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| Daddy's Perfect Girl |
TOP PICK
PREMIERES
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| Tom Clancy's Without Remorse |
🔔 Tom Clancy's Without Remorse✔️ (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) 'The explosive origin story of action hero John Clark - one of the most popular characters in author Tom Clancy's Jack Ryan universe. An elite Navy SEAL (Michael B. Jordan) uncovers an international conspiracy while seeking justice for the murder of his pregnant wife.' Does this John Clark grow up to become Willem Dafoe or Liev Schreiber?
🔔 The Mosquito Coast (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) 'From award-winning novelist Neil Cross, and based on the best-selling book by Paul Theroux which celebrates its 40th anniversary this year, “The Mosquito Coast” is a gripping adventure and layered character drama following the dangerous journey of a radical idealist and brilliant inventor, Allie Fox (played by Justin Theroux), who uproots his family for Mexico when they suddenly find themselves on the run from the US government.' Is anyone itching to see this?
🔔 22 vs Earth (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'This new short is set before the events of Soul and will sees Tina Fey reprising her role as 22. Directed by Kevin Nolting, this short will explore why 22 is so cynical and why she's so reluctant to go to Earth.' I'm pulling for Earth.
🔔 The Innocent (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'An accidental killing leads a man down a dark hole of intrigue and murder. Just as he finds love and freedom, one phone call brings back the nightmare.' That must be one heck of a phone call.
🎥 The Disciple (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Self-doubt, sacrifice and struggle converge into an existential crisis for a devoted classical vocalist as the mastery he strives for remains elusive. Executive Produced by Alfonso Cuaron.' I really hope there's some explosions in there somewhere.
🎥 The Mitchells vs The Machines (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A robot apocalypse put the brakes on their cross-country road trip. Now it’s up to the Mitchells — the world’s weirdest family — to save the human race.' I'm pulling for the Machines here.
🐶 Pet Stars (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Follow talent management company Pets on Q as they work with the biggest animal influencers on social media in this reality series.' Pets on Q is an unfortunate name.
🐶World's Funniest Animals: Spring Fling (CW, 8:00 PM) 'Elizabeth Stanton hosts this springtime special featuring the funniest animal videos the internet and beyond has to offer, including messy mutts, cheeky cats, baby bunnies and baby chic fashion shows.' If YouTube has taught us anything it's that clips of animals doing funny things do not need a host.
💰 Bering Sea Gold (Discovery, 9:00 PM) 'With new claims up for grabs, old faces return to Nome's wild west as Mr. Gold launches his biggest season. Kris' Elim plan hits a hiccup. Vernon hustles to assemble his dream team. Emily searches for her own claim.' How long before a Deadliest Catch crossover event?
STREAMING
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| The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers |
🦸♂️ Invincible (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) "107" SEASON FINALE. Last week's episode ended with Omni Man about to explain to Invincible what the hell is actually going on. This week I am assuming the episode will begin with Omni Man explaining to Invincible what the hell is actually going on.
🏒 The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers✔️ (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "Spirit of the Ducks" The Ducks get a Ouija Board and raise the ghosts of all the kids from the original movie that were killed by Emilio Estevez.
🏀 Big Shot (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "TCKS" I looked up what TCKS means and the only thing I could find was "Third Culture Kids." Not sure that's what they were going for.
👽 Paranormal Caught on Camera (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) This week Paranormal is caught on camera threatening to call the cops on some black kids because Paranormal is hella racist.
👽 Ghost Adventures (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) Ghost and the gang head to Tennessee where Ghost hopes to reconnect with it's long lost father while the rest of the gang ends up on stage at the Grand Ole Opry.
🍴 Magnolia Table with Joanna Gaines (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) Joanna and Magnolia Table attempt to break up a human trafficking ring.
EARLY PRIMETIME
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| via Giphy.com |
🏈 2021 NFL Draft (ABC & ESPN, 7:00 PM) 'Coverage of Rounds 2 and 3 of the draft from Cleveland.' The Draft wouldn't go on so long if they'd stop using all those open air stadiums.
⚾ College Baseball: Vanderbilt at Florida* (ESPNU, 7:00 PM) 'From Alfred A. McKethan Stadium in Gainesville, Fla.' I doubt Cornelius Vanderbilt would be happy to know his namesake institution has lowered itself to playing baseball in Gainesville.
