What's on Tonight (Friday): Urge to Make Thin Lizzie Reference Rising…

via Sporadic Musngs

The Boys is not for everyone.  It is ultra-violent, perverse, gross and completely nihilistic.  That said, it is also a hell of a lot of fun and manages to find moments for all of its characters to show their humanity.  Even the sociopathic Superman stand-in Homelander is proven to be a pitiable product of a traumatic upbringing.  That said, there was also a scene last season where the good guys get attacked by a man with a super elastic penis.  This isn't exactly Downton Abbey is what I'm trying to say.

Elsewhere...

*LMN has the awesomely named film, Here Kills the Bride.  I doubt it's any good but bravo to whoever came up with that title. 

*Hulu has a new gay rom-com film set on Fire Island, which is where all gay rom-coms are legally required to be set.

*AMC+ has another tax shelter film starring Michael Rooker and Bruce Willis that  doesn't really star either one of them.

Of last week's three Top Picks the only one I've been able to check out so far is Shoresy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.  I'll get around to Stranger Things and Obi-Wan eventually but anything that can make me laugh takes priority these days.  Stay safe, folks.

TOP PICK

⭐🔔The Boys (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) SEASON THREE PREMIERE. 'It’s been a year of calm. Homelander is subdued. Butcher works for the government, supervised by Hughie of all people. But both men itch to turn this peace and quiet into blood and bone.  So, when The Boys learn of a mysterious Anti-Supe weapon, it sends them crashing into the Seven, starting a war, and chasing the legend of the first Superhero: Soldier Boy.'

via Pinterest

PREMIERES

🎥 Fire Island (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'An unapologetic, modern day rom-com set around two best friends who gather in the iconic vacation spot to have a legendary summer in gay paradise with their cadre of eclectic friends and chosen family.'

🎥 White Elephant (AMC+, 3:01 AM) 'An ex-marine enforcer must battle his conscience and code of honor when he is forced to do things for the mob.'

🔔 Trixie Motel (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Stars drag queen superstar Trixie Mattel as she invests her life savings to buy and renovate a rundown motel in super-trendy Palm Springs, California. Alongside boyfriend and co-owner, David, and many other fabulous helpers, Trixie will take on the massive renovation, including the pool area, bar and seven uniquely themed motel rooms, to create the ultimate drag paradise.'

🎥 Hollywood Stargirl (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'A sequel to the 2020 Disney+ hit about free spirit Stargirl Caraway, a silver-voiced teenager whose simple acts of kindness work magic in the lives of others, that follows Stargirl’s journey out of Mica, Arizona and into a bigger world of music, dreams and possibilities. When her mother Ana is hired as the costume designer on a movie, they relocate to L.A., where Stargirl quickly becomes involved with an eclectic assortment of characters.'

🎥 On My Way with Irina Rimes (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Explores the influences that made Irina Rimes one of Romania’s most popular artists. It follows Rimes as she sets off for two weeks in her mobile studio, traveling across six cities to complete her album Home, including a final stop in her birthplace in the Republic of Moldova.'

🔔 As the Crow Flies (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'A young fan maneuvers her way into a seasoned anchor's newsroom but soon confronts the dark side of ambition, envy and the desire to be seen.'

🎥 Interceptor (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A determined military captain faces down a coordinated assault on her isolated missile interceptor base. She must use all of her training to take down a team of mercenaries before it’s too late for her — and for the world.'

via Tenor

🔔 Mr. Good: Cop or Crook? (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'In this riveting docuseries, when Norway's top cop is suspected of drug trafficking, investigators must ask: Is he a good officer or a major criminal?'

🔔 The Perfect Mother (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Convinced of her daughter's innocence in a homicide, a devoted mother soon uncovers unsettling truths as the line between victim and perpetrator blurs.'

🔔 Surviving Summer (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Expelled from school and exiled to Australia, a rebel New York teen makes waves among a young surfer's inner circle — and leaves a mess in her wake.'

🔔 Two Summers (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'A close circle of friends reunites for a lavish holiday — decades after one of them was the victim of a sexual assault committed by others in the group.'

