What's On Tonight (Friday): If I Had HBO Max I'd Stream You...

 

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

I've always liked Rose Byrne, but I became a big fan in 2025 after discovering Platonic, her comedy series on Apple co-starring Seth Rogan.  Not only did it quickly become one of my favorite comedies, but I don't think I have ever seen a character quite like Byrne's on TV before.  She should win all the awards for that performance.  

But we're not here to talk about Byrne's TV work, we're talking about her Oscar-nominated performance in today's Top Pick, the streaming premiere of If I Had Legs I'd Kick You.  Byrne plays a woman overwhelmed by a bad marriage, a sick child, a wrecked home, an unsympathetic therapist (played by Conan O'Brien) and a movie title badly in need of a comma.

The silver medal goes to Muzzle: City of Wolves; a sequel to Aaron Eckhart's 2023 film.  I don't understand why this exists as I can't find any sign that the previous film was any kind of hit with anyone.  This is the kind of movie that would have been released straight to DVD once upon a time.  I guess that means we can look forward to many more sequels in the future, with Eckhart being switched out for his non-union equivalent by the fourth or fifth film.  

⭐🎥 If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'With her life crashing down around her, Linda (Rose Byrne) attempts to navigate her child's mysterious illness, her absent husband, a missing person, and an increasingly hostile relationship with her therapist (Conan O'Brien).'

Elsewhere...  

 PREMIERES

Muzzle: City of Wolves

🎥 Muzzle: City of Wolves (AMC+, 3:01 AM) 'Jake Rosser is haunted by PTSD from his days as a K-9 officer and endeavors to lead a peaceful life with his family and retired K-9 companion, Socks. But the tranquility quickly dissolves when a ruthless gang targets them in a brutal attack.'

🎥 Miracle: The Boys of 80 (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A young hockey team enters the 1980 Olympics as underdogs and emerges as heroes. Their iconic upset unfolds with new footage and firsthand reflections.'

🎥 Terri Joe: Missionary in Miami (Tubi, 3:01 AM) 'In this wild farce, Southern Belle Terri Joe ventures to Miami to outrun wacky criminals and find a new church where she can atone for her sins.'

🎥 The Woman Before Me (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'When Jenna learns her husband was once married to a woman who could be her double, she unravels a chilling pattern of obsession, deceit and murder that makes her question whether she's his next victim.'

RETURNING SHOWS

🔔Yo Gabba Gabbaland! (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🎵 Inside the 68th Annul Grammy Awards (CBS, 8:00 PM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION.

STREAMING

🔔 Tehran (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Into the Fire" 

⚖️ Judy Justice (Amazon, 3:01 AM) "Sissy Fit and Abuse of Excuse?" 

😂 LOL: Last One Laughing Netherlands (Amazon, 3:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. 

🔔 Heaven (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. 

🦊 No Tail to Tell (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 

💧 Coldwater (Paramount, 3:01 AM) 

💖 Love Island All Stars (Peacock, 9:01 PM) 

Miracle: The Boys of 80

LIVE SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

🏌️ PGA Tour Golf: 2026 Hilton Grand Vacations Tournament of Champions - Round 2 (Golf, 11:30 AM)

🏌️ PGA Tour Golf: 2026 Farmers Insurance Open - Round 2 (Golf, 3:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Kent State Golden Flashes at Akron Zips (CBSSPT, 6:00 PM)

🏀 Women's College Basketball: Columbia Lady Lions at Princeton Tigers (ESPNU, 6:00 PM)

🤸 Women's College Gymnastics: Arkansas Razorbacks at Florida Gators (ESPN2, 7:30 PM)

🏀 Unrivaled Basketball: Breeze vs. Phantom (TNT/TruTV, 7:30 PM)

🏀 NBA Basketball: Memphis Grizzlies at New Orleans Pelicans (ESPN, 7:42 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Dayton Flyers at Saint Louis Billikens (CBSSPT, 8:00 PM)

🏀 Women's College Basketball: Teams TBA (ESPNU, 8:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Michigan Wolverines at Michigan State Spartans (Fox, 8:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Loyola Chicago Ramblers at VCU Rams (ESPN2, 9:00 PM)

🏀 Unrivaled Basketball: Rose vs. Lunar Owls (TNT/TruTV, 9:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: UNLV Rebels at Nevada Wolf Pack (CBSSPT, 10:00 PM)

🏀 NBA Basketball: Los Angeles Clippers at Denver Nuggets (ESPN, 10:05 PM)

🕖 EARLY PRIMETIME 🕖

🏠 The Loud House (Nickelodeon, 5:30 PM) 'After Lynn sees cousin Shiloh's athletic skills, she gets overly competitive to prove she's the greatest Loud of all time.'

