What's On Tonight: A Midwinter Night's Fever Dream...

       

Carnival Row

There is a lot to choose from this week.  We got a Spanish language western about the Robin Hood of the West, a new twisty-grifty film starring Julianne Moore and John Lithgow, a retro sci-fi series starring Billy Crudup and even the streaming premiere of Armageddon Time.  There's only one show I'm guaranteed to watch though, and that's the second and final season of Amazon's Carnival Row.

I'm not sure what the overall response was to the CR's first season.  Hell, it's been so long since the first season (over three years!) I'm hoping there is a generous recap because this show had a lot of stuff going on.  I can hear you asking, "But is it good?"  And I can hear myself responding, "I'm not sure."  Orlando Bloom is chewing scenery in a way he's never done in any of his films, but I enjoyed it because it fits how over the top the whole show is.  Cara Delevingne plays Bloom's fairy love interest and she's pretty perfectly cast because, say what you will about her acting abilities, she looks like a goddamn fairy.  

Hopefully the true stars of the first season, the giant sets and great special effects, are still around.  I'm worried they might have endured some budget cuts to get this season made.  It would be a shame if they had less money to play with.  The one thing about the first season that I unabashedly praise was how fucking ballsy and unapologetic this fantasy show - that isn't based on any books or prior works - was coming right out of the gate.  I don't know if it's good, but I know what I like, or at least I know what keeps my attention for roughly 45-50 minutes.

PREMIERES

🧚‍♀️ Carnival Row (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE (FINAL SEASON). 'Season 2 picks up with former inspector Philo investigating a series of gruesome murders which are stoking social tension. Vignette Stonemoss and the Black Raven - a group of vigilante faeries - plot payback for the unjust oppression inflicted by The Burgue's human leaders. Tourmaline inherits supernatural powers that threaten her fate and the future of The Row.  And, after escaping The Burgue and her vengeful brother Ezra, Imogen and her partner Agreus encounter a radical new society which upends their plans. '

Elsewhere...

*Apple has a that new movie with Moore and Lithgow AND the new retro sci-fi series.  The latter of which appears to be a blend of Mad Men, Glengarry Glen Ross and Tomorrowland.  Of course, Apple releases these things right after I cancelled my prescription.  I'll check them out when I renew to watch season two of Severance.

*HBO Max has a new animated series called Poor Devil.  I'd like to comment on it, but no one put out a trailer.  I know HBO is trying to cut costs left and right but how about throwing out a few bucks to have someone put together a goddamn trailer for your show?  You're gonna cost yourself a potential Top Pick bump right when you need it the most.

I've been binging Evil and Ghosts on Paramount+ and once I am done I will be putting that subscription into cryo-sleep for at least a year.  I might be tempted to stay around for a few more weeks if the new season of Picard is good, but the last season was just so terrible that I can't allow myself to hope again.

PREMIERES

La Cabeza de Joaquin Murrieta (The Head of Joaquin Murrieta) 

🔔 La Cabeza de Joaquin Murrieta (The Head of Joaquin Murrieta) (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Greed took over California because of the gold rush. It made people thirsty for wealth and land. There, in the newly drawn border between Mexico and the US, a lawless war for control, fueled by the anger and xenophobia of the past war, is led by a group of immigrants who join forces to create the myth of the Latin Robin Hood: Joaquín Murrieta.'

🎥 Sharper (Apple, 12:01 AM) 'No one is who they seem in this neo-noir New York City thriller of ruthless manipulations and high-stakes power games.  Starring Julianne Moore, Sebastian Stan, Justice Smith and John Lithgow.'

🔔 Hello Tomorrow! (Apple, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Set in a retro-future world, this series centers around a group of traveling salesmen hawking lunar timeshares. Billy Crudup stars as Jack, a salesman of great talent and ambition, whose unshakeable faith in a brighter tomorrow inspires his coworkers, revitalizes his desperate customers, but threatens to leave him dangerously lost in the very dream that sustains him.'

🎥 Four Samosas (AMC+, 3:01 AM) 'An unmotivated South Asian American rapper, along with three other first-time thieves, plans a heist on a grocery store owned by his ex-girlfriend's father, in order to steal her wedding diamonds and disrupt her pending engagement.'

