What's On Tonight (Friday): It's Sharks All the Way Down...

I know Space Jam: A New Legacy is premiering on HBO Max, and I was totally ready to make it the Top Pick because, for better or worse, what else could I possible choose?   Two things changed my thinking:

1. I caught the Space Jam trailer before Black Widow this past weekend, and even though there were quite a few kids in the audience, no one laughed once through the whole thing.  Maybe Warner Bros. doesn't want to ruin the jokes and is saving the best material for when you see the movie, but I'm fairly certain that is not how movie trailers work.

2. IT'S MOTHERFUCKING SHARK WEEK, Y'ALL!  Discovery Channel is back to exploit your irrational fears (sharks aren't even in the top 10 animals that kill the most humans per year), and National Geographic is getting in on it too since why should Discovery have all the fun?  Between the two of them there is over 8 hours of new shark-related programming premiering today.  Bigger boat?  Fuck that!  We're going to need at least a naval cruiser to deal with this onslaught.

via Giphy

TOP SHARKS

🦈 Extinct or Alive: Jaws of Alaska (Discovery+, 3:01 AM)

🦈 Air Jaws: Going for Gold: Sharkmania (Discovery, 7:00 PM) 'With Sharkmania facts and bonus scenes -- the Air Jaws team returns to Seal Rock to capture the highest breach ever.'

🦈 Ninja Sharks 2: Mutants Rising (Discovery, 8:00 PM) 'In the icy waters off Alaska, off populated beaches of New York, and lurking in ghostly shipwrecks off the coast of North Carolina, scientists and shark experts have discovered three sharks that have developed unique and deadly ninja skills.'

🦈 When Sharks Attack: Extra Bite (NGC, 8:00 PM) "Devastation Down Under" - 'In this enhanced episode, fear grips Australia when sharks terrorize the coast of New South Wales.'

🦈 Monster Sharks of Andros Island (Discovery, 9:00 PM) 'Shark researchers Dr. Tristan Guttridge, Annie Guttridge, Alannah Vellacott and Khrys Carole travel to Andros Island to determine if it's a new great hammerhead hotspot.'

🦈 Shark Attack Files (NGC, 9:00 PM) "Deadly Duo" - 'Multiple instances of sharks attacking humans in pairs.'

🦈 Mystery of the Black Demon Shark (Discovery, 10:00 PM) 'In Mexico, legends swirl around El Demonio Negro, a 50-foot shark that has terrorized fisherman and tourists alike for generations; Forrest Galante hunts for answers in the most rugged and remote parts of the Baja Peninsula.'

🦈 Rogue Shark? Extra Bite (NGC, 10:00 PM) 'A vacation hot spot is rocked by a series of shark attacks, chaos reigns; with extra footage.'

🦈 I Was Prey: Terrors from the Deep 2 (Discovery, 11:00 PM) 'Two adventure seekers recount their horrifying shark attack experiences.'

TOP PICK THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SHARKS (I'M ASSUMING)

Space Jam: A New Legacy

⭐ 🏀 Space Jam: A New Legacy✔️ (HBO Max, 3:01 AM) 'Basketball champion and global icon LeBron James and his youngest son Dom (Cedric Joe)—who dreams of being a video game developer rather than follow in his father's footsteps—find themselves trapped in the Warner 3000 Server-Verse, a virtual space ruled by a tyrannical A.I. by the name of Al-G Rhythm (Don Cheadle).  After Dom is captured, LeBron must save him and get home safely by leading Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, Lola Bunny, and other notoriously undisciplined Looney Tunes to win a basketball match against Al-G's digitized champions on the court, the Goon Squad: a team of powered-up virtual avatars of professional basketball stars.'

PREMIERES

🔔 Making the Cut (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) 2ND SEASON PREMIERE. 'In the second season of Making the Cut, Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn welcome 10 established designers from around the world to Los Angeles, CA where they compete to become the next global fashion brand.  Each week, winning looks will be available to buy on Amazon in the Making the Cut store, and the last designer will receive one million dollars to invest in their brand.'

