Thoughts on Lost in Space

 

via Giphy/Courtesy Movieclips/New Line Cinema

"Maybe it doesn't do any good, saving a world of families if we can't save our own."

Lost in Space is guaranteed a place in the trivia books for being the first movie released in 1998 to top a weekend's box office, after Titanic's likely-unrepeatable 15 weekends at No. 1. It can also be remembered as Matt LeBlanc's second attempt at movie stardom, Heather Graham's follow up to Boogie Nights and yet another of those 1990s flicks based on a vintage TV show. If those weren't enough timestamps, Space has Lacey Chabert when her most prominent TV gig was Party of Five instead of Hallmark movies, and a script by Akiva Goldsman, whose most prominent screenwriting credits to date were four flicks -- two John Grisham adaptations and two Batman installments -- directed by Joel Schumacher.

What sticks in my memory about Akiva Goldsman's screenwriting is that he seems to try especially hard at coming up with memorable dialogue. I have a similar problem, but I like to believe that my worst stuff has never been as bloated as some of the stuff in Lost in Space. The line I used up top, spoken by workaholic John Robinson (William Hurt), came after wife, co-scientist and fellow soon-to-be space colonist Maureen (Mimi Rogers) ranted about problems with their kids and soon-to-be travel companions Judy (Graham), Penny (Chabert) and Will (Jack Johnson). Maureen reminded John that she's been as busy as he has, not being carefree and throwing Tupperware parties. Yes, "Tupperware parties," in a movie set in 2058.

Sure, Dr. Smith (Gary Oldman) had no problem letting the Robinsons and Major Don West (LeBlanc) die en route to the planet Alpha Prime -- until, of course, he ended up stuck aboard the nearly-doomed Jupiter II. Whether a human or a spider, Smith also was not above manipulating Will as a child or Will as an adult (Jared Harris) for his own gain. Despite Smith's antics, though, the real villain in Space is that old favorite, the perception by a sensitive child that their parent (usually but not always a father) is too busy to care about them. The Robinsons may deal with lethal arachnids, distortions in time and, of course, being lost in space, but their movie's grand finale has to be about John proving his devotion to adult Will and young Will.

"Don't make me wait another lifetime to know how you feel."

Honestly, the finale is dramatically sound. It would have had even more emotional resonance if Hopkins had taken what was available and cast the willing Bill Mumy as the adult Will. That blunder is not as serious as others, like how Hopkins seemed to have taken a backseat to Industrial Light & Magic and Jim Henson's Creature Shop. Janet Maslin: "(The movie's) ambitious enough to include 750 special effects (and) often frenetic enough to suggest that all 750 are happening simultaneously." A few years later, the early Harry Potter films took a similar approach, going for quantity over quality in creating and sustaining a wow factor.

*Judy appraises Don*

"He's heavier than Mike. We'll have to recalibrate."

"I'd be happy to discuss my dimensions, doctor ... say, over dinner?"

"West. I've read about you. You're a war hero, aren't you?"

"Well, yes, actually." (Maslin observed that LeBlanc seemed to say it as "Well. Yes. Actually.")

"Who was it who said, 'Those who can't think, fight'? I think that it was me. ... It was nice to have met you."

"(to John) That's one cold fish I'd love to thaw, hmm?"

*Judy comes back to the men*

"I'm not going to make it over for dinner tonight, dad." 

*Judy gives Don a "Just try to get yourself out of this one!" look before leaving; John does similar.*

"(to himself) It's gonna be a long flight."

For whatever reason, someone, presumably but not necessarily Akiva, decided that Don should spend Lost in Space relentlessly hitting on Judy. As he points out, "We're the only single man and woman of consenting age in the galaxy. How much more of a setup do you need?" I've never watched the original Lost in Space, but I'm going to assume that Don as played by Mark Goddard always remembered to be respectful of Marta Kristen's Judy. This would-be ladies man version of Don likely exists because (a) LeBlanc "needed" some comedy material to play and (b) the only adult male that wasn't John or Smith "needed" some sex appeal. I can somewhat tolerate Judy giving Don a big kiss at the end, but I wish she'd have made him kiss Blarp first.

