What's On Tonight (Friday): Amy. Angie. Angie. Amy.

 

The Woman in the Window and For Those Who Want Me Dead

TOP PICK(S)

⭐ 🎥 Those Who Wish Me Dead✔️(HBO Max, 3:01 AM) 'Angelina Jolie stars in this suspenseful thriller as Hannah, a smoke jumper reeling from the loss of three lives she failed to save from a fire, who comes across a traumatized 12‐year‐old boy with nowhere else to turn.'

⭐ 🎥 The Woman in the Window✔️ (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Confined to her home by agoraphobia, a psychologist becomes obsessed with her new neighbors — and solving a brutal crime she witnesses from her window.'  Starring Amy Adams, Gary Oldman and Anthony Mackie

It's a night of ass-kicking female stars!  Well, one ass-kicking female star trying to save a child from bad guys in the middle of a forest fire, and one female star that's a homebound agoraphobe suffering from hallucinations who may have witnessed a murder.  In conclusion, tonight's Top Picks is a land of contrasts.

PREMIERES

The Underground Railroad

🔔 The Underground Railroad✔️ (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) 'From Academy Award winner Barry Jenkins and based on the Pulitzer Prize-winning novel by Colson Whitehead, "The Underground Railroad" is a new series that chronicles Cora Randall's desperate bid for freedom in the Antebellum South.  After escaping a Georgia plantation for the rumored Underground Railroad, Cora discovers no mere metaphor, but an actual railroad beneath the Southern soil.'  LIMITED SERIES.  I had to look this one up because the concept of a literal underground railroad helping runaway slaves is nutty, but apparently it's a really good book.  I missed it because there were no spaceships or the words "Stephen" and "King" on the cover.

🔔 Halston (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'His name built an empire. His style defined an era. American fashion designer Halston skyrockets to fame before his life starts to spin out of control.'  SEASON ONE.  Vanity Fair already posted an article on May 11 about Halston's family being upset with this show.  It's good to be proactive when it comes to complaining about how a real life person from your family is depicted in a Ryan Murphy miniseries.

👻 Haunted (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Real people sit down with friends and family to share terrifying true stories from their past, re-created through chilling re-enactments.'  SEASON THREE.  They need to stop chilling the reenactments.  Actors need warmth too.

🔔 High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "New Year's Eve"  SEASON TWO PREMIERE.  Color me surprised there was a SEASON ONE.

🔔 Love, Death & Robots (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Terrifying creatures, wicked surprises and dark comedy converge in this NSFW anthology of animated stories presented by Tim Miller and David Fincher.'  VOLUME TWO.  You know how you can tell this show is a rebel?  It uses VOLUME instead of SEASON.  Fuck your rules!

🔔 Move to Heaven (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Finding life in all that's left behind, a trauma cleaner with Asperger's and his ex-con uncle deliver the untold stories of the departed to loved ones.'  SERIES PREMIERE.  This sounds like the idea for a CBS show from literally any CBS era you choose, BUT it's actually a Korean import so it's okay to enjoy it.

🎥 Alma Matters: Inside the IIT Dream (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Directed by Pratik Patra and Prashant Raj and produced by Dopamine Media & Entertainment Pvt Ltd, Alma Matters aims to delve into the world of IIT Kharagpur, which is dominated by overwhelming competitiveness, inherent sexism, a fight to "preserve identity", and also an undying spirit to overcome challenges.'  I wasn't sure what IIT Kharagpur was but after reading the rest of the description I correctly guessed it was a tech school.  Five points for me, I guess.

🎥 Ferry (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Before he built a drug empire, Ferry Bouman returns to his hometown on a revenge mission that finds his loyalty tested — and a love that alters his life.'  This is a spin off of a show I am completely unfamiliar with because we live in the era of PEAK TV.

🎥 I Am All Girls (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A relentless detective finds common ground with a killer systematically targeting the perpetrators running a powerful child-trafficking ring.'  Sounds like the plot of a late series episode of Dexter, and we all know how we feel about late series episodes of Dexter.

🎥 Jungle Beat: The Movie (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'When a lost and lonely alien crash-lands on Earth, his new crew of talking animal friends helps him get back home — and try to save the world!'  This Netflix movie is a spin-off of an Amazon Prime series.  Pretty sure the entwining of streaming services is a sign of the end times.

