What's On Tonight (Thursday): Children! Children Ruin Everything

 

Via Giphy.

Well, that's one way to sing the song, Ms. Lauper. ... No, but seriously, tonight's Top Pick is Children Ruin Everything, airing its third season premiere on The CW. It's going to be interesting if/when The CW is at full capacity again, what it will do with all of its foreign acquistions.

While the plight of The CW's Canadian sitcoms keeps me up all through the night, time after time, and I lament how those girls just want to have fun ... and, uh, she bop! ... let's see what else TV has to offer us for Thursday, Jan. 11. All times are EST.


STREAMING
Ted, 3:01 a.m., Peacock. Premiere. "In this comedic prequel event series to the Ted films, it's 1993, and Ted the bear's (Seth MacFarlane) moment of fame has passed. He's now living back home in Framingham, Massachusetts with his best friend, 16-year-old John Bennett (Max Burkholder), along with John's parents, Matty and Susan (Scott Grimes and Alanna Ubach) and cousin Blaire (Giorgia Whigham). Ted may be a lousy influence on John, but at the end of the day, he's a loyal pal who's always willing to go out on a limb for friendship." Seven episodes available.

Boy Swallows Universe, 3:01 a.m., Netflix. Premiere. "In a room below his house in 1980s Brisbane, Eli Bell (Felix Cameron) answers a red telephone — and begins a journey that will break his heart before rebuilding it." Eight episodes available.

Champion, 3:01 a.m., Netflix. Premiere. "Rapper Bosco is free from prison and ready for a comeback — until his sister Vita steps into the spotlight and puts their family bond to the test."

Sanctuary: A Witch's Tale, 3:01 a.m., Sundance Now/AMC+.

TALKIN' 'BOUT TALK

Today, 7 a.m., NBC. Capt. "Sully" Sullenberger (the Miracle on the Hudson's 15th anniversary), Annette Bening (Nyad) and Today Food. Later, real estate expert Stefani Berkin, Andie MacDowell, more Today Food and a performance by Jon Batiste and wife Suleika (American Symphony). After that, fitness trainer Amolia Cesar and Today Food.

The Talk, 2 p.m., CBS. Taraji P. Henson (The Color Purple) and Auli'i Cravalho (Mean Girls).

The Drew Barrymore Show, times, lengths and stations vary. Billy Porter ("Black Mona Lisa," Our Son) and later, dating expert Damona Hoffman talks "about relationship resolutions and the four myths of dating."

Sherri, times and stations vary. Flavor Flav ("Every Where Man") and therapist Brittainy Noel, who "shares key advice on dating in the new year."

Courtesy YouTube.

PRE-PRIMETIME SPORTS

NBA Basketball, 2 p.m., NBA TV. Brooklyn Nets vs. Cleveland Cavaliers.

College Basketball, 7 p.m., CBS Sports Network. Hofstra vs. Northeastern.

NHL Hockey, 7 p.m., ESPN. Toronto Maple Leafs vs. New York Islanders.

College Basketball, 7 p.m., ESPN2. Florida Atlantic vs. Tulane.

College Basketball, 7 p.m., ESPNU. Maryland-Baltimore County vs. Vermont.

PGA Tour Golf, 7 p.m., Golf. Sony Open. The first round, from Honolulu, Hawaii.

NBA Basketball, 7:30 p.m., TNT. Boston Celtics vs. Milwaukee Bucks.

PRE-PRIMETIME MOVIES

Blade, 7:15 p.m., Syfy. 1998 movie.

Golda, 7:20 p.m., Sho2.

Dying of the Light, 7:25 p.m., MoreMax.

Die Hard With a Vengeance, 7:40 p.m., FXM.

No Country for Old Men, 7:55 p.m., Showtime Extreme.

Courtesy YouTube.

8 P.M. (CBS and NBC have reruns tonight. The CW has reruns of The Conners beginning at 8:30.)

Press Your Luck, ABC. "Royalty!!!" Followed by two reruns.

