What's On Tonight (Friday): "She's Nosferatu!" "She's Italian?!"

 

Nosferatu

There are many reasons why a Top Pick might receive that honor.  Sometimes it's just because I can use it as an excuse to quote the one joke that made me laugh in a bad Mel Brookes movie from thirty years ago. If Abbott Elementary ever moves to Fridays expect the headline to be, "Hey, Abbott!" "I hate that guy!"

TOP PICK

🎥 Nosferatu (Peacock, 3:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'A gothic tale of obsession between a haunted young woman and the terrifying vampire infatuated with her, causing untold horror in its wake.'

Elsewhere...

*Season two of Surface premieres today.  I had a weird feeling when watching the trailer.  That weird feeling was due to my having watched the first season but having forgotten almost everything about the show.  I don't think I'll be picking up the new season.

*While Max continues to dish out episodes of How I Left the Opus Dei, Hulu is unloading the entire season of How I Escaped My Cult.  I'm assuming this is a Deep Star Six/Leviathan/The Abyss or possibly a Like Father Like Son/Vice Versa/Big situation and a third series will premiere soon that is vastly superior to the previous two.

*Poor Anthony Mackie.  Last week he starred in the reviled Captain America: Brave New World and this week he stars in the only slightly less disliked (at least according to Rotten Tomatoes) Elevation, which has its streaming premiere on Max.  My guess is Elevation cost a lot less money to produce and probably has infinitely better special effects because everything costs less and has better special effects than a Marvel movie these days.  At least Mackie still has the Twisted Metal series.

*Hulu has a new series from the makers of Peaky Blinders, and it certainly looks it.  The new series is called A Thousand Blows and takes place in London in the 1880's.  It follows two Jamaican men in London who get caught up in the underground bare knuckle boxing circuit.  It also features a lot of unsavory, but still likeable, criminal types who we will all be cheering for.  I still haven't watched the final season of Blinders.  I probably should do that before checking out Blows.

PREMIERES

Onside: Major League Soccer

⚽ Onside: Major League Soccer (Apple, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'With unprecedented access to players, coaches, and clubs, this new series explores the electrifying moments and captivating stories that made the 2024 season unforgettable.'

😂 Chris Distefano: It's Just Unfortunate (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Chris Distefano is trying to be the best father he can be but nowadays, words speak louder than actions—so Chris is acting with the right intentions, but not always the right moves.'

🔔 How I Escaped My Cult (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Takes viewers into insidious modern-day cults through the unique lens of members who endured unspeakable trauma and the shocking investigations into these oppressive groups.'

😂 Nigel Ng: The Haiyaa Special (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'Nigel dives into his experiences as a Malaysian immigrant in the UK, along with further takes on Asian food culture and everyday situations, with a guest appearance from the beloved online character, Uncle Roger, for which he’s best known.'

🔔 A Thousand Blows (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Hezekiah Moscow and Alec Munroe, best friends on the run from Jamaica, find themselves thrust into the criminal underbelly of London's thriving bare-knuckle boxing scene.'

🎥 Elevation (Max, 3:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'Set in the post-apocalyptic Rocky Mountains, a single father and two women venture from the safety of their homes to face monstrous creatures to save the life of a young boy.'

🎥 Little Bites (Shudder, 3:01 AM) 'In a desperate attempt to protect her ten-year-old daughter, a young widow allows a nightmarish monster to slowly eat her alive.'

🎥 Tarot Curse (Tubi, 3:01 AM) 'After a Tarot reading in New Orleans, a group of students are horrified to realize the cards are predicting their gruesome deaths one by one.'

🎥 The Wrong Obsession (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'Lisa tries to mend her marriage with Mark after her old boyfriend, Jake, starts working with her. While Lisa's boss warns her not to get too close, Jake's obsession with her becomes even more dangerous and unstable.'