🎥 The Strange House (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'When a big-city family moves to a remote town, two young brothers and their new friends try to solve the menacing mystery that haunts their home.'  You know why there aren't any movies about a small-town family that moves into a haunted house in the big city?  Because simply being in a big city is enough to terrify most small town folk.

🔔 The Queen Carries On - A Gayle King Special (CBS, 8:00 PM) 'The extraordinary life and reign of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II; interviews with former President Barack Obama, Sir Paul McCartney, photographer Mary McCartney, journalist Tina Brown, Lady Anne Glenconner and royal commentator Wesley Kerr.'  I know there's a built-in audience for all things "Royal" but I have never understood the appeal given that you know they're just biding their time before attempting to reclaim the rebel colonies. 

🎥 Mommy's Little Con Artist (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'A woman links the death of her husband to a devious mother-and-daughter tandem.'  I'm really regretting not splicing shots from this into the Top Picks GIF.  Let's just say I did and see if anyone notices.

🌈 Pride (FX, 8:00 PM) "1950s: People Had Parties" - 'A revealing look at the vibrant lives lived by queer people in the '50s amidst a steep rise in governmental regulations against the LGBTQ+ community; Sen. Joseph McCarthy, who ushered in an era of government-sanctioned persecution, led the charge.'  SERIES PREMIERE.  This is the first of three episodes showing tonight and the last three will air next week.  After that, FX be not proud.

💕 Black Love (OWN, 10:00 PM) 'Filmmakers Codie and Tommy Oliver interview married couples, who talk about how their relationships began, the road to the altar, life after children, and all of the challenges they face while striving to make their marriages stronger than ever.'  SEASON FIVE PREMIERE.  Do you like your love like how I like my coffee?

STREAMING

The Mosquito Coast

🦟 The Mosquito Coast✔️ (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Bus Stop" - 'The Foxes seek refuge in an opulent hacienda, where a family’s all-powerful matriarch sees them as pawns in her own game.'  The episodes of this show increasingly sound like episodes of the 1985 CBS series, "Otherworld."  Remember "Otherworld?"  It's back!  In Mosquito Coast form.

🔔 Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "#yumyum" - 'Ian and Poppy work separately on the expansion, Jo helps C.W. deal with his publisher, and Brad sets out to fund a romantic partner for David.'  If I had Apple TV+, I would probably be watching this show.  Unfortunately none of their other shows interest me.  So, Apple: get to work on that.

🏒 The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "Change on the Fly"  Fake synopsis: The Ducks join Mando in a last attempt to save Grogu from Moff Gideon who is attempting to get the Ducks to throw the big game.

🏀 Big Shot (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "This is Our House"  I just read this show was created by David E Kelley and Brad Garrett.  That's a much more interesting pedigree than I would have expected.

🚀 Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "Episode 103"  I watched the first two episodes.  If you like Clone Wars or Rebels, you'll probably enjoy this.  I was a little put off by the introduction of a child as a central character but I didn't like Ahsoka at first either and now I'm super excited for her series.

👻 Haunted Hospitals (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) "Episode 104" Are there really so many haunted hospitals in the world to justify a whole series?  I ask questions like that of different shows a lot these days.

👻 Paranormal Caught on Camera (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) "Episode 412" Fake synopsis: This week Paranormal is caught on camera voting to remove Liz Cheney from her leadership role.

🍴 Magnolia Table with Joanna Gaines (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) "Episode 206" Fake synopsis: Joanna and Magnolia Table go undercover as prostitutes in an attempt to free their cousin who has been enslaved by a local Denny's.

EARLY PRIMETIME

The Loud House via Giphy.com

⚽ College Soccer: NCAA Tournament: Marshall vs. North Carolina* (ESPNU, 6:00 PM) 'First Semifinal.'  First obligatory sports pick.

⚾ College Softball: SEC Tournament, Second Semifinal: Teams TBA* (ESPN2, 6:30 PM) 'From Rhoads Stadium in Tuscaloosa, Ala.'  Second obligatory sports pick.

🔔 The Loud House✔️ (Nick, 7:00 PM) "Rumor Has It; Training Day" - 'Lincoln and the gang are trapped in the woods with Mr. Bolhofner, who may not be who he says he is; Lana gets more than she bargained for when she takes on Stella.'  Loud house.  In the middle of our street.  Loud House.  Was our castle and our keep.

