What's On Tonight (Friday): Maya's Got 99 Problems but Being a Billionaire Ain't One...

 

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The premise of Loot doesn't interest me much.  I'm just not that into watching ultra-rich people having problems.  I am however interested in anything that stars Maya Rudolph though and given that nothing else premiering today interests me at all, Maya wins by default.  Eh, she'd probably win anyway.  I mean, it's Maya after all.

That endorsement could have been stronger, but I'm still irritated Netflix debuted the third season of Umbrella Academy earlier this week.  That should have been my Top Pick, but Amadeus3000 done stole it from me.  That dirty rat bastard.

Elsewhere... there's stuff.  Maybe some of it is good.  

TOP PICK

⭐💰 Loot (Apple, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'After divorcing her husband of 20 years, Molly Novak must figure out what to do with her $87 billion settlement.  She decides to reengage with her charitable foundation and reconnect with the real world - finding herself along the way.  Starring Maya Rudolph.'

via Pinterest

PREMIERES

🎵 At Home with the Gils (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'Follows one of the most famous families in Brazilian music during the creation of an unprecedented concert, which will bring together all generations of the Gils on stage for the first time.'

🔔 Chloe (Amazon, 12:01 AM) LIMITED SERIES. 'Chloe follows Becky Green, who is obsessed with stalking her childhood friend Chloe Fairbourne's perfectly curated social media presence. When Chloe suddenly dies, Becky assumes a new identity and infiltrates the enviable lives of Chloe's closest friends to find out what happened to her.'

💖 The One That Got Away (Amazon, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'In this time-traveling, experimental dating series hosted by pop-icon, singer/songwriter Betty Who, six people searching for their soulmates are given the chance to explore a lifetime of missed connections as one by one, people from their pasts enter through "The Portal" to surprise them and take their shot at love.'

🔔 Mormon No More (Hulu, 12:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'An ABC News docu-series following two married Mormon moms who fall in love and leave the faith. How will they navigate telling their husbands, families, and the church? What will it be like to co-parent their combined seven children with their ex-husbands?'

🎥 Wildhood (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'Two brothers embark on a journey to find their birth mother after their abusive father had lied for years about her whereabouts; along the way, they reconnect with their indigenous heritage and make a new friend.'

🎥 Rise (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'After emigrating from Nigeria to Greece, Charles and Vera Antetokounmpo struggled to survive and provide for their five children, while living under the daily threat of deportation. With their oldest son still in Nigeria with relatives, the couple were desperate to obtain Greek citizenship but found themselves undermined by a system that blocked them at every turn. When they weren’t selling items to tourists on the streets of Athens with the rest of the family, the brothers - Giannis and Thanasis - would play basketball with a local youth team. Latecomers to the sport, they discovered their great abilities on the basketball court and worked hard to become world class athletes, along with brother, Kostas. With the help of an agent, Giannis entered the NBA Draft in 2013 in a long shot prospect that would change not only his life but the life of his entire family.'

🎥 Trevor: The Musical (Disney+, 3:01 AM) 'A filmed version of the Off-Broadway stage production.  Follows a charming 13-year-old on a turbulent journey of self-discovery. After an embarrassing incident at school, Trevor must summon the courage to forge his own path.'

via Smart Money Star

🎥 The Man from Toronto (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A case of mistaken identity forces a bumbling entrepreneur to team up with a notorious assassin known as The Man from Toronto in hopes of staying alive.  Starring Kevin Hart and Woody Harrelson.'

🔔 Man vs. Bee (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON ONE. 'Bumbling dad Trevor tries to get the best of a cunning bee while house-sitting a posh mansion — but only unleashes more chaos in this comedy series.'

🔔 Money Heist: Korea - Joint Economic Area (Netflix, 3:01 AM) PART ONE. 'The enigmatic Professor assembles a group of skilled thieves from the North and South to steal the freshly minted currency of a to-be unified Korea.'

🔔 Would It Kill You to Laugh? Starring Kate Berlant and John Early (Peacock, 3:01 AM) SPECIAL PRESENTATION. 'A new sketch comedy special from A24 starring Kate Berlant and John Early.  The pair play exaggerated versions of themselves as they reunite after suffering a public fallout many years earlier.'

🎥 Apache Junction (Roku, 3:01 AM) 'Apache Junction is an Old West outpost of lawlessness, a haven for thieves and cold-blooded killers. When big-city reporter Annabelle Angel arrives in town and becomes a target, notorious gunslinger Jericho Ford comes to her aid.'