🎥 Here Kills the Bride (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'Jessica finds out that her brother, Carlos, is getting married in a week to Grace, a girl he just met in a strip club. Jessica investigates the reasons for the marriage and gets pulled into a whirlwind of events, putting her own life at risk.'

🔔 The Villains of Valley View (Disney, 8:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'When teenage supervillain Havoc stands up to the head of the League of Villains, her family is forced to change their identities and relocate to a sleepy Texas suburb. With the help of her effervescent new neighbor Hartley, Havoc - going incognito as Amy - must somehow hide her superpowers and quell her villainous nature in favor of something she and the rest of her family have fought against all their lives: being normal.'

🔔 The Wedding Planners (UPtv, 8:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Revolves around Paige, James and Hannah Clarkson when they inherit their mother's wedding business and quickly become passionate about the most important day of a couple's life... planning beautiful, one-of-a-kind weddings.'

🔔 Ultra Violet & Black Scorpion (Disney, 9:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Violet Rodriguez, an everyday Mexican American teen, is chosen by a magical luchador mask which transforms her into Ultra Violet, a superhero fighting crime alongside her luchador uncle, Cruz, also known as Black Scorpion.'

🍴 Guy's All-American Road Trip (Food Network, 9:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Guy Fieri, his wife Lori, and his sons Hunter and Ryder load up their RV to hit the road, along with a caravan of campers full of family and friends, for a road trip they will never forget on Guy's All-American Road Trip. The monster journey up the coast will be filled with big adventure, fun competitions, and unbelievable meals, as the Fieris and their friends make their way up the coast from Northern California through Oregon and into Washington.'

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🎥RETURNING SHOWS

🔔 Physical (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE.

🔔 Floor is Lava (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

🔔 P-Valley (Starz, 9:00 PM) SEASON TWO PREMIERE.

💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery, 10:02 PM) SEASON THREE PREMIERE.

STREAMING

🐍 A Sex Serpent The Essex Serpent (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "I Break Things"

🔔 Now and Then (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Face to Face"

🔔 Shining Girls (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. "30"

🔔 Tehran (Apple TV+. 12:01 AM) "Faraz's Choice"

🔨 Mind for Design (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)

🔨 Restoration Road with Clint Harp (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)

🌸 The Retro Plant Shop with Mikey and Jo (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)

🔔 Rooms We Love (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)

🍰 Zoe Bakes (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)

🔔 iCarly (Paramount+, 3:01 AM) SEASON FINALE.

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars (Paramount+, 3:01 AM)

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars: Untucked (Paramount+, 3:01 AM)

🔔 Ten Percent (Sundance Now, 3:01 AM) "Episode 7"

👮‍♂️ Cops (Fox Nation, 6:00 PM) 

via Tenor

SPORTS TONIGHT TODAY

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Golf: The Memorial Tournament, Second Round (Golf, 2:00 PM)

🏌️‍♂️ 2022 U.S. Women's Open Golf Championship: Second Round (USA, 3:00 PM)

⚾ College Baseball: NCAA Tournament: San Diego vs. Vanderbilt (ESPNU, 4:00 PM)

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Champions Golf: Principal Charity Classic, First Round (Golf, 6:00 PM)

🥎 2022 Women's College World Series: Game 5: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 7:00 PM)

⚾ College Baseball: NCAA Tournament: Ole Miss vs. Arizona (ESPNU, 7:00 PM)

🌽 Cornhole: 2022 ACL Pro Shootout #2 (CBSSN, 8:00 PM)

🏒 NHL Hockey: Tampa Bay Lightning at New York Rangers (ESPN, 8:00 PM)

🏈 USFL Football: Pittsburgh Maulers vs. New Jersey Generals (USA, 8:00 PM)

🥎 2022 Women's College World Series: Game 6: Teams TBA (ESPN2, 9:30 PM)

🏀 WNBA Basketball: Connecticut Sun at Phoenix Mercury (CBSSN, 10:00 PM)

⚾ College Baseball: NCAA Tournament: New Mexico State at Oregon State (ESPNU, 10:00 PM)

via Giphy

EARLY PRIMETIME

💲 Chain Reaction (GSN, 5:00 PM)
🏠 The Loud House (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM)
💲 America Says (GSN, 7:30 PM)
🔔 The Casagrandes (Nickelodeon, 7:30 PM)

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🧙‍♀️ Charmed (CW, 8:00 PM) 'An alarming event triggers a drastic change in the magical universe.'