🔔 Cornhole: ACL Pro Shootout, Semifinals* (CBSSN, 7:00 PM) 'From Erie, PA'  Who will be crowned the next Great Cornholio?

🔔 The Barbarian and the Troll (Nick, 7:30 PM) "When Dragons Cry" - 'To get the dragon's tears needed for Axe, the group must first visit a magical marketplace, where Stacey's meeting with a witch finally reveals Brendar's complicated backstory.'  Is this show good?  I'm always on the look out for kids shows that I can ruin with my toxic adult fandom.

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

Gold Rush via Giphy.com

🦈 Shark Tank (ABC, 8:00 PM) 'An innovative system which helps create a custom pillow based on sleep profiles; a fun alternative to a traditional sport; a grilling product idea; an idea stretches the boundaries of what it means to wear functional shoes with ease.'  That pillow idea sounds like a genuinely good one if it actually works, which means it probably doesn't.

🔔 The Blacklist (NBC, 8:00 PM) "Ivan Stepanov" - 'Red tries desperately to rescue an old friend at all costs while Liz and Townsend conduct an interrogation.'  Remember when James Spader pimped out Robert Downey, Jr because Downey owed Spader drug money?  This is where you reply with whether you liked that movie or not and I respond, "Movie?"

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) Fire up that loud.  Another round of shots.  Smackdown for what?

🧙‍♀️ Charmed (CW, 8:00 PM) "Spectral Healing" - 'The gang discover a letter from their mother that may hold answers to burning questions; Harry considers a life-changing decision; Jordan's goodwill gets him into trouble.'  Are they going to use the original Marvin Gaye recording or a cover?  Who am I kidding?  It's CW.  Of course they'll use a cover.

🐟 River Monsters: Deadliest Man-Eaters (Animal Planet, 8:00) "Monster Adversaries" - 'Jeremy Wade's pursuit of the famous Loch Ness monster takes him to the volcanoes of Iceland; in Bolivia, Jeremy investigates the disturbing case of a flesh-eating beast that tore a man's face off.'  I bet you all the Ocean Monsters guys just laugh and laugh at Jeremy Wade, but he'll get his revenge.

💰 Gold Rush✔️ (Discovery, 8:00) "Enter the Promised Land" - 'The team finally gains access to the potential motherlode in the Hummocks; as soon as the crew begins, Box Creek is hit by a huge snowstorm, and Jason makes an alarming discovery.'  Does Discovery have any cross over plans for Gold Rush and Bering Sea Gold?  Sort of a Real World/Road Rules situation?  

🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 8:00 PM) "King and Queen of M'Orlando" - 'David gets to stay at home as he helps lucky newlyweds find their dream home in Orlando, Fla; after winning $1 million on their anniversary, this couple are seeking a two-story house in which they can feel like royalty overlooking the neighborhood.'  That last part really kind of killed any possibility of me liking these people.

🏠 Happily Wherever (HGTV, 8:00 PM) "Family Ties or Unleashed Adventure?" - 'A recently married couple is eager to purchase its first home and plant roots; having the freedom to live anywhere, the couple is torn between staying near family and friends in Los Angeles or making a radical move to Colorado.'  Move to Colorado.  You can always make more friends (and relatives are overrated).

💀 An Unexpected Killer (Oxygen, 8:00 PM) "Second Chance to Kill" - 'Police searching for the killer of a beloved grandfather find the murderer close to home wielding a shocking weapon.'  If this is their second chance to kill then it's not completely "unexpected."

🔔 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? (TLC, 8:00 PM)  "More to Love: Forgiving Is Not Forgetting" - 'With bonus scenes; Michael finds out about the breast reduction; Jovi's mom criticizes Yara; Kalani's sister is skeptical of Asuelu; Andrei confronts Charlie; Julia worries about her immigration status; Tiffany's mom questions Ronald's commitment.'  That's far too many names for anyone to have to remember.  If I have to watch a reality TV show I better not have to work for it.

⚽ College Soccer: NCAA Tournament: Indiana vs. Pittsburgh* (ESPNU, 8:30 PM) 'Second Semifinal.'  Third obligatory sports pick (Cornhole doesn't count because I would have included it anyway because Cornhole.)

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

Great Performances: The Arts Interrupted

🎭 Great Performances: The Arts Interrupted✔️ (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'Spotlighting the performing arts and how the industry was impacted by closures and challenges that occurred due to COVID-19.'  When the Arts do return I hope it's with the knowledge that people would prefer anything that has nothing to do with the pandemic, but you just know there's going to be a glut of pandemic-inspired navel-gazing crap.

