What's On Tonight (Wednesday): Everybody deserves Cake

Cake, "Self-Care" (via Giphy)

Good day and happy spooks to you! The top pick goes to one of television's most experimental, and often uneven, offerings currently on the air: FXX's short film showcase Cake. It's a large mishmash of shorts. The live action offerings include the always entertaining Quarter Life Poetry and the offbeat Oh Jerome, No! The animation shorts vary between 30 seconds and a couple minutes, some are solid and others are waaaay out there. I like it. Elsewhere, it's almost Halloween, so prep yourselves for some spooky offerings. (Whistler is almost done with her spooky offerings, too!) For those shows that aren't so spooky, I took some liberties in spookifying their summaries. A&E has a night of ghosts while PBS has the opposite. Will there be a game 7 of the World Series? Both possibilities are listed at the moment. Yes. Will other networks preempt programs? TBD. For you night owls, the sketch Baronesses from Canada are back. Check it! I'm a scary black cat, here's what's on television for tonight, Wednesday, October 30!

💻 STREAMING

Castle Rock (Hulu, 3 a.m.): "Nadia learns a dark truth about her past."

Flavorful Origins (Netflix, 3 a.m.): PREMIERE. A new batch of episodes for this culinary show about the culinary secrets of China, with a focus this time on yunnan cuisine.

A Heist with Markiplier (YouTube, 3 a.m.): YouTube's attempt at an interactive program, a heist action special starring gaming personality Markiplier.

EARLY PRIMETIME

Jeopardy! 💲 (Syndicated, check your local listings): Steve knew his 1950s cinema, which garnered him a second win. Can he make it three? And of course, don't forget Jay's daily recaps. If this were like the old country, that would be our "Regular Coverage."

Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In 📺🎃 (Decades, 7 p.m.): A Halloween episode featuring Marcel Marceau, Goldie Hawn, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and Flip Wilson.

FOR THE RECORD: Catch 21 💲 (GSN); The Fixers (BYUtv)

🕗 EASTERN / 🕖 CENTRAL

2019 World Series / The Masked Singer (Fox, 8 p.m.): Game 7. Go team, go! Touchdown! Goal! Three-pointer!

Chicago Med (NBC, 8 p.m.): Dr. Manning's actions with a recent patient lead to serious repercussions... aka the patient was dead but is now a zombie, infecting the entire hospital. April and Noah disagree over a patient who is injured after a beating. Dr. Charles is visited by a childhood friend... but what if said person is really a ghost?

The Goldbergs 🎃 (ABC, 8 p.m.): Beverly scores a bargain on four paintings, but something supernatural is causing them to be destroyed. Barry decides to throw a huge Rocky Horror Picture Show-themed party because it's now in the Disney empire. Adam dresses as Weird Al.

Hammer House of Horror 📺🎃 (Comet TV, 8 p.m.): The network dedicates the day to the short-lived British anthology Hammer House of Horror. In this episode, elderly pet shop owner Peter Cushing, who is secretly a former Nazi concentration camp guard, hires ex con Brian Cox to work at his pet shop.

Nature (PBS, 8 p.m.): We return for another adventure at the the delta of the Okavango River. This time, a hyena and a warthog family share neighboring dens and help each other by watching out for threatening predators, which turn out to be werewolves and the creature from the Black Lagoon.

Riverdale (The CW, 8 p.m.): When ominous videotapes begin appearing on doorsteps across Riverdale, widespread fear quickly returns to the town. Meanwhile, Jughead learns about a series of mysterious disappearances that have occurred to former students.

Schooled 🎃 (ABC, 8:30 p.m.): Coach Mellor is excited to celebrate Halloween in a couple's costume with Julie, but Principal Glascott might derail the plan. CB tries to scare the students into not tormenting each other during the annual Halloween parade. A parade? For Halloween?

Survivor (CBS, 8 p.m.): I will survive / keep on survivin'

World's Biggest Ghost Hunt: Pennhurst Asylum 🎃 (A&E, 8 p.m.): SPECIAL. Five investigators are locked inside the legendary Pennhurst Asylum in Pennsylvania for two weeks to document unexplained reports of paranormal activity, including mysterious noises and voices and alleged physical attacks by spirits.

FOR THE RECORD: All Elite Wrestling (TNT); The Big Interview with Dan Rather (AXS TV); Black Ink Crew (VH1); Making Good (BYUtv, 8:30 p.m.); Random Acts (BYUtv); WWE NXT (USA)

Modern Family, "Halloween" (via Giphy)

🕘 EASTERN / 🕗 CENTRAL

All in the Family 📺 (getTV, 9:30 p.m.): A quintessential and still-relevant episode finds a swastika painted on the family's door.

