Thoughts on Harlem Nights

Courtesy Paramount Pictures

"How was your date?"

"I killed her."

"Ah, tore the ***** up, huh?"

"No, man, I killed her."

"What the fuck you talking about?"

"I shot her, man."

"Hmm. ... Was the ***** that bad, man?"

If there's a dictionary for idioms, then Harlem Nights should be the example for "the whole is less than the sum of its parts." Who would have guessed that a movie starring, written by and directed by Eddie Murphy, with supporting players including Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, Danny Aiello, Michael Lerner, Della Reese and Jasmine Guy, would be so unsatisfying?

Eddie is Quick, adoptive son of Sugar Ray (Pryor). It may be the Depression, but Club Sugar Ray is doing alright for itself, making $15,000 a week. Quick and Ray's staff include craps dealer Bennie (Foxx), whose eyes' best days have long since past, and hotheaded madam Vera (Della Reese). If it wasn't awkward enough for me to watch the old lady from Touched by an Angel telling everyone to kiss her ass*, we also have the very bizarre sequence where Vera and Quick fight in an alley.

*The repetition made me think there was going to be a moment where someone literally did so.

"He shot me in my pinkie toe. ... I'm gonna put what's left of my foot in your ass! ... I'm gonna kill him, Sugar."

*Vera rants while she's being carried into an ambulance and Ray tries calming her down*

"Vera, we're gonna find your toe."

Quick and Ray are making too much money without being under his thumb, figures Bugsy Calhoune (Lerner). Calhoune's campaign of intimidation, persuasion and/or violence includes the efforts of corrupt cop Cantone (Aiello) and his own mistress, Dominique LaRue (Guy). I want to call attention to the moment where Quick is baffled by Dominique and Calhoune being a couple. Here's a transcript of what he asks:

"Why would a woman that fine want in a big, fat, nasty, greasy, fat, stank, bloated ... cheesy-backed ... 12-sandwich-eatin' ... bastard, what does she want with him?"

I'm going to assume Eddie improvised at least half of that. If he wrote it ... well, it's too depressing to consider.

Ray comes up with a plan to capitalize on a boxing match, ensure fresh starts for everybody and get ample revenge on Calhoune and Cantone. For the most part, it's a pretty straightforward, Point-A-to-Point-B kind of a scheme. Like with All Dogs Go to Heaven, it's the getting there that has to matter. 

"You telling me I should hide?"

"No. I'm telling you you're gonna hide. You don't hide, Quick, they're gonna kill you. I'm not gonna let that happen to you. I didn't come this far with you so you can prove you ain't no punk and die. What are they gonna put on your tombstone? 'Here lies a man, 27 years old. He died, but he ain't no punk.' Hey man, that's bullshit. okay? You know when you die? When you're 89 ... got your children and your grandchildren around the bed ... that's cool. It ain't cool to die at 27. I'm not gonna let you do that to yourself. I'm not gonna let you do it to me. 'Cause they kill you, they're gonna have to kill me. 'Cause I'm gonna kill them."

Murphy, Pryor and Foxx have a pretty good shared chemistry. One of Harlem Nights' biggest missteps is that the trio don't interact as often as they should. There's a few too many pointless scenes, like the bedroom moments between Ray and Annie (Berlinda Tolbert) or Sunshine (Lela Rochon) and Richie (Vic Polizos). Both repeat information we already know (Ray cares about Quick; Sunshine has succeeded at seducing Richie). That said, I did laugh at Richie's to-the-point phone call to his wife.

"Yeah, Barbara, it's Richie. Yeah, look it, I ain't ever comin' home no more. Take it easy."

Whether or not I had to abridge my viewing of 1989's movies, I knew I was going to make sure I'd see Harlem Nights. I had to see if it was as bad as reputed, truly pointless in a post-Do the Right Thing era. I did not -- or rather, did -- walk away disappointed.

"So, where you wanna go, Pop?"

"I don't know, Son. But we got a tank full of gas and a trunk full of money."

"That sounds like a sweet combination."

"Sweet as sugar."

Not Recommended.

Thoughts:

-- Box Office: Grossing nearly $61 million on a $30 million budget, this opened at No. 1 and came in at No. 21 for 1989.

-- Critic's Corner: They couldn't seem to reach a consensus on anything.

• the screenplay: "(It) has the rhythm of a comedy but not the comic payoffs," Vincent Canby wrote. "... told in cliches so broad you keep waiting for it to poke fun at itself, but it never does," according to Roger Ebert.
• the production values: "Murphy doesn't really seem interested in re-creating the 1930s in an authentic way," Ebert wrote. "... he approaches his story more as a costume party in which everybody gets to look great." Canby liked the movie's look, however, comparing it favorably to actual 1930s movies. "All of New York City could be evoked by a couple of street sets on a pristine Hollywood backlot and some larger-than-life interiors built on a soundstage." Hal Hinson felt "the film's sterile look is completely at odds with its down-and-dirty sensibility."
• Pryor's performance: It was the best work he'd given in a movie in years, Hinson wrote. People felt that Pryor "couldn't seem more subdued if a net were thrown over him."
• Arsenio Hall's appearance as the "Crying Man," which he earned "and" billing for: Variety found it obnoxious, pointless and unnecessary. Canby (who also thought Quick and Vera's fight scene was good) considered the car chase sequence pretty funny.
• Eddie's multiple hats: "Though Harlem Nights may be an ego trip, it is a generous one," Canby wrote. "Mr. Murphy's effort is distinguished by his own singular presence as an actor, and by the delight he takes in appearing with his various co-stars." "It's hard to imagine a more wrong-headed, aggressively off-putting exercise in star ego," according to Hinson. "When a star becomes as powerful as Murphy, the first word to vanish from the lips of the studio people who make money off him is 'No.' ... It was the one word that desperately needed saying."

-- Well, they were split on almost everything. People: "A dull cartoon." Variety: "Overdone, too rarely funny and, worst of all, boring."

-- Awards Watch: Oscar nominated for its costumes, this also received Razzie nominations for Murphy's direction and screenplay. He won for the latter, over the writers of The Karate Kid III, Road House, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier and Tango & Cash. 

-- Hey, It's 1938 (and 2020)!: Club Sugar Ray's $15,000 a week profit translates to more than $273,000 today. The $1 million swindled from Calhoune is now worth more than $18 million.

-- Different Times: I had to look up that Jack had a stutter. To a modern audience, it could seem like he has either cerebral palsy or CTE.

-- "Goddamn. I guess he does have bad luck with kids."

-- Next: Steel Magnolias. On deck: The Little Mermaid.