Thoughts on Perfect

via Buzzfeed

(I wanted a GIF where both leads are embarrassing themselves.)

"I don't know, I don't think you can be objective, I mean, really objective, under any circumstances. It's like the Heisenberg principle of physics."

"Ah, yes."

"You know, the theory that we change things by observing them."

"Right."

"The idea is that to see something, you have to shed some light on it. And light alters what it shines on."

"Yeah, that's good. Very good point."

That's a mighty highfalutin' idea in the middle of Dry Humping: The Movie, isn't it? Perfect, directed and co-written by James Bridges in collaboration with Rolling Stone reporter Aaron Latham, is the epitome of trying too hard. The end result is like trying to do multiple parts of a workout at once. It's not only exhausting, it's (wait for it ...) less than perfect.

Adam (John Travolta) covers everything from news to lifestyles for Rolling Stone. He spends most of Perfect working on or dealing with the fallout from two stories. The first involves a businessman (Kenneth Welsh) claiming he was set up by the U.S. government on drug charges because he sought to get his computers behind the Iron Curtain. So, you know, John DeLorean definitely meets Steve Jobs presumably. Adam recorded his interview, kept the tapes* and won't give them up. They might have felt it, but at least the movie makers had the good taste not to include an on the nose line like, "McKenzie's not on trial, the First Amendment is."
*At the risk of losing credibility, I'll admit to getting rid of my notes and recordings as soon as I possibly can. It's partially for efficiency and partially because we were advised that our final articles, photos and videos should be the record of a story.

In between and alongside the serious story, we have Adam observing attitudes and denizens of the Sports Connection, an L.A. health club. Perfect was the last of Travolta's pop sociology movies** and it's also the least engaging. Not helping matters is that despite Adam's romance with near-Olympic swimmer turned "aerobics Pied Piper" Jessie (Jamie Lee Curtis) and the fact that it earns a Rolling Stone cover story, the relationship plot doesn't get enough care. There's ample opportunity to see Jessie getting folks into shape while trying to forget a messy, public but forgotten past (she had an affair with her coach, which was exposed in print), and Curtis and Travolta have an okay chemistry, but the whole thing's too flabby.
**The others, of course, are Saturday Night Fever and Urban Cowboy. Cowboy was another team up for Bridges and Latham. David Denby, reviewing Perfect: "Latham seems to have a distinct talent for spotting unimportant trends and then making too much of them."

"Do you think I care about my name? You spoke of Emerson, baby boomers and physical great awakening. All you did was write about people getting in each other's pants."
"Everything I wrote is true!"
"Everything the other reporter wrote about me was true, too, but it still hurts. It's not the truth I'm worried about, it's the tone, and hurting and using people. You're disgusting. How can you be nice to somebody like McKenzie and shit on Linda. What did she ever do to you or anybody else?"
"Nothing."
"What's wrong with wanting to be the best you can be? What is so wrong with wanting to be perfect? What's wrong with wanting to be loved?"

This moment wasn't as bad as I was anticipating, but it's undercut by Perfect's have-it-all-ways style. Adam, learning the next front cover's devoted to his fitness article and unable to get Jessie on record, writes an exploitative piece about gym bunnies Sally and Linda (Marilu Henner and Laraine Newman). Jessie reads, then deletes, it off his computer before bawling Adam out. Chastised, he goes back to earnest and pretentious, which is rejected by the powers that be. They slap his name on an even sleazier article, complete with information about Jessie. She realizes Adam's integrity is as intact as always when he accepts being thrown in jail for contempt of court rather that turn over his tapes. McKenzie's found not guilty, Adam's released and he and Jessie drive off together.

From the ridiculous to the acceptable ... Henner and especially Newman are terrific. I could easily see Linda's big scene after Sally gets engaged, where she's telling Adam about her plans to get plastic surgery and he realizes she's got deep self-esteem issues ("If you perfect yourself, you'll be loved, is that what you're saying?"), playing out on social media. A woman's inability to love herself is considerably more fascinating than a woman loving a male stripper (Mathew Reed as Roger, Sally's beau) or a throuple (Lee Nicholl as Jessie's roommate Jeff, involved with females Billy and Bobbie, played by Stacy and Tracy Bayne).

