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| Mythic Quest: Raven's Banquet via Giphy.com |
TOP PICK
PREMIERES
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| Shrill via Giphy.com |
๐ฅ The Boy from Medellin (Amazon Prime, 12:01 AM) 'From award-winning filmmaker Matthew Heineman comes an intimate portrait of one of the biggest international superstars of our time. The Boy From Medellin follows J Balvin as he prepares for the most important concert of his career. But as the concert draws near, the streets explode with political unrest, forcing Balvin to wrestle with his responsibility as an artist to his country and his fans.' Not to be confused with The Girl from Ipanema.
๐ Ghostwriter (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) '“Ghostwriter” is a reimagining of the 1992 hit series from Sesame Workshop. In its second season, the series’ young heroes work to save their bookstore and discover the true identity of the Ghostwriter while introducing audiences to fresh tales like “Malia and the Magic Paintbrush” and “The Cobalt Mask,” and familiar literary characters including Dr. Watson of “Sherlock Holmes” fame.' SEASON 2, PART 2. Dear sir or madam, will you read my book? It took years to ghostwrite will you take a look?
๐ Shrill✔️ (Hulu, 12:01 AM) 'Shrill follows Annie (Bryant), a young woman who is pursuing a career in journalism while also dealing with how her body type affects everyone’s perceptions of her, including her own. Encouraged by her best friend Fran (Lolly Adefope), Annie learns to assert her own self-worth and be comfortable in her own body.' FINAL SEASON. I don't know much about this show other than it appears to be CALI'S FAVORITE SHOW EVER. That's either true or I'm trying to get fired. You be the judge.
๐ Girl From Nowhere (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A mysterious, clever girl named Nanno transfers to different schools, exposing the lies and misdeeds of the students and faculty at every turn.' SEASON 2. Book 'em, Nanno.
๐ Jupiter's Legacy (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'They're the first generation of superheroes. But as they pass the torch to their children, tensions are rising — and the old rules no longer apply.' SERIES PREMIERE. Jupiter's real legacy is it's extreme graviational pull, which helped protect the inner planets from being bombarded. Yeah, that's right, we here at What's On Tonight believe in the science.
๐ฅ Milestone (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'Recently marking 500,000 kilometers on the road, a newly bereaved trucker faces the threat of losing the job that has come to define him to a new intern.' I might tune in just to find out why his job defines him to an intern.
๐ฅ Monster (Netflix, 3:01 AM) 'A talented teen implicated in a robbery-turned-murder fights for his innocence and integrity against a criminal justice system that’s already judged him.' Seems we could use a man like Ben Matlock again.
๐ Queen of Meth (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) 'Shining a bright crystal blue light on the life and crimes of Lori Arnold, Queen of Meth takes viewers on a deeply personal journey unveiling how one of America's MOST INFAMOUS - and unexpected - drug lords turned addiction into an enterprise. The former drug maven takes viewers back to the scene of the crime in her hometown of Ottumwa, Iowa where for six years, she ran a sprawling multi-state meth empire and played a key role in the start of the Midwest's methamphetamine epidemic.' SERIES PREMIERE. Perhaps if she had crowned herself the Queen of Math she could have become a nice accountant and wouldn't have descended into being a drug kingpin.
๐ฅ Deceived By My Mother-in-Law (LMN, 8:00 PM) 'With the help of her therapist, Denise, Kristin is recovering from an awful attack by a stalker. After meeting and marrying James, life seems to be going great until her mother-in-law, Maggie moves in unexpectedly. Friction turns to fighting as Kristin tries to keep it all together until she discovers her new family has ulterior motives.' This should have been the top pick but I didn't have time to make a GIF.
๐ My Lottery Dream Home (HGTV, 8:00 PM) "Vacation Time at the Cape" - 'After winning a scratch-off jackpot, Carol and Joe look for a dream home in Cape Cod after vacationing there for over 30 years; David must work fast to help the Massachusetts couple snatch up their perfect place in this hot market.' SEASON 10. Once again I sit in amazement at yet another reality show that somehow has stayed on the air for years and years.
๐ Happily Wherever (HGTV, 8:00 PM) "A Historic Move" - 'A Cincinnati couple adopt two kids and want to find the perfect home for their active family to thrive; they have the difficult choice of staying close to personal ties in their city or venturing to the sunnier skies of Savannah or Orlando.' SERIES PREMIERE. Savannah or Orlando? Are those really the only two options? Normally I would say go anywhere that's not Cincinnati but I'm not so sure in this case.
๐ Dynasty (CW, 9:00 PM) "That Unfortunate Dinner" - 'Fallon and Liam plan their wedding, with some unsolicited input from Alexis; Dominique runs into hiccups with her new fashion line and turns to unexpected sources for help; Blake is determined to work on his relationship with Cristal.' SEASON 4. How exactly does CW make money?