🔔 Blue Bloods (CBS, 10:00 PM) "The End; Justifies the Means" - 'After Danny discovers his nephew has been working under cover within a gunrunning organization for the ATF and his cover may be blown, the Reagan family bands together to prevent him from being killed in the line of duty like his father.'  TWO-HOUR SEASON FINALE.  Only the fruit of Tom Selleck's loins can save the day now.

🔔 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) "A Wanted Man" - 'The question of a surgeon's whereabouts remains unanswered for five years after he disappears while on vacation in the Greek Islands with his wife, leaving behind financial ruin and mounting malpractice suits from patients in the U.S.'  The surgeon faked his death.   I saved you from having to sit through two hours of Dateline.  You're welcome.

🔔 Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) "Vows Are Still Sacred" - 'It's Fallon and Liam's wedding day and Blake sits her down for a father-daughter talk; Sam makes a sweeping romantic gesture; Adam hosts an unexpected visitor.'  Is this show about the kind of rich people who have their wedding receptions at Mar-a-Lago or is it about classy rich people?

🏀 WNBA Basketball: Phoenix Mercury at Minnesota Lynx* (CBSSN, 9:00 PM) 'From the Target Center in Minneapolis.'  Third obligatory sports pick.

🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives (Food Network, 9:00 PM) "New Faces and Old Places" - 'Guy Fieri is checking out a mix of familiar places and new faces; in Miami, Guy and a couple buddies hit up a Haitian place for the first time; in Oakland, he finds a vegan version of Creole classics.'  More interesting episode synopsis: Guy goes to a Haitian restaurant where is he receives a voodoo curse that forces him to go eat at a vegan restaurant.  Might take a little creative editing but I'm pretty sure we can make this storyline happen.

💀 Dancing With the Devil (ID, 9:00 PM) 'Jealousy turns into raging violence when a young woman decides to focus all her attention into her love of dance.'  Wasn't this the plot of Honey?

💕 Ready to Love (OWN, 9:00 PM) "Opposites Attract" - 'Tommy challenges the ladies to step outside their comfort zones and date someone who isn't their top choice; love triangles smoldering since the start are revealed, igniting jealousy among the women and the men.'  Speak of these reality show participants as they are; nothing extenuate, nor set down aught in malice.  Then must you speak of people who lov'd not wisely but... well, let's just end it there.

👻 Ghost Adventures (TRAV, 9:00 PM) "Eternal Sentences" - 'Zak, Nick and Aaron face evil spirits inside the infamous Ohio State Reformatory; then, the team seeks out the spirit of a serial killer at a lighthouse in the middle of Long Island Sound.'  Now I want a movie about a bunch of people trapped at an isolated lighthouse getting picked off by a ghost serial killer.  I just came up with that and yet Guillermo del Toro is already attached to direct.

🤮 Mama June: From Not to Hot (WE, 9:00 PM) "Road to Redemption: Another Pumpkin in the Oven" - 'Pumpkin keeps her pregnancy a secret; Josh is forced to call in a favor to get a new job; Alana's health issues worsen; Mama's blown away by a big surprise; as Ella's birthday approaches, unlikely guests are invited.'  The best way to keep your pregnancy secret is by doing a reality TV show.  I'm sure whoever she is trying to keep this a secret from will never be the wiser.

🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 'Eighteen years after being convicted of his pregnant wife's murder, Scott Peterson may receive a new trial.'  Remember when Dean Cain played Peterson in a TV movie about the killing?  That was enough to convince me he was guilty.

🌈 Pride (FX, 9:03 PM) "1960s: Riots & Revolutions" - 'Even before Stonewall, Pride took root in the 1960s; lesser-known heroes played an integral role in the advancement of the movement; through activism and protest, the LGBTQ+ community struggled for rights, acceptance and equality.'  I don't know who created this show but this seems like the kind of thing that only Ken Burns does well.

💰 Bering Sea Gold (Discovery, 9:07 PM) "Papa's Got a Brand New Dredge" - 'Shawn must get the remastered Myrtle Irene onto the water. Zeke bets on himself by helping on Vernon's claim. Emily hopes to add to her all-star squad. Kris and his sceptic crew finally head to Elim.'  Second obligatory "reality show about people looking for gold" pick.

