Wednesday, May 18, 2022

I Watched This Before It Left Netflix: Labyrinth


Growing up, I would listen religiously to American Top 40 every weekend. So I must have first encountered David Bowie at the age of 8, when “Let’s Dance” hit #1. A fascinating pop song, molded into a dance hit by Nile Rodgers and ending with a solo by an up-and-coming Stevie Ray Vaughan. We didn’t have MTV, but I still managed to catch the exotic music video, featuring an impossibly handsome, stylish blonde man. Some comedian once snarked that Bowie totally sounds like Elmer Fudd when singing “Put on your red shoes and dance the blues”, but that did nothing to diminish his aura of cool. The next Bowie singles were lesser hits, but I enjoyed them even more. I think “Modern Love” is a candidate for catchiest pop song ever. And “China Girl” with its romantic video may have helped jumpstart a lifelong interest in Asian women, which was definitely locked in by the time Lucy Liu joined the cast of “Ally McBeal”. Look, I know a lot of beautiful Asian American women, okay? It would be weird if I didn’t  have a thing for them. Moving on...

At some point, my tastes switched from Top 40 radio to classic rock, 96.5 WKLH. And more of Bowie’s genius was revealed to me. First and foremost was “Space Oddity”, which is still unlike any song I’ve ever heard (though “Rocket Man” was an excellent try). Bowie seemed to wield the weapons of rock and soul at will, spitting out faves like “Rebel Rebel”, “Suffragette City”, “Young Americans”, “Fame”, and even giving “All the Young Dudes” away. Then I started hearing about his fabled stage presence. Androgyny, glam rock, stage personae, if Bowie didn’t invent these concepts, he ended up personifying them. Impressive tidbits about his life kept rolling in. Bowie hunkered down in Berlin for a classic trilogy of albums? Whoa, Bowie teamed up with Iggy Pop there? Iggy Pop first recorded “China Girl”?! By the way, when the two were in the studio together, was Bowie impeccably dressed and Iggy scrawnily shirtless, or were they wearing normal clothes? I’m fine imagining either way. Bowie may have slept with Mick Jagger?!?! This is the only Bowie/Jagger collab we need concern ourselves with.

So, Labyrinth. Now, I’m a know-it-all who once passed the hard-as-balls Jeopardy test in person. They never got back to me. At the time I needed the money, but now I regret not getting to compete with Alex hosting. Anyway, having seemingly all knowledge in existence at your fingertips has diminished the store of useless trivia I’m slowly forgetting. Knowing Eric Stoltz was the original star of Back to the Future just isn’t that impressive anymore. If you’ve seen any of his scenes, you know it would have been a completely different movie. But now, I can go to Wikipedia and easily discover all kinds of cool casting trivia. Jim Henson didn’t just look at David Bowie for the role of Jareth the Goblin King. Henson wanted a charismatic music star, and he also considered Sting, Prince, Mick Jagger, and Michael Jackson. All very famous, all having released well-regarded hit records recently. If it seems too ambitious to try to get one of these stars for your little fantasy film for children, well, Jim Henson was a legend himself. And he did land Bowie.

Still, I’m intrigued by what Prince could’ve brought to this movie, even if he was probably the weakest actor of the bunch. I liked the songs Bowie wrote and performed here well enough, but they don’t stand out among his catalog. Put aside the music Prince made for Purple Rain and consider how great was the soundtrack he made for another fantasy film for kids, Batman. Yes, Tim Burton’s Batman is a (dark) fantasy aimed mostly at kids, when compared to the gritty reboots we’ve been getting lately. Plus one of my favorite Prince songs is “7”, whose lyrics contain its own all-ages fantasy world. Could Prince and Jim Henson have riffed off each other to create something truly special?

For the teenage protagonist Sarah, a number of young actresses were auditioned. And looking at that group now, it may be just as impressive as the batch of giants considered for Jareth. Helena Bonham Carter, Jane Krakowski, Marisa Tomei, and Ally Sheedy are just a partial list of the future stars who took a shot at the role. But all these women would be in their late teens or early twenties by the time shooting started. So Henson cast 14-year old Jennifer Connelly, and I think casting a “true” teen, still a child in many ways, was the right call. The whole plot kicks off because Sarah is frustrated that she has to babysit her baby brother, instead of reading from her precious little book while her dog watches. The final straw is when Sarah finds her little brother now has her beloved childhood teddy bear, and pettily wishes the goblins would steal him away.

It’s pretty clear that the fantasy elements of the movie, the goblins with their King, the labyrinth right outside Sarah’s house, the creatures met along the way, aren’t “real”. This is all laid out in Sarah’s book, and she is most likely imagining or dreaming everything. Which is perfectly fine, except maybe to those people who obsess over what is or isn’t “canon”. I missed something I might have caught on the big screen in a darkened theater: there is a photo in Sarah’s room of a woman, presumably the mother, with her beau. It’s David Bowie. And now you have a better idea of why Sarah is imagining all this. All these possible burgeoning teenage emotions directed at the man who may have taken Sarah’s mother away: anger, fear, and even attraction. The movie’s novelization apparently goes into Sarah’s emotions toward mom’s boyfriend in more detail, especially the lust she starts to feel when he treats her well. It was written by a middle-aged man, and its probably best to just focus on the Sarah/Jareth pairing in the movie.

