What's on Tonight (Friday): NO BEER MAKE ZAC EFRON SOMETHING SOMETHING...

 

The Greatest Beer Run Ever

Watching the trailer for The Greatest Beer Run Ever (also the title of Brett Kavanaugh's autobiography) is kind of like going through an old Simpsons routine:

It stars Zac Efron!

Ooooh, that's bad.

But it also has Bill Murray!

That's good.

The movie was directed by Peter Farrelly!

That's bad.

But it also has Russell Crowe!

That's good.

He was also directed by Peter Farrelly!

I actually don't have any issue with Efron.  His Neighbors performance allows me to always give him the benefit of the doubt.  Plus, he's sporting a decent pornstache in this.  That's gotta be worth something.  Unfortunately, as of Thursday evening Efron's 'stache was only worth 39% on the ol' Tomatometer.  

That's bad.

Elsewhere...

*Disney has been a pioneer in the field of unnecessary sequels, and nothing could be more unnecessary than Hocus Pocus 2.  I'll say this, Najimy and Midler don't look too far off from their appearances in the original.  Parker, on the other hand, seems to have gained about one foot of face.

*Amazon submits a new entry in the comedy horror genre, My Best Friend's Exorcism.  Early reviews are very positive, and the trailer looks great (Elsie Fisher is giving a masterclass in reacting to crazy bullshit).  I originally misread the title as, "My Best Friends Execution."  Exorcism is probably an easier sell.

*Ramy is back for a third season on Hulu.  Who here assumed for the first two seasons of this show that it had something to do with Rami Malek?  Just me?  Great.  I'll file this under "Looks Very Funny, Should Watch."  I make no promises I'll ever get to this, but I finally made it to Ted Lasso, so miracles abound.

I'm kind of loving Andor.  It's easily the best Star Wars show outside of The Mandalorian.  That might seem like faint praise and that's because it is.  But so far, Andor is definitely on the upper end of that particular scale.  I expect the lesson Disney executives will take from this is all Star Wars show titles should have the word "and" in there somewhere.  

TOP PICK

⭐🎥 The Greatest Beer Run Ever (Apple, 12:01 AM) 'A man's story of leaving New York in 1967 to bring beer to his childhood buddies in the Army while they are fighting in Vietnam.  Starring Zac Efron, Russell Crowe and Bill Murrary.  Directed by Peter Farrelly.'

PREMIERES

My Best Friend's Exorcsim

🎥 My Best Friend's Exorcism (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 'The year is 1988. High school sophomores Abby and Gretchen have been best friends since fourth grade. But after an evening of skinny-dipping goes disastrously wrong, Gretchen begins to act...different. She's moody. She's irritable. And bizarre incidents keep happening whenever she's nearby.  Is their friendship powerful enough to beat the devil?'

🎵 Jungle (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Follows the connected lives of several strangers, each facing their own struggle, viewed through the prism of UK rap and drill music, and gives a perspective on an often-unseen world. Frequently misunderstood, it's a world where one law governs everything: only the strongest will survive.'

🎥 Sissy (AMC+, 3:01 AM) 'Teen best friends Cecilia and Emma, after a decade run into each other. Cecilia is invited on Emma's bachelorette weekend where she gets stuck in a remote cabin with her high school bully with a taste for revenge.'

🎥 Hocus Pocus 2 (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'Three young women accidentally bring back the Sanderson Sisters to modern day Salem and must figure out how to stop the child-hungry witches from wreaking havoc on the world.'

🎥 Aníkúlápó (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'After an affair with a queen leads to his demise, an eager traveler encounters a mystical bird with the power to give him another life.'

🔔 Entergalactic (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Based on Kid Cudi’s upcoming concept album of the same name, this adult animated anthology follows a young man on his journey to discover love.'

🔔 Human Playground (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Narrated by Idris Elba, this docuseries explores the origins and evolution of play across the globe, from age-old rituals to billion-dollar businesses.'

🎥 Into the Deep (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A young woman desperate for an escape, meets a mysterious and attractive stranger who promises a romantic trip. What follows is deceit, mistrust, and violence.'

🐶 Phantom Pups (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'When Freddie and his family move into an old spooky house, he discovers a pack of phantom puppies. Along with his new friend and sister, they discover how to help the pups become real again while learning the true gift of friendship.'

🎥 Plan A Plan B (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'When an earnest matchmaker moves into an office next to a cynical divorce attorney, their bitter conflict is complicated by a growing attraction.'

