A Spar Is Born And Other Friday Headlines

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'Joe Biden Performs Live Autopsy On Donald Trump During Epic COVID-19 Speech' [Wonkette]

Donnie Is Still Pooping His Pampers Over The National Security Mustache's Book; Gabriel Sherman Has Seen Unredacted Passages [Fox News/Vanity Fair]

Sobbing Sheriff's Deputy Stacy Just Wants Everyone To Say 'Thank You' To Her, Okay? [NBC News]

Klobuchar, Out! [CNN]

Mona Charen Admits To Seeing The Light On Racism In The Criminal Justice System [The Bulwark]

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Well This Just Makes Me Miss James Gandolfini That Much More [DListed]

You Can Catch Up With Watchmen Thanks To HBO This Weekend [The Verge]

'Jaws Is The Perfect Blockbuster' [The Ringer]

Why The Media Fell For The 'Shake Shack' Hoax [Press Run]

Well Isn't This Some Unplanned Mothership Synergy For Today, An Appreciation Of Heaven Can Wait [The A.V. Club]

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Jennifer Lawrence Is Now On Twitter [Just Jared]

Corey Booker And Rosario Dawson Are Still Together [Page Six]

I Guess If You Haven't Seen Her Teeth Lately, You'd Be Surprised To Learn June Shannon Is A Meth Head [CNN]

Kristen Wiig Revealed She's Now The Mother Of Twins [People]

'A Gallery Of Vintage Cosmetics And Beauty Product Ads Featuring The Biggest Stars of Old Hollywood' [Tom & Lorenzo]

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Colin Kaepernick Is Now On Medium's Board Of Directors [Tech Crunch]

Blaming Scott Boras Works For Me [USA Today]

Coronavirus Has Hit The Tampa Bay Buccaneers [New York Post]

'ESPN Has Been Filming An Unannounced All Access Series At Oklahoma State Throughout The Mike Gundy/OAN Controversy' [Awful Announcing]

Oh No, However Will I Hear 'Tara's Theme' Again!?!?! [Sports Illustrated]

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Today's Anti-Trumpidote