Perfect made this year's viewing schedule for a few reasons. A, I'd never seen it. B, I'd heard it was legendarily awful. C, I always like seeing movies about reporting. One of my biggest laughs came when photographer Frankie (Anne De Salvo) reveals what she's uncovered on Jessie. Ah, those pre-Google days when one would have to conduct research. The movie also serves as a timestamp for when Rolling Stone jumped the shark. With its co-founder and publisher doing the honors, no less. "In his lust for celebrity, (Jann) Wenner doesn't seem to realize how compromising the portrait of both him and his magazine is," Paul Attanasio wrote. Wenner, for whatever reason, played himself in everything but name. He's "Mark Roth."

If all goes according to plan, I'll be leaving my current job in one year from this Thursday. Nobody did anything wrong, it's just that I'm tired of being on a skeleton crew. I'd like to continue reporting, but it might finally be time to write the damn book, movie, play or TV series about my career to date. My big fear is that it'll turn out something like Perfect.

*Jessie has typed "Wanna fuck?" on Adam's computer*
"A good reporter would never get in bed with a subject."
"You keep forgetting something. I'm not your subject."
" ... You'd probably be a lousy interview."
"Probably."
"No opinions, no ideas."
"None."

Not Recommended.

Thoughts:

-- "You called me a sphincter muscle." "You are one."

-- Box Office: Grossing $12.9 million on a $20 million budget, this opened at No. 7 and came in at No. 67 for 1985. Just a reminder: this was apparently intended to be Columbia Pictures' summer blockbuster. Tom Holland has said he was basically left alone while making Fright Night because the studio devoted its attention to Perfect.

-- Critic's Corner, the movie: "Guilty of the sins it condemns -- superficiality, manipulation and smugness," Variety wrote. Denby: "A jumble of bluster, guilt and exploitation -- the result of basing a movie on a piece of journalism that was fluff to begin with."

-- Critic's Corner, the stars: "There's nothing wrong with Mr. Travolta that better material wouldn't cure," according to Vincent Canby. People felt he gave his best performance in years and applauded Curtis for "(shaking) our every grain of truth she can find in the script." Newman also got good reviews, singled out for "an emotional nakedness that leaves you agog" (Attanasio) and "expertly walking the line between hilarity and heartbreak" (People).
-- Didja Notice?: While Perfect is set in the summer of 1985, both the photos of Mick Jagger "taken by" Frankie and the issue with the Christie Brinkley cover and the article credited to Adam are from months apart in 1983.

-- Fanservice Junction: For half the audience, Charlene Jones as "Shotsy" the stripper. For everybody else, Reed. He not only had a hot body, he got to show it off in the Chippendales sequence.

-- Different Times: I'm not buying that Chippendales was a women-only establishment back then. Considering how sexuality has changed since 1985, Adam/Travolta looks especially awkward (read: closeted) talking to Linda through a door while the show's going on. There's an interesting double entendre in their dialogue. Linda says one of the waiters has "been on Merv Griffin." Adam says it doesn't surprise him, but it turns out that's the lead-in to talking personally with her.

-- Awards Watch: This received Golden Raspberry nominations with no wins for Travolta, Henner and the screenplay.

-- Memorable Music: The score remains at 21-13 in favor of songs written for movies. I can't honor anything played in Perfect. For the record, the soundtrack included artists like Jermaine Jackson (who sang with Whitney Houston on "Shock Me"), The Pointer Sisters, Lou Reed and for the second consecutive weekend, Dan Hartman.

-- Hey, It's ...!: Tom Schiller, Murphy Dunne, David Paymer, Boy George (possibly), Lauren Hutton (definitely) and Carly Simon. Denby questioned the idea that Rolling Stone was capable of writing non-fawning articles about stars like Carly. Looks like the claws really came out on ... Live at Five?

 Courtesy YouTube

I'd love to know more about this interview. Did it actually air as part of Live at Five or was it for WNBC's evening news? If it's the latter, why? Was it sweeps month? Was Chuck Scarborough auditioning for the part of Mike Wallace? Who on earth thought that was a good approach? What the hell did Carly do to Chuck before the cameras rolled? What'd she do after?

-- "I guess I'll go see if I can scare up a gang-bang."

-- Next Weekend: Prizzi's Honor: On deck: Cocoon, Return to Oz. Coming soon: St. Elmo's Fire.