Entergalactic

🎥 Rainbow (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'In search of her mother, a free-spirited teen and her eccentric companions set out on a whimsical journey while avoiding the clutches of a wicked woman.'

😂 Jena Friedman: Ladykiller (Peacock, 3:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Jena Friedman probes America's obsession with (dead) women, finding humor in marriage, motherhood, and murder.'

🔔 Queer for Fear (Shudder, 3:01 AM) LIMITED SERIES PREMIERE. 'A four-part documentary series about the history of the LGBTQ+ community in the horror and thriller genres. Queer for Fear re-examines genre stories through a queer lens, seeing them not as violent, murderous narratives, but as tales of survival that resonate thematically with queer audiences everywhere.'

🔔 Hot Take: The Depp/Heard Trial (Tubi, 3:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Retells the saga as a Tubi original movie with details ripped straight from the headlines.' 

💲 The Price is Right at Night (CBS, 8:00 PM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Actors Iain Armitage and Raegan Revord guest model as an audience of real twins competes for double the amazing prizes, including a tech room, a music room and a trip to Texas.'

🎥 How to Live Your Best Death (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'Hoping to go after her dreams, Kristin hires Ashley, a life coach who promises to help her reach her full potential. However, when her unconventional methods start to wreak havoc, Kristin soon realizes that Ashley isn't who she says she is.'

👻 The Curse of Robert the Doll (Travel, 8:00 PM) 'A cash-strapped student who starts working the night shift at a museum suspects that one of the exhibits, a creepy vintage doll named Robert, is alive and wreaking havoc after hours.'

💀 Fatal Attraction: Last Words (TVOne, 9:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Driven by powerful, real-life stories, FATAL ATTRACTION offers intimate, first-person accounts, exclusive interrogation footage and rare archival material. Along the way, viewers get a glimpse into the dark heart of dangerous romances. '

👻 Eli Roth Presents: My Possessed Pet (Travel, 10:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Explores the true, terrifying tales of what happens when evil spirits, curses and demons take over family pets and turn them against their terrified owners.'

RETURNING SHOWS

Ramy

🎵 Tallboyz (Fuse, 12:00 AM) SEASON THREE PREMIERE.

🏠 Luxe Listings Sydney (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON THREE.

🔔 An Unknown Enemy (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🔔 Get Rolling with Otis (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🔔 Wolfboy and the Everything Factory (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🔔 Ramy (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SEASON THREE.

🌋 Floor is Lava (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON THREE.

🧽 Kamp Koral: SpongeBob's Under Years (Paramount, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE - PART THREE.

💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) SEASON 13 PREMIERE.

🔔 The Amber Ruffin Show (Peacock, 10:00 PM) SEASON THREE PREMIERE.

STREAMING

⚔ The Rings of Power (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🔔 Bad Sisters (Apple, 12:01 AM) "The Cold Truth"

🔔 Central Park (Apple, 12:01 AM) "A Matter of Life and Boeuf"

👀 See (Apple, 12:01 AM) "The Lowlands"

👻 Haunted Scotland (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 Who's Talking to Chris Wallace (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) 

🍰 The Great British Baking Show (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 My Dream Quinceañera (Paramount, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 One Championship Special (Amazon, 9:00 PM) 

🔔 The Amber Ruffin Show (Peacock, 10:00 PM) 

Jungle

SPORTSBALL TONIGHT/TODAY LIVE

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Golf: Sanderson Farms Championship, Second Round (Golf, 3:30 PM)

🏎 NASCAR Xfinity Racing Series: Sparks 300, Qualifying (USA, 5:30 PM)

🏈 College Football: Tulane at Houston (ESPN, 7:00 PM)

🏈 High School Football: Collins Hill (Ga.) at Buford (Ga.) (ESPN2, 7:00 PM) 

🏈 College Football: Pennsylvania at Dartmouth (ESPNU, 7:00 PM) 

🏈 College Football: Texas-San Antonio at Middle Tennessee State (CBSSN, 7:30 PM)

🥊 One Championship Special (Amazon, 9:00 PM) 

🏈 College Football: Washington at UCLA (ESPN, 10:30 PM) 

🏈 CFL Football: Ottawa Redblacks at BC Lions (ESPN2, 10:30 PM) 

🏐 Women's College Volleyball: Cal Poly-San Luis Obispo at UC Santa Barbara (ESPNU, 10:30 PM)

🏈 College Football: New Mexico at UNLV (CBSSN, 11:00 PM)

🏀 2022 FIBA Women's Basketball World Cup: Championship: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 2:00 AM)

MIDNIGHT

🎵 Tallboyz (Fuse, 12:00 AM) "In Front of the Song"

EARLY PRIMETIME

🏠 The Loud House (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) 'Tired of Mom's sticky note system, Lincoln and Lisa create an app to keep track of the family's schedule; Lana creates an auto body shop to try and buy a new bike, but her shop turns corrupt when Flip becomes her mentor.'

