via IMDB
"Why is my sister so dumb?"
"How is she dumb?""She falls in love like it's dish night at the movies. If they're not deadbeats, they're crazy. If they're not crazy, they're married. If they're not married, she's not interested."
"What does that mean, 'dish night at the movies?'"
"People went to the movies, they gave them dishes."
"Why?"
"Because it was the Depression."
"I love how you know things."
-- Let's start with a rundown of the supporting players, because this was an interesting batch for them. Selby is gone for good. Fran and Mark are added to the opening credits (if they were there before, I didn't notice). Lisa gets her strongest episode to date. Ira's appearing more often, while Burt debuts and Sylvia's still in the realm of vividly described off-screen characters. Finally, Ryan Devanow disappears for the next four years.
-- My crown goes to "Love Among the Tiles," a great episode for Reiser, Hunt and director Linda Day. Intending to go to the Devanows' Valentine's party -- as the happy couple and role models for Fran's unattached friends -- the Buchmans end up trapped in the bathroom when the doorknob falls off. Sally Lapiduss & Pamela Eells get an awful lot of mileage out of the concept. Paul and Jamie try emulating MacGyver, running into the door, karate ... Jamie ends up backing out of being used as a battering ram at the last second. At the party, Lisa is alone until she and guest Andrew (Gregory Paul Martin) are literally struck by Ryan's rubber arrows.
-- What's the entertainment like in a bathroom, you ask? Paul and Jamie go from discussing the history of Valentine's Day (with the reveal he forgot to buy her a card), to his painting her toenails while she asks what he thinks of a Victoria's Secret model. "You mean you never fantasize about me in one of these outfits?" "Sweetie, right now my biggest fantasy would be you in a tool belt on the other side of this door." Jamie, on the other hand, has no problem admitting she thinks a male model's good-looking. She also comes up with the idea that they can eat Tums. "These have precious nutrients." "Their bodies were found dead, but mysteriously loaded with calcium."
-- After Paul wonders about bringing books with him on a desert island -- Do they have to be ones he liked, or ones he never read, because he could end up hating those? -- Jamie reveals she's gotta go. And she doesn't want Paul to see her. "Come on. I do it in front of you." "I know, and I hate it." Later on, she briefly gives him a facial before they try some of the cream. It's yucky for her while he says it tastes very much like chicken. Eventually, they have lackluster sex -- neither the earth nor the bathmat moved -- and share the grand, romantic gesture of splitting the last Tums. Sweetly, they lock arms and feed each other a piece.
-- Coming in second is "Swept Away," directed by Day with a script by Steve Paymer. Jamie's getting involved in Lisa's love life. "Will you tell her what men think when girls give in on the first date?" "Yippee?" That evening, Jamie reveals she's in tune with her sister's body and feelings. She knows Lisa's having sex, but denies having had an orgasm. "You're not faking it in reverse, are you?"
-- Lisa's hopeless for Michael (Charles Shaughnessy), spelling out his name with baby corn and wearing false eyelashes to make an impression. Jamie, of course, dislikes the idea of Lisa out of her hair and is completely opposed to the couple moving in together. Lisa is never going to be able to learn to take care of herself until Jamie lets her do so, Paul points out. Jamie says she can't help it, she's protective. But protection from something good is not protection, he continues. Jamie's got to butt out.
-- Things come to a head at the pre-moving party, a slightly successful affair. Jamie's insistence on helping with the packing, as well as her mini quiches, are rejected. Paul learns that everyone in Jamie's circle loved him when they were going out. Mark gets handcuffed to the radiator. Michael may or may not be a black widower, having lost three wives to lightning, drifting out to sea and the bulls at Pamplona. "Finally, a guy who likes to do things." Out on the fire escape, the sisters have a heart to heart. Lisa wants Jamie to stop being the big sister. She lives by closing her eyes and leaping, while Jamie's running around with the net. For the first time, she's happy. And able to joke about Michael taking her to the Grand Canyon next month.
-- The Total Filmmaker: Paul tries to claim video rentals as deductible, saying it's an education expense. Jamie wonders what he could have learned by watching Pumping Irene ("Swept").
-- You know who wrote about being a total filmmaker? Jerry Lewis, headliner of "The Billionaire." Written by Sally & Pam and directed by Day, this is an episode that just keeps from riding my nerves. On the one hand, I have a decent tolerance for Jerry at his wackiest. This episode includes phonetics humor, name garbling, some regrettable accents, a lot of physical comedy and, of course, a salute to Paul's "pretty lay-dee!" On the other hand, this adds more fuel to the "things are way too easy for Paul" fire.
-- Wealthy and obscure Freddie Statler (Lewis) has chosen Paul to make a film for him, with him and about him. "Because a statue takes too long." We go from one distinct persona to another as Paul ends up hiring a new editor, Eddie a.k.a. Warren Mermelman (Steven Wright). "How do you know (Freddie's a billionaire)?" "Because of the amount of money he has." Indeed, Freddie isn't shy about spending. His gifts include Ringo Starr's drums*, a Da Vinci, a trip to Alaska to eat baked Alaska, an autographed Bible, a personal performance by Pavarotti (who held a note while Paul went to the bathroom) and a private night at the Rainbow Room.