Ah, Blarp. Penny's new pet, a peaceful girl alien voiced by Gary A. Hecker (and not Frank Welker, like I originally thought). I'm okay with Blarp, but, really, what was there that differentiated her relationship with Penny from the bond between Will and the Robot (voice of Dick Tufeld)? Googling reveals that there were Blarp toys, in particular a talking doll with what appears to be the body of a stuffed animal. The head, paws and feet, on the other hand, look to be made out of plastic. Like her movie, Blarp tried to have it both ways and failed. She is kind of cute, though:

via Ebay

via High Def Digest/Courtesy New Line Cinema

Kind of cute, alas, is pretty much all Lost in Space has to offer.

Maureen: "Good night, John."

John: "Good night, Maureen."

Will: "Good night, Judy."

Penny: "Good night, Will."

*Blarp meows*

Judy: "Good night, Penny."

Don: "You guys have got to be kidding."

*What, no goodnights to or from the Robot and Dr. Smith?*

Not Recommended.

Thoughts:

-- "Hyperspace exists beneath normal space. If you try to enter normal space without a gate, your exit factor is random. There's no telling where you'd come out. Ninety-eight percent of the galaxy is still unchartered. There's a lot of space out there to get lost in."

-- Box Office: Grossing more than $69 million domestically on an $80 million budget, this opened at No. 1, stayed in the top five for three weekends and stayed in the top 10 for two more weekends, ultimately landing at No. 30 for 1998. That wasn't good enough to justify keeping everyone aboard for at least two more films. I can't say I blame New Line for that attitude. They likely figured it would be a diminishing returns situation.

-- Critic's Corner: "A galactic slump of a movie that stuffs its travel bag with special effects but forgets to pack the charm," Desson Howe wrote. "The entire Robinson family is now dressed by Vin Burnham (who designed Michael Keaton's batsuit) as if a stop-off at the Bondage Planet were on the itinerary," Maslin observed. "(It) might have at least been more fun to look at if it had been filmed in brighter colors," Roger Ebert suggested. "Technology, one. Astros, naught," Rita Kempley declared.

-- Critic's Corner, the cast: Kenneth Turan liked Oldman's nonflamboyant take on Smith: "(He) makes us hang on his every word." Dennis Harvey, Variety, felt like Oldman didn't "come up with any specific alternative" take on the character. Hurt and Rogers didn't get any particularly good notices, whereas LeBlanc actually got one from Owen Gleiberman: "A surprisingly commanding Matt LeBlanc." As for the kids, Howe really didn't like Johnson ("(He) may be the dullest child actor (around).") or Chabert ("(She) has a munchkin-on-helium voice that would make anyone want to push her through a porthole."

-- Point/Counterpoint, Heather Graham and/or Judy: Maslin singled out her "verve that outshines the movie's hardware." Turan found her "always effective." Howe: "a one-dimensionally sanctimonious snot."

-- Awards Watch: Lost in Space went zero for six at the Saturn Awards, losing in the categories of Science Fiction Film (to Armageddon and Dark City), Supporting Actor (Oldman, to Ian McKellen in Apt Pupil), Young Actor or Actress (Johnson, to Tobey Maguire in Pleasantville), Costumes (to Ever After), Makeup (to Vampires) and Special Effects (to Godzilla). The movie also lost the Razzie for Worst Remake or Sequel to a tie among Godzilla, The Avengers and Psycho. On the other hand, Chabert won the Stinkers award for Worst Supporting Actress, while Hopkins, the movie, the movie being a remake and the end theme were nominated. Finally, Johnson and Chabert, plus the movie, were Young Artist Awards nominees.

-- Musical Moments: The score is still 8-5, favoring pieces not written for their respective movies. No points for Apollo 440's Stinkers-nominated end theme.

-- Hey, It's ...!: Lennie James. In addition to Tufeld, there were cameos by June Lockhart, Goddard, Kristen and Angela Cartwright. Mumy, as mentioned, and Jonathan Harris were the only surviving members of the original series' cast who didn't appear. Harris was intended for Edward Fox's role as Smith's co-conspirator.

-- "Targeting Alpha Prime ... I hope."

-- Next: My Giant. On deck: City of Angels.