What's On Tonight (Friday): Mayhem? Depends if the Sewing Machine is Working...

          

Mayhem!

I'm not gonna lie: Argylle is premiering on Apple today and I will probably watch it at some point.  Why?  For the same reason a man climbs a mountain: because I just don't have anything better to do.  But Top Pick doesn't go to what I will "probably" watch, it goes to what I want to watch right now as soon as I get done writing this sentence.  Therefore, today's Top Pick is the new French/Thai actioner Mayhem!  

The concept of this one is simple: man's past catches up with him, his family pays the price, and he seeks revenge.  This is very much in the John Wick vain, sans the Gun Fu.  What we do get is a lot of hand-to-hand hallway fights.  Do you like hallway fights?  Because going by the trailer, this thing is one long hallway fight.  It should have been called Hallway Fight: The Movie.

The director hasn't done much of note.  His debut film was 2007's Hitman, which he followed up with mostly terribly reviewed horror films.  He seems to have finally got his shit together as Mayhem!, at 80% Fresh, is easily the best reviewed film he's directed.  

The only thing keeping me from watching is I don't have AMC+, and I don't see that changing anytime soon.  It's too bad it isn't on Max.  I could just wait a few months for it to show up on Netflix.

TOP PICK

⭐🎥 Mayhem! (AMC+, 3:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'Sam is a professional boxer about to be released from prison in France. His past catches up with him and he is forced to flee the country. Five years later, he has rebuilt a simple life on an exotic island in Thailand with a family. A job gone wrong puts Sam in the crosshairs of local crime lord Narong, who retaliates with brutal violence. Crushed but still alive, Sam is left with only one purpose: to seek merciless and bone-breaking vengeance.' 

Elsewhere...

*Argylle continues Apple's trend of spending way too much money on films that have no chance of ever recovering their budgets.  At least Napoleon and Killers of the Flower Moon make sense to throw money at as they're from huge directors with proven track records.  Argylle was directed by Matthew Vaughn, who has made some good films, but really hasn't made anything good since the original Kingsman.  And why spend $200 million on a franchise film when the last one took in half that worldwide?  Still, it's a hell of a cast he assembled.  There has to be something good in there, right?

*Apple also has the premiere of its new historical drama series, Franklin.  Michael Douglas stars as the titular character as he goes to France during the American revolutionary war seeking assistance.  This is all about politics, negotiations and diplomacy and Douglas looks like he's having a ball.  I'm curious to see how this one stacks up to Manhunt.

*Netflix has a new animated Good Times series that is a continuation of the original series.  Or at least it claims it is.  Seth MacFarlane is one of the executive producers and the trailer makes it clear that this series has more in common with MacFarlane's other animated shows and less the original Good Times.  The talking baby who does all kinds of things inappropriate for a baby to do pretty much confirms that.  

 *Back in 2018 an animated/live action hybrid film starring Woody Woodpecker was released.  One of my kids liked it and I ended up watching parts of it more than once.  I write "parts" because it was one of the worst films I have ever seen, and I could not bring myself to sit through the whole thing regardless of how much my kids liked it.  To give you an idea for how high my tolerance usually is for this stuff: I was able to sit through the entirety of The Polar Express multiple times without killing anyone.  Anyway, Netflix is premiering a sequel today in which the lead character goes to camp.  I'm sure it's garbage.

PREMIERES

Argylle

🎥 Argylle (Apple, 12:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'Elly Conway is the reclusive author of a series of best-selling espionage novels.  When the plots of Elly's fictional books - which center on secret agent Argylle and his mission to unravel a global spy syndicate - begin to mirror the covert actions of a real-life spy organization, quiet evenings at home become a thing of the past. Starring Bryce Dallas Howard, Sam Rockwell and Henry Cavill.'

🔔 Franklin (Apple, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'At age 70, without any diplomatic training, Franklin convinced an absolute monarchy to underwrite America's experiment in democracy. By virtue of his fame, charisma and ingenuity, Franklin outmaneuvered British spies, French informers and hostile colleagues to engineer the Franco-American alliance of 1778 and the peace treaty with England in 1783.'