*Warren: "Now they'll never get back together again." Wright was a slightly better guest star, but I did laugh at Lewis' antics and one line in particular. "(regarding Warren) Does this man know he's alive?"
-- Fun is nice, but frivolous is trying. Paul didn't have to try for this assignment, since Freddie saw his work on PBS. The footage is unusable, but Freddie seems to barely care about the project. I kept waiting for some sort of punchline or resolution. He's dying! He's the world's greatest thief! He's a rival filmmaker exploring everyday people's attitudes towards wealth! But none came. Paul and Jamie briefly hurt Freddie's feelings when they want to get some sleep already. But you can't keep a peppy guy down.
-- We go from head in the sky Freddie to the salt of the earth Buchmans in "The Man Who Said Hello." Written by Jeffrey Lane & Danny Jacobson and directed by Day, it's a mostly true to life story about the strength of family even in the face of embarrassment. While Sylvia's at a fat farm, Paul and Jamie entertain Burt. Attending the Broadway musical Moby! with Paul, Jamie, Ira and his humming girlfriend Mimi (Maria Pitillo), Burt is starstruck by Regis Philbin. He shouts hello from a viewing box, Regis and his wife Joy comment on it the next day, Burt calls in and Paul's mortification seems never ending. Soon after a naked baby photo runs in the Post, Paul stops speaking to Burt.
-- Louis Zorich hits the ground running as Burt. He's totally believable as Reiser's father, especially in the scene where Paul and Burt are disagreeing about giving Lisa money**. The Buchman men's estrangement ends up part of the news cycle. New Yorkers are making death threats and spitting on Paul. Ira's in on the action with the "Burt Shirt," which has Paul's face in a target on the back. Burt, meanwhile, gets a guest appearance on Live!. Ira comes onto the show as Paul, Paul comes onto the show as Ira, understanding and psuedo-apologies happen and the "in-laws" end up kissing. "We're a very close family."
**Good physical performances by the two men and Anne Ramsay, too.
-- Last and least is "The Spy Girl Who Loved Me," directed by Barnet Kellman and written by Billy Grundfest & Reiser. Don't get me wrong. Barbara Feldon does a great job as Diane, the pill actress Paul and Ira adored as boys. But just like in "Out of the Past," Paul gets off-putting when he's infatuated. Ira's also not yet crossed the line into endearing, so this was a particularly grating episode to watch.
-- Okay, quickly. Jamie is handling the P.R. for Diane's book, which she hasn't read***. Jamie invites Paul to dinner, Paul throws it in Ira's face and Ira "happens to" show up at the restaurant. Possibly because he's wearing a turtleneck, Diane hooks up with Ira. He thinks its serious, she doesn't. Jamie refuses to handle the dumping, so Diane rises to the occasion. "Goodbye, Ira. Goodbye. (to Jamie) I asked for a diet soda." Ira ends up thrilled that he's in an elite fraternity while Paul didn't make the cut.
***Meaning she doesn't know about her hooking up with Adam West, failing to get cast as That Girl or growing tarragon.
-- Spy Girl, Diane's show, sounds like something I'd watch. She "saved Western civilization every Tuesday night for six years." Her enemy was SCRUM, the "Society for the Corruption and Ruination of Universal Mankind." There was plenty of merchandise, from the thermos to the doll. But as Paul points out to Ira, every guy Spy Girl fell in loved with ended up dying. "That was the fourth leading cause of death in 1968."
-- Continuity Corner: Lisa's high school education lasted five years ("Tiles") and she's three years older than Jamie ("Swept"). Paul has sisters ("Tiles"). Jamie dreamed of being either an eye surgeon or a Rockette when she grew up ("Swept"). Riff's has a Sunday brunch buffet ("Swept")
.-- Hey, It's ...!: Patrick Warburton as Sam, who initially thinks Lisa is a fun-loving horse breeder named Stephanie and immediately rejects Lisa upon learning who she is ("Tiles"). Meagen Fay as Connie, Paul's incompetent receptionist ("Billionaire"). Phil LaMarr as Marshall, Live!'s producer ("Hello")
-- Before the Credits: Statler does a dance routine for Paul, who asks Jamie if they've got any change ("Billionaire"). Jamie insists a Szechuan dinner where she got out her frustrations about Sylvia, rather than keeping it inside where it would have eventually caused her to collect thousands in unemployment, is tax deductible ("Swept").
-- Under the Credits: While Paul and Jamie take a bubble bath and look forward to a heartburn-free pizza experience, Murray pulls a Lassie and gets aid from the Devanows ("Tiles"). An outtake from Statler meeting Warren ("Billionaire"). The title song from Moby! over the establishing shot of the "Royalle" Theatre ("Hello"). Paul and Ira discuss other childhood crushes, including "Elly May," Patty Duke (there's two of her, so one for each; Paul wants Patty, who hasn't been most everywhere) and Betty Rubble ("Spy").
-- Ratings Roundup: A range of 10.7 ("Tiles") to 9.7 (both "Swept" and "Spy"). This batch spanned February-May 1993, thanks to NBC largely using the spring months for reruns and burnoffs.
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