🐶 Fur Babies (Nat Geo Wild, 9:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Vets Dr. James Greenwood and Dr. Bolu Eso provide support to people during the awe-inspiring experience of their pets’ pregnancies and the arrival of newborns.'

💀 Cold Case Files: Dead West (A&E, 10:01 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'In the ruggedness of the American West, death is always a shadow over the shoulder: a grizzly bear encounter, an avalanche, or a bite from a rattlesnake can change everything in an instant; and those are just the natural threats.'

Pantheon

RETURNING SHOWS

🔔 Surface (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE.

🔔 Pantheon (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

STREAMING

⚖️ Tribunal Justice (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Severance (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Attila" 

🔔 Newtopia (Amazon, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 Übel Blatt (Amazon, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 The Eastern Gate (Max, 3:01 AM) "Episode Four" 

🔔 How I Left the Opus Dei (Max, 3:01 AM) 

💖 Love is Blind (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 

🐝 Yellowjackets (Paramount, 3:01 AM) "Them's the Brakes" 

🔔 The Graham Norton Show (AMC+, 11:00 PM) 

Elevation

SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

⚽ UEFA Women's Nations League Soccer: France vs. Norway (CBSSN, 3:00 PM)

⚽ Premier League Soccer: Leicester City vs. Brentford (USA, 3:00 PM)

🏌️ PGA Tour Golf: Mexico Open, Second Round (Golf, 4:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Bowling Green at Toledo (CBSSN, 6:00 PM)

🏀 NBA Basketball: New York Knicks at Cleveland Cavaliers (ESPN, 7:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Dayton at Loyola-Chicago (ESPN2, 7:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Manhattan at Iona (ESPNU, 7:00 PM)

🏀 Unrivaled Basketball: Rose Basketball Club vs. Lunar Owls Basketball Club (TNT & TruTV, 7:15 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Kent State at Miami (Ohio) (CBSSN, 8:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Michigan State at Michigan (Fox, 8:00 PM)

🏀 Unrivaled Basketball: Vinyl Basketball Club vs. Mist Basketball Club (TNT & TruTv, 8:30 PM)

🤸 College Women's Gymnastics: Florida at Oklahoma (ESPN2, 9:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Wisconsin-Milwaukee at Youngstown State (ESPNU, 9:00 PM)

🏀 NBA Basketball: Minnesota Timberwolves at Houston Rockets (ESPN, 9:35 PM)

🏌️ LPGA Tour Golf: Honda LPGA Thailand, Third Round (Golf, 10:30 PM)

Chris Distefano: It's Just Unfortunate

EARLY PRIMETIME

🧽 SpongeBob SquarePants (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) 'SpongeBob goes to extreme lengths to trick Gary into going to the vet; SpongeBob becomes desperate when he accidentally gets pinned under his exercise equipment and must wait for help to arrive.'

🧽 Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years (Nickelodeon, 7:30 PM) 'The Dinghy cabin camps overnight out of the water; wilderness expert Paul Grunion visits the camp.'

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🦘 NCIS: Sydney (CBS, 8:00 PM) 'When the body of a long-missing U.S. Naval engineer is discovered buried in concrete, the team enlists Doc Roy's old friend to assist in the investigation.'

🔔 Penn & Teller: Fool Us (CW, 8:00 PM) 'Featured magicians include Francesco Della Bona, Liam Abner, Tom Crosbie and Ben Daggers.'

🔔 Happy's Place (NBC, 8:00 PM) 'When Isabella gifts Bobbie matching sister mugs, Bobbie is forced to quickly think of an equally thoughtful gift, resulting in Isabella expecting the sisters to get matching tattoos; Steve and Takoda investigate where Emmett has been sneaking off.'

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV, 8:00 PM) 'This season's Rusical is inspired by a mashup of "Wicked, The Wizard of Oz" and "The Wiz." Jamal Sims choreographs the queens; singer Adam Lambert guest judges.'

👮 The First 48: Wrong Place, Wrong Time (A&E, 8:00 PM) 

💰 Gold Rush (Discovery Channel, 8:00 PM) 
🧙 Wizards Beyond Waverley Place (Disney Channel, 8:00 PM) 
🎥 The Wrong Obsession (LMN, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 

👮 On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (USA, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Love After Lockup: Crime Story (WE, 8:00 PM) 

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🔥 Fire Country (CBS, 9:00 PM) 'While on a risk assessment trip to the Trinity National Forest, Bode and Jake attempt a daring rescue despite avalanche danger.'

🎭 American Masters (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'Jazz virtuoso Hazel Scott champions racial equality before getting caught up in the Red Scare of the 1950s.' 

🔔 The Way Home (Hallmark, 9:00 PM) 'The Landry family faces the facts of recent revelations, as they grapple with a past that they now know wasn't always as it seemed.'

🐶 Fur Babies (Nat Geo Wild, 9:00 PM) 'Owner Holly helps her beloved Chocolate Labrador, Bella, give birth to her first litter; for Kelly and her son, it's an emotional rollercoaster while their British short hair cat, Leyla, has her second litter.'

🔔 The Couple Next Door (Starz, 9:02 PM) "Crimes of Passion" SEASON FINALE. 'Secrets spill out during a violent showdown in the Yorkshire Dales; Evie is more delusional than ever and Pete is at a breaking point; Danny and Becka's relationship might be finally destroyed by the couple next door.'

🔔 Masters of Illusion (CW, 9:00 PM) 
💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
💀 Cold Case Files (A&E, 9:00 PM) 
🐟 Harpoon Hunters (Discovery Channel, 9:00 PM) 
🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives (Food, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 My Lottery Dream House (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👽 Ancient Aliens (History, 9:00 PM) 
👮 On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Toya & Reginae (WE, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 
🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race: Untucked (MTV, 9:30 PM) 

Surface

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

👮‍♂️ S.W.A.T. (CBS, 10:00 PM) 'While working undercover for 20-Squad, Alfaro encounters associates from a previous undercover case in Long Beach, embarking on a dangerous mission that stirs up unresolved issues from the past.'

🐶 Fur Babies (Nat Geo Wild, 10:00 PM) 'Retirees Karen and Paul prepare for a puppy-filled life when their Cavapoochon, Bindi, has a litter; Maine coon kitty Kara was Romain's first friend after moving to London; now, they are he happily anticipating her litter of kittens.'

🔔 Mysteries from Above (History, 10:03 PM) 'Over a hundred massive concrete arrows scattered across America; a giant chalk figure with an oversized phallus on an English hillside; a mysterious hole in the middle of a lake in Southern California.'

💀 Cold Case Files: Dead West (A&E, 10:01 PM) 
💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery, 10:00 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

🔔 The Graham Norton Show (BBC America, 11:00 PM) 'Joining Graham on his sofa are Pamela Anderson, Stephen Graham, Gugu Mbatha-Raw, Sean Hayes and Ross Kemp. With music from Gracie Abrams, performing her single That’s So True.'

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 AM) 'Actress Keke Palmer; actress Sarah Sherman.'

🔔 The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 12:05 PM) 
🔔 After Midnight (CBS, 12:37 AM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 1:07 AM)

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE📺

Law & Order (Pop, 6:00 AM - 8:00 PM); The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Futurama (Comedy Central, 7:00 AM - 10:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 2:00 PM); Living Single (TV One, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 10:45 AM); South Park (Comedy Central, 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 11:50 AM - 4:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 4:00 PM - 11:00 PM); The Andy Griffith Show (TVLand, 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); The Drew Carey Show (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TVLand, 7:00 PM - 11:05 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); Becker (Antenna, 10:00 PM - 11:00 PM); The King of Queens (TVLand, 11:05 PM - 2:00 AM); Wings (12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 11:00 PM) 'Actress Suzanne Pleshette; Michael Davis; actor Ed Begley Jr.'

A Thousand Blows

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included