🔔 Big Nate (Nickelodeon, 7:30 PM) 'A local legend comes to life as Nate and his friends prepare for an epic party; Nate's awesome plans may be foiled as a mysterious presence stalks the students, and Francis disappears for hours at a time over at Jefferson.'

💲 People Puzzler (GSN, 6:00 PM) 
💲 America Says (GSN, 7:30 PM) 

Aníkúlápó

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🦈 Shark Tank (ABC, 8:00 PM) 'A kit for teaching how to create cuddly animal characters; a trussing device designed to cook the perfect bird; a company that provides convenient personal storage for medical necessities; an update on Beatbox Beverages.'

🔔 The Smurfs (Nickelodeon, 8:00 PM) 'Gargamel turns himself into a snail so Farmer will bring him back to the Smurfs' Village; when Blossom gets into a fight with Storm and Lily, she leaves her village and moves into the forest with Wild.'

🔔 The Casagrandes (Nickelodeon, 8:30 PM) 'Rosa's family activity of birdwatching in the woods goes sour when Sergio gets mistaken for a rare species; tired of not having a space of his own, Bobby secretly moves into a vacant apartment unit in the building.'

💲 The Price is Right at Night (CBS, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 College Bowl (NBC, 8:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night SmackDown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 
🎥 How to Live Your Best Death (LMN, 8:00 PM) 
💖 Ready to Love (OWN, 8:00 PM) 
💀 An Unexpected Killer (Oxygen, 8:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: First Shift (Reelz, 8:00 PM) 
👻 The Curse of Robert the Doll (Travel, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 RuPaul's Secret Celebrity Drag Race (VH1, 8:00 PM) SEASON FINALE.

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives (Food, 9:00 PM) "Guy Fieri's heading east to get a taste of the South. A smokehouse in New Hampshire is putting their own spin on meatloaf, a funky North Carolina joint is spicin' up their shrimp and a historic Florida spot is making a standout seafood stew."

🔔 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
🎭 The 35th Hispanic Heritage Awards (PBS, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
💀 The Thrill of the Kill (ID, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Belle Collective (OWN, 9:00 PM) 
👮‍♂️ On Patrol: Live (Reelz, 9:00 PM) 
💀 Fatal Attraction: Last Words (TVOne, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Life After Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 

Wolfboy and the Everything Factory

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

👻 Eli Roth Presents: My Possessed Pet (Travel, 10:00 PM) 'A teenage girl's black stallion, Cash, is like a noble beast out of a fairy tale. But when she accidentally awakens an ancient evil, her dream horse turns into a nightmare.'

🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

👻 Los Espookys (HBO, 11:00 PM) "La Ruinas"

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 'Actor Jason Bateman; Paul Simon talks and performs.'

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'TV host John Oliver; actress Quinta Brunson; Courtney Barnett performs; Craig Reynolds sits in with the 8G Band.'

🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 11:00 PM) 
🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM)
🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 
🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 
🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM) 

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO Binge📺

📺 Battlestar Galactica (2003) (Syfy, 5:01 AM - 11:00 PM); The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 12:00 PM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 8:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); ER (Pop, 9:00 AM - 3:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 10:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); South Park (Comedy Central, 9:00 AM - 3:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law & Order (Sundance, 1:00 PM - 1:00 AM); House (Pop, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Seinfeld (Comedy Central, 3:00 PM - 6:00 PM); Family Ties (Antenna, 5:00 PM - 6:00 PM); The Office (Comedy Central, 6:00 PM - 12:00 AM); One Day at a Time (Antenna, 6:00 PM - 7:00 PM); Three's Company (Antenna, 7:00 PM - 8:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -9:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antennae, 9:00 PM - 10:00 PM); King of Queens (TV Land, 11:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Designing Women (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Becker (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Wings (Antennae, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 2:00 AM - 3:00 AM) 

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Actor Burt Reynolds; actor Dom DeLuise; actor Art Carney; Ace Trucking Company.'

Hocus Pocus 2

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included