What's On Tonight (Friday): Fuck It, Let's Go with a Tubi Original...

          

Midnight Hustle

Ever since Tubi started releasing "films" on Fridays I knew the day would come where I would finally break down and give one of them the fabled Top Pick bump.  Today is that day.  A day of reckoning, a day of hustling, or rather, a day of... Midnight Hustling.  Two ballerinas end up working at a strip club to make ends meet, and not one of those nice strip clubs like in Hustlers, for these are Midnight Hustlers, who are at the opposite end of the ol' stripper pole and never the taint shall meet (except in the Champagne Room).

TOP PICK

⭐🎥 Midnight Hustle (Tubi, 3:01 AM) 'Two struggling ballerinas plunge into the world of stripping at a high-end club, only to find that with money and adoration comes crime and murder.'✔️

Elsewhere...

*Netflix has a new Jewish tween girl comedy (that seems like an underserved demographic); You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah.  It stars Adam Sandler's daughter, with Sandler taking a supporting role as the father.  It's actually getting good reviews (84% fresh) and it looks cute.  I'll probably never watch it.

*Enough of you people decided to check out the first Vacation Friends film to convince Hulu to make a second one.  Congratulations on that, bonehead.

*Netflix also has a new Spanish slasher film that appears to have the same formula as I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with a Scream size cast of young people and a college setting, so presumably the body count is higher.  It's called Killer Book Club and it has no relation to the Diane Keaton/Jane Fonda/Candice Bergen/Mary Steenburgen films, but dear God how I wish it did.

PREMIERES

Wayne Shorter: Zero Gravity

🎥 Wayne Shorter: Zero Gravity (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 'A cinematic ode to jazz legend, Wayne Shorter, from executive producer, Brad Pitt and directed by Dorsay Alavi. Depicted in 3 portals, the viewer is transported into prolific periods of Shorter's life and how through adversity, he grew to greatness, shattered the limitations of jazz, and became one of the most influential musicians and composers in American music.'✔️

🔔 Wanted: The Escape of Carlos Ghosn (Apple, 12:01 AM) LIMITED SERIES. 'Tells the riveting story of CEO-turned-fugitive Carlos Ghosn and his relentless climb to the top of the corporate ladder, shocking arrest, and unbelievable escape that stunned the world.'✔️

🎥 Vacation Friends 2 (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'The vacation friends reunite at a resort, but it soon turns into a wild adventure.'

🎥 Monica (AMC+, 3:01 AM) 'An intimate portrait of a woman who, for the first time in 20 years, returns home to the Midwest to take care of her ailing mother. Through the themes of abandonment, aging, rejection, acceptance and forgiveness, we get to know Monica and her world made of pain, fear but also courage.'

🎥 The Flash (Max, 3:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'Barry uses his superpowers to travel back in time in order to change the events of the past. But when his attempt to save his family inadvertently alters the future, Barry becomes trapped in a reality in which General Zod has returned, threatening annihilation, and there are no Superheroes to turn to. That is, unless Barry can coax a very different Batman out of retirement and rescue an imprisoned Kryptonian... albeit not the one he's looking for.'✔️

🎥 Killer Book Club (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Eight horror-loving friends fight for their lives when a killer clown who seems to know the grim secret they share begins to pick them off, one by one.'✔️

🎥 You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'BFFs Stacy and Lydia are both planning epic bat mitzvahs, but it all unravels when a popular by - and middle school drama - threaten to ruin everything.  Starring Adam Sandler, Idina Menzel and Jackie Sandler.'✔️

🏈 NFL Draft: The Pick is In (Roku, 3:01 AM) 'Guerilla-style documentary crews are embedded in the draft rooms of the Cowboys, Colts, Jaguars, and Panthers, across all seven rounds of the NFL draft— it’s the ultimate reality football television.'

Let's Get Nuts (AKA: The Flash)

STREAMING

🔔 Harlan Coben's Shelter (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 The Lost Flowers of Alice Hart (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🚀 Foundation (Apple, 12:01 AM) "A Necessary Death" 

⚖ Tribunal Justice (Freevee, 12:01 AM) 

🍴 Markkim + Chef (Max, 3:01 AM) 

👮‍♂️ Crime Cam 24/7 (Fox Nation, 6:00 PM) 

💖 Love Island (Peacock, 9:00 PM) 

LIVE SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

🥒 PPA Tour Special: Vulcan Kansas City Open (Amazon, 11:00 AM)

🏌️‍♂️ 2023 TOUR Championship: Second Round (Golf, 1:00 PM)

🏃‍♂️ Track and Field: World Athletics Championships (USA, 1:30 PM)

🐟 SFC Sport Fishing: San Juan International Billfish Tournament- Day 2 (CBSSN, 4:00 PM)

🏎 NASCAR Cup Series: Coke Zero Sugar 400, Qualifying (USA, 5:00 PM)

🏌️‍♀️ LPGA Tour Golf: CPKC Women's Open, Second Round (Golf, 6:30 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: Los Angeles Dodgers at Boston Red Sox (Apple, 7:00 PM)

