What's On Tonight (Wednesday): Parenting is hard work, whodathunkit?

United We Fall (via Giphy)

Good day! Tonight's Top Pick is ABC's pretty bad summer family sitcom United We Fall. The show is about parents, Bill and Jo, raising two young daughters and learning as they go how parenting works. Yep, another one of those sitcoms about how hard (but funny) parenting is when you have no clue how to do it.The show tries way too hard to make really old comedy troupes funny. Um, show, they are never going to be funny. The two daughters are there for the occasion cheap laugh and the ABC-trademark of sentimental family feelings, but it is always never earned here. Jane Curtin co-stars as grandma, who has lots of thoughts on good parenting. So does Jo's brother Chuy. They always talk down to Bill and Jo.

Elsewhere, the Kevin Hart-John Travolta-Nathalie Emmanuel action-thriller Die Hart about making an action-thriller comes to an end, as do the Bulletproof undercovers and Amy Sedaris' happy homemaking. Despite the lack of the Olympics, HBO presents an Olympics health documentary while BET digs into the history of No Limit records. And not to be forgotten, the SHIELD team is back in 1983 and Hampton DeVille wants a new logo.

Oh boy, here's what's on television for tonight, Wednesday, July 29!

STREAMING & EARLY PRIMETIME

Die Hart (Quibi, 3 a.m.): SEASON FINALE. Tired of being the comedic sidekick, Kevin Hart, playing a fictionalized version of himself, has been on a quest to land an action-movie role. His acting school coach (John Travolta) is pretty intense and so is his classmate (Nathalie Emmanuel). In the finale, "a final showdown for Kevin will determine if he's truly got what it takes to be an action star."✔️

The Hater 🎥 (Netflix, 3 a.m.): In this Polish import, a young man searches for purpose in a net of hatred and violence that he tries to control.

Inside the World's Toughest Prisons (Netflix, 3 a.m.): SEASON FOUR. There are a lot of tough prisons in the world.

Ladhood (Hulu, 3 a.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. In this coming-of-age comedy from across the pond, Liam Williams explores the roots of modern-day masculinity, by delving into the memories of his own misspent adolescence.

Quantum Leap 📺 (Comet, 6 p.m.): Lee Harvey Oswald two-parter!

The Speed Cubers 🎥 (Netflix, 3 a.m.): A short documentary about the special bond -- and uncommon competitive spirit -- shared by the world's Rubik's Cube-solving record breakers.

THE GUEST LIST:
Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In 📺 (Decades, 7 p.m): Gene Hackman, Robert Goulet, and Sue Ann Langdon (21 Feb 1972)

FOR THE RECORD: 60 in 6 (Quibi, 3 a.m.); Bad Ideas with Adam Devine (Quibi, 3 a.m.); Don't Look Deeper (Quibi, 3 a.m.); Married at First Sight: Unfiltered (Lifetime, 7:30 p.m.); Was It Love? (Netflix, 3 a.m.)

Die Hart (via Giphy)

🕗 EASTERN / 🕖 CENTRAL

Caddyshack 🎥 (Paramount Network, 8 p.m.): A gopher causes problems at a golf course.

Monkeys of Bioko (Smithsonian Channel, 8 p.m.): SPECIAL. On the rainforest island of Bioko is the drill, one of the most endangered primates in the world. This special will uncover the secret life of these reclusive primates and track down the seasonal migration of the goby.

⭐ United We Fall (ABC, 8 p.m.): In an attempt to get their oldest daughter Emily interested in something other than her tablet, Bill and Jo enroll her in her Uncle Chuy's soccer clinic. Grandma Sandy's (Jane Curtin) infamous gift-giving habit gets out of hand. [*studio audience laughs*]

FOR THE RECORD: AEW: Dynamite (TNT); The Challenge (MTV); Married at First Sight (Lifetime); Te doy la vida (Univision); Tough as Nails 💲 (CBS); WWE NXT (USA)

🕘 EASTERN / 🕗 CENTRAL

Bulletproof (The CW, 9 p.m.): SEASON FINALE. Bishop, Pike, and the rest of the unit go off-book in an effort to bring down Alex and Mikey Markides once and for all. When Cockridge interferes, the raid goes disastrously wrong and the unit are left empty handed. Bishop and Pike will return.