🔔 Wylde Pak (Nickelodeon, 6:00 PM) 'LAD has a sleepover and in an effort to join in, Jack ends up making a promise that turns their night upside down. When Will's parents visit Canyon Valley, news of the sale of their bee farm sends the family into a big, honey-induced.'

🕖 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🍺Happy's Place (NBC, 8:00 PM) 'While Bobbie attempts to plan the perfect anniversary dinner for her and Emmett, Steve and Takoda must hide a secret from Isabella and Gabby that could ruin Bobbie's special evening.'

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV, 8:00 PM) 'It's judgement day, as half of the queens take the stage to perform a show-stopping talent number, while the other half watch and rate the performances. Swedish singer Zara Larsson guest judges.'

🔔 The Nowhere Man (Starz, 8:05 PM) 'Lukas goes undercover to save a missing teenager from a deadly underground fighting ring, only to be reunited with a ghost from his past - a close army friend who isn't the man he used to be.'

🤸 Stumble (NBC, 8:30 PM) 'After the AI data center that Courteney helped woo drains Heådltston of water and power, the town and school shut down, sending her cheer team scattered to the wind; with Daytona looming, Courteney relies on Boon to help save the day.'

🎵 Inside the 68th Annul Grammy Awards (CBS, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 

🎥 The Woman Before Me (LMN, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 

👮 On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (USA, 8:00 PM) 

Terri Joe: Missionary in Miami

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

👽 The Unexplained (History, 9:00 PM) 'Throughout history, catastrophic disasters have reshaped civilizations -- yet some events defy all scientific expectations.'

⚔️ Spartacus: House of Ashur (Starz, 9:02 PM) 'Caesar demands a painful sacrifice from Ashur.'

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race: Untucked (MTV, 9:32 PM) 'The voting queens have a lot to consider after Part One of the Rate-A-Queen Talent Show; one queen's unsettling talent reveals an emotional story; loyalties and alliances are solidified minutes before the queens cast their ballots.'

🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Masters of Illusion (CW, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🍽️ Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives (Food, 9:00 PM)
🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👮 On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
💖 Love During Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) 
💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:01 PM) 
🔔 Junk or Jackpot? (HGTV, 9:30 PM) SEASON FINALE. 

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

🔔 The BMF Documentary: Blowing Money Fast (Starz, 10:00 PM) 'Terry and Meech arrive in LA. With a steady supply and a trusted network of drivers to move their product nationwide, the Black Mafia Family is officially born; law enforcement ramps up their investigation.'

👹 Monsterquest (History, 10:03 PM) 'These are terrifying encounters with cryptids and the paranormal that didn't happen by accident… they began with one grave mistake that turned curiosity into a nightmare.'

🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 AM) 'TV host Alan Cumming; actress Ali Larter.'

🔔 The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 
🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE📺

The Andy Griffiths Show (Sundance, 5:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Law & Order (Pop, 6:00 AM - 8:00 PM);South Park (Comedy Central, 8:00 AM - 2:00 PM); Living Single (TV One, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 10:45 AM);  Friends (TBS, 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 10:45 AM - 4:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 2:00 PM - 5:00 PM): The Andy Griffiths Show (TVLand, 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 5:00 PM - 11:00 PM);  Three's Company (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TVLand, 7:00 PM - 11:00 PM); One Day at a Time (Antennae, 8:00 PM - 9:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); Sanford & Son (Antenna, 10:00 PM - 11:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 10:00 PM - 2:00 AM); The King of Queens (TVLand, 11:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 - 1:00 AM); Wings (Antenna, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 11:00 PM) 'Actor Ron Silver; Art Donovan; animal expert Joan Embery.'

Yo Gabba Gabbaland!

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Rotten Tomatoes; YouTube; TV Guide; TV Passport

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included