🔔 Schmigadoon✔️ (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE.  'In this parody of 1940s musicals, backpacking couple Melissa and Josh get trapped in Schmigadoon, a magical town filled with singing and dancing townspeople, and learn they can't leave without finding true love - which they thought they already had.  Starring Cecily Strong, Keegan-Michael Key and Fred Armison.'

Schmigadoon!

🎵 McCartney 3,2,1 (Hulu, 12:01 AM) LIMITED SERIES.  'Paul McCartney sits down for a rare, in depth, one on one with legendary producer Rick Rubin to discuss his groundbreaking work with The Beatles, the emblematic 70s arena rock of Wings and his 50 years and counting as a solo artist.  In this 6-episode series that explores music and creativity in a unique and revelatory manner, join Paul and Rick for an intimate conversation about the songwriting, influences, and personal relationships that informed the iconic songs that have served as the soundtracks of our lives.'

🔔 Explained (Netflix, 3:01 AM) THIRD SEASON.  'This enlightening series from Vox digs into a wide range of topics such as the rise of cryptocurrency, why diets fail, and the wild world of K-pop.'

🔔 Johnny Test (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE.  'Johnny Test is back in this continuation of the original animated series from creator Scott Fellows (“Big Time Rush").  How much trouble could one imaginative boy, his faithful dog and two science-loving sisters possibly get into? Hmm, that sounds like a challenge!'

🔔 Naomi Osaka (Netflix, 3:01 AM) LIMITED SERIES.  'This intimate series follows Naomi Osaka as she explores her cultural roots and navigates her multifaceted identity as a tennis champ and rising leader.'

🎥 Deep (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Four insomniac med school students are lured into a neuroscience experiment that spirals out of control — and must find a way out before it’s too late.  Starring Panisara Rikulsurakan, Kay Lertsittichai and Supanaree Sutavijitvong.'

🎥 Fear Street Part 3: 1666 (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Thrust back to 1666, Deena learns the truth about Sarah Fier. Back in 1994, the friends fight for their lives — and Shadyside’s future.  Starring Kiana Madeira, Ashley Zukerman and Gillian Jacobs.'

⚽ The Sisters of '96: The 1996 USA Women's Olympic Soccer Team (Peacock, 3:01 AM)  'Produced by NBC Olympics, this hour-long special reunites soccer stars Brandi Chastain, Joy Fawcett, Julie Foudy, Kristine Lilly, Shannon MacMillan, Briana Scurry and Tisha Venturini on the field where they took home the gold to watch the match together for the first time and recount their victory and the legacy of the team.  Peacock is also streaming the '96 U.S. women’s national soccer team’s tournament final game, which has never before been fully televised.'

🎵 Icon: Music Through the Lens (PBS, 9:00 PM) LIMITED SERIES.  'A new six-part series taking viewers on a fascinating journey through the history and cultural impact of music photography.'

👻 Surreal Estate✔️ (Netflix, 3:01 AM) SERIES PREMIERE.  'Real estate agent Luke Roman and an elite team of specialists handle the cases that no one else can: haunted and possessed houses that literally scare would-be buyers away.'

Surreal Estate

STREAMING

🔔 Central Park (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "The Shadow"

🔔 Home Before Dark (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "What's Out There"

🔔 Lisey's Story (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) SEASON FINALE.  "Lisey's Story"

🔔 Physical (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Let's Take This Show on the Road"

💖 Love Island (UK) (Hulu, 12:01 AM) "Episode 5"

👽 Roswell: The Final Verdict (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) "Alien Autopsy"

🎵 High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "The Transformation"

🔔 The Mysterious Benedict Society (Disney +, 3:01 AM) TBA

🚀 Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "Rescue on Ryloth"

SPORTS TONIGHT*

🏌️‍♂️ PGA Tour Golf: Barbasol Championship, Second Round (Golf, 5:00 PM) 'The second round of the Barbasol Championship gets underway from Nicholasville, Ky. Several golfers will look to improve on solid results last week in Illinois. Luke List, Adam Schenk and Scott Brown all finished T4 at the John Deere Classic.'

🏀 Basketball: Australia vs. United States (NBCSN, 6:00 PM) 'From Michelob ULTRA Arena in Las Vegas.'