STREAMING
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| Star Wars: The Bad Batch via Giphy.com |
๐ The Mosquito Coast (Apple TV+, 12:01 AM) "Everybody Knows This is Nowhere" - 'With the Feds closing in on them, the Foxes and Chuy must cross the desert on foot—and face adversity both natural and man-made.' Don't get me started on those blood sucking Feds.
๐ The Mighty Ducks: Game Changers (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "Pond Hockey" - 'With the team mad at Evan, and Alex unsure of her coaching skills, Bombay brings them somewhere new.' I actually found an episode description for this week. My googling skills will not be topped.
๐ Big Shot (Disney+, 3:01 AM) "Great in the Living Room" Mediocre in the pantry.
๐ Star Wars: The Bad Batch✔️ (Disney+, 3:01 AM) I was ready to make this the top pick but then they released the premiere on May 4 and what the fuck ever.
๐ด Magnolia Table with Joanna Gaines (Discovery+, 3:01 AM) Joanna and the Magnolia Table accidentally enroll in the army and find themselves trapped behind enemy lines.
EARLY PRIMETIME
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| The Barbarian and the Troll via Giphy.com |
⚾ College Softball: Auburn at LSU (ESPNU, 6:30 PM) 'From Tiger Park in Baton Rouge, La.' First obligatory sports pick.
๐ The Loud House (Nick, 7:00 PM) "Hurl, Interrupted; Diamonds Are for Never" - 'Lynn tries to stall her friends from riding the coaster; Lola and Mr. Grouse find a gem.' This show was once recommended to me by someone that I have removed from my memory.
๐ฅ College Lacrosse: Patriot League Tournament, Second Semifinal: Loyola (Md.) at Army (CBSSN, 7:00 PM) 'Action from NCAA men's college lacrosse.' Second obligatory sports pick.
⚾ College Softball: Arizona at Oregon (ESPN2, 7:00 PM) 'From Jane Sanders Stadium in Eugene, Ore.' Third obligatory sports pick.
๐ The Barbarian and the Troll✔️ (Nick, 7:30 PM) "Parents Just Don't Understand" - 'Evan is forced to return to his parents.' I didn't know that was a show with puppets until I searched for a GIF. Now I am intrigued.
๐ NBA Basketball: Boston Celtics at Chicago Bulls (ESPN, 7:30 PM) - 'Chicago hosts Boston. Nikola Vuฤeviฤ helped the Bulls stop a three-game slide against the Celtics in a 102-96 triumph April 19. The center, who was acquired from Orlando on March 25, poured in 29 points while grabbing nine rebounds in the victory.' Fourth obligatory sports pick.
๐ 8:00 EASTERN / ๐ 7:00 CENTRAL
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| Charmed via Giphy.com |
๐ฆ Shark Tank (ABC, 8:00 PM) 'A portable basketball shooting machine; no-bake and nutritious snacks; an instant sneaker cleaner; an all-in-one beer-making device; an update on Boost, a portable oxygen canister company; guest Shark Alex Rodriguez.' That guy who invented the basketball shooting machine must really hate basketballs.
๐ The Blacklist (NBC, 8:00 PM) "Nicholas Obenrader" - 'Liz and the Task Force track new leads in their investigation of N-13 while Red takes steps to infiltrate Townsend's criminal organization.' I have no doubt Robert Townsend will see through Red's subterfuge. I mean, the guy made Hollywood Shuffle using his credit cards.
๐คผ♂️ WWE's Friday Night Smackdown (Fox, 8:00 PM) Smackdown, back down, pack down. Everybody wants into the crowded ring. (I ran out of time this week. Sue me.)
๐ Charmed✔️ (CW, 8:00 PM) "Witchful Thinking" - 'The gang go in search of an ancient relic that will help them cure their magical allergy; Josefina makes an important decision for her future.' TIMESLOT PREMIERE. Shows used to get sent off to Friday nights to die but for CW Friday is just another Tuesday.
๐ River Monsters: Deadliest Man-Eaters (Animal Planet, 8:00) "European Freshwater Beasts" - 'In Germany, extreme angler Jeremy Wade tracks the wels catfish, which has been going after swimmers; in Chernobyl, Jeremy searches for the monster responsible for a series of grisly attacks.' This doesn't appear to actually be new so much as it is a repackaging of previous episodes. There are only so many river monsters in the world and they have all grown wary of Jeremy Wade.
๐ฐ Gold Rush (Discovery, 8:00) "Forged in Fire" - 'Parker brokers a deal with Tony to open a new cut on the Indian River. Tony's new trommel build gets derailed when a fire breaks out. Fred's crew steps up. Dustin calls on The Pirate to help crack a boulder blocking him from huge nuggets.' But I've got the hugest nuggets of them all.