🔔 Rugrats (Nickelodeon, 8:00 PM) 'Tommy's favorite characters from a funny TV show turn out to be his visiting grandparents; Angelica gives the babies impossible orders in a world where she is the Goddess of Perfect.'

💖 Couples Therapy (Showtime, 8:00 PM) 'Cyn and Yaya share a surprising development; Orna and Dale investigate his aversion to India's anger; a minor squabble between Molly and Josh leads to an explosive revelation. / Orna confronts Will about his lack of engagement with Ping; Molly and Josh deal with the fallout from their previous session; a startling comment from Cyn threatens her renewed connection to Yaya.'

💃 Come Dance with Me (CBS, 8:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ WWE Friday Night SmackDown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Treehouse Masters: Branched Out (Animal Planet, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Hoffman Family Gold (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 The Villains of Valley View (Disney, 8:00 PM) 
🎥 Here Kills the Bride (LMN, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Tooned In (Nickelodeon, 8:30 PM) 

via Tenor

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🎭 American Masters (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'Theatrical producer and director Joe Papp establishes The Public Theater in Manhattan.'

🔔 Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) 'It's Alexis' wedding day and as she attempts to make sure everything runs smoothly, everyone else in the family seems to have their own agenda; Blake receives a package that raises some questions; Fallon and Liam make a life-changing decision.'

🍴 Guy's All-American Road Trip (Food Network, 9:00 PM) 'The Fieris' tour of a cow and chicken farm leads to milking and egg-collecting challenges, with everyone enjoying the prize of a mouthwatering steak dinner; the group also goes on a jet-boat excursion, plays on the sand dunes and shares a meal.'

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush: Dave Turin's Lost Mine (Discovery, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Ultra Violet & Black Scorpion (Disney, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 Vacation House Rules (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👽 The Unexplained (History, 9:00 PM) 
💖 Put a Ring on It (OWN, 9:00 PM) 
🎥 The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs (Shudder, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 P-Valley (Starz, 9:00 PM) 
👻 Ghost Adventures (Travel, 9:00 PM) 
🤮 Mama June: From Not to Hot (WE, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

🎨 Beyond the CANVAS (PBS, 10:30 PM) 'Creators use art to advocate for good; guests include actor Riz Ahmed, choreographer Alexei Ratmansky and portraiture photographer Jess T. Dugan.'

🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 
🏠 Vacation House Rules (HGTV, 10:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 

via Tenor

LATE NIGHT

🔔 Pause with Sam Jay (HBO, 11:00 PM) 

🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actress Millie Bobby Brown; Snail Mail performs.'

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 

🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 'Comic Michael Che; retired Navy Adm. James Stavridis.'

🔔 Nightline (ABC, 1:07 AM) 

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Actor Jon Hamm; author Julio Torres; performance from "Six the Musical"; Ulf Mickael Wahlgren sits in with the 8G Band.'

🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 'Musician Camila Cabello; actor Nathan Lane.'

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO Binge📺

📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Quantum Leap (6:00 AM - 6:00 AM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 8:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); ER (Pop, 9:00 AM - 3:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law & Order (Sundance, 1:00 PM - 2:00 AM)); House (Pop, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -10:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:05 PM); Good Times (TVOne, 8:00 PM - 3:00 AM);  King of Queens (TV Land, 11:05 AM - 2:00 AM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Maude (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM) 

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Actor Milton Berle; actor Susan Sarandon; actor Pat Derby; actor Leslie Uggams.'

via Tenor

More TV Listings: 

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included