"A better piece of work altogether, my dear Baron, than your previous efforts."
I'm writing this piece later than I hoped to, so once again, it's time for Thoughts On in the purest sense.
1. The Bride was the last of three movies produced by Victor Drai released in more or less a year. The other two were The Woman in Red and The Man with One Red Shoe. Four years later, he'd produce Weekend at Bernie's. Drai's 1984-85 movies all had an "it girl," whether Kelly LeBrock, Lori Singer or Jennifer Beals. The leading men are more diverse: Gene Wilder, Tom Hanks and Sting.
2. Sting gets the first closeup. Beals' face won't be seen until 10 minutes into the movie. Baron Charles Frankenstein is once again using a storm to bring a being to life. He's got two accomplices, Dr. Zalhus (Quentin Crisp) and Paulus (Timothy Spall), plus the monster (Clancy Brown) is watching what's going on. Anyway, the bride is zapped with more than enough electricity, a fact I was disappointed didn't become a plot point.
3. The monster calls dibs on the bride, then gets upset when she appears to reject him. Unlike the 1935 Bride of Frankenstein, there's no bloodcurdling scream, just moaning. A free for all breaks out, there's a fire and both Zalhus and Paulus are killed too early for my liking. Somehow the monster manages to escape the half-destroyed tower. Meanwhile, the Baron is claiming to the bride that she's just had a bad dream.
4. Foolishly, Beals and Brown won't share another scene for more than an hour. Instead, the monster joins forces with Rinaldo (David Rappaport), a man with dwarfism who's got aspirations ranging from being in the circus to seeing Venice. The dynamic between Rinaldo and "Viktor" (which we'll constantly be reminded means "he will prevail") is akin to Master and Blaster in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Back at the castle, "Eva" ("I shall call you after the first woman.") is being presented as an amnesiac to people including the Baron's lusty friend Clerval (Anthony Higgins) and his housekeeper Mrs. Baumann (Geraldine Page).
5. "She might be taught everything, Clerval. Think of it: she might be made into anything." "The most pliant of mistresses." "I might make the new woman, Clerval. Independent, free. As bold and as proud as a man. A woman equal to ourselves." "(laughs) Charles, please."
6. The Bride was directed by Franc Roddam. I figured you should know who's responsible for the hilariously bad nude scene. Everything but Eva's face is visible as she comes to the Baron. It's an unbroken shot, too, so I guess the idea was to emphasize the nudity. At least throw in a shot of Beals' face, just to preserve the fantasy.
7. Our two newborns of sorts are introduced to wearing clothes, table manners, sharing, friendship, Shakespeare, drinking, hangovers ... It's not that Rappaport did a bad job as Rinaldo, but I thought it was painfully obvious that screenwriter Lloyd Fonvielle wanted him to be as lovable as possible. Meanwhile, the Baron was never as interesting as I thought he should be. The Pygmalion myth gets a shout out and I began wishing I was watching My Fair Lady instead.
8. For whatever reason, Eva and Viktor occasionally share a telepathic bond. She spins and he spins. He feels sad and she feels sad. Viktor plans to make enough from being in the circus so he can go back and woo Eva. Beals grew on me as The Bride continued, but I was all-in on Brown from the get go. He did a fine job with an iconic character, even if Viktor and Rinaldo's scenes drown in sentimentality.
9. We get a break from so much sweetness when Viktor and Rinaldo join the circus. It's run by Magar (Alexei Sayle), who doesn't take kindly to Rinaldo calling the shots. If Viktor is hired to drive in stakes, then Rinaldo gets hired, too. If Rinaldo's trapeze act includes Viktor, than they both get paid for it. Bela (Phil Daniels, sporting a head of hair to rival Beals') causes Rinaldo to have a serious accident.
10. "Just follow your heart and you'll be fine." "I don't have a heart." "Of course you do. It's breaking." Well, Rinaldo is quite certain of what he means to Viktor, isn't he? After this longer than necessary death scene, Bela gets killed and Viktor goes on the run.
11. Back in Eva's story, she's winning over society, even with the unfortunate tendency to mistake housecats for small lions. It's no "Come on, Dover! Move your bloomin' arse!" but it serves the same purpose. Eva's caught the attention of Josef (Cary Elwes), a handsome military captain. Naturally, the Baron is jealous. Eva wants to know more about who she is. She also really doesn't like the Baron having such a proprietary attitude toward her. Hey, he claimed to want her to be liberated, right?
12. Things get more complicated when Viktor reunites with Eva, then begins admiring her from afar. He literally scales a wall to see her get ready for the Baron's ball. It's quite the party, what with confetti falling from the ceiling and no shortage of places for couple to discretely canoodle. Eva, on thin ice with the Baron for making out with Josef, then dares to correct him over the authorship of Prometheus. Ha-ha, it's by Shelley.
13. Viktor is caught by the circus folk and law enforcement, allowing for another inversion of the Frankenstein story as previously seen in movies. This time, a blind person rats out the monster. For his part, the Baron threatens to break Mrs. Baumann's arm, then fires her because she allowed Eva to go off with Josef. I suspect a woman to woman scene or two between Page and Beals was left on the cutting room floor, which is a shame. Anyway, it turns out Josef is a jerk, too, claiming Eva means nothing to him and that he merely took the challenge when she flung herself at him. After another fight, Eva ends up learning the truth about herself and Viktor.
14. The Baron's ready to rape Eva, whose suffering causes Viktor to take action. He makes it to the castle in time and a man vs. beast fight takes place in the ruins of and atop Frankenstein's tower. Yes, that's right, Sting gets a Disney villain death! Eva and Viktor get to live happily ever after in Venice.
15. "Remember, follow your heart and you'll be fine. Follow your dream. It's the key to everything."
Not Recommended. Aside from the nude scene, you could show this movie to children.
Thoughts:
-- "The trouble with free women, Charles, is that they're free to despise us. It's a risk that I find unacceptable."
-- Box Office: Grossing nearly $3.6 million on a $13 million budget, this opened at No. 11 and came in at No. 126 for 1985.
-- Critic's Corner: "Proceeds at a funereal pace," wrote Stephen Holden of The New York Times. "A complete failure in telling its principal story," according to Gene Siskel. "That it succeeds in a subplot we don't care a whit about is even more annoying." Sting and Beals each received sharp criticism. "Whoever got this guy a movie contract is one clever agent. Sting, it appears, can't act," Siskel declared. Holden: "(Her) performance sinks this already muddled mess of a movie like a stone."
-- Awards Watch: While Beals received a Razzie nomination for Worst Actress (she lost to Linda Blair, jointly nominated for Night Patrol, Savage Island and Savage Streets), Maurice Jarre's score and Shirley Russell's costumes were nominated for Saturns (losing to Young Sherlock Holmes and Ladyhawke, respectively).
-- "You didn't create me! You didn't create me!" "As a matter of fact ... I did."
-- Next: Smooth Talk (ideally Thursday), Trouble in Mind (ideally Friday), A Chorus Line and Chicago (ideally Saturday; yes, I know the latter's not from 1985, but it's to compare and contrast how two musicals which premiered on Broadway at the same time were treated by Hollywood) and finale Sunday.
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