I started reading the script as a refresher, but quickly grew bored. The visuals are much stronger than the dialogue. The actual labyrinth and its denizens were clearly put together with great care. The fact that things often look ugly is a positive, because it creates a decent sense of danger. Some things really impressed me. Sarah is told to look at a door directly in front of her she can’t see, then we realize it’s cleverly painted in a way to hide it. It reminded me of the invisible bridge for the “leap of faith” in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. We see a large hideous face in the background, and then Sarah and company just walk through it. We realize that the face is put together by three separate 3D extensions, and only looks like it does from a certain angle.

I was disappointed by two of Sarah’s puppet companions: Hoggle and Sir Didymus. Their schtick seemed to get repetitive and annoying real fast. Much as I loved The Muppet Show, I suspect I would think the same of many Muppets. If they didn’t keep the show moving quickly and have Statler and Waldorf take the piss out of everyone. By far, my favorite Labyrinth puppet was Ludo. Ludo followed the same template as Chewbacca and Groot, a giant who can barely talk but has his friends’ backs. Throughout the movie and in a climactic goblin battle, Ludo reveals a power to create, roll, and hurl boulders at will. Fans of the board game Gloomhaven can’t help but love Ludo. He’s a furry Cragheart! Still, the best thing about the movie is Bowie. Connelly does a decent enough job in their scenes together, but you just zero in on him whenever he’s on screen.

Seeing Labyrinth now, I thought it was all right. Some big strengths amidst boring stuff. How would I have felt if I watched it back in 1986, when I was coming up on age 12? I might have been scared in some places. The Shaft of Hands would have possibly given me nightmares. I would have been in awe of Jennifer Connelly’s beauty, but that was always destined to happen. I would have absorbed some of the movie’s lessons: friendship, loyalty, redemption, and forgiveness. There is one thing I would not have appreciated that I do now. Sarah ultimately grows up and in a beautiful gesture, gives her brother her teddy bear. And now I know that taking joy in a child’s delight makes up for no longer feeling that delight yourself.

Thoughts:

- Um, I ... like “Ice Ice Baby” more than “Under Pressure”. It’s great hearing Bowie and Freddie Mercury spur each other to a crescendo. But Vanilla Ice’s casual intensity over that sick beat really trips some pleasure center in my brain. I also prefer Nirvana’s version of “The Man Who Sold The World”, but I sense that’s a much less controversial stance.

- So, how about that opening gif, huh? When I saw there was an “Extra Large” option, I couldn’t click it fast enough. Hope it didn’t put anybody’s eye out. If I leave my tablet and walk around, it seems to follow me wherever I go. I’m done now. It was Henson, not Bowie, who encouraged the codpiece to get bigger and bigger. He wanted to show a part of adulthood that could entrance yet also terrify a teen girl, and yeah, they nailed it. How many girls and boys saw this movie and felt new feelings of desire tinged with fear? I’m a straight guy and I couldn’t look away, on top of the already considerable “can’t-look-away” quality Bowie has. This is likely from the first scene Bowie shot, and when they sent it to studio executives, the suits immediately came back with “Nuh-uh, nope, not in our kid’s movie”. So the codpiece tragically shrunk more and more, but since Henson didn’t like reshooting scenes, we got to keep this.

- Dr. Crusher herself, Gates McFadden, was slated to play Sarah’s stepmom and do the choreography. But because of British labo(u)r laws I’m not even going to glance at, she could only be the choreographer. And in another sign that I’m getting older, I’m siding with the stepmom over Sarah. Look, Sarah, your dad and his wife need their date nights. And your stepmom’s trying her best to bond with you. She even encourages you to date! You’re not Cinderella here, Sarah!

- It’s a genuine delight seeing Jareth bond with baby Toby. The Goblin King is clearly Chaotic Neutral, not Evil. Maybe Toby will like being turned into a goblin. They seem to have fun together. Bowie’s smile, as he cradles Toby on his lap or tosses him in the air, lights up the screen. You can tell he had enjoyed the same activities with future filmmaker Duncan Jones.

- In a fantastic scene, a spell transports Sarah to a fancy ball, where Jareth tries to seduce her into giving up her quest. The setting, costumes, and stars themselves are all dreamily beautiful. Sarah has an entranced look in her eyes, before summoning the strength to break free and find her brother. I was instantly reminded of Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, and I have to wonder if The Gentleman With The Thistledown Hair, with his enchantments forcing people to attend his balls, was influenced by the Goblin King.

- My favorite bit of Bowie, that I experienced firsthand, might be this video for “Blue Jean”. It was actually part of the funny, charming 20-minute short film “Jazzin’ For Blue Jean” For the only time ever, Bowie plays Screaming Lord Byron and performs a super catchy song while wearing impressive makeup, striking cool poses and moves, and shooting streamers out of his hands. And I was shocked that guy in the video, who was trying desperately to impress a date, was also played by Bowie. Even though he was blonde, handsome, and looked just like David Bowie. You know what crossed me up? The guy was a huge dork. Surely, Bowie’s finest acting performance.

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