Thoughts on Once Bitten

 

via Letterboxd

"How many days left until Halloween, Sebastian?"
"Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry."
"Not to worry? How amusing. But then, you're not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hollows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare!"
"Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening?"

It's appropriate that a marquee for Summer Rental shows up in Once Bitten. Bitten is the latest of a series of 1985 movies also including The Man With One Red Shoe. Three times this year, I've watched guys who would go on to become some of Hollywood's biggest stars pay their dues with a lackluster comedy. The best thing about these movies is that none of them could take away the it factor of their leading men, Tom Hanks, John Candy and now Jim Carrey.

Bitten has the distinction of best showing off its leading man, which is funny because it feels an atypical entry in Carrey's filmography*. I'd love to know what Carrey's working relationship was like with Howard Storm, an already 10-year-veteran of helming sitcoms**. You have to hope that Storm, and leading lady Lauren Hutton, recognized that they were working with someone out of the ordinary. Mark (Carrey) failing to be suave while dreaming of an intimate rendezvous with the Countess (Hutton), or later, being the prize in a dance duel between the Countess and his good girl girlfriend Robin (Karen Kopins***), are prime examples of diamond in the rough talent.

*I'm aware that screenwriter Jeffrey Hause wanted Michael J. Fox, who was rejected for not being a likely box office draw. While watching, I imagined the likes of Anthony Michael Hall and Matthew Broderick.

**Including Mork & Mindy, so he clearly knew a thing or two about amped-up leading men.

***Sorry for all the digressions, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked Kopins here. My frame of reference for her is Troop Beverly Hills ("Silicone is buoyant.") and that episode of Designing Women where she played Suzanne's lesbian friend.

Carrey's likability nearly, well, carries Bitten through its touchier moments. Mark loves Robin, but he's frustrated than she won't have sex with him. A trip to Hollywood with buddies Jamie (Thomas Ballatore) and Russ (Skip Lackey) results in a supposed hookup with the Countess. Mark's ready to write the whole thing off as a rite of passage one-nighter, but that's not easy due to his transformation into a vampire. The Countess, armed with a squad of ex-lovers and gay butler Sebastian (Cleavon Little, who steals the movie), is hardly going to let go of her beauty necessity without a fight.

"It's been three days. Do you think we ought to go find Mark?"

"Are you suggesting we invade suburbia? Bowling alleys, Arby's, Chicken MacNuggets?"

*This amuses the Countess. Sebastian agrees, smiling and giving an "Oh, you!" limp wrist.*

Bitten has a story credited to producer Dimitri Villard and a script credited to the team of David Hines & Jeffrey Hause and Jonathan Roberts. Sebastian was Roberts' invention, according to Hause. I should dislike the character, but the truth is, Little's clearly having fun opposite Hutton that it's hard to be too offended. On a scale of 1-10, I give Bitten a seven when it comes to gay panic. If the movie was made today, there's no way that either one or both of Jamie and Russ wouldn't turn out to be gay. For that matter, Russ nearly picking up a man in drag (Alan McRae****) and the scene where he and Jamie cause craziness in the locker room ("F*gs in the shower!") would likely never be written, either.

****Who, omigod, was the dad in 3 Ninjas!

Considering Hutton was apparently fourth in line for the role of the Countess*****, I think she did a decent enough job of making it her own. I had no problem believing the Countess was sexy and alluring (compared to Rita Kempley, who wrote that Hutton was hardly an 18-year-old's dream come true). And I did love the chemistry between Hutton/the Countess and Little/Sebastian, particularly in the scene where he touches up her makeup before she goes for it with Mark. On the other hand, the Countess doesn't comes across as malevolent enough. The worst things she does is shove people who get in her way. If we can't take the villainess seriously, than why should we care?

*****IMDB says it was written for Cassandra Peterson, rejected by Morgan Fairchild and also considered for Kathleen Turner. A Letterboxd commenter pointed out how Hutton resembled Beverly D'Angelo. The two women were previously in Burt Reynolds' Paternity.

Still, Hutton should consider herself lucky. At least she had a character arc. The finished Bitten includes some filler scenes with Mark's parents (Richard Schaal and Peggy Pope) and a bookseller (Peter Elbling, doing a South Asian dialect). The ending includes an overlong chase scene pitting Mark and Robin against the Countess and her crew (except for a pair of female vampires who end up with Jamie and Russ). The resolution is painfully obvious. Mark and Robin defeat the Countess by having sex and because it was his first time, it's believable it only took a minute. All's well that ends well: Sebastian gets to keep tending to the sorta-haggard Countess, Mark and Robin continue fucking and Carrey has gone on to become president of the United States.

"How come he rates that deluxe (coffin)?"

"These are the 1980s, not the Age of Innocence. A young man needs plenty of room."

Not Recommended.

Thoughts:
-- "After that virgin!"
-- Box Office: Grossing $10 million on a $3.2 million budget, this opened at No. 1 and came in at No. 84. While opening in first place is nothing to scoff at, I suspect it would have made a bit more money had it opened closer to Halloween.
-- Critic's Corner: "It has a lot more stylishness than wit," Janet Maslin wrote.
-- Hey, It's ...!: Megan Mullally and, bizarrely, Dean Stockwell.
-- Hey, It's 1985!: The flowerchild vampire is reading the April 11 issue of Rolling Stone, with cover boy David Lee Roth. According to AFI, Once Bitten was filmed between Feb. 25-June 15, but it looks like second unit footage for the boys' cruise was shot later that summer. Besides Rental, Fright Night is also advertised on a marquee.
-- Memorable Music: The score is 46-43, still favoring songs written for movies. I'm not giving a point to the John DuPrez score, but it should be noted. Once Bitten's two entries are the title song (How can I not love a montage of California craziness in the '80s?) and "Hands Off," which plays during the duel.
-- "Mark doesn't want you, because you're mean and evil. He wants me, because I'm nice and sweet and pure. So fuck off!"
-- Next: Runaway Train. On deck: White Nights, Rocky IV. Coming soon: One Magic Christmas, Santa Claus: The Movie.