Thoughts on A View to a Kill

via IMDB

"I see you're a woman of very few words."

"What's there to say?"

For the longest time, A View to a Kill has inspired something of a perverse fondness. I want to say it was the first James Bond movie I've ever seen* and even as a boy, I understood that I was watching something not well-regarded. That's putting it kindly.

*It's either Kill or Tomorrow Never Dies.

Kill, history reminds us, was Sir Roger Moore's shameful swan song, the 007 installment with a perennially disdained Bond girl (Tanya Roberts as Stacey Sutton) and a camp duo to end all camp duos, industrialist/Nazi super-child Max Zorin (Christopher Walken) and his Amazonian companion, May Day (GRACE JONES!). Back in the day, I got a kick out of seeing the best of the worst. With my latest viewing, I had to face facts. Kill is simply a boring, overlong movie that I regret watching.

"No lecture, Q. We're all aware of the usefulness of the microchip."

Since I had so much fun shouting plot elements in the last review, let's do it again.

The Russians have been kept up to speed about microchips! Zorin manufactures them! He also cheats at horse racing! Oh God, we spend too much time on horse racing! Drugs and computers, this is like the most mid-'80s Bond film possible! Roger Moore's not as young as he used to be! Having him share scenes with the slightly older Patrick Macnee doesn't work! GRACE JONES! Plus the evil girl from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and the last of the original Charlie's Angels, but GRACE JONES! Bond has sex with GRACE JONES! John Steed dies!

Zorin's not just a boy from Brazil**, he's also a rogue KGB agent! We're in San Francisco! Zorin going to manipulate the San Andreas Fault! He wants to destroy Silicon Valley! A would-be investor falls to his doom! A Russian spy gets thrown head first into the direction of a propeller! Bond sleeps with the spy's partner, a Russian chick he knew! Bond gets to know Stacey! She's not that interesting! A CIA contact dies! So does Stacey's boss! San Francisco City Hall catches fire! Bond and Stacey make it to Zorin's mine! Zorin kills everybody! GRACE JONES! is pissed off and sacrifices herself to help save the day! Zorin falls to his doom from the Golden Gate Bridge!

**Not exactly, but close enough.

"I thought the KGB'd have celebrated if Silicon Valley had been destroyed."

"On the contrary, Admiral. Where would Russian research be without it?"

Kill, in addition to being Moore's last Bond film, was the third of five directed by John Glen. I can't blame Glen too much for the technology limitations and he handles the mine and bridge sequences as well as possible. I'm less charitable toward screenwriters Michael G. Wilson and Richard Maibaum, who'd hang around through the Timothy Dalton installments. Kill would likely be better remembered if it didn't dawdle so much. There is something to be said for the movie's flab, though -- I'd forgotten that Stacey doesn't really matter until more than an hour has passed.

"JAMES!"

Not Recommended.

Thoughts:

-- Box Office: Grossing $50.3 million in America on a $30 million budget, this opened at No. 2 over Memorial Day weekend (losing to Rambo: First Blood Part II) and came in at No. 13 for 1985.

-- Critic's Corner, the movie: "It's as if nobody remembered at any given moment what (it) was about," David Denby wrote. Pauline Kael: "The way the daredevil feats are set up, they don't give you the irresponsible, giddy tingle they should, and the dumb police car crashes seem to have got in by mistake -- they belong to a back roads chase comedy."

-- Critic's Corner, 007 films by 1985: "The business of maintaining Bond's casual savoir-faire looks like such a monumental chore," Janet Maslin wrote. Paul Attanasio singled out Bond dangling from the Zorin blimp, "an almost painfully appropriate metaphor for the adventure series that is now bloated, slow moving and at the end of its rope." People: "It would be a shame to let the Bond films deteriorate like a heavyweight fighter who refuses to admit he's losing it."

-- Critic's Corner, Moore: "It's not double-oh-seven anymore, but double-oh-seventy, the best argument yet for the mandatory retirement age," Attanasio wrote. Gene Siskel: "We are simply watching a lightweight actor stroll through a role."

-- Critic's Corner, Walken: He was a big disappointment for Denby. "He's always doing something -- but he can't seem to concentrate enough to pull the performance together." Matt Singer, 2012: "It's Walken at his most Walkenian: chuckles, pauses, and weird pro-NOUN-see-a-SHUNS."

-- Critic's Corner, Roberts and Jones: People: "Roberts still hasn't shaken her New York accent, and she still has trouble with any line more complex than 'Look out, James!'" Calling Roberts "an absolute howl," Attanasio decided Jones is "an icon, not an actress." "(Jones') startling visual presence is once of the film's bigger assets," according to Maslin. Denby agreed, calling her "the handsomest and most entertaining thing."

-- Didja Notice?: Unless my eyes really have gone wonky, there's a messy cut as May Day gets into bed with Bond, most likely to avoid showing more of Jones' breasts.

-- Awards Watch: Kill and Jones were Saturn Award nominees. It lost to Back to the Future in the Best Science Fiction Film category. She lost to Anne Ramsey for The Goonies. Roberts, meanwhile, was Razzie-nominated for Worst Actress. She lost to Linda Blair for Night Patrol and Savage Island.

-- Memorable Music: The score's at 18-13 in favor of songs written for movies. "A View to a Kill," in its own way, is just as cheesy as several of the diva ballads that introduced previous Bond films. But it's also a lot of fun, memorably performed by Duran Duran, who co-wrote the song with John Barry. A Golden Globe nominee, it lost to "Say You, Say Me." The song had already entered the U.S. and U.K. charts by the time of Kill's release, reaching No. 1 in the former by mid-July. We've all seen the music video -- who doesn't enjoy Nick Rhodes having an aneurysm? -- so let's watch the infamous Live Aid performance. Simon Le Bon is hilarious from start to finish.

via YouTube

-- Less Than Memorable Music: That damn cover of "California Girls," performed by Gidea Park. Oh well, it helped make snowboarding look cool.

-- Today in Sketch Comedy: Walken's first SNL episode included "Lease With An Option To Kill," where Bond (Phil Hartman) shows up at Zorin's headquarters, which are still under construction.

-- Hey, It's ...: Dolph Lundgren!

-- Hey, It's 1985!: "I find a computer indispensable," Zorin says before doing a proto-Google search for Bond. Stacy would likely agree. Check out her home Macintosh!

-- "Wow! What a view!" "To a kill!"

-- Next Weekend: Fletch. On deck: The Goonies, Perfect. Coming soon: Prizzi's Honor.