⚽ CONCACAF Copa Oro 2021: Guadalupe vs. Jamaica (UNIMAS, 6:00 PM) 'Jornada 2 del Grupo C. Guadalupe enfrenta a Jamaica desde Exploria Stadium, en Orlando, Estados Unidos.'

🏀 The Basketball Tournament: We Are D3 vs. Team Challenge ALS (ESPN, 7:00 PM) 'From Charles Koch Arena in Wichita, Kan.'

🏌️‍♂️ LPGA Tour Golf: Dow Great Lakes Bay Invitational, Third Round (Golf, 7:30 PM) 'Nelly Korda & Jessica Korda, Ariya Jutanugarn & Moriya Jutanugarn, Danielle Kang & Lydia Ko, Patty Tavatanakit & Leona Maguire, Lexi Thompson & Nasa Hataoka, So Yeon Ryu & Inbee Park are scheduled to compete. From Midland, Michigan.'

Tour de France via Giphy

🚴‍♀️ 2021 Tour de France: Stage 19✔️(NBCSN, 8:00 PM) 'Mourenx to Libourne, 207 km, flat stage.'

⚽ CONCACAF Copa Oro 2021: Surinam vs. Costa Rica (UNIMAS, 8:30 PM) 'Jornada 2 del Grupo C. Surinam enfrenta a Costa Rica desde Exploria Stadium, en Orlando, Estados Unidos.'

🏂 X Games (ESPN, 9:00 PM) 'Breathtaking action from the X Games with action from events like snowboarding and extreme skiing.'

🏀 The Basketball Tournament: Ex-Pats vs. AfterShocks (ESPN2, 9:00 PM) 'From Charles Koch Arena in Wichita, Kan.'

🥊 Bellator MMA (Showtime, 9:00 PM) "Bellator 262: Velasquez vs. Kielholtz" - 'Juliana Velasquez (11-0-0) defends her flyweight championship against Denise Kielholtz (6-2-0) in the main event from Mohegan Sun Arena in Uncasville, Conn.'

*Sporting Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.

EARLY PRIMETIME

💲 Common Knowledge (Game Show Network, 5:30 PM) "The Fowlers vs. Non-Profit Pals" 

💲 America Says (Game Show Network, 7:00 PM) "West Coast Campers vs. The Greniers"

🔔 The Patrick Star Show (Nickelodeon, 7:00 PM) "Lost in Couch; Pat-a-thon" - 'Patrick loses the remote in the cushions, so he journeys into the couch to track it down; Patrick hosts a telethon to raise money for snails that can't dance.'

🔔 Middlemost Post✔️ (Nickelodeon, 7:30 PM) "BURT! The Musical; Sunday No FunDay" - 'Angus accidentally throws Burt away; after Angus tells Parker and Russell to leave the house on his day off, Parker wrongly assumes it's permanent.'

Middlemost Post

🕗 8:00 EASTERN / 🕖 7:00 CENTRAL

🔔 Secret Celebrity Renovation (CBS, 8:00 PM) "Anthony Ramos" 

🔔 Charmed (CW, 8:00 PM) "The Storm Before the Calm" - 'The sisters confront the Whispering Evil, even though their collective powers may not be strong enough to defeat it; Macy must face down Abby's mother in order to acquire a secret weapon.'

🤼‍♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) TBA

🐟 River Monsters: Deadliest Man-Eaters (Animal Planet, 8:00) "Facing the Beast" - 'When reports of an aquatic beast is swimming in the waters of the Congo, Jeremy Wade is determined to investigate. Then, Jeremy is on a mission for an up-close encounter with the Nile perch, a fish that lurks in a place where myth and reality merge.'

🔔 The Loud House (Nickelodeon, 8:00 PM) "Dad Reputation" - 'While playing in her dad's new band, Luna is worried about her reputation if her friends see her perform.'

🔔 The Loud House (Nickelodeon, 8:15 PM) "In the Mick of Time" - 'After embellishing her friendship with Mick Swagger, Luna has to convince the star to play her high school dance.'