🧽 Spongebob Squarepants (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) "Plankton's Intern" - 'Plankton needs help stealing the formula, so he hires an intern who knows more about Mr. Krabs than anyone.' Directed by Nancy Myers.
🔔 2021 World Women's Curling Championship: United States vs. Scotland*✔️ (NBCSN, 7:00 PM) 'From Calgary, Alberta.' Never let it be said that What's On Tonight isn't educational or are you going to pretend you knew that the US Women's Curling team is in the world championships?
🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL
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| MacGyver via Giphy.com |
🔔 MacGyver✔️ (CBS, 8:00 PM) "Abduction + Memory + Time + Fireworks + Dispersal" - SEASON FINALE - 'Mac and Riley go missing and wake up 24 hours later in a cornfield with no memory of how they got there; they must unravel the mystery and find out how to get rid of the nanotrackers in their bodies, no matter the cost.' The GIF above is the first time I've really looked at the current actor playing MacGyver. Is he 12?
🔔 The Blacklist (NBC, 8:00 PM) "The Russian Knot" - 'The task force hatches a plan to steal a Soviet-era cipher machine needed to decrypt coded messages; Townsend puts Liz's loyalty to the test; Red and Dembe are called to an unexpected meeting.' Please let the unexpected meeting be with Denny Crane.
🤼♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) I get smacked down. But I get up again. You're never gonna keep me smacked down.
🐟 Tanked: Sea-Lebrity Edition (Discovery, 8:00) "Home Run Tanks" - 'MLB hitters Johnny Damon and Prince Fielder get ATM to decorate their big league mansions; Prince needs a tank to complete his man cave; Johnny wants two tanks for his family's home.' Giant custom fish tanks seems like a sensible investment for the risk-averse major league ballplayer.
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00) "Good Man Down" - 'To help boost production, Dave gives gold room operator Jesse Goins the opportunity he's been waiting for, to become a first-time rock truck driver. But all work stops when the crew faces a sudden and unimaginable tragedy.' I'm assuming we're close to the end of the season what with Bering Sea Gold starting up. I just find it hard to believe there is enough of a market for two of these things.
💀 An Unexpected Killer (Oxygen, 8:00 PM) "Gone Without a Trace" - 'A divorced mother of three is stabbed to death while recovering from major surgery, but police are frustrated by a lack of evidence, until a startling admission reignites the case.' That last bit would seem to indicate that there was at least one "trace" available to the investigators.
🔔 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After? (TLC, 8:00 PM) "More to Love: Be Careful What You Wish For" - 'With bonus scenes; Angela heads out on a life-changing trip despite Michael's wishes; Andrei's big ask threatens the family business; Brandon and Julia escape the farm; Asuelu wants to be the man of his own house; Natalie questions Mike's commitment.' Not nearly enough names in this synopsis.
🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL
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| International Jazz Day 10th Anniversary Celebration |
🎭 International Jazz Day 10th Anniversary Celebration✔️ (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'A review of the 10 years of historic International Jazz Day concerts that featured a wide range of music performers from around the world, including Herbie Hancock, Stevie Wonder and Annie Lennox.' I like Annie Lennox and Sting as much as the next guy but not sure why either of them would be part of a Jazz celebration.
🔔 Magnum, PI (NBC, 9:00 PM) "Before the Fall" - 'Magnum's uncle visits and reveals a shocking secret about Thomas' mother; TC asks Higgins for help when he realizes he may have witnessed a potential murder from his helicopter; Higgins decides it's time to tell Ethan the truth about her past.' Oo! Oo! Higgins is Magnum's mom! I'm calling it now!
🔔 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) "Killer Role" - 'After filming wraps on an indie horror movie, the cast members learn their lead actress is not who she says she is and has been charged with killing her uncle.' They managed to stretch this one out for two hours. So much for brevity being the soul of Dateline.
🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives (Food Network, 9:00 PM) "Pasta, Potatoes and Pescatarian" - 'On this trip, Guy Fieri is tasting everything from pasta to pescatarian grub; Vanilla Ice takes Guy to an Ecuadorian joint in Miami for standout ceviche; in Minnesota, a former DJ mixes it up with his take on scratch-made pasta and poutine.' Whatever you may think of Vanilla Ice, that guy has managed to turn being a one-hit wonder into a lifetime career. I mean, you don't see Deep Blue Something popping up on Chopped.
