Thoughts on A Perfect Murder

 

via Giphy/Courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

"... I can tell Emily exactly who you are and life will imitate art. You'll become a starving painter. Game over. ... Or you can cash out. ... Half a million dollars. Tax-free."
"Just for walking away from her?"
"I said tax-free, I didn't say free."
"What's 500 grand for?"
"Killing my wife."

The Year of Gwyneth continues with her least interesting film from 1998, a remake of Dial M for Murder. Just like Andrew Davis is no Alfred Hitchcock and Gwyn is no Grace Kelly, Michael Douglas is no Ray Milland. But to be fair, Michael clearly wasn't expected to be Ray Milland. No, Steven Taylor is a composite of just about every role Michael had played since 1987. Owen Gleiberman: "Douglas, as usual, has the look of a corporate conqueror made entirely of tarnished gold." Well, at least this time I have an excuse to dislike Michael. Actually, he's not bad opposite Gwyneth. It helped that A Perfect Murder quickly established that the Taylors don't have an ideal marriage and likely never did. Despite some moments where Steven seemed ready to jump out and scream "Boo!" for the hell of it, there was a consistent and complete tone of apparent, volatile menace. Genuine kudos should go to Davis, Douglas, Paltrow and screenwriter Patrick Smith Kelly.

Okay, quickly ... Emily, who works as a United Nations translator, is cheating on Steven with artist David (Viggo Mortensen). Steven's financial situation is precarious, but then again, David is primarily a con man preying on rich women rather than a painter. Steven blackmails David. Emily's not just a cultured trophy wife, she's also independently wealthy (well, as independently wealthy as an heiress can be). She also didn't have Steven sign a prenup. If Emily's dead, Steven would get all but what he paid David for doing her in. Steven plans to lure Emily from her bath to answer a landline phone (a dated element, Gleiberman pointed out). In the kitchen, Emily will be attacked and killed by an apparent burglar, David. Except Emily ends up killing her attacker with a meat thermometer to the neck. And it's not David, but a buddy of his. David Suchet's on hand as an observant, supportive detective, but he's billed after the title, so he'll only matter so much. No, we wait for Steven and David to get revenge on each other, and Emily to get revenge on Steven.

" ... (The murder) should appear to be stupid, spur of the moment. *looks at hanging pots and pans* I've always thought that 'bludgeon' has a spur of the moment sound."

Roger Ebert was disappointed that A Perfect Murder ended with gunshots. He's right in that regard. Roger also wanted "the chessmaster approach ... in which a single line of logical dialgoue seals a character's fate, and then we get a big closeup of him realizing he's screwed." In other words, a more dignified version of the ending to Hush. I understand Roger's supporting logic -- "Gunshots release tension, but they don't provide audience pleasure, because the victim is dead and therefore cannot feel as bad as he deserves to." -- but I think that Davis and Kelly could have had a grand, satisfying finale. It needed to take place in the kitchen, as a bookend to the failed attempt on Emily's life. Also, the Taylors' living room isn't particularly interesting. If Steven had to die in that general area, then why not have him fall from the terrace? Anyway, the kitchen has three ideal weapons: either a knife (like Emily reached for before she got the thermometer), a pan or a pot.

Life at least partially imitated art in 1998. Michael Douglas met his eventual younger wife, Catherine Zeta-Jones. "Art" imitated art, too. Viggo Mortensen also costarred in the year's other Hitchcock remake, Psycho. Neither A Perfect Murder nor Psycho sufficiently clicked with moviegoers, temporarily stopping the remake assembly line. Perhaps a new spin on Dial M for Murder was the wrong project for Gwyneth and Michael and/or Viggo? I wonder if they would have had better luck with either Rebecca, Suspicion, To Catch a Thief or Marnie. Ultimately, I think any and all of the trio would have been best suited with an original project. Building on an earlier point I made, there's evidence in A Perfect Murder suggesting that Gwyneth and Michael could have acted strongly opposite each other in a film about domestic violence.

"That's not happiness to see me, is it?"

"Try surprise."

"I had an unexpected hole in my schedule and I thought lunch with my beautiful wife would be indicated. But I guess you have other plans."

"What makes you say that?"

"You seem in such a hurry."

"No, it's just -- it's just errands."

"Like shopping for a new wedding ring."

"You know, one of the settings felt a bit loose, so I just took it in, but it will be ready tomorrow."

"And what if there were no tomorrow?"

"What does that mean?"

"Wouldn't you regret not having one last lunch with your husband?"

"Of course."

It's close, but Not Recommended. Ah, well, at least Gwyneth and Michael each received their first closeups in near-record time. Her at approximately 2:15 into the movie and him at about 2:45. It's good to be a star!