🎥 Trapped with My Husband (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'Melissa learns that her new husband, Kevin, is a philanderer with no ambition. The two become roommates from hell while Kevin remains in the house until the divorce is finalized, but when he turns up dead, all eyes are on Melissa.'

🔔 The 49th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (CBS, 9:00 PM) 'Festivities salute excellence in daytime television at the Pasadena Civic Center in Pasadena, Calif.; Kevin Frazier and Nischelle Turner host.'

🍴 The Great American Recipe (PBS, 9:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'An uplifting competition series that celebrates the multiculturalism that makes American food so vibrant and unique. With a range of culinary styles infused by their backgrounds - from Syrian to Hungarian, Vietnamese to Mexican, Italian to Puerto Rican, Southern soul food to Filipino, the ten contestants represent the delicious diversity of American home cooking.'

🔔 American Anthems (PBS, 10:00 PM) SERIES PREMIERE. 'Each episode will follow a different featured country star as they meet a local hero and learn about the transformative experience that inspired their commitment to making a positive change in their community. Then, working with a celebrated songwriter, the country star will secretly turn the hero's story of kindness, hard work and perseverance into an epic original song. At the end of the episode, the hero will be surprised with a once-in-a-lifetime performance of the powerful anthem by the artist while surrounded by family and friends.'

via Your Tango

RETURNING SHOWS

🔔 Hello Jack! The Kindness Show (Apple, 12:01 AM) "All New Special and Shorts"

🔔 Corner Gas Animated (Freevee, 12:01 AM) SEASON FOUR.

🦜 Angry Birds: Summer Madness (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SEASON TWO.

STREAMING

🔔The Boys (Amazon, 12:01 AM) 

🚀 For All Mankind (Apple, 12:01 AM) "All In"

🔔 Now and Then (Apple, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE. "Tape 35"

🔔 Physical (Apple, 12:01 AM) "Don't You Know"

🔨 Hollywood Houselift with Jeff Lewis (Freevee, 12:01 AM) 

💖 Love in Paradise: The Caribbean (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🍴 Magnolia Table (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🔨 Restoration Road with Clint Harp (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🌸 The Retro Plant Shop with Mikey and Jo (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)  

🔔 Rooms We Love (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 Trixie Motel (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 

🏠 Where We Call Home (Discover+, 3:01 AM) 

💖 Love Island (UK) (Hulu, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars (Paramount+, 3:01 AM) 

🔔 RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars: Untucked (Paramount+, 3:01 AM) 

👮‍♂️ Cops (Fox Nation, 6:00 PM) 

via GyfCat

SPORTS TONIGHT TODAY LIVE

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Golf: Travelers Championship, Second Round (Golf, 3:00 PM)

🥍 Premiere Lacrosse League: Redwoods LC vs. Whipsnakes LC (ESPN2, 6:30 PM)

🥎 AUX Softball: Team Gold vs. Team Blue (ESPNU, 7:00 PM)

🏀 WNBA Basketball: New York Liberty at Atlanta Dream (CBSSN, 7:30 PM)

🏒 2022 Stanley Cup Final: Tampa Bay Lightning at Colorado Avalanche (ABC, 8:00 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: Chicago Cubs at St Louis Cardinals (Apple, 8:00 PM)

🏈 CFL Football: Hamilton Tiger-Cats at Winnipeg Blue Bombers (ESPN2, 8:30 PM)

🥊 Bellator MMA: 282: Mousasi vs. Eblen (Showtime, 9:00 PM)

🥊 Professional Fighters League: PFL 5: Featherweights & Heavyweights (Main Card) (ESPN, 9:00 PM)

⚾ Friday Night Baseball: Detroit Tigers at Arizona Diamondbacks (Apple, 9:30 PM)

🌽 Cornhole: 2022 ACL Pro Shootout #4 (CBSSN, 9:30 PM)

🥎 AUX Softball: Team Orange vs. Team Blue (ESPNU, 9:30 PM)

🏃‍♂️ Track and Field: U.S. Outdoor Championships (CNB

EARLY PRIMETIME

🏠 The Loud House (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) 'The McBrides plan a birthday party for Nana Gayle; Lola worries she's a washed-up pageant star.'

🔔 Bunk'd (Disney, 7:30 PM) 'Winnie plans a risky stunt; Destiny learns first aid.'