👽 Ghost Adventures (TRAV, 9:00 PM) "Ashes of the Dead" - 'Zak, Nick and Aaron uncover the secrets of Italy's Poveglia Island; the crew investigates Linda Vista Hospital in Los Angeles.' I'm unclear if this is the same episode of Ghost Adventures premiering on Discovery+ but I have no doubt Ghost has a enough adventures to fill 4 or 5 separate series. Maybe just 4.
🤮 Mama June: From Not to Hot (WE, 9:00 PM) "Road to Redemption: No Place Like Home" - 'Alana begs to stay longer in Florida with Mama, but things spiral out of control when Mama takes Alana apartment hunting; Josh struggles to hide Sugar Bear, who is camping out in the backyard.' "Spiral Out of Control" should be the title of Mama June's biography.
🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL
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| Wicked Tuna via Giphy.com |
🔔 Blue Bloods (CBS, 10:00 PM) "Fallen Heroes" - 'Jamie faces official reprimand from Frank when he refuses to explain why he contests the arrest report of a fellow officer who was assaulted in the field; Danny and Baez clash when their lead suspect for a murder is one of Danny's favorite comics.' If you're going to piss off the 'Stache you better damn well be able to explain yourself.
🧛♂️ Van Helsing (Syfy, 10:00 PM) "Lumina intunecata" - 'Jack faces off against the Dark One with a new ally whose allegiances may not be trusted.' Jack, unless your last name is Van Helsing, you probably shouldn't be facing off against anyone, especially a DARK anyone.
🐟 Wicked Tuna✔️ (NGC, 10:00 PM) "Start the Clock" - 'Fish fights so lengthy that they warranted a catch clock.' Fish Fights so lengthy they became a centerpiece in a John Carpenter film.
💀 48 Hours on ID (ID, 10:00 PM) "Murder at the Mall: The Michelle Martinko Case" - 'In December 1979, teenager Michelle Martinko went to the mall with friends in Cedar Rapids, Iowa ; later, she was found dead in her car; the case baffled the police for decades, until they got a break from evidence Martinko left behind.' If you tune into this hoping to find out this poor girl was murdered by mall security robots run amok then let me disabuse you of that notion right now.
🏐 Women's College Volleyball: NCAA Tournament: Texas vs. Kentucky* (ESPNU, 10:00 PM) FINAL. I'm sure Wilson would have preferred dying being beaten about by a bunch of athletic college age women than drowning in a storm while Tom Hanks screams at him.
📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Actor Charlton Heston; model Dorothy Stratten; comedian Bobby Kelton; Wally Mohrman.' I wonder what Heston was promoting other than murder sticks.
🤮 Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) Interview: Ben Sheehan; Panel: Nancy MacLean and Thomas Frank. All of these guests are more interesting than whatever the hell Sharon Osbourne was on about a couple weeks back.
🔔 The First 48: Streets Are Talking (A&E, 10:01 PM) "Cruel Summer" - 'Enhanced; includes bonus footage; in New Orleans, gunmen open fire on a porch, shooting four children and three adults; Detective Tim Bender turns to the community to help solve the case.' Hey guys! What are we going to call the episode that deals with a mass shooting that involved children? Hey, I know, let's name it after a Banarama song. That should give it the proper gravitas.
*Sporting Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.
Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO
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| The Jeffersons via Giphy.com |
📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:30 AM - 10:30 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 12:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); King of Queens (CMT, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); King of Queens (FYI, 12:00 PM - 12:00 AM); Bones (TNT, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 8:00 & 8:30 PM); Mom (CMT, 8:00 PM - 12:00 AM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 & 9:30 PM); Coach (Antenna, 11:30 PM)
BLAST FROM THE PAST
📺 🤣 Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law (HBO Max) 'Featuring ex-superhero Harvey T. Birdman of Birdman and the Galaxy Trio as an attorney working for a law firm alongside other cartoon stars from the 1960s and 1970s Hanna-Barbera cartoon series. Harvey's clients are also primarily characters taken from the Hanna-Barbera cartoon series of the same era.' With the premiere of Birdgirl it's time to look back on the show that started the whole Birdperson-verse. You get that thing I sent ya?
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More TV Listings: The Futon Critic; Zap2it
Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
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