๐ An Unexpected Killer (Oxygen, 8:00 PM) "Twisted Attraction" - 'When a young woman who was just starting out in life is found assaulted and stabbed to death in her boyfriend's home, detectives work tirelessly to uncover a killer who had previously been above suspicion, leaving the town and police force stunned.' If the boyfriend had done it then this would have gone to the sister show: An Expected Killer.
๐ Plan 9 From Outer Space Table Read (TCM, 8:00 PM) 'SF Sketchfest Presents a table read of Ed Wood's "Plan 9 From Outer Space."' Followed by a showing of the film!
๐ 90 Day Fiancรฉ: Happily Ever After? (TLC, 8:00 PM) "More to Love: Indecent Proposal" - 'With bonus scenes; Angela begins a life-changing transformation; Tiffany is at her breaking point; Kalani questions Asuelu's sincerity; Brandon rains on Julia's parade; the family weighs in on Andrei's proposition; Natalie sends Mike over the edge.' Why would you watch this when you can watch the Plan 9 table read? What the fuck is wrong with you?
⚾ College Baseball: Texas at TCU (ESPNU, 8:30 PM) 'From Charlie and Marie Lupton Baseball Stadium in Fort Worth, Texas.' Fifth obligatory sports pick.
๐ 9:00 EASTERN / ๐ 8:00 CENTRAL
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| Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives via Giphy.com |
๐ญ Great Performances: Uncle Vanya (PBS, 9:00 PM) 'The West End production of Anton Chekhov's "Uncle Vanya" features Toby Jones and Richard Armitage; from London's Harold Pinter Theatre.' I refuse to watch Chekhov plays due to the violence. You know every show has to have a gun in it somewhere.
๐ Magnum, PI (NBC, 9:00 PM) "Bloodline" - 'Magnum and Higgins work a stalking case involving a man with a past in espionage; Ethan asks Higgins to join him on an extended trip for Doctors Without Borders just as Magnum starts to open up to other possibilities.' SEASON FINALE. Is that last sentence implying there might be a romance between Magnum and Higgins? Has anyone informed John Hillerman?
๐ Dateline NBC (NBC, 9:00 PM) "Window of Opportunity" - 'A bombshell more than a decade after the crime reignites the investigation into the death of Sarah Pagel's mother, who was killed when Sarah was 7.' Good to know some good came out of the movie Bombshell. At least it helped catch a killer.
๐ด Diners, Drive-Ins And Dives✔️ (Food Network, 9:00 PM) "From the Seas and Lots of Cheese" - 'In the Florida Keys, Guy and Hunter are hittin' up a local landmark for deconstructed ceviche, and in Philly, classic comfort food is made with unexpected ingredients.' Wouldn't deconstructed ceviche just be a bunch of raw fish, a lime and some chili peppers?
๐ 48 Hours on ID (ID, 9:00 PM) "The Tiger King Mystery" - 'Richard Schlesinger and "48 Hours" uncover startling new information linked to the disappearance of Don Lewis, the former husband of Tampa-based animal rights activist Carole Baskin.' Seems a little late to be jumping on the Tiger King bandwagon. Shoulda struck when the iron was hot.
๐ฝ Ghost Adventures (TRAV, 9:00 PM) "Abandoned in the Shadows" - 'Zak, Nick and Aaron shine a light on the dark shadows that loom over the Remington Arms factory in Bridgeport, Conn.; the crew reaches out to the tormented souls trapped inside the Pennhurst State School in Spring City, Pa.' The tormented souls are gonna be pissed off when they find out their pain is being exploited for a fucking Travel Channel ghost show.
๐คฎ Mama June: From Not to Hot (WE, 9:00 PM) "Road to Redemption: Mama's Lying" - 'Mama's caught lying about her and Geno facing major jail time; Alana shuts down when Josh rips her away from Mama; drama ensues when Pumpkin's hit with an unexpected surprise.' I am not real familiar with Mama June but somehow I don't think it can be too surprising that she got caught lying about something.
๐ 20/20 (ABC, 9:01 PM) 'New interviews reveal shocking info on a botched murder investigation.' That's it. That's the only description I could find. You'd think they'd give a little more info. It's like they're ashamed to have descended into Dateline NBC territory.
๐ฐ Bering Sea Gold (Discovery, 9:07 PM) "A Dredge Full of Dollars" - 'Shawn strikes a deal with Dave Young that comes with a ticking clock. Zeke's new dredge Black Swan debuts on the Bering Sea. Kris' backup plan wildly backfires. Vernon and Emily seek out their own claims.' Why don't any of the shows from the Discovery Channel's Gold-verse use the theme to Solid Gold? That's a missed opportunity.