🎥 J-Hope in the Box (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'Follows the BTS member as he creates his debut solo album Jack in the Box, as well as allowing fans to see his private listening party for the album, and his Lollapalooza headline set.'

😈 Poor Devil (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) 'Follows Stan, a typical 18-year-old whose father is the Devil himself. While he was tasked to go to earth and unleash hell, Stan finds out he wants to be a performer on Broadway.'

🔔 Community Squad (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'A ragtag civilian patrol squad created to improve the image of the police inadvertently put their lives at risk when confronting some strange criminals.'

🔔 A Girl and an Astronaut (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'An astronaut's return after a 30-year disappearance rekindles a lost love and sparks interest from a corporation determined to learn why he hasn't aged.'

🎥 Unlocked (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A woman’s life is turned upside-down when a dangerous man gets a hold of her lost cell phone and uses it to track her every move.'

🎥 Armageddon Time (Peacock, 3:01 AM) STREAMING PREMIERE. 'Follows a young Jewish-American boy who befriends an African American classmate and begins to struggle with expectations from his family and growing up in a world of privilege, inequality and prejudice.  Starring Anne Hathaway, Jeremy Strong and Anthony Hopkins.  Written and directed by James Gray.'

😂 Josh Johnson: Up Here Killing Myself (Peacock, 3:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Johnson talks about his relationships with money, his father, and a stalker.'

🎥 You Can't Escape Me (Lifetime, 8:00 PM) 'An aspiring artist finds herself in grave danger when she flees her abusive husband to stay with a college friend in Seattle.'

💀 The 12th Victim (Showtime, 8:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'A four-part docuseries that sheds new light on the infamous 1958 Charles Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate murder case, in which the teenage couple was charged and convicted of brutally killing 11 victims at random. Told through a stylistic blend of archival and recreated footage and countless film and television series inspired by the killings, this series reexamines Fugate's guilty verdict, who was 14 years old at the time of the killings, through a modern lens, questioning the media and judicial system's treatment of her despite her self-proclaimed innocence. '

RETURNING SHOWS

Animaniacs

🏄‍♂️ Make or Break (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE.

🔔 The Animaniacs (Hulu, 12:01 AM) FINAL SEASON. 

🔔 Ganglands (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🍴 Emeril Cooks (Roku, 3:01 AM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE. 

😂 The Greatest #athome Videos (CBS, 8:00 PM) 

STREAMING

🔔 Harlem (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Dear Edward (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Haunted"

🔔 Servant (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Zoo"

🔔 Shrinking (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Woof"

🔔 Truth Be Told (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Freedon is Never Given; It is Won."

🔔 El Heredero: La Dinastia del Freestyle (Hulu, 3:01 AM) 

⚖ Judy Justice (Freevee, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Play-Doh Squished (Freevee, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Who's Talking to Chris Wallace? (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) 

💖 Love Island (UK) (Hulu, 3:01 AM) 

💖 Love is Blind: After the Alter (Netflix, 3:01 AM) "Episodes 313-315" 

Hello Tomorrow!

LIVE SPORTSBALL TODAY/TONIGHT

🥎 College Softball: Clearwater Invitational: Alabama vs. UCLA (ESPN2, 4:00 PM)

🥍Men's College Lacrosse: Denver at Duke (ESPNU, 4:00 PM)

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Golf: he Genesis Invitational, Second Round (Golf, 4:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Eastern Michigan at Kent State (CBSSN, 6:00 PM)

🏀 2023 NBA All-Star Celebrity Game (ESPN, 7:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Dayton at Loyola-Chicago (ESPN2, 7:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Yale at Pennsylvania (ESPNews, 7:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Wright State at Cleveland State (ESPNU, 7:00 PM)

🏒 College Hockey: St. Cloud State at North Dakota (CBSSN, 8:00 PM)

🏒 NHL Hockey: Los Angeles Kings at Anaheim Ducks (ESPN, 9:00 PM)

🤸‍♀️ Women's College Gymnastics: Florida at LSU (ESPN2, 9:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Quinnipiac at Siena (ESPNU, 9:00 PM)

🏀 2023 NBA Jordan Rising Stars (TNT, 9:00 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: New Mexico at San Jose State (CBSSN, 10:30 PM)

🥍 NLL Lacrosse: Saskatchewan Rush at San Diego Seals (ESPN2, 10:30 PM)

🏀 College Basketball: Abilene Christian at Grand Canyon (ESPNU,11:00 PM)

Sharper

EARLY PRIMETIME

🧽 The Patrick Star Show (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) 'When Patrick gets injured, his family members take turns hosting the show.'

🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 7:00 PM) 'Presenting Slam Dunk; Dustin Rhodes goes one-on-one with Swerve Strickland; Ricky Starks faces Jericho Appreciation Society's Daniel Garcia.'

🔔 Bunk'd: Learning the Ropes (Disney, 7:30 PM) 'Destiny, Bill and Parker must stall a livestock auction to retrieve a clue in the treasure hunt; Jake works on a gift for his moms; Noah practices stunts.'

💲 Switch (GSN, 7:00 PM) 

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🦈 Shark Tank (ABC, 8:00 PM) 'Emma Grede guest sharks; a product aimed at keeping smiles fresh and bright; a solution to a growing problem in the apparel industry; an anti-chafing product; a beverage with African roots; an update on Cupboard Pro.'

😂 The Greatest #athome Videos (CBS, 8:00 PM) 'Cedric the Entertainer hosts an awards season-themed special in which he shares some of the best, most hilarious and cringe-worthy viral videos in awards show history.'

🔔 Lopez vs. Lopez (NBC, 8:00 PM) 'Mayan and George disagree about how to handle a lucrative business opportunity; Rosie's ethics are put to the test in the kitchen.'

🔔 WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 
🎥 You Can't Escape Me (Lifetime, 8:00 PM) 
🔨 First Time Fixer (Magnolia, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race (MTV, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 
💀 The 12th Victim (Showtime, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 BMF (Stars, 8:01 PM) 
🔔 Young Rock (NBC, 8:30 PM) 

Armageddon Time

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

😂 Whose Line is it Anyway? (CW, 8:00 PM) 'Guest comic Gary Anthony Williams.'

🎭 Great Performances (PBS, 9:00 PM) "Movies for Grownups Awards with AARP the Magazine"

🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (Food, 9:00 PM) 'In California, Guy takes Marc Summers to check out fried rice in a bowl and burrito; then, he's off to Vegas with Hunter for real deal Jamaican and to Florida for lobster meatballs and pork cheek empanadas.'

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👽 Ancient Aliens (History, 9:00 PM)
🔔 The Real Friends of Weho (MTV, 9:00 PM) 
🐶 Cesar Millan: Better Human Better Dog (NGC, 9:00 PM) 
💖 All the Single Ladies (OWN, 9:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
👻 Kindred Spirits (Travel, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Love After Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 
💰 Gold, Lies & Videotape (Discovery, 9:07 PM) 

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 
🚗 Graveyard Carz (Motortrend, 10:00 PM) 
🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race: Untucked (MTV, 10:00 PM) 
💰 Aussie Gold Hunters: Mine SOS (Discovery, 10:10 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actor Adam Scott; actress Elizabeth Debicki; comic Nathan Macintosh.'

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Actress Reese Witherspoon; actress Paula Pell; chef Michael Solomonov.'

🔔 Game Theory with Bomani Jones (HBO, 11:00 PM) 
🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher: Overtime (CNN, 11:30 PM) 
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM)
🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM) 
🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 
🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 

Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO BINGE

📺 Eureka (Syfy, 5:00 AM - 10:00 AM); The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 6:00 AM - 4:00 PM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); South Park (Comedy Central, 9:35 AM - 1:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 2:00 AM); ER (Pop, 12:00 PM - 6:00 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law & Order (Sundance, 1:00 PM - 1:00 AM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 1:00 - 5:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 5:00 PM - 11:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); One Day at a Time (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); House (Pop, 6:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:05 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); King of Queens (TV Land, 11:05 PM - 2:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Wings (Antennae, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Benson (Antenna, 3:00 AM - 4:00 AM); Mom (TV Land, 3:00 AM - 5:00 AM)

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Tennis player Martina Navratilova; actor McLean Stevenson; comedian George Carlin; Rita Reutter.'

Four Samosas

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included