Thoughts:

-- "By tomorrow, this'll all seem like a bad dream." "... And what if there were no tomorrow?"

-- Box Office: Grossing $67.6 million on a $60 million budget, this opened at No. 2 and came in at No. 31 for 1998.

-- Awards Watch: Gwyneth received a Blockbuster Entertainment Award for Favorite Actress -- Suspense, winning over Annette Bening in The Siege and Bridget Fonda in A Simple Plan. Michael, meanwhile, lost in the lead actor category to Nicolas Cage in Snake Eyes. Viggo lost as a supporting actor to Bruce Willis in The Siege. A Perfect Murder itself was lumped in with Six Days, Seven Nights and Stepmom under the "Gidgets 'n' Geezers" category, which won the Razzie for Worst Movie Trend of 1998.

-- Critic's Corner, the movie: "A technically competent thriller that's not only thrill-less, but dull," Keith Phipps wrote at The A.V. Club. Stephen Holden, New York Times: "The story has enough nasty twists and tantalizing clues for its ingenious mechanics to remain engaging. (The update is) fluent and sensuous." "(It fails) at creating a rooting interest for a character or situation," according to Leonard Klady, Variety. Michael O'Sullivan, Washington Post: "Unsatisfying ... a triumpt of style over substance, with style in this case winning only by default." Rita Kempley's review was titled "Dial M for Mediocre." Borrowing Steven's appraisal of David's art, "Trashy but potent," Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times observed that A Perfect Murder "tries hard to live up to that description, but the effort is too much to sustain. ... Once everyone's cards are on the table the film's tensions lessen, not increase." Both Ebert and Gleiberman had seen it all before, with the former declaring Murder as part of the "Fatal Basic" genre and the latter saying "the film could just as well have been entitled Indecently Attractive Fatal Proposal."

-- Critic's Corner, Michael: "Mr. Douglas, who with each film looks more like a wattled, riled-up rooster, makes Steven a pleasure to loathe," Holden wrote. Gleiberman: "The film's atmosphere of luxe malevolence seems to emanate right from his cutthroat sheen." Reviewers loved commenting on Michael's looks and his legacy. Turan: "He looks more powerfully reptillian than ever, with a trace of the undead Count Yorga, Vampire, thrown in for variety." Peter Travers: "Nobody beats Douglas at playing corrupt tycoons." Ebert: "When he goes into his Gordon Gekko mode there's an extra charge on screen." Klady: "Douglas makes a game attempt to recall Gordon Gekko several years on but losing his edge." "Clearly chin dimples do for Paltrow what wattles do for that lawyer on Ally McBeal," Kempley wrote. Gleiberman again: "Whatever the reason (for adultery) might have been in the script, it now comes down to this: Michael Douglas is an angry lizard, and anyone who's married to him will surely need a break from massaging his scales." You know, I'm not a fan of the guy and even I think these comments went too far. No wonder he hooked up with Catherine!

-- Critic's Corner, Gwyneth: "(She) has the patrician beauty routine down pat," according to Travers. "Though she's given a meatier role than Kelly's, (she) just looks bored," Phipps declared. Holden felt Gwyneth just wasn't convincing as an ingenue. "Paltrow grasps at any opportunity to enliven a standard woman in peril plot," according to Klady. Kempley: "We don't really much care about this philandering billionaire glamour puss, who seems perfectly capable of taking care of herself."

-- Critic's Corner, Viggo: "Though less well known than Douglas, (he) is similarly and expertly cast to type as a character not likely to be mistaken for Jimmy Stewart," Turan wrote. Ebert was struck by how David transformed from nice guy to not nice guy without any "big style shift, he simply turns off his people-pleasing face." Viggo was generally underused, as far as Klady was concerned. Gleiberman: "I'm not sure Viggo Mortensen could ever be someone to root for. He seems a little too in love with his own cheekbones."

-- Fanservice Junction: Emily getting out of her work clothes for a Met gala. Alas, not the Met Gala. Also, it's revealed soon after that she is indeed wearing panties.

Courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

-- Hey, It's ...!: David Eigenberg. Also, Constance Towers as Emily's mother. Seeing Constance's name in the credits, I was initially uncharitable. "What, did Tippi Hedren say no?" I thought. Constance won me over. I think she and Gwyneth look like they could be family members.

(I'll avoid excessive screengrabbing, but I think a good visual or two adds to Thoughts On.)

-- "Hey, Steve? ... Do I keep fuckin' your wife in the meantime, or what?"

-- Next: The Truman Show. On deck: Dirty Work.