Son of a Critch, The CW. "Details Are Scanty." "When Fox's father gets arrested, Mark lobbies his father not to report on the crime. Pop and Mary steal cable with a descrambler."

Hell's Kitchen, FOX. "#HellishHangover." "During dinner service, the chefs attempt to impress guests with renowned influence including actors Kate Flannery, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Gavin Rossdale and Bob the Drag Queen. Gordon makes a shocking decision."

The This Old House Hour, PBS. "Lexington: Seven Layer Floors" and "Window to Door Conversion." "The slab-on-grade foundation is built up. Accessible AV solutions are explored. Prep begins for a curbless shower. Installing an automatic zero threshold door." Later, "Converting a window into a back door. Dealbreakers that homeowners should consider when looking to buy a home without major renovations."

The Power of Film, TCM. "Trapped Between Fate & Destiny."

The Wrong Life Coach, Lifetime. Premiere. "When Jordan gets a new boss, the job becomes more than she bargained for. She receives help in the form of a life coach named Liz, but this coach has plans of her own."

Movie Night!

Clue, The Movie Channel.

Trading Places, WE.

Blue Beetle, 8:18 p.m., HBO2.

Hancock, 8:30 p.m., IFC.

Big Hero 6, 8:50 p.m., Freeform.

9 P.M. (PBS has reruns of Miss Scarlet and the Duke and Funny Woman.)

Children Ruin Everything, 9:30 p.m., The CW. Third season premiere. "Therapy." "Astrid and James wrestle with differing opinions on how to move forward with an important decision affecting Viv."

Gordon Ramsay's Road Trip, FOX. "Spanish Vacation, Part I." "Gordon Ramsay, Gino D'Acampo and Fred Sirieix immerse themselves in the best culture and cuisine Spain has to offer. The trio uncover adventures in Flamenco dancing, winemaking, tapas cook-offs and catching clams."

College Basketball, CBS Sports Network. Louisiana Tech vs. Middle Tennessee State.

College Basketball, ESPN2. UCLA vs. Utah.

College Basketball, ESPNU. Radford vs. Longwood.

College Basketball, 9:30 p.m., ESPN. Gonzaga vs. Santa Clara.

Movie Night!

Neighbors, E! 2014 movie.

Only the Brave, StarzEncore.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies, HBO Family.

World War Z, 9:05 p.m., Showcase.

Judge Dredd, 9:15 p.m., BBC America.

Courtesy YouTube.

10 P.M. and beyond

NBA Basketball, TNT. Phoenix Suns vs. Los Angeles Lakers.

College Basketball, 11 p.m., ESPN2. Stanford vs. Oregon State.

College Basketball, 11 p.m., ESPNU. Portland vs. St. Mary's.

Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen, Bravo. Kevin Hart.

Johnny Carson, Antenna. Robert Klein, Blair Brown and Teddy Andrews are the guests on this Jan. 13, 1989, episode.

Movie Night!

Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw, FX.

Michael Clayton, Paramount+ with Showtime.

Fifty Shades Darker, 10:06 p.m., Cinemax.

House Party, 10:21 p.m., HBO Signature. 2023 movie.

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard, 10:30 p.m., Paramount.

LATE NIGHT TALK

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, 11:34 p.m., NBC. Matthew McConaughey, Lily Gladstone and a performance by Wyclef Jean, Pusha T, Lola Brooke and Capella Grey.

The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, 11:35 p.m., CBS. Emily Blunt and Colman Domingo.

Jimmy Kimmel Live!, 11:35 p.m., ABC. Natalie Portman, Chris Distefano and Turnpike Troubadors.

Late Night With Seth Meyers, 12:35 a.m., NBC. Tina Fey, Andrew Scott and Morgan Rose.

Courtesy YouTube.

LATE NIGHT PICK!

Network, 12:15 a.m., TCM.

Sources: Futon Critic, zap2it, individual show websites, TV Everyday, Google.