🔔 The Casagrandes (Nickelodeon, 8:30 PM) "Operation Popstar" - 'Ronnie Anne and Sid try to get Yoon Kwan's autograph and Carlota helps Alisa prepare for the Great Lakes City Music Festival.'

🕗 9:00 EASTERN / 🕖 8:00 CENTRAL

💖 Love Island (CBS, 9:00 PM) TBA

🔔 Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) "I Hate to Spoil Your Memories" - 'As Fallon prepares for the Fallon Unlimited IPO, she and Liam make some startling discoveries and call in the one person who can help; Blake and Cristal commit to making new memories.'

🍴 Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives (Food Network, 9:00 PM) "Pig's Feet, Mojo and Chow-Chow" - 'Guy Fieri dives into unordinary recipes, starting in Palm Beach, where a hidden gem serves up seafood and chow-chow; a funky Filipino joint in Hawaii fires up its spin on pigs' feet.'

🔔 Cellmate Secrets: Shayna Hubers (Lifetime, 9:00 PM) 'Shayna Hubers shot and killed her boyfriend, Ryan Poston; now Holly Nivens details how Shayna manipulated her into believing it was self-defense; Cecily Miller details Shayna's behavior after her arrest; Carissa details how Ryan wanted out.'

🔔 Nick Shorts Showcase (Nickelodeon, 8:30 PM) "I'm Back; Do the Fruit Shake" - 'Featuring the Casagrandes.'

👻 Ghost Adventures (Travel, 9:00 PM) "Summoning a Tragedy" - 'Zak and the crew travel to California to confront a sinister energy darkening the home of a grieving family; they investigate a haunted mining camp in Utah.'

💖 Love After Lockup (WE, 9:00 PM) "Third Time's the Charm?" - 'Nicolle keeps a scandalous secret; Stan loses it on Lisa and makes a shocking accusation; after 11 years waiting for Jeff, Anissa fears he may be a no-show for the third time; Doug reunites with his son, but gets grilled by his mother-in-law.'

🔔 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) "Marni Yang" - 'Marni Yang, a single mother of three who is serving a double life sentence in the murder of football player Shaun Gayle's pregnant girlfriend, talks about the case and her petition for a new trial.'

🕗 10:00 EASTERN / 🕖 9:00 CENTRAL

🎭 Great Performances (PBS, 10:00 PM) "Roots of Latin Jazz" - 'Celebrating the rhythms of Latin music with performances by Grammy Award-winning artists including Richard Bona and Anaadi; host Sheila E.'

🔔 Dateline NBC (NBC, 10:00 PM) "Twisted Loyalty" - 'Chicago police search for a killer after Robert O'Dubaine, a nightclub owner, is gunned down in his home; as detectives investigate the motive, they discover it was a targeted killing, connected to a twisted sense of loyalty and tradition.'

💖 Put a Ring on It (OWN, 10:00 PM) TBA

LATE NIGHT

Betty via Giphy

🛹 Betty (HBO, 11:00 PM) SEASON FINALE.  "The Let Out" - 'The party is over.'

🔔 Jimmy Kimmel Live! (ABC, 11:35 PM) 'Hosted by Nick Kroll; actor Seth Rogen; actor Winston Duke; Gucci Mane and Big Walk Dog perform.'

🔔 Nightline (ABC, 12:37 AM)

Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO Binge

📺 The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 5:45 AM - 1:00 PM); ER (Pop, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (VH1, 8:00 AM - 12:05 PM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); M*A*S*H* (TVLand, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Living Single (TVONE, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Friends (TBS 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); House (Pop, 1:00 PM - 8:00 PM); King of Queens (CMT, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Law and Order (Sundance, 1:00 PM - 2:00 AM); Bones (TNT, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 8:00 & 8:30 PM); Mom (CMT, 8:00 PM - 1:00 AM); Everybody Loves Raymond (TV Land, 8:00 PM - 11:05 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 & 9:30 PM); Coach (Antenna, 11:30 PM) 

📺 Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Comedian Flip Wilson; singer Pat Boone; comedian Tom Dreesen; Dr. Lenson Smith.'

More TV Listings: The Futon Critic; Zap2it

Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com
⭐: Top Pick
💲: Game show
🎥: Movie
📺: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included