What's On Tonight (Wednesday): Only a smartphone can dial this 911

Reno 911 (via Giphy)

Aloha! Tonight we spotlight a comedy revival as well as a new (and struggling) streaming service Quibi, the 100th* network to be highlighted with a Top Pick. I've mentioned Quibi before, but the newbie streamer had viewers figure out its release schedule. Very little info trickled down to TV tracking sites. One of the final high-profile (and fictional) offerings is the Reno 911! revival, which wraps up at the end of the week. The large cast is back in action, chasing the bad guys on the streets of Reno, Nevada. To watch it, you need a mostly up-to-date smartphone (not with an older OS). Episodes run between 5 and 10 minutes, and the picture adjusts to how you are watching an episode — landscape or portrait mode. Elsewhere, it's a night of proms and season finales for ABC's sitcoms, all of which have been Top Picks this season. ("Good job Amadeus3000." "Thanks!") Outside of those laughs, David Spade asks the wrong woman to a corporate retreat, Margo Martindale leads a National Women's Conference, Nova educates us on the COVID-19, Decades digs up a Jerry Stiller interview by Cavett, and Laszlo fears for his life. The tribe has spoken, here's what's on television for tonight, Wednesday, May 13!

STREAMING / EARLY PRIMETIME

Barkitecture (Quibi, 3 a.m.): A docuseries, which first premiered Monday, about builders of fancy schmancy dog houses for the canine 1%.

Mrs. America (Hulu, 3 a.m.): Bella Abzug (beloved Emmy-winning character actress Margo Martindale) is put in charge of the first ever government-funded National Women's Conference. Phyllis Schlafly (Cate Blanchett) and her women clash over how to best disrupt the conference.

Quantum Leap 📺 (Comet, 7 p.m.): Sam becomes a college student working in the family bomb shelter business on the eve of the Cuban missile crisis.

⭐ Reno 911! (Quibi, 3 a.m.): The gang is back! Dangle, Junior, Wiegel, Williams, Johnson, Jones, Rizzo, Kimball, etc. So far this season, they've handled a hostage situation, encountered a bachelorette party, considered the Space Force, and helped an old guy named Bernie. In this episode, Officer Weigel re-investigates a former crime scene and Officers Jones and Garcia respond to a sexual harassment call. If you wanna watch the barely-scripted show, see comments in the intro, though I imagine at least a few episodes will be posted on YouTube in the coming months. (The new comedy series The Now premieres next week.)

Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In 📺 (Decades, 7 p.m.): Frank Sinatra and Jonathan Winters guest star and sketches include the arrest of the Farkle family, a call to Gore Vidal, and the mod world of American tourists.

The Wrong Missy 🎥 (Netflix, 3 a.m.): David Spade meets the woman of his dreams and invites her to his company's corporate retreat, but realizes he sent the invite to the wrong person, Lauren Lapkus. The tagline: "There's no untexting her now."✔️

FOR THE RECORD: Tooning Out the News (CBS All Access, 3 a.m.); Useless Celebrity History (Quibi, 3 a.m., finale)

🕗 EASTERN / 🕖 CENTRAL

Bernie Blackout (Viceland, 8 p.m.): SPECIAL. An investigative deep dive into the corporate news media's coverage of Bernie Sanders' 2020 presidential campaign asks who actually gets a say in American politics. Because in this two-hour doc, it is definitely not Bernie.✔️

The Goldbergs (ABC, 8 p.m.): FINALE. Adam and Brea decide to go to prom together, but when Adam worries he won't be prom king, Beverly's actions jeopardize the event. Barry teaches Erica how to be compassionate and caring when Geoff's dad is in the hospital.

In the Cut (Bounce, 8 p.m.): When Kenny becomes superintendent of their apartment building, Smitty tries to take advantage of him. With business booming, Mabel brings a new server on board at the restaurant while a customer tries to cause trouble.

Rattlesnake Road Trip (Smithsonian Channel, 8 p.m.): SPECIAL. Rattlesnake rescuer Jules Sylvester travels the Wild West as he busts myths and rescues a few rattlers along the way.

Schooled (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): FINALE. "Lainey has a difficult choice regarding her relationship with Barry and her friendship with CB." No it's not, Lainey. Meanwhile, Coach and Julie are put in a tough parenting position when Toby is invited to prom as a freshman by a senior.

Spy in the Wild: A Nature Miniseries (PBS, 8 p.m.): The islands of the South Pacific include creatures such as the koala🐨, crab🦀, Komodo dragon🐉.

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): FINALE. The one winner to rule them all. To the others: please pack your knives and go... now, sashay away... your time's up... please turn in your minifigs and say goodbye... you are the weakest link... ashes to ashes, dust to dust, you're dead to us... TTYN... and that means you're out. Auf Wiedersehen. Season 40 is -30-!

FOR THE RECORD: AEW: Dynamite (TNT); The Big Interview with Dan Rather (AXS TV); Cennet (Telemundo); The Challenge (MTV); Making Good (BYUtv, 8:30 p.m.); Married at First Sight (Lifetime); The Masked Singer (Fox); My 600-Lb Life (TLC); The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo); Te doy la vida (Univision); WWE NXT (USA)

🕘 EASTERN / 🕗 CENTRAL

American Housewife (ABC, 9 p.m.): FINALE. Katie confronts a classmate's mom when she suspects Anna-Kat is being bullied. Meanwhile, Taylor sets out to complete the final item on her life skills checklist — teaching Greg to shoot a three-pointer — so she can attend her senior prom.