🔔 Kiri and Lou (Nick Jr, 6:00 PM) 
🔔 Eureka! (Disney Jr, 7:30 PM) 
💲 America Says (GSN, 7:30 PM) 
🔔 The Casagrandes (Nickelodeon, 7:30 PM) 

via Buzzfeed

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Rugrats (Nickelodeon, 8:00 PM) 'Tommy leads his friends on a daring mission to break Angelica free from her preschool; when Chuckie turns into a grown-up overnight, Tommy gets him to take the babies out on the town.'

🐠 Tanked: Sea-Lebrity Edition (Animal Planet, 8:00 PM) 'The time ticks for ATM when they must finish Rock legend DJ Ashba's custom tank for the grand opening of his new retail store; he comes back for more when he requests a creepy, skull-themed aquarium.'

💃 Come Dance with Me (CBS, 8:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🤼‍♂️ WWE Friday Night SmackDown (Fox, 8:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush: Parker's Trail (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 The Villains of Valley View (Disney, 8:00 PM) 
🎥 Trapped with My Husband (LMN, 8:00 PM) 
🔨 Making Modern with Brooke and Brice (Magnolia, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 The Wedding Planners (UPtv, 8:00 PM) 
🔔 Ultra Violet & Black Scorpion (Disney, 8:30 PM) 
🔔 Tooned In (Nickelodeon, 8:30 PM) 

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) 'Chaos erupts for the Carringtons when Blake's brother comes back into the picture; Sam decides to throw an event and enlists the help of Culhane and Kirby.'

🍴 Guy's All-American Road Trip (Food Network, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 'The Fieris are going whole-hog with barbecue and getting gourmet with prime rib and lobster; plus, they visit Jim Belushi's Oregon farm to cook up Albanian recipes, and the families battle it out in their final games.'

🔔 The 49th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards (CBS, 9:00 PM) 
🍴 The Great American Recipe (PBS, 9:00 PM) 
💰 Gold Rush: Dave Turin's Lost Mine (Discovery, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 Raven's Home (Disney, 9:00 PM) 
🏠 Vacation House Rules (HGTV, 9:00 PM) 
👽 The Unexplained (History, 9:00 PM) 
🎥 The Last Drive-in with Joe Bob Briggs (Shudder, 9:00 PM) 
👻 Ghost Adventures (Travel, 9:00 PM) 
🔔 The Wedding Planners (UPtv, 9:00 PM) SEASON FINALE. 
🤮 Mama June: From Not to Hot (WE, 9:00 PM) 

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🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

💀 Dateline NBC (NBC, 10:00 PM) 
🔔 American Anthems (PBS, 10:00 PM) 
🔔 Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) 
🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 10:00 PM) 
💰 Outback Opal Hunters (Discovery, 10:01 PM) 

LATE NIGHT

🤼‍♂️ All Elite Wrestling: Rampage (TNT, 11:00 PM) 

🔔 Pause with Sam Jay (HBO, 11:00 PM) 

🔔 The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon (NBC, 11:34 PM) 'Actress Julie Andrews.'

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 

🔔 The Late Show with Stephen Colbert (CBS, 11:35 PM) 

🔔 Late Night with Seth Myers (NBC, 12:37 PM) 'Actor Jeff Goldblum; D'Arcy Carden; Joe Russo sits in with the 8G Band.'

🔔 The Late Late Show with James Corden (CBS, 12:37 AM) 'Actress Kaley Cuoco; actor Glen Powell; Bloc Party performs.'

🔔 Nightline (ABC, 1:07 AM) 

📺Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO Binge📺

📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 12:00 PM); Quantum Leap (6:00 AM - 6:00 AM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 8:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 9:00 AM - 12:00 PM); ER (Pop, 9:00 AM - 3:00 PM); Living Single (TVOne, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law & Order (Sundance, 12:00 PM - 1:00 AM)); House (Pop, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 8:00 PM -10:00 PM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:00 PM); Good Times (TVOne, 8:00 PM - 3:00 AM);  King of Queens (TV Land, 11:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 11:30 PM); Maude (Antenna, 12:00 AM - 1:00 AM); Alice (Antenna, 1:00 AM - 2:00 AM) 

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Birdcallers; James Coco; Barbara Howard; Kelly Monteith; Leonard Waxdeck.'

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Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com; hollywoodreporter.com

⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included