๐ 10:00 EASTERN / ๐ 9:00 CENTRAL
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| Blue Bloods via Giphy.com |
๐ Blue Bloods✔️ (CBS, 10:00 PM) "The New You" - 'Garrett refuses to walk back a quote he provided to a local newspaper; Danny and Baez discover something shocking while investigating a murder, Anthony is mistaken for a mafioso; Eddie pressures Jamie to take a love language quiz.' As of publication time I have yet to come up with any sort of joke for this listing. I shall hang my head in shame.
๐ญ Skyville Live: Cyndi Lauper (CMT, 10:00 PM) 'Cyndi Lauper performs her chart-topping hits "True Colors," "Time After Time," "Girls Just Want To Have Fun" and more.' It might not be country but at least CMT is showing music again.
๐ง♂️ Van Helsing (Syfy, 10:00 PM) "State of the Union" - 'Axel and Julius awaken in the Sunshine Unit, where a familiar face reveals the truth about their injuries; at Fort Collins, Violet and Ivory must convince their captors they are not traitors.' I stopped watching Van Helsing after a few episodes as it seemed like The Walking Dead but with vampires. These episode descriptions seem to be backing me up.
๐คฎ Real Time With Bill Maher (HBO, 10:00 PM) Interview: John McWhorter. Panel: Rep. Elissa Slotkin and Rob Reiner. It's always a problem when you almost always like the guests better than the hose. See also: Fallon, Jimmy.
๐ The First 48: Streets Are Talking (A&E, 10:01 PM) "Gangland" - 'Including bonus footage; a young man is gunned down at a troubled apartment complex that comes under federal investigation after a rap video goes viral.' If only the apartment complex had gotten the help it needed when it was younger...
๐ NBA Basketball: Los Angeles Lakers at Portland Trail Blazers (ESPN, 10:05 PM) 'The Trail Blazers tip off with the Lakers. Portland's Damian Lillard averages 28.1 points per game versus Los Angeles in his career, his second-highest total against any one team. The two sides split a pair of contests earlier in 2020-21.' Final obligatory sports pick.
๐ Chaos in Court (ID, 10:10 PM) "Abuse of Power" - 'A life is spared by a jury's mistake; a brawl after a delayed hearing; a man wearing no pants walks into a courthouse; a former judge is dragged out of court; a man paying a parking ticket is attacked; a commissioner throws an attorney out of court.' This is basically Wildest Police Chases but in court, right?
*Sporting Events Are Subject To COVID-Related Postponements.
Broadcast/Cable/Satellite - RETRO
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| Living Single via Giphy.com |
๐บ The Andy Griffith Show (Sundance, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); ER (Pop, 6:00 AM - 1:00 PM); The Golden Girls (Hallmark, 7:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Roseanne (CMT, 9:00 AM - 1:00 PM); Living Single✔️ (TVONE, 9:00 AM - 11:00 AM); Hawaii Five-0 (Ion, 10:00 AM - 3:00 AM); Friends (TBS 11:00 AM - 5:30 PM); Gunsmoke (TVLand, 12:00 PM - 4:00 PM); King of Queens (CMT, 1:00 PM - 4:00 PM); Bones (TNT, 3:00 PM - 8:00 PM); Barney Miller (Antenna, 8:00 & 8:30 PM); Mom (CMT, 8:00 PM - 10:00 PM); The Jeffersons (Antenna, 9:00 & 9:30 PM); Coach (Antenna, 11:30 PM)
๐บ Johnny Carson (Antenna, 10:00 PM) 'Comic Richard Pryor; actor Chevy Chase; actress Marilyn Sokol; actor James Hampton.'
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
๐ Dark Matter (Netflix) - 'After waking up aboard a derelict spaceship with no memories, the crew of the Raza investigates the mystery of their identities and destination.' This is a show that snuck up on me. I check out pretty much every space-based sci-fi show I can and I wasn't expecting much from this one. Canadian show, low budget, nothing new under the sun, BUT it has an intrigueing premise and the show tends to zig when I expect it to zag and the characters are all surprisingly likeable (although the attractiveness of the cast is definitely lopsided towards the women not that I'm complaining). The only drawback: it was cancelled after it's third season and left some storylines dangling. RECOMMENDED.
More TV Listings: The Futon Critic; Zap2it
Key Sources: The Futon Critic; Zap2it; Netflix; Wikipedia; Horrornews.net; Sysfy.com
⭐: Top Pick
๐ฒ: Game show
๐ฅ: Movie
๐บ: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
⭐: Top Pick
๐ฒ: Game show
๐ฅ: Movie
๐บ: Throwback
✔️: Video/gif/photo included
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