Motherland: Fort Salem (Freeform, 9 p.m.): In the aftermath of Citydrop, the unit comes closer together, while their distrust of Alder grows. Abigail is faced with eulogizing a fallen soldier, while Tally learns something new about Gerit.✔️

Nova (PBS, 9 p.m.): Doctors use strategery to stop the spread of COVID-19, and researchers work toward finding treatments and vaccines. This episode will also explore how the disease emerged, what it does to the human body, and how it became a pandemic. (Also suggested: Frontline's coronavirus episode and Discovery's Pandemic: COVID-19)

The Oval (BET, 9 p.m.): "Barry makes a shocking discovery." Barrack Obama guest stars! (Probably not.)

Single Parents (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): FINALE. Where did we leave off? Oh, yeah. Angie and Will... in bed. Angie struggles to recall the events of a wine-filled night of packing with Will. And Derek arrives to get Angie and her belongings.

FOR THE RECORD: 100 días para enamorarnos (Telemundo); Amor eterno (Univision); Borderforce USA (National Geographic); Building Giants (Science); Expedition Unknown (Discovery Channel); Ghost Hunters (A&E); Ghost Nation (Travel Channel); Guy's Grocery Games (Food Network); Property Brothers: Forever Home (HGTV); See No Evil (Investigation Discovery); Summer House (Bravo); The Wizard of Paws (BYUtv)

Motherland: Fort Salem (via Giphy)

🕙 EASTERN / 🕘 CENTRAL

Crank Yankers (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): Kevin Nealon, Jimmy Kimmel, and Paul Scheer crank yank.

Expedition with Steve Backshall (PBS, 10 p.m.): This Steve fella leads a team on a mission to make the world's first ascent of a remote mountain in Greenland. Remember when the United States was gonna buy Greenland?

Shark Tank (ABC): The sharks (with guest Rohan Oza) consider: a line of office products that makes working or learning more functional and eco-friendly, a safety product for saving lives, a healthy take on a favorite childhood drink, and "the future of restaurants," which I'm gonna guess doesn't account for what's been happening for the last two months.✔️

What We Do in the Shadows (FX, 10 p.m.): After a vengeful enemy from the past appears without warning, Laszlo flees his home and goes into hiding to avoid certain death.

FOR THE RECORD: Bizarre Foods: Delicious Destinations (Cooking Channel); Celebrity Ghost Stories (A&E, finale); Como tú no hay 2 (Univision); Deadly Recall (Investigation Discovery); Destination Fear (Travel Channel); Drug Lords: The Next Generation (National Geographic); House Hunters/House Hunters International (HGTV); Jay Leno's Garage (CNBC); Mega Machines: Sea Giants (Science); La reina del sur 2 (Telemundo); Ridiculousness (MTV); Seat at the Table with Anand Giridharadas (Viceland); Vintage Voltage (Motor Trend)

Shark Tank (via Giphy)

🕚 EASTERN / 🕙 CENTRAL

Liar (Sundance TV, 11 p.m.): FINALE. Laura takes drastic measures to find the person who's framing her and where he's hiding. The shocking truth of what happened on the morning Andrew died is finally revealed.✔️

FOR THE RECORD: Cash Cab 💲 (Bravo, 11:30 p.m.); Genius x Fuse (Fuse); Savage Hunters (Motor Trend); Vice News Tonight (Viceland)

Liar (via Tumblr)

Late-Night Talk & Satire

Conan at Home (TBS, 11 p.m.): Luke Wilson
The Daily Social Distancing Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central, 11 p.m.)
The Dick Cavett Show 📺 (Decades, 9 p.m.): Jerry Stiller (18 Mar 1995)
The Dick Cavett Show 📺 (Decades, 9:30 p.m.): Anne Meara (11 Feb 1995)
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (TBS, 10:30 p.m.)
Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 p.m.): Bill Murray
Johnny Carson 📺 (Antenna TV, 10 p.m.): George Carlin and Richard Pryor (20 May 1981)
The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 a.m.): Daisy Edgar-Jones, Paul Mescal, and Leslie Odom Jr.
Late Night with Seth Meyers (NBC, 12:37 a.m.): Andrew Cuomo and Glenn Close
A Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 p.m.): Hugh Laurie and Benjamin Gibbard
Lights Out with David Spade (online)
The Tonight Show: At Home Show (NBC, 11:34 p.m.): David Spade, Kathryn Hahn, Horatio Sanz, and The Killers
Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (Bravo, 11 p.m.): June Diane Raphael and Denise Richards

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Note: All times are Eastern.

Key Sources: The Futon Critic (outline); Zap2it (descriptions); TV Passport (throwbacks)
⭐: Top pick(s)
💲: Game show
📺: Throwback
🎥: Movie
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
*While I count this as #100, it most definitely is a higher number. There are several dozen WOT Top Picks without a network attached because they were movies from our Disqus channel days, and I didn't save them in time. I'm sure Whistler picked stuff on obscurities like MoreMax, IndiePlex, and The Movie Channel.

Happy watching, everyone!