Almost Family / 2019 World Series, continued (Fox, 9 p.m.)

Barney Miller 📺🎃 (Antenna TV, 9:30 p.m.): Travel back to Halloween TV of 1976. The usual loonies arrive during the full moon, including a man who swears he's turning into a werewolf.

The Bronx, USA (HBO, 9 p.m.): Returning to his hometown of the Bronx, producer George Shapiro reflects on the singularity of the borough he grew up in and the close friendships he made there that have stood the test of time.

Chicago Fire (NBC, 9 p.m.): Cruz and Severide suspect foul play when a fire started by an elderly woman turns deadly... which only spreads the zombie apocalypse. Kidd, Foster, and Brett create a women's-only lounge (and plot to take over the fire station?). Firehouse 51 celebrates some good news: zombies didn't take over the fire station.

Family Time 🎃 (Bounce TV, 9 p.m.): The Stallworths return from the movies to find alternate versions of themselves living in their home.

Heartland (UPtv, 9 p.m.): Georgie asks Wyatt to help him reunite a famous rider and her long-lost horse.

Modern Family 🎃 (ABC, 9 p.m.): Phil is determined to scare Claire on Halloween. Meanwhile, Gloria feels self-conscious about her age when someone correctly assumes she is Jay's wife, and Mitch and Cam go to the WeHo Halloween Carnival after Lily decides to go to her first Halloween party solo. Or you could track down MoFam's season two episode "Halloween," which is the show's masterpiece.✔️

Nancy Drew (ABC, 9 p.m.): As Tiffany Hudson's funeral nears, her confused spirit haunts Horseshoe Bay while Nick struggles with what he learned about Tiffany. Bess stays with Nancy, allowing her to figure out what she's hiding. The show will be around all season, making it poisonous for Cancellation League.

Nova (PBS, 9 p.m.): A new trove of fossils reveals how mammals took over after an asteroid wiped out the dinosaurs 66 million years ago. "Took over" until Godzilla makes his appearance in the near future. It's gonna happen.

The Oval (BET, 9 p.m.): An unspeakable tragedy strikes the family of the first butler to the White House. I could turn this plot into a horror plot, but, eh... just read current White House headlines.

SEAL Team (CBS, 9 p.m.): Jason pleads to be sent to help Ray and Clay, whose compound is attacked by a vampire, a half-human/half-demon, and a demon hunter while abroad on a mission to protect a U.S. ambassador, who may or may not be a werewolf.

Single Parents 🎃 (ABC, 9:30 p.m.): The kids head to the school for a spooky Halloween celebration with Douglas. Meanwhile, Poppy and Angie throw a Halloween party to try to prove to themselves that they are cool moms. Also, the kids dress as the parents.

FOR THE RECORD: American Says 💲 (GSN); Bitchin' Rides (Motor Trend); The Challenge (MTV); Dog's Most Wanted (WGN); Engineering Catastrophes (Science); Expedition Unknown (Discovery Channel); Extinct or Alive (Animal Planet); Forged in Fire (History); Guy's Grocery Games (Food Network); Holmes & Holmes (DIY); NFL: The Grind (Epix); Property Brothers (HGTV); The Real Housewives of Dallas (Bravo)

Modern Family, "Halloween" (via Giphy)

🕙 EASTERN / 🕘 CENTRAL

American Horror Story: 1984 🎃 (FX, 10 p.m.): "A hidden chapter of Camp Redwood is revealed; the survivors help a stranded hitchhiker." Oh, great idea. After everything that's happened, help a strange hitchhiker.✔️

⭐ Cake (FXX, 10:30 p.m.): "When push comes to shove." The descriptions don't say anything as themes are pretty slim. Expect a new saga of Oh Jerome, No!, which will recur throughout the episode. I'm looking forward to something from Quarter Life Poetry. The Two Pink Doors segments lean hard on dark comedy. The animation shorts are quite hit and miss. Some barely hit 30 seconds and the styles vary. However, I love the bumpers and their incorporation of actual cake.

Chicago P.D. (NBC, 10 p.m.): The shocking murder of young boys affects Halstead. Crawford encourages Intelligence to use a new facial recognition software to help identify a suspect, but the plan backfires when the dead return and overload the system.

