look at Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" includes interviews with Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Richard Wright and Nick Mason.'
🎵 Skyville Live (CMT, 10:00 PM) "Melissa Etheridge"
🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 'One-on-one, satellite interview with Donna de Varona, two-time Olympic gold medalist in swimming; in-studio panel discussion with Ben Shapiro and Tavis Smiley.'
🐕🦺 Cesar Milan: Better Human, Better Dog (Nat Geo Wild, 9:59 PM) "Front of the Pack" - 'Cesar helps an emotional support dog and one with a dangerous habit.'
💖 Put a Ring on It (OWN, 10:00 PM) "Vision of Marriage"
👻 Surreal Estate (Syfy, 10:00 PM) "A House Is Not a Home" - 'The Roman Agency takes on a haunted master-planned subdivision and a troubled house by the sea.'
👽 Ancient Aliens: Declassified (History, 10:03 PM) "Shapeshifters & Star Gods" - 'Accounts of creatures that can change from one form into another can be found throughout history; striking similarities between the ancient stories and modern-day alien abduction accounts suggest that shapeshifters may have come from another world.'
💰 Gold Rush: Freddy Dodge's Mine Rescue (Discovery, 10:06 PM) "Last Chance Gold" - 'After losing his job, Fred Dickinson enlists the help of Freddy and Juan to rescue his homemade operation, tap into one of Arizona's richest gold veins and provide for his young family of seven.'
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| Jade Carey wins gold in Floor Exercise (2020 Olympics) |
LATE NIGHT
🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 'Hosted by Anthony Anderson; rapper Offset; actor Henry Golding; Robin Thicke performs.'
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)
Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO Binge
📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 5:45 AM - 1:00 PM); ER (Pop, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 8:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Living Single (TVONE, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Friends (TBS 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); House (Pop, 1:00 PM - 8:00 PM); King of Queens (CMT, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law and Order (Sundance, 1:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Bones (TNT, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 8:00 & 8:30 PM); Mom (CMT, 8:00 PM - 1:00 AM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:05 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 & 9:30 PM); Coach (Antenna, 11:30 PM)
📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Actor Ricardo Montalban; Laura Bergt; TV personality Uri Geller.'
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| April Ross and Alex Klineman advance to semifinals in Beach Volleyball (2020 Olympics) |
More TV Listings: The Futon Critic; Zap2it
Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
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