Top Ten Bill Clinton Post-Impeachment Plans - July 27, 1998
10. Spend more quality time with Chelsea and her 13 half-brothers and sisters.
9. A tour of the nation's prisons to improve conditions, visit friends.
8. Step one: appear on "Oprah." Step two: hug Oprah. Step three: all is forgiven.
7. Attend UFO conventions, show off preserved bodies of aliens he smuggled out of the Pentagon.
6. Write book: "The American Presidency: An Oral History."
5. Buy a Hooters franchise.
4. Buy a Burger King franchise.
3. Buy a Hooters franchise.
2. Come to grips with the fact that regular people just can't go around dropping their pants.
1. Trash the dump before Gore moves in.
Courtesy YouTube.
Top Ten Questions Ken Starr Plans to Ask Monica Lewinsky - July 28, 1998
10. "Can I try on that absolutely darling little beret?"
9. "Is it all right if my son Ringo asks a few questions?"
8. "In a past life, did you sleep with President Kennedy?"
7. "Was your security clearance at level 36C -- uh, I mean, level C?"
6. "Is that hair gel?"
5. "Could you have a talk with my intern?"
4. "In the course of your encounters, did the President ever yell, 'Yee Hah!'?"
3. "Are you mad at me for ruining your entire adult life?"
2. "Is it true he asked you if you would like to 'go down in history'?"
1. "Did you inhale?"
Courtesy YouTube.
Top Ten Things on Clinton's To Do List - July 29, 1998
10. Meet with advisors to settle on prison nickname.
9. Erase score-keeping marks from Air Force One lavatory.
8. Get hillbilly friends to ride past Kenneth Starr's house, hit mailbox with baseball bat.
7. Call FTD -- Send "You Better Not Talk Bouquet" to Cokie Roberts.
6. Check out Paula Jones after nose job. Hit on her?
5. Wedding gift for Barbra and what's-his-name.
4. Have Webster's Dictionary change definition of the word "lie" so it has a more positive ring to it.
3. Executive order re-opening New York City sex shops.
2. Explore possible "I'm gay" defense.
1. Check out real estate prices in hell.
Courtesy YouTube.
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