🎥 The Greatest Hits (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'Harriet finds art imitating life when she discovers certain songs can transport her back in time -- literally. While she relives the past through romantic memories of her former boyfriend, her time traveling collides with a burgeoning new love interest in the present.

🎥 Amar Singh Chamkila (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A humble singer's brash lyrics ignite fame and fury across Punjab as he grapples with soaring success and brutal criticism before his untimely death.'

🔔 Good Times (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'In this edgy, irreverent reimagining of the TV classic, a new generation of the Evans family keeps their heads above water in a Chicago housing project.'

🎥 A Journey (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A woman refuses her cancer treatment and instead goes on a journey across Tasmania to check off items on her bucket list with her husband and best friend.'

🎥 Love, Divided (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Valentina is a pianist preparing for an audition. David is a games inventor who can only concentrate in complete silence. Separated by a paper-thin wall, they strive to live in harmony with each other.'

🎥 Stolen (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A young woman from Sweden's indigenous Sámi community tracks down a killer to settle a personal score.'

🎥 Strange Way of Life (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Silva rides a horse across the desert to visit Sheriff Jake. Twenty-five years earlier, both the sheriff and Silva worked together as hired gunmen. Silva visits him with the excuse of reuniting with his friend from his youth, but the next morning Sheriff Jake tells him that the reason for his trip is not to go down the memory lane of their old friendship.  Starring Ethan Hawke and Pedro Pascal. Directed by Pedro Almodóvar.'

🎥 Woody Woodpecker Goes to Camp (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'After getting kicked out of the forest, Woody thinks he's found a forever home at Camp Woo Hoo, until an inspector threatens to shut down the camp.'

🔔 Dora (Paramount, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Follows everyone's favorite bilingual explorer, Dora, and her best monkey friend, Boots, as they embark on epic adventures in a fantastical rainforest. Guided by trustworthy Map, Dora and her friends must work together to overcome many obstacles while being challenged by the sneakiest fox, Swiper. Kathleen Herles, the original voice of Dora the Explorer, returns to the new series as Mami.'

🍴 Best Bite in Town (Food Network and Max, 9:00 PM) 'In each episode, Noah assembles a Bite Club, featuring two chefs.  They explore the local food scene in cities across the country, visiting six of the most popular spots in each one. After scouring the town, Noah and the Bite Club nominate three exceptional dishes to present to a panel of culinary judges to determine the Best Bite in Town.'

RETURNING SHOWS

🐶 Cesar Milan: Better Human Better Dog (NGC, 9:00 PM) SEASON FOUR PREMIERE.

Franklin

STREAMING

🔔 Apartment 404 (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. 

🔔 Hope on the Street (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. 

🔔 Manhunt (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Useless" 

🔔 The Reluctant Traveler (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Adventures in Andalusia" SEASON FINALE. 

🔔 Sugar (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Shibuya Crossing"

🔔 Who's Talking to Chris Wallace (Max, 3:01 AM) 

-

🔔 A Gentleman in Moscow (Paramount, 3:01 AM) 

👮‍♂️ Cops (Fox Nation, 6:00 PM) 

👮‍♂️ Crime Cam 24/7 (Fox Nation, 6:00 PM) 

🎥 Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs (Shudder, 9:00 PM) 

LIVE SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

🏌️‍♂️ 2024 Masters Tournament: Second Round (ESPN, 3:00 PM)

⚾ MLB Baseball: Milwaukee Brewers at Baltimore Orioles (Apple, 7:00 PM) 

🏐 Pro Volleyball Federation: San Diego Mojo at Columbus Fury (CBSSN, 7:00 PM)

🥎 College Softball: Duke at Clemson (ESPN2, 7:00 PM)

⚾ College Baseball: LSU at Tennessee (ESPNU, 7:30 PM)

⚽ NWSL: Houston Dash at Washington Spirit (Amazon, 8:00 PM)

🏀 NBA Basketball: Los Angeles Lakers at Memphis Grizzlies (NBA TV, 8:00 PM)

🥊 Professional Fighters League: Light Heavyweights & Lightweights (Main Card) (ESPN2, 9:00 PM)

⚾ MLB Baseball: Chicago Cubs at Seattle Mariners (Apple, 9:30 PM) 

🏀 NBA Basketball: Phoenix Suns at Sacramento Kings (NBA TV, 10:30 PM)