Crank Yankers 🎃 (Comedy Central, 10:30 p.m.): A haunted hotel gets a call from an interested guest. Hadassah wants a no-touch massage, and a woman plans to perform Wiccan rituals at a lumberyard. The guests are Sarah Silverman, Tiffany Haddish, and Kevin Nealon.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (FXX, 10 p.m.): In "The Janitor Always Mops Twice," Sunny steps to new territory, the style of classic black-and-white noir, which is actually Charlie's memory. When Frank is "diarrhea poisoned," Charlie must navigate the seedy underbelly of Philadelphia to clean up the mess.

Life from Above (PBS, 10 p.m.): Viewing Earth's kaleidoscope of colors, including swirls of turquoise phytoplankton, China's blooming yellow flowers, and the night waters near Argentina that are spotted with green lights, like aliens. Are the waters near Argentina filled with aliens?

S.W.A.T. (CBS, 10 p.m.): On this Halloween eve, the SWAT team takes on their toughest mission yet: bugs. They gotta swat all the bugs. (My usual place didn't have a summary and I don't feel like going to find one.)

Sistas (BET, 10 p.m.): Andi is forced to reconsider who is and isn't in her corner. Karen meets someone new and reconsiders the dating game. Sabrina's new love interest sparks some suspicion.

South Park (Comedy Central, 10 p.m.): Randy tries to deal with his daughter's marijuana problem on Halloween.

Stumptown (ABC, 10 p.m.): Despite being ordered by Lt. Cosgrove to take time off, Hoffman enlists Dex's help to investigate a case. Dex stresses over an interview to become a certified private investigator. Will she pass or will Thanos appear and snap his fingers and cause her to poof away? Also, full season ordered! No points!

FOR THE RECORD: Deadly Engineering (Science); Garage Squad (Motor Trend, finale); Ghost Hunters 🎃 (A&E, finale); House Hunters/House Hunters International (HGTV); Little Giants (Animal Planet); The Mountain Monsters (Travel Channel); Shattered (ID)

🕚 EASTERN / 🕙 CENTRAL

According to Jim 📺 (Laff, 11:30 p.m.): Pilot episode! Somehow, this show survived for eight seasons. It only takes a few weeks for Laff to cycle through all the episodes.

Complex x Fuse (Fuse, 11 p.m.): Rich the Kid talks about his skateboarding shoe. Lil Tecca talks about his fave basketball sneakers.

FOR THE RECORD: American Mystery (Travel Channel); Cash Cab 💲 (Bravo, 11:30 p.m.); Copwatch America (BET)

💤💤😴💤💤

Baroness von Sketch Show (IFC, midnight): PREMIERE. Back-to-back episodes include a message to extraterrestrials, sending nudes, living without regret, the power of the placenta, and everyone has a podcast.✔️

Dark Shadows 📺🎃 (Decades, midnight): In the game-changing 211th episode, a mysterious man named Barnabas Collins shows up at Elizabeth's door.✔️

Dark Shadows, "Episode 211" (via Giphy)

Late-Night Talk & Satire

Conan (TBS, 11 p.m.): Deon Cole
The D.L. Hughley Show (TV One, 11 p.m.): Ananda Lewis
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah (Comedy Central, 11 p.m.): Amy Klobuchar
The Dick Cavett Show 📺 (Decades, 9 p.m.): Mary Martin (31 Oct 1978); Agnes Nixon (24 Nov 1978)
Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (TBS, 10:30 p.m.)
Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 p.m.): Rob Lowe, Mackenzie Davis, and Chris Porter
Johnny Carson 📺 (Antenna TV, 10 p.m.): John Larroquette, Anthony Griffith, and Kevin Pollak (31 Oct 1990)
The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 a.m.): Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton
Late Night with Seth Meyers (NBC, 12:37 a.m.): John Krasinski, Joel Kim Booster, and Amy McGrath
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 p.m.): Norman Reedus, Cynthia Erivo, and Miranda Lambert
Lights Out with David Spade (Comedy Central, 10:35 p.m.): Louis Anderson, Joey Diaz, and Sarah Tiana
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 p.m.): Emilia Clarke, Bobby Cannavale, Booker T. Jones, and FKA Twigs
Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (Bravo, 11 p.m.): Kary Brittingham and Stephanie Hollman

----------

Note: All times are Eastern.

Key Sources: The Futon Critic (outline); Zap2it (descriptions); TV Passport (throwbacks)
⭐: Top pick(s)
💲: Game show
📺: Throwback
🎥: Movie
🎃: Halloween/spooky-themed program
✔️: Midlevel video/gif included

Happy watching, everyone!