🌽 Cornhole: 2023 ACL Pro Invitational (ESPN2, 7:00 PM)

🏎 NASCAR Xfinity Racing Series: Wawa 250 (USA, 7:30 PM)

🥎 Athletics Unlimited Softball: Team Gold vs. Team Purple (ESPNU, 8:00 PM)

🏈 NFL Special: New England Patriots vs. Tennessee Titans (NFLN, 8:15 PM)

🏈 NFL Special: Detroit Lions at Carolina Panthers (CBS, 8:00 PM)

🏈 High School Football: Lipscomb Academy (TN) at Saraland (AL) (ESPN, 8:00 PM)

🏀 WNBA Basketball: Los Angeles Sparks at Atlanta Dream (Ion, 8:00 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: Kansas City Royals at Seattle Mariners (Apple, 10:00 PM)

🏈 NFL Special: Los Angeles Chargers vs. San Francisco 49ers (NFLN, 10:00 PM)

🥍 Premiere Lacross League: Atlas LC vs. Redwoods LC (ESPN2, 10:30 PM)

Wanted: The Escape of Carlos Ghosn

🕗 MIDNIGHT EASTERN / 🕗 11:00 CENTRAL

🔔 My Adventures with Superman (Adult Swim, 12:00 AM) 'Superman finally gets answers to who he is and where he came from, while coming face-to-face with The General, leader of Task Force X; Lois and Jimmy must find Superman before Dr. Ivo destroys Metropolis.'

EARLY PRIMETIME

💲 Master Minds (GSN, 6:00 PM) "Trivia, Smarts & Legos"

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

⚖ Family Law (CW, 8:00 PM) 'Abby can't help but intervene when she discovers Jerri's daughter won't let Jerri meet her grandchild; Abby's meddling reopens old wounds from Jerri's past.'

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush: Freddy Dodge's Mine Rescue (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 
🚗 Engine Masters (Motortrend, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Ridiculousness (MTV, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Moonshine (CW, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 'In a last attempt to save the Moonshine, the Finley-Cullens need to negotiate with bikers, resolve a smuggling deal and host a cop fundraiser.'

🍴 Diners, Drive-ins & Dives (Food, 9:00 PM) 'Guy Fieri's headed on some tasty trips back in time, starting with an old schoolhouse in Ohio that has a comfort food curriculum; former church in Redmond, Ore., puts out heavenly pizza; a retro joint in Stamford, Conn., dishes out diner classics.'

🔔 Minx (Starz, 9:00 PM) 'Shelly gets a taste of college life while joining Joyce on her victory-lap trip to Vassar; Doug accompanies Tina to her mom's retirement party and learns some surprising news; Bambi connects with Richie on a trip of their own.'

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
🎭 Great Performances (PBS, 9:00 PM) 
💀 Witness to Murder: Digital Evidence (A&E, 9:00 PM) 
🎵 CMT Summer Sessions (CMT, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👽 Ancient Aliens (History, 9:00 PM) 
🚗 Super Street Garage (Motortrend, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Ridiculousness (MTV, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Time of Essence (OWN, 9:00 PM) 
💀 The Real Murders of Atlanta (Oxygen, 9:00 PM) 
💖 Love During Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 AM) 
💰 Hoffman Family Gold (Discovery, 9:31 PM) 
🔔 Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and Graham (Starz, 9:32 PM) 

Killer Book Club

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

🤼‍♂️ Heels (Starz, 10:02 PM) 'A mysterious new wrestler surges in popularity in Duffy, igniting Gully's ire; he demands the DWL make an appearance at Florida Wrestling Dystopia to make amends; Jack asks Staci to take on more responsibility at the Dome.'

🚗 Runs Good (Motortrend, 10:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 
💀 Women on Death Row (A&E, 10:01 PM) 
👽 The Proof is Out There (History, 10:03 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery, 10:31 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

🔔 How to with John Wilson (HBO, 11:00 PM) 'John thinks he is spending too much time indoors and decides to try out the activity of birding.'

🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actor Pete Davidson; musician Questlove; writer S.A. Cosby; Peso Pluma performs.'

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Actor John Leguizamo; actress Zoe Kazan; Paolo Nutini performs; Arjuna Contreras sits in with the 8G Band.'

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)
🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE📺

The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Law & Order (Pop, 6:00 AM - 8:00 PM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Parks and Recreation (Comedy Central, 9:00 AM - 2:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 8:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 2:00 - 6:00 PM); The Andy Griffith Show (TVLand, 4:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); One Day at a Time (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 6:00 PM - 11:30 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TVLand, 7:00 PM - 11:05 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); King of Queens (TVLand, 11:05 PM - 2:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Wings (Antennae, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Benson (Antenna, 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM); Mom (TVLand,3:10 AM - 4:50 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Actor Victor Buono; impressionist Rich Little; Jo Ann Pflug; golfer Tom Weiskopf.'

You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included