Thoughts on The 56th Annual Macy's Thanksgiving Parade

 

Courtesy NBCUniversal/Macy's

"... And look who's pulled up beside us. Atop the rocking lion this morning, for a bit of a spin, Deniece Williams, whose records have been spinning out a bit of success on their own today. The lady hits a lot of notes that you and I only dream about. But why dream on this day, when we've got her to perform in Herald Square."

-- Bryant Gumbel

Yet again, Thoughts On in the purest sense!

1. For a long time, the 1982 Macy's Parade was something of the Holy Grail for enthusiasts. It was the lone 80s parade that wasn't circulating or hadn't been uploaded. I'm not going to overstate its importance; this is your standard Macy's Parade, with floats, songs and guests. Still, there's more than a few points of interest.

2. Our hosts today are Bryant Gumbel and Sarah Purcell. In case you forgot, Bryant had been on Today for less than a year at the time. Good Morning America was about seven years old. NBC was still trying to respond to GMA's popularity and I feel like Bryant co-hosting the parade is a response to that. Alright, America, you want a warm, inviting, casual morning show host? You're gonna get Bryant!

3. Bryant mentions the telecast's writer, Barry Downes, at one point, but I'm positive that after the first sentences of each intro or outro, he and Sarah are ad libbling. On the plus side, this is Bryant in 1982, before his ego became apparant. On the minus side, there are times where Bryant sounds stoned out of his mind.

4. I had no idea that McDonalds was still using the "You Deserve a Break Today" slogan in '82.

5. Sammy Davis Jr. made his Macy's Parade debut in '82, singing "The Candy Man" atop a float sponsored by the New York Daily News. Sammy is Sammy, cool even when lip syncing his cheesy hit atop a big apple.

6. Olive Oyl, of all characters, was the first female balloon in the Macy's Parade. She made her debut in '82. Oops, Sarah's got mike trouble!

7. Ugh, Ricky Schroeder. Dressed as a prince, he shows up three times, first for an interview with Sarah. This time, it's Bryant's turn for audio issues, causing a delay with the Shirt Tales' interlude.

8. Giphy's being difficult today, which is a shame, since I wanted to capture lots of the Betty Thomas-Ed Marinaro song and dance number. It's to "Side by Side" ("Oh, we ain't got a barrel of money ..."), with choreography by Tad Tadlock! Yes, that's right, Miss Design for Dreaming herself. Betty and Ed honestly aren't bad together, even if she briefly lip syncs to his part.

Those faces you make after finishing a song and dance number.

8. Is anyone else like me? Everytime you see juggling, you make a note to learn it yourself?

9. Sheryl Lee Ralph had apparently left Dreamgirls or wasn't required to perform today. Linda Leilani Brown is playing Deena opposite Loretta Devine as Lorrell and Deborah Burrell as Michelle.

10. Sarah's mike goes out again. She's not bad at parade co-hosting, but as the day goes on, whether by design or improvisation, Sarah will have less to do. I think it was during the Willard Scott years that NBC finally decided to have the hosts all in roughly the same location, rather than one uptown and one at Herald Square.

11. I'm generally a Debbie Allen apologist and it was fun seeing her and Gene Anthony Ray try their best to liven up Bryant. But this dance with the Fame troupe to "Sing! Sing! Sing!" feels like it's going on forever.

12. Keith Carradine kicks off the second hour by singing "Sweet Talker" atop Tom Turkey. The song's from the Broadway play Foxfire, which he was in at the time. What, no appearance from Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy?

13. The gang from Sesame Street are here! Sad fact: the 1982 Macy's Parade was presumably Will Lee's last time playing Mr. Hooper. His last segments for the show were taped the day before and he would die less than two weeks later.

14. I guess the crew came from NBC Sports, if that truck that the Kermit balloon passes is any indication.

15. Bryant and/or the script did Shelley Bruce dirty. She's referred to as "Kate in the original cast of Annie," which is true, but you'd think they'd maybe want to mention that she also played Annie for a year.

16. It's dangerous to have trippy effects in something like this. I thought the tape this recording came from went bad, not that the parade was representing a nightmare sequence from Hanna-Barbera's Heidi's Song.

17. Let's quickly talk about CBS's All-American Thanksgiving Day Parade. The portion that exists on YouTube is Linda Lavin & John Hillerman covering the Aloha Festival Floral Parade. Even if Alice was on hiatus, Linda was still a big deal at CBS. Her and John's banter has the running gag of how badly she'd like to meet Tom Selleck. Also, apparently this is the first time in seven years that Jack Lord wasn't hosting.

