As You Reich It And Other Thursday Headlines

Via Giphy

Captain BoneSpurs Doesn't Give A Shit About Veterans? You Don't Say! [The Bulwark]

President GoodBrain Wanted To Fire A CDC Official For Raising Alarms About Coronavirus In February? He Actually Did Fire Someone For Opposing Cockamamie 'Miracle Cures' Endorsed By The Administration And Sean Hannity? You Don't Fuckin' Say! [Business Insider/ABC News]

Melons' Immigration Attorney Is Criticizing Mr. Melons' Pandemic Response [Raw Story]

'Telling Your Boomer Parents To Please Social Distance From Sean Hannity At All Times Is Just Good Science' [Wonkette]

Via Gfycat

Generous Year-End Bonus To Kate Hudson's PR Flacks For Scoring Her This Bullshit 'Title' From People Magazine [DListed]

Jameela Jamil Would Like People To Pay Attention To Her Again [The Guardian]

Does Maya Hawke Even Know How Old Her Parents Are? Don't Even Get Me Started On Explaining To Her When Congress Passed CAFE [Nylon]

Two New York Pussies Have Tested Positive For Coronavirus [Buzzfeed News]

Via Gfycat

Best Chris Stans For RBG And Has Bumped Worst Chris From The Saint Reboot [Celebitchy/Lainey Gossip]

A Facemask 'Giving Tree' Has Popped Up In Iowa [CNN Via MSN]

'Bring Back The Glory Of The Opening Title Sequence' [The Ringer]

It's The Day We Celebrate Shakespeare's Birthday, So Let's Rank Kenneth Branaugh's Celluloid Output Of The Bard [The Mary Sue]

Via Imgur

MLB's Report On The Red Sox Sign-Stealing Scandal Has Been Released [The Athletic]

If, For Some Reason, You Are Experiencing Joe Buck Withdrawal, He's The Guest On Awful Announcing's New Podcast Episode [Awful Announcing]

Gronks Un-Retirement Was Pre-Ordained By Tommy Boy [Yahoo! Sports]

The Match 2.0 Is Coming [CNN]

Via Gfycat

Today's Anti-Trumpidote - STUART