Thoughts on The Big Hit

 

via Giphy/Courtesy TriStar Pictures

*Kidnappers including Melvin Smiley (Mark Wahlberg), Cisco (Lou Diamond Phillips), Crunch (Bokeem Woodbine) and Gump (Robin Dunne) are appraised by their victim, Keiko Nishi (China Chow).*
"So, what's up with you guys? You're supposed to be The Spice Boys or somethin'?"

Landing at the nexus of bro comedy, bro action and old school farce -- and wasn't I surprised to learn such a nexus exists! -- is The Big Hit. Che-Kirk Wong directed a Ben Ramsey screenplay, but let's be honest, no one went to see Hit for those two. They went either because of Wahlberg or John Woo, the latter of which thankfully took a break from executive producing Hollywood movies after Hit. Wong and Ramsey's movie takes place in a world of morons ranging from lovable (Melvin) to tacky (the Jewish Shulman family, played by Christina Applegate, Lainie Kazan and Elliott Gould; Lela Rochon as Chantel, Melvin's spoiled mistress) to monstrous (Cisco). The only one who's maybe worth rooting for is Keiko.

Maybe I'm spoiled, but the visual effects in Hit never stopped being hilarious. If you can't make an explosion look right, why bother to have one? The ineptitude is even funnier since Hit has a character who failed as a moviemaker (Sab Shimono as Jiro, Keiko's now-bankrupt father) and Ramsey, Wong and/or the producers had no problem giving attention to cult or near-cult flicks like King Kong Lives and Troma Entertainment's oeuvre. On the one hand, I'm all for throwing stuff into movies for shits and giggles. On the other hand, you have to wish the powers that be had a little more taste. Then again, Hit is a movie that seemed content with implying many Black, Asian and Jewish stereotypes are true, so taste probably wasn't a priority.

Of the cast, Phillips gave the best performance. He's at his best opposite Avery Brooks as Paris, Cisco and company's boss and as it turns out, Keiko's godfather. Cisco, who orchestrated Keiko's kidnapping as a means to secure more money, has no problem with setting up Melvin. And killing Gump for good measure. Crunch manages to escape in time, while Vince (Antonio Sabato Jr.) surviving is a bit of a surprise. For that matter, so is Melvin surviving. I didn't hate Wahlberg in Hit, but I wished he, Applegate, Rochon and Chow (who went on to be Wahlberg's partner from 1997-2001) were in a better movie. Hell, if we had to go the farce route, why not a '90s version of Boeing-Boeing? You can even keep Kazan and her OTT attire.

"Ma? ... Now I'm not criticizing you or anything like that, okay? ... It's just that, uh, I think maybe you should dress your age. I mean, look at Dad. You got him dressed like a villain from Miami Vice."

"Dress my age? Morton and I dress exactly that way we feel. *Morton, reclining in a chair, burps* Look at your father, over there. He's a regular sex machine."

"Yeah. A regular Brad Pitt."

Not Recommened.

Thoughts:

-- "(to human trafficking victims) Baby, you're so fine, I wanna pour milk on you and make you part of my complete breakfast."

"Yo, baby, you got a number for me?"

"9-1-1."

*Cisco and Vince are directed by Crunch to leave the scene*

"Damn lesbians."

-- Box Office: Grossing $27 million on a $13 million budget, this opened at No. 1 and came in at No. 70 for 1998.

-- Critic's Corner: "Wears its outlandishness on its sleeve ... (practically) a recruiting film for bad behavior," wrote an actually impressed Leonard Maltin. "A high concept, low reward hodgepodge," according to Lawrence Van Gelder, New York Times. "Insanely hyperbolic and crass, full of borderline racist jokes and 'heroes' who are casual sociopaths ... takes the violently campy, we-know-this-is-what-you-crave subtext of movies like Con Air and puts it right on the surface," Owen Gleiberman determined. Owen also admited he was never bored watching the movie and said "it may be some sort of junk landmark: the first studio thriller that's all guilty pleasure." As for the cast, Wahlberg was recognized as "an amiable antihero" by Jack Matthews, Los Angeles Times, and Leonard Klady, Variety, liked how he played wry comedy. Lou got better notices, singled out for his "high time overacting" (Matthews) and glorious embrace of flamboyance (Klady). "Only the overstated roles of Applegate and Kazan prove cacophonous in the piece," Klady wrote.

-- Fanservice Junction: Demerits to Wahlberg being the only one not showing his ass when Melvin, Cisco, Crunch and Vince are in a locker room together, and for wearing unflattering underwear. I'll give my crown to Phillips. No points for the stripped-to-his-underwear corpse of Keiko's limo driver.

-- Marquee Watch: Paris' limo passes by the Royal Alexandra Theatre in Toronto, where Jolson played.

-- Great Moments in Shilling: The finale at Big Top Video includes posters and boxes for various Columbia, TriStar or Troma productions including Godzilla, Jumanji, Air Force One, They Call Me Macho Woman!, Sleepwalkers, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, The Bear, Thunderheart, Zombie Island Massacre, The Beast, Husbands and Wives, Tromeo and Juliet and The Toxic Avenger.

-- What, you think you weren't getting evidence of what Lainie wore?

-- "I guess this is goodbye, then, Mrs. Shulman. ... Sorry about the meal and all." "Things could be worse. *crawls her way to safety*"

-- Next: He Got Game. On deck: Bulworth.