No Limit Chronicles (BET, 9 p.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. This new docuseries tells the story of No Limit Records, its talents, and its rise and influence in hip hop music. It was founded by New Orleans native Percy "Master P" Miller. In Richmond, CA., Master P builds No Limit, combining brothers Silkk the Shocker and C-Murder with Mia X, Mr. Serv-On, and Beats By the Pound to land the best deal in music history.✔️

The Weight of Gold (HBO, 9 p.m.): SPECIAL. An exploration of the mental health challenges that Olympic athletes often face.

THE TOPIC & GUEST LIST:
Final 24 (AXS TV): Hunter S. Thompson

FOR THE RECORD: Build Me Up (HGTV); Cennet (Telemundo); Food Paradise (Cooking Channel); Forged in Fire (History); Guy's Grocery Games (Food Network); Impossible Engineering (Science); Médicos, línea de vida (Univision); The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo); Restored (DIY Network); See No Evil (Investigation Discovery); Ultimate Tag 💲 (Fox, season finale)

🕙 EASTERN / 🕘 CENTRAL

Agents of SHIELD (ABC, 10 p.m.): The team arrives back in 1983, where Nathanial and Kora are hard at work building an army. Daisy is tasked with protecting Jiaying, and the others quickly learn they'll need to face yet another supercharged former enemy to stop Malick.

At Home with Amy Sedaris (truTV, 10 p.m.): SEASON FINALE. From building a champagne tower with a world-renowned champagne glass engineer to discussing clocks with the local clocks man, Amy demonstrates how to prepare for the big countdown.✔️

Corporate (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Matt grows increasingly worried about Jake's bleak outlook on life. Hampton DeVille brainstorms a new company logo.

What the Shark? (National Geographic, 10 p.m.): SPECIAL. A look at sharks living deep in the ocean, where extreme adaptation is critical to survival.

FOR THE RECORD: Como tú no hay 2 (Univision); Enemigo íntimo (Telemundo); House Hunters/House Hunters International (HGTV); Marrying Millions (Lifetime); Mysteries of the Deep (Discovery Channel); Super Factories (Science)

At Home with Amy Sedaris (via Giphy)

🕚 EASTERN / 🕙 CENTRAL

THE GUEST LIST:
The Carol Burnett Show 📺 (MeTV): Kay Ballard and Steve Lawrence (16 Feb 1972)

FOR THE RECORD: Cash Cab 💲 (Bravo, 11:30 p.m.); Nightly Pop (E!, 11:30 p.m.); The Soup (E!); Vice News Tonight (Viceland)

💤💤😴💤💤

12 oz. Mouse (Adult Swim, midnight): Industry Man interrogates Rooster on the location of the missing Box of Worlds. Peanut Cop dies while freeing Mouse, Aria, and Eyeball from the laser cage. Meanwhile, the Castellica gets its orders from Melissa to save Mouse.✔️

12 oz. Mouse (via Tumblr)

LATE-NIGHT TALK & SATIRE

The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central, 11 p.m.)
The Dick Cavett Show 📺 (Decades, 9 p.m.): Bob Elliott, Ray Goulding, and Don Adams (6 Jan 1986)
Johnny Carson 📺 (Antenna TV, 10 p.m.): Angie Dickinson, Tommy Lasorda, and Dom DeLuise (31 Jul 1981)
Late Night with Seth Meyers (NBC, 12:36 a.m.): David Schwimmer
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 p.m.): Ice T, Jack Whitehall, and Charlie Wilson
Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (Bravo, 10 p.m.): Garcelle Beauvais and Sutton Stracke

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Note: All times are Eastern.

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; IMDb; TV Passport; Zap2it
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included

Happy watching, everyone!