I am... Amadeus3000. I bid you... welcome. On this low-key Saturday, the Top Pick goes to the latest revision of Dracula, the quintessential and frequently remolded vampire story about Count Dracula. Remember that mediocre telling with Jonathan Reys Meyers? Why did I watch every episode? Elsewhere, Say Yes returns, Toonami is finally back, and the latest R. Kelly docuseries concludes. Oh, and Lacey Chabert. Gentlemen, we can rebuild him, here's what's on television for tonight, Saturday, January 4!
💻 STREAMING / EARLY PRIMETIME
⭐ Dracula (Netflix, 3 a.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. The world's most popular vampire is back, this time courtesy of Doctor Who and Sherlock people Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat. The show traces his origins and puts him up against Van Helsing, who in this case is a a nun at a local covenant. It stars Claes Bang, who you might remember from The Square and/or The Girl in the Spider's Web, in the title role. As Van Helsing is Dolly Wells, of the charming Doll and Em. Oh, and Blunt Talk. Remember that?✔️
Go! Go! Cory Carson (Netflix, 3 a.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. This is a children's show about the adventures of an adorable kid car named Cory Carson.
FOR THE RECORD: Chocolate (Netflix, 3 a.m.); Criminal Confessions (Oxygen, 6 p.m.); Overhaulin' (MotorTrend, 3 a.m.)
🕗 EASTERN / 🕖 CENTRAL
The Aftermath 🎥 (HBO, 8 p.m.): After World War II, British colonel Jason Clarke and wife Keira Knightley are assigned to live in Hamburg during reconstruction, but tensions arise with the German who previously owned the house. I forgot this movie existed until I had to write this.
Surviving R. Kelly (Lifetime, 8 p.m.): FINALE. The second miniseries concludes as R. Kelly is taken into federal custody without bail, and the families of Joycelyn Savage and Azriel Clary wonder if they'll ever return home.✔️
FOR THE RECORD: Beach Hunters (HGTV); Pit Bulls & Parolees (Animal Planet)
🕘 EASTERN / 🕗 CENTRAL
Hopelessly in Love (Lifetime, 9:30 p.m.): SERIES PREMIERE. This docu-limited series explores infamous couples in pop culture. In the series opener: Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes and Andre Rison.
The Upside 🎥 (Showtime, 9 p.m.): A comedic look at the relationship between the wealthy quadriplegic Bryan Cranston and the unemployed Kevin Hart, who has a criminal record yet is hired to help him. My parents really liked it. But they also adored Green Book.
Winter in Vail 🎥 (Hallmark Channel, 9 p.m.): Lacey Chabert! Lacey Chabert! I repeat: Lacey Chabert! This is not a drill!!✔️
FOR THE RECORD: First Time Flippers (DIY); Impact Wrestling (AXS TV); The Incredible Dr. Pol (Nat Geo Wild); Island Life (HGTV); Live PD (A&E); Lockdown: On the Inside (National Geographic)
🕙 EASTERN / 🕘 CENTRAL
Early Edition 📺 (Decades, 10 p.m.): Gary gets in the middle of a feud between Ernest Borgnine and Joseph Campanella, aka a former Untouchable who was just released from prison and a retired T-Man who helped put him away.
The Six Million Dollar Man 📺 (Cozi TV, 10 p.m.): In this two-parter, Steve rushes to Wyoming to destroy an out-of-control probe, built to explore Venus.
🕚 EASTERN / 🕙 CENTRAL
The Bionic Woman 📺 (Cozi TV, midnight): In the pilot episode, Jaime Sommers learns she was engaged to Steve Austin after undergoing brain surgery and bionic implants.
Dr. Stone (Adult Swim, 11:30 p.m.): Byakuya and the astronauts' story continues, and Senku's connection to Ishigami Village and the Hundred Tales is finally revealed.
Hill Street Blues 📺 (Heroes & Icons, 11 p.m.): Season five begins with an expanded cast, including the introduction of Sgt. Jablonski, though I'd preferred Lucy Bates continue in the role of desk sergeant. (Also: "Let's do it to them before they do it to us" has continued to age really, really badly) Dets. Garibaldi and Mayo also join the cast, the earlier was recurring prior. Fay Furillo finds work at the precinct, too. It is weird. And very soapy. Also,
My Hero Academia (Adult Swim, 11 p.m.): The operation to save Eri begins.
💤💤😴💤💤
Black Clover (Adult Swim, 2 a.m.): In a world full of magic, two orphan boys — Asta, born with unique anti-magic powers, and Yuno, a skilled magical prodigy — strive to become the Wizard King, the greatest of all magic users.
Demon Slayer (Adult Swim, 1:30 a.m.): Tanjiro uses every trick in his arsenal against Yahba's Kouketsu Arrow. Nezuko fights Susamaru, but Tamayo interferes in the battle.
Fire Force (Adult Swim, 12:30 a.m.): Hinawa battles Arrow in the subway. Arthur demonstrates his improved skills when he faces off against Mirage again.
Food Wars! (Adult Swim, 1 a.m.): Group A is reeling as a judge continues to give zero points. Ryo Kurokiba presents a dish that surprises everyone.
The Invaders 📺 (MeTV, midnight): A professor diagnosed with delusions tells Vincent aliens are experimenting with dreams.
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Golden Wind (Adult Swim, 2:30 a.m.): Mista uses his Stand, Six Bullets, against Sale and his stand, Arts & Crafts, in a fierce battle.
Lost in Space 📺 (MeTV, 1 a.m.): Giant plants first devour the party's fuel supply and then engulf Judy. Danger, Judy Robinson! Danger!
Naruto: Shippuden (Adult Swim, 3 a.m.): Sakura and the other medic ninja work nonstop to treat the wounded.
One Punch Man (Adult Swim, midnight): A badly wounded Garou faces multiple heroes.
LATE-NIGHT TV
Austin City Limits (PBS, 11 p.m.): Sharon Van Etten and Lucy Dacus
The Greg Gutfeld Show (Fox News, 10 p.m.): Terry Schappert, Jim Florentine, Kat Timpf, and Tyrus
SNL Vintage 📺 (NBC, 10 p.m.): Drake (14 May 2016)
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Note: All times are Eastern.
Key Sources: The Futon Critic (outline); Zap2it (descriptions); TV Passport (throwbacks)⭐: Top pick(s)
📺: Throwback
🎥: Movie
✔️: Midlevel video/gif included
Happy watching, everyone!
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