🏀 NBA Basketball: New Orleans Pelicans at Golden State Warriors* (ESPN, 9:30 PM) 'The Warriors and Pelicans play the rubber match of their season series. The clubs split a pair in the Big Easy on May 3 and 4. Stephen Curry (GS) is averaging 26.3 points in 32 games versus New Orleans after totaling 78 points in those two tilts.'  Penultimate obligatory sports pick.

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

We Are Family: Songs of Hope and Unity

🎭 We Are Family: Songs of Hope and Unity✔️ (PBS, 10:00 PM) 'Conductor Luke Frazier leads The American Pops Orchestra and musical guests in a range of songs to bring people together.'  As a fan of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend I am happy to see Gabrielle Ruiz continue to work.

🧛‍♂️ Van Helsing (Syfy, 10:00 PM) "Sisterhunt" - 'Violet and Ivory go on the run from Fort Collins with the now vulnerable Sisterhood; Violet risks everything to keep the amulet out of The Dark One's hands.'  One thing I know about anyone called The Dark One is they should always be kept far away from any kind of amulet.

🤮 Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) - Interview: Neil deGrasse Tyson; The Panel: Max Brooks and Dan Carlin.  An interesting mix of guests.  Too bad they're all talking to Bill Maher.

💀 The First 48: Playing With Fire (A&E, 10:01 PM) "A Bad Run-In; Inferno" - 'In Tulsa, Okla., a barrage of gunfire kills a man while he's sitting in his car, with his 2-year-old daughter in the back seat; an elderly Atlanta man is burned alive in a building fire suspected to be arson; contains bonus footage.'  A man killed in front of his toddler daughter and a man burned to death?  Congratulations First 48, you have now officially earned the skull emoji.

🌈 Pride (FX, 10:03 PM) "1970s: The Vanguard of Struggle" - 'Archival footage; personal testimonies and interviews show how the 1970s helped forge a national movement; from the first Gay Pride march, to the rise of artists like filmmaker Barbara Hammer and poet Audre Lorde; opposition from the religious right.'  Third obligatory Pride pick.

⚾ College Softball: UCLA at Arizona* (ESPNU, 10:30 PM) Final obligatory sports pick.

*Sporting Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.

LATE NIGHT

🔔 A Black Lady Sketch Show (HBO, 11:00 PM) "My Booty Look Juicy, Don't It?"

🔔 The Late Show With Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 'Actors Billy Crystal and Tiffany Haddish; The Black Keys perform.'

🔔 The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:35 PM) 'Chance the Rapper; actor Fred Armisen; Alan Jackson performs.'

🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM) TBA

Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO

The Golden Girls via Giphy.com

📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:15 AM - 1:00 PM); ER (Pop, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Golden Girls✔️ (Hallmark, 7:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Living Single (TVONE, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Friends (TBS 11:00 AM - 4:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); King of Queens (CMT, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Bones (TNT, 3:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 8:00 & 8:30 PM); Mom (CMT, 8:00 PM - 1:00 AM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 & 9:30 PM); Coach (Antenna, 11:30 PM) 

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Comic Richard Pryor; actor Chevy Chase; actress Marilyn Sokol; actor James Hampton.'

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION

🚀 Final Space✔️(Adult Swim/HBO Max) 'Final Space is a serialized intergalactic space saga about an astronaut named Gary and his adorable, planet-destroying friend, Mooncake. Follow their adventures as they embark on a quest to unlock the mystery of Final Space, the place where the entire universe ends.'  I saw this show mentioned on this very site by someone who wasn't me and I decided to check it out.  I am very glad I did.  It's hilarious (particularly the second season - one scene early on had me laughing so hard I thought I was going to stroke out) but like many of my favorite comedies it also has an underlying sadness.  The animation is nicely done and occasionally inspires moments of genuine beauty.  If you're still not convinced then check out the absolutely stacked voice cast: Steven Yuen, Tom Kenny, Fred Armisen, Keith David, Jane Lynch, Claudia Black, David Tennant, Conan O'Brien, Alan Tudyk and many others.  If I was to compare it to anything I would say it's like a cross between Farscape and Rick & Morty.  Hopefully the fan base isn't as bad as the latter's.  Mooncake wouldn't stand for that toxic shit.

More TV Listings: The Futon Critic; Zap2it

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included