18. "If you don't know who Mickey Mouse is, than you don't know what Thanksgiving is about anyway, right?" I'm not quite following your logic there, Bryant.

19. This little girl has the same reaction to the Strawberry Shortcake song and dance as I do. Ah, well, it's nice to hear Russi Taylor singing.

Really? Really? I begged Mom and Dad to take me to ... this?!

20. Paul Williams, atop a rocking lobster, but sadly not a rockin' lobster, performs "You and Me Against the World" to Olive Oyl. Bryant reminds the audience of how awesome it is that there's finally a lady balloon.

21. "This is Liberation Day. For women. And what a big chick. I mean, really. *cracking himself up* I mean, what a woman we're talking about here. This is a lot of woman! ... That is 15 feet of feet she's got. I mean, I've seen women who have big feet, who don't need skis when they come down the mountain, but this is a little ridiculous."

22. I'm assuming we're now in the 11 a.m. hour. Andy Gibb promotes what would ultimately be a short run in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat (not even a month-and-a-half) by singing "Any Dream Will Do." Andy's standing on a pirate ship's plank and I'm assuming he's rigged to keep his balance once the float's in motion.

23. Jean McFaddin was to the Macy's parades what Isabelle Stevenson was to the Tony Awards. This one's not debatable. I think these events need a classy older woman (although McFaddin was only 40 in 1982) to show up for a moment or two of goodwill and talking points.

24. Something I haven't mentioned yet; there's been a lot of insert shots during performances. Wheel of Fortune may have been preempted, but its production values endured.

I'll put the rest on a gift certificate, Pat.

25. Deflations do happen during the Macy's Parade. They're sad, but also kinda funny. Superman's right hand looks so flaccid.

26. Okay, now it's time for the biggest disappointment of the day. I was excited to see Wayland Flowers and Madame on the guest list. I hoped for a song or maybe some banter with either Sarah or Bryant. Alas, all we got was two crummy jokes as their float went by. "Just remember, if you get sick when you stuff your face, you're not invited to Madame's place. Just teasing! Honk if you believe in Santa! *squawks*"

27. Sarah's back! She's been gone for at least an hour. I think she's around so Bryant can take a pee or something. Sarah introduces hosts and characters from Nickelodeon and is also caught gesturing to the crew.

Guys, I swear I'm nicer than Jessica Savitch, just let me know when to talk.

28. He's baack! Ricky Schroeder finds his Cinderella ... Milton Berle!

Do you think this is what made Rick go crazy? It probably helped.

29. Now we have a rocking tortoise. Memo to the float designers: "rocking" isn't as impressive as you think.

30. Underdog comes perillously close to reaching the street.

Hey, at least I'm not deflated!

31. Tina Yothers is part of the Shirt Tales' song and dance, but really, any child could have taken part. That's not a dig at Tina; this is a generic performance. I'm glad the Shirt Tales fell out of vogue before I was born.

32. Ah, here we go! The Rockettes, celebrating their 50th anniversary, perform to put Tina and company to shame.

33. Finally, atop a rocking horse (urge to kill ... rising), Laura Branigan performs "Gloria." Ah, she even did some air guitaring! I hope Laura had an awesome Thanksgiving of '82. She deserved it.

34. Now, you would think that Laura would be the last performer before Santa Claus. You're wrong. The remaining acts include Dean Butler singing "I'm Giving Thanks" (and doing a hell of a lot better with it than John Ratzenberger did in 1984).

From then on, Kelsey Grammer was usually the designated Cheers representative.

35. Oh, God, Ricky's back. He joins Bryant and takes over reading some of the copy. It's only for a moment, but that moment feels like an eternity.

36. Woody Woodpecker was another new balloon in 1982. Clearly they were still working out some kinks.

One of the many reasons why I would not want to be a balloon carrier.

37. I'm 100% sure Bill Wendell provided the voice of Santa. I wonder if Dave teased him for it. Biff Henderson was also a stage manager!

38. Why on Earth would you want 2,000 musicians all playing at once?

39. Sarah's mike goes out again, or she's drowned out by the musicians. And look, it's Bryant's wife and son.

40. The credits include a few SNL alumni, like associate producer Jeannine Kerwin, art director Lee Mayman, associate director Bob Caminiti and technical director Al Camoin. Happy Holidays, everybody!