Dora

🕗 MIDNIGHT 🕗

🔔 Royal Crackers (Adult Swim, 12:00 AM) "Mall"

🕗 EARLY PRIMETIME 🕗

💲 Switch (GSN, 7:00 PM) "Everyone, Get Your Steps In" 

💲 Split Second (GSN, 7:30 PM) "I'm Gonna Keep You Around All Day" 

🔔 The Steam Room with EJ and Chuck (TruTV, 7:30 PM) 

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🦈 Shark Tank (ABC, 8:00 PM) 'An ergonomic bike seat; an app that simplifies wedding planning; a post-workout muscle recovery soap; a simple tool to add bling to hair.'

👮‍♂️ S.W.A.T. (CBS, 8:00 PM) 'When the SWAT team faces off with a family of doomsday preppers, Deacon finds himself at the center of the storm; Tan clashes with a reporter covering the situation; Powell grapples with meeting the child she gave up for adoption 18 years ago.'

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV, 8:00 PM) 'All of the eliminated queens return to battle it out in a LipSync Lalaparuza Smackdown, with nine lip syncs, and a cash prize of $50,000 on the line.'

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush: White Water (Discovery Channel, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 BMF (Starz, 8:00 PM) 

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🔥 Fire Country (CBS, 9:00 PM) 'After a fire camp inmate escapes from Three Rock, deputy sheriff Mickey, who has a surprising connection to the Leones, is called to investigate.'

🎭 Great Performances (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'A visit to Juilliard Pre-College; Singapore's Chloe Chua.'

👽 The Unexplained Special Presentation (History, 9:00 PM) 'Throughout human history, cultures all over the world have produced unforgettable legends that have inspired people for centuries.'

🔔 Mary & George (Starz, 9:00 PM) 'Mary resorts to drastic measures to earn George an opportunity to impress the King; George must pull out all the stops and go head-to-head with Earl Somerset in order to stand out and prove himself to the King.'

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
💰 America's Backyard Gold (Discovery Channel, 9:00 PM) 
🍴 Best Bite in Town (Food Network, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
🚗 Wheeler Dealers (Motortrend, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🐶 Cesar Milan: Better Human Better Dog (NGC, 9:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
🤮 Mama June: From Not to Hot (WE, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 

The Greatest Hits

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

👮‍♂️ Blue Bloods (CBS, 10:00 PM) 'Danny and Baez investigate a homicide involving voodoo with the help of Baez's old partner; Eddie and a fellow officer team up with Capt. McNichols when they suspect a prestigious school is employing discriminatory admission practices.'

🎭 Next at the Kennedy Center (PBS, 10:00 PM) 'Ben Folds invites Jacob Collier, Laufey and dodie to reimagine their music with the National Symphony Orchestra.'

🔔 Mysteries of the Abandoned (Discovery Channel, 10:00 PM) 
🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM)
🚗 Graveyard Carz (Motortrend, 10:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

🔔 Jerrod Carmichael Reality Show (HBO, 11:00 PM) 'When his childhood best friend, Jessica, moves in to try to make it in New York City, Jerrod struggles to make up for years of being a terrible friend.'

🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actor Jesse Eisenberg; actress Susie Essman; comic Nathan Macintosh.'

🔔 After Midnight (CBS, 12:52 AM) 'Comic W. Kamau Bell; comic Nish Kumar; actress Anjelah Johnson-Reyes.'

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:50 PM) 
🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:36 PM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE📺

The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 5:10 AM - 11:00 AM); Law & Order (Pop, 6:00 AM - 8:00 PM); Futurama (Comedy Central, 7:00 AM - 10:10 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 7:00 PM); South Park (Comedy Central, 10:10 AM - 2:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 2:00 PM - 6:00 PM); The Andy Griffith Show (TVLand, 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); Archie Bunker's Place (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 6:00 PM - 11:00 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TVLand, 7:00 PM - 11:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); The King of Queens (TVLand, 11:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 11:00 PM - 12:00 AM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); The Drew Carey Show (Antennae, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Mom (TVLand, 2:00 AM - 4:12 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Actor Jerry Seinfeld; actress Victoria Principal